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The new Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich from Dunkin' Donuts is, to be blunt, broken. Among the more gimmicky sandwiches in recent memory, it's the sort of item one can only imagine was born in the marketing department and fleshed out against the will and better judgment of Dunkin' Donuts'
food engineers corporate chefs. Eating it is unpleasant and leaves your hands covered in warm, half-liquefied glaze. The two puny bacon strips offer little texture contrast to the sandwich's otherwise soft components. The egg looks real, but something called "Natural Sautéed Flavor" is listed in its ingredients. Nevertheless, I predict it will be immensely popular among two of the chain's largest customer bases: hung-over college students and hung-over young professionals.
That's not to say that the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich doesn't have an upside. For the weight conscious Dunkin' Donuts patron, it's worth noting that at 360 calories, this sandwich has the 10th lowest calorie count of the chain's 29 standard breakfast sandwiches. That's fewer calories, in fact, than the Turkey Sausage Breakfast Sandwich, which makes it onto the DD SMART® menu (though it is marginally higher in both total and saturated fats). I don't know of any diets that call for a breakfast sandwich served on a doughnut, but if you're on one, this might be the sandwich for you!
But lest I be permanently banished from New England for speaking ill of such a revered institution, I submit to you the following tested recipe for immediate and marked improvement to the Dunkin' Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich:
Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich Hack
- Order a Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich with a Maple Frosted donut as the 'bread.' Understand that they might not let you make that substitution. (I was told, "I wasn't supposed to do that, but I gave it to you anyway.")
- Remove the sandwich from its wrapper. Scraping the maple frosting off of the wrapper and reapplying it to the donut is optional.
- Invert the maple frosted side of the donut.
As originally designed, the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is overwhelmingly sweet. The salt imparted by the bacon is no match for an entire glazed donut. Substituting a maple frosted donut for the standard glaze is exactly what this sandwich needs. Inverting the crown to put that frosting in direct contact with the bacon is just common sense, simultaneously eliminating the 'sticky fingers' problem and maximizing the sweet-salty contrast we all crave. (Think dipping breakfast meat in runoff maple syrup from pancakes.)
So, there you have it. As prescribed, the $3.29 Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich gets a firm 'No, thanks.' But if you're brave enough to ask for an off-menu substitution (tipping generously worked for me)—or if anyone at DD HQ is reading this—give my suggestion a whirl, please. I might try to push the envelope and return for a Sausage, Egg, and Cheese* Maple Frosted Donut Breakfast Sandwich soon, but judging by the stink eye I got from the manager last time, I suspect that bridge is burned.
*There are simply not enough words in this column for me elaborate on how important cheese is to a breakfast sandwich. But in one word, very.
Now if only there were another Dunkin' Donuts around here somewhere...
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