As you may or may not be aware, Valentine's Day is coming up next week. If you're planning on celebrating, feel free to head straight this way for recipes, gift guides, and more, but if you're not, perhaps you'd like to revel in some distinctly unsexy foodstuffs instead? In an informal poll of Serious Eats staffers, these were our picks for the least sexy foods of all time.
"I think this one requires a photo. Because I like poutine (OK fine, I LOVE poutine) and I like pizza, but I remember seeing this Pizza Hut Cheesy Beef Poutine Pie and thinking it was like some stoned workers at the ice skating rink canteen made a leftovers pizza, forgot about it, and left it overnight. Poutine is already too comforting to be sexy (it's the old broken-in sweatpants of foods) but old poutine on a pizza? No one is getting any after that." —Carrie
"Two words: cottage cheese. It looks like cellulite and reminds me of hospitals. Not sexy. A close runner-up, however, is this video of Japanese butt pudding that Kenji sent around in the wee hours of the morning last week with the note 'um...let's do this.'" —Jamie
"Cream of wheat, because nothing says "closed for business" like "this is the porridge my infant and grandparent eats because neither have teeth." —Max
"Kasha varnishkes. The brownish-grey color scheme, the sound of the name and what it actually means ('bowtie pasta with buckwheat groats'), to the fact that it reminds me of my grandma, makes it totally unsexy. Really really delicious, though." — Ben
"I can't think of a single food that my lovely wife couldn't find some way of making sexy—looking good while eating Buffalo wings is a special skill—but the least sexy food? That'd have to be something like meatloaf. Not only does it sound un-sexy (I never want to hear the word "loaf" uttered in bed), but it also makes you want to pass out on the sofa in a food coma, precluding even the possibility of any sexy times ahead." —Kenji
"Cereal flakes, especially Special K Protein flakes, are the least sexiest food ever. It tastes like cardboard, looks like recycled packing peanuts. When you leave it in milk too long, it turns into brown porridge floats...so sexy." —Lily
So, what do you think is the unsexiest food out there? Tell us in the comments!
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