BTDT OP, this phase will pass (but then starts the phase where you can't cook anything because they are throwing food at the wall and eating the remote). Depending on the age of your baby:
-I lived, LIVED on hummus and pitas. Precut veg if possible. You can drip hummus on baby's head and nobody will get hurt.
-a bjorn, sling, or carrier of some sort will at least get you two hands and keep baby happy. At 13 weeks I would go with a woven wrap or soft structured carrier (fave: Boba 3G). Of course, front carried baby = no knives and no heat, but older babies are happy to ride on your back and peek over your shoulder! I does this often b/c "Mommy just needs FIVE SECONDS to chop this stuff up, arrgggh!"
-if it's only when baby's not feeling well... takeout and/or delivery, granola bars (I lived on Luna 100 calorie bars), whole fruit.
-if you can set him down for five seconds, long enough to open a can of soup, you can do the rest one-handed. Just place something over top baby's head to avoid dropped-soup-burning

@elleamerie I have the same contigo mug with the same issue. I think that you aren't smelling the plastic from the lid, but the old stuff that's not getting cleaned out of the lid. They are so darn hard to clean!
Therefore I only use mine for coffee, and hot chocolate on occasion (no tea). When it gets funky I soak the lid in some hot soapy water for a few hours, and then go at it with the bottle brush and scrubby dish brush. Get a few bristles actually IN the drinking hole, between the outside of the top and the screw threads, all around the seal mechanism... then I put it upside-down in the sink and use the hand sprayer, very close up. Water goes all over but it loosens up all that nasty gunk. Voila, a much better smelling cup of coffee!

mixed bean soup
crab soup (this would ideally require saving the bones until crab season, and assuming you have easy access to live crabs. I cheat and used steamed crabs).

Thanks all, I knew I could count on SE'ers for some good advice. I think I'm going to prep the night before, take along some lettuce leaves and rice paper wrappers, and make the family assemble their own (possibly do a few to start them off). They are a fun bunch, and now that I think about it will not object to the DIY approach.
No low-carbers but a number of gluten-free folks - who will appreciate the total lack of gluten and therefore total lack of food-related accidents, ie, let's try not to kill the host :-)

turkey (hence Mr W's request, every year, that we contribute a ham)
store bought rolls. Now, I love my aunt-in-law's homemade (as in, get out some yeast and 23 lbs of butter) dinner rolls, but only get them every couple years. Otherwise it's whatever "rolls person" picked up at the store on wed.

@mcwolfe is right, don't cook the noodles before freezing - actually i've pretty much stopped cooking the noodles first, regardless. Regular (not labeled "no boil") noodles work just fine.
If you're sending these to smaller households, get some disposable foil loaf pans. They are perfectly sized to hold one noodle, and create two nice servings each (assuming some salad, and neither person is a football player).

I agree with the PP who called for some familiar comfort foods, aka "Mom always made this." If you and your brother are missing your parents, stuff like that can make you feel better - and maybe it's more holiday-ish to have whatever you consider to be traditional.
My only solid piece of advice would be to test out new recipes ahead of time. If you've never made enchiladas, prime rib, etc before it might help to have one under your belt before the big day.

Also, what is your commuting arrangement? Own car, walking, multiple transfers on the city bus, etc? This can make a big difference.

Update from "pregnant lady caters Thanksgiving dinner"-land (some of you may remember that thread...
Thanks to some intense, OCD planning and SE help the meal was successful and low-stress. Ham with mustard and brown sugar glaze (we are not turkey people), twice baked potatoes with cheddar and bacon, green beans with bacon and shallots (enough bacon for ya?), baked apples, cornbread casserole, and cranberry sauce.
I discovered that I am the only one of my inlaws who likes cranberry sauce... and that I am the only person in the whole world who likes this particular cornbread casserole. The whole meal a little tune kept playing in my head, "they told you one starch was enough, they told you and you didn't listen!"
However... I did everything ahead that I possibly could, so Thanksgiving morning consisted of watching the parade with DH and his parents. Very low-key, minimal last- minute preparation, and the pumpkin ice cream was a great way to cap off the evening (with pie, of course).
I think the best moment was after dinner, when I pushed my chair back, picked up my infant nephew, and announced that I was not doing dishes :-)
I think the best compliment I got was the fact that we were not permitted to take leftovers home. I know there had to be 5+ lbs of leftover ham, and we were parceled out enough for 2 sandwiches. Sides were given rather grudgingly as well, with the exception of the cranberry sauce. So all in all, a success... but the next time I cook the entire meal, I'm serving it in my kitchen!

1) My work involves creativity, but in much longer timespans... I have spent years working on something only to have it put quietly in a drawer at the last minute. Quite often I spend weeks or months, with the same (non) result. So it's nice to think creatively and then eat the creativity in the same day. Or at least the same week.
2) I like to eat, and I do not like to do the dishes, but I am always concerned about exactly what's in the restaurant food. As in, where did that lettuce come from, exactly? Was this burger from a "happy cow?" Etc. If I shop for, and prep/cook the ingredients myself, I know there's nothing premade frozen, no hydrogenated whatevers, minimal pesticides, antibiotics, etc.
3) I like to eat, but I am cheap. Many times it is cheaper to make your own - with the added bonus of getting exactly what you wanted. This is also why DH and I remodeled our kitchen and bathroom ourselves.
4) Many PP's have mentioned this as well, but I see cooking and sharing a meal (or snack or whatever) as a way of saying "You are important to me." You can take someone out to eat, or buy them something, but it just doesn't have the same level of commitment. Cooking shows that you were thinking about them.
5) If I cook, DH does the dishes and cleans up the kitchen. I hate cleaning up. I would much rather plan, shop for, and cook a meal that I don't even want to eat, rather than touch the dishes afterwards!

@illegal, I think you are living in my old apartment in Florence :-) Do you also have a teeny half-size refrigerator, which will limit you even more?
My advice would be to focus on things that can be made ahead and/or served room temp, and great stuff that you can pick up at a local market (I'm making some assumptions here). Great bread, cheese, veg etc can really make the meal and require little to nothing from your kitchen. As @bowlofjesslove said, it's quality, not quantity.
If you are somewhere with lots of expats or students, the locals may bow to pressure and provide things approximating Thanksgiving favorites (turkey, cranberry sauce, etc). Ask around - there may be a great shop that will help you out.
Are you "required" to have turkey in some form - braising or poaching does seem like a good idea - or could you do something with pork chops, pasta, etc? Would you or your guests revolt? You could still do some of the traditional sides.

Well, thank you very much for everyone who provided actual advice regarding the Thanksgiving side dish dilemma. I'm still undecided, but now I have some useful ideas - @guy, thanks for the mention of your post as well - lots of good advice there.
By the way, yes, I am a native English speaker. I just felt that the original post was getting very long and unwieldy, and I wanted to avoid writing a novel. I didn't think it made the post un-readable - no completely obscure abbreviations - but I guess I will spell things out in the future.