Lots and Lots of Spam!
Click through for all the Spamabilities.
Did you manage to seduce that Viking last night and are now in need of a breakfast fit for a ruthless marauder? How about some Spam hash? To make Spash, just fry off your Spam cubes (I suggest the Hot variety) in hot oil, add some par-boiled cubed potatoes and cook everything until crisp, adding in some sliced onions and pepper about half way through. Season it up with salt and pepper and a dash of hot sauce, break an egg into the middle, and toss it in the oven until the egg is just barely cooked through. It'll be a Spashing success.
My favorite? Start with a few strips of Jalapeño Spam fried until crisp in hot oil (or pork fat!). Slide them into a couple of hot corn tortillas, sprinkle with onions, cilantro, (and maybe a handful of pickled red onions), and you've got beginnings of one wild fiesta loca.
Spamac & Cheese
Got a hot date with the new girl/boy and want to woo them with Spam? What better way to say I want you than by adding a handful of perfectly chopped chives to your Spamac & cheese? What's that? They don't like Spam? In that case, perhaps you should be questioning whether or not they are good enough for you. Then eat all the Spam yourself.
It was rumored that Sir Kringlebert Fistybuns, First Earl of Spamfordshire created the Spam Wellington in the early 1990's when his Chef called in dead mere hours before an important dinner party. The foie gras pâté was made, the mushrooms had been duxelled, the pastry was ready to puff, and the sauce bordelaise was burnt.
It's as elegant and inappropriate a centerpiece today as it was on the day it was created.
Alternatively, you could go all Continental on them with Spamghetti Carbonara. Ditch that pedestrian guanciale, signora, we got Spam here! Fry up some tiny cubes of Spam (black pepper flavored, of course) in your finest olive oil, season well with pepper, then throw it all into a bowl. Add a couple of whisked eggs, then throw your just-cooked spaghetti in there and mix it all around to form a rich, peppery, eggy, Spamalicious sauce. Buon appetito!
Equally tasty and slightly more Anglican is the Spammish Rarebit. Just blend a block of Spam in the food processor with a can of cream of chicken soup, a half cup of diced onion, and a few ounces of Velveeta. Spread the resulting goo on a slice of toast and broil until golden brown and bubbly. If you can think of anything trashier and more delicious, you are a Spammier man than I.
Spam Double Down
Gluten not your thing? Or perhaps you just hate bread. Not to worry: the Spam Double DownTM is here to make your spicy, meaty day. Two fat slices of Spam breaded and deep fried until golden brown and crisp (yes, you can use gluten-free breading if you'd like), sandwiched around slices of crisp bacon, pepperjack cheese, and a super-duper secret special sauce (hint: the recipe's here).
As a New Yorker I'd be remiss to forget one of the all-time greats: The Speuben. Just slap your slab o' Spam onto a slice of good rye, add a handful of crisp kraut, slather on the Thousand Island, add a couple slices of Swiss cheese, clos'er, butter'er up, and slid'er right onto that hot griddle. Szzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzpam.
Spam-Chi Fried Rice
Of course, you can also take your Spam along to the far east with Spam-chi Fried Rice. Fried Spam cubes, chopped kimchi, kimchi juice, and day-old rice fried up with some spicy Korean pepper paste and sesame oil, topped with a fried egg.
Kung Pao Spam
And if heat is what you're looking for, there's not much better than Kung Pao Spam. Just because you're using canned meat, doesn't mean you shouldn't go for the real deal version, made with plenty of Sichuan peppers and fermented chili paste, toasted peanuts, and toasty, fiery dried chilis.
Spam Luther Burger
Pineapple simply too healthy for you? Don't worry—I hear ya. For those who have decided to take the more calorific route in life, there's the Spam Luther Burger. That's fried Spam topped with American cheese sandwiched in a split glazed donut griddled in butter (Ok, I actually used Spam fat). It's a flavor combination that actually works better with Spam than it does with a ground beef patty, if you can believe it (I know you can!).