How Do You Eat with a Beard?


I have been growing a beard lately. Mostly out of laziness. I am just plain tired of shaving. I kid myself that I am saving time by not engaging in the daily ritual of lathering and scraping because the longer my beard gets, the more time I seem to spend trying, unsuccessfully, to keep food out of it.

At first the extra whiskers were no big deal. But past a certain point, usually after about two weeks of growth, the balance tilted. The beard began to affect drinking. The liquid would all of a sudden stream down the side of my mouth as it caught the beard. So I have to adjust my mouth, opening wider to avoid spillage.

Today I reached another turning point—this time with food. My favorite breakfast sandwich has a very runny yolk and is difficult to eat even with a clean-shaven face; it ends up all over no matter how carefully you eat. But now the egg completely soaks by my beard.


Is there a graceful way to eat this with a beard?

Now I am wondering what other inconveniences await me. Obviously anything requiring utensils should be manageable, although I wonder about soup and noodles. What about sandwiches? Will I still be able to enjoy burgers and loaded hot dogs? What about nachos?

Tell me, bearded serious eaters, do you alter your eating because of your whiskers? Can you give me any advice or clean-up tips? Bearded minds want to know.