I ate at a sandwich shop in Parsippany, NJ this week that I liked so much I decided to write about it. I was asking the owner a few questions and afterwards told him I would be writing a piece about his establishment. He said, "hey that's great... you mean on yelp?!" I asked if he liked yelp, and he said it sometimes brings additional business so it's pretty good. Well here's what I think...

I think for the most part, Yelp is a collection of self-important self-obsessed ego maniacal pinheads....with a few exceptions. Ok maybe that's a bit on the rough side. Let's say it's fifty-fifty. I once had the app thinking it would be handy to have and use in different cities. I would try it here and there but noticed recurring themes...

"I've decided to upgrade them from 2 to 3 stars as they fixed the ice machine this week." Or "The salsa seemed a bit less chunky and as a result I'm going to give 3 instead of 4 stars." Um, Yelpers...shut your Yaps!

When I'm looking for a good fried chicken joint in say, Nashville... the last thing I want to have to do is decide what kind of day Buffy T. was having when she gave 2 stars to the place I was thinking of going to, only to find at the end of her tirade she wasn't given enough wet naps, and thus the rating! Buffy, take a valium wrap it in a wet nap and stick it up....oh never mind.

Half of the folks on there seem fairly even keeled, but the others may have advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary fits of narcissistic rage a la "Me Myself and Irene". Either way it skews the ratings to the point it's more trouble than it's worth and left me with less than a confident feeling. Why is this place rating 4 stars... did Tiny T. have a good week at the plant, Judy G. finally kick the painkillers?

Regardless, I'd probably do just as well walking around with two bent coat hangers trying to divine which places were worth going to than using this awful app. Why do some of these folks take themselves so seriously? Why is Yelp so Yawful?


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