Irish Cuisine: An Oxymoron?

"It's been said that God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world. If so, then He also created haggis to keep the Scots from going into the restaurant business." ~ W. Caterson

I sometimes write restaurant reviews for Urbanspoon and TripAdvisor when an establishment warrants my two cents worth.

Or if I have way too much time on my hands.

On a recent evening when I had so much time on my hands I had to use a Brillo Pad to get it all off, I decided to write a review for one of my favorite Irish pubs. But before doing so, I scanned some reviews for this particular pub as well as some others just to see what folks were saying. I was amazed that several reviewers of Irish pubs had the néatóg to complain about the cuisine.

Listen. Going to an Irish pub for "the cuisine" is like going to Mardi Gras because you want to stock up on some great jewelry.

Nope, folks go to Irish pubs for the great atmosphere, the great company (even a stranger is welcomed), the great beer, and the great music. The food? If it's not moving and it's warm, you'll find it adequate and it will surely stick to your ribs. If it were served in any other setting it would probably be forgettable.

But make no mistake, when the waitress sets that bowl of Irish stew or a plate of fish and chips on your table, and the Guinness begins to flow, and the fellah with the guitar up front explains the 'origin of this next song', and the whole room bursts into a rousing rendition of 'Whiskey in a Jar'...well, then you know you've entered another realm where the work-a-day world falls to the floor like tattered rags and joy reigns triumphant. This is especially true every St. Patrick's Day.

Now let's all pour a pint and be thankful that Scottish eating establishments are few and far between.

Sláinte!

Warren (who's family made their way here from Counties Tyrone & Donegal, and the Isle of Skye)

Macy's Windows, Automats and Mulled Wine - It's Wonderful Life

Yep. Watched Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed and friends once again. This time on DVD since we wore out the VCR tape. Sure, I know the critics hated it. But the film has outlasted the critics.

I enjoy it. Always have. It's not only thought provoking, but it never fails to evoke memories of Christmas past. Fond memories.

I feel the same about Chock Full O' Nuts coffee. The fam finally relented and bought me two bags. They hate it. I love it. Start up a pot full and with one whiff I'm suddenly transported back to crowded nicotine-stained subways into the city, Macy's glorious Christmas store windows, hot dog carts spewing steam into the frozen air like slumbering volcanoes, bustling automats, traffic cops bundled up like Frosty the Snowman in the cartoon, Checker cab drivers who actually spoke English, brown-tinged snow piled high on the curbs and threatening to gobble up the parking meters, and a face so frozen it felt like it was going to crack and fall off. Sigh...those were the days.

Here's hoping your 12 days between Christmas and Theophany (Epiphany in the Western church) are filled with Joy and fond memories.

And to help those memories along, here's a great recipe for Mulled Wine. Thank you, Clarence. Hope you're enjoying those wings.

TRADITIONAL MULLED WINE

2 bottles (750 ml) red wine
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup brown sugar
4 sticks cinnamon (or 4 teaspoons ground)
5 whole cloves
2 teaspoons ground nutmeg
1 bay leaf
1 orange, zested and squeezed (reserve juice)

Bring the water to a boil in a dutch oven and add the sugar, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg and bay leaf. Return to a slow boil and cook for 5 minutes, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Remove from heat and add the wine, orange juice, and orange zest. Warm over low heat (do not boil) for 30 minutes. Strain and serve.

Ten More Holiday Kitchen Tips You May Not Find Anywhere Else

1. Refrigerate all foods labeled "Keep Refrigerated". I know. It sounds like a no-brainer. But remember what happened when you ignored the label "Warning: Keep Away from Open Flame."? I bet the eyebrows you used to have remember.

2. There's really no such thing as the "Three Second Rule". If you drop something on the floor, wash and dry it thoroughly or just toss it. Even if no one saw you drop it (known as the "Rule of Non-Observance").

3. If you're making salad for a holiday crowd, spinning a couple of heads of torn lettuce in your Maytag drier is a better idea in concept than it is in real life.

4. Make it a habit to check for a hot stovetop before you touch it. If you have an electric range there should be an indicator light. If you have a gas range, a visible flame is a pretty good indicator.

5. Just because Giada De Laurentiis looks oh-so-hot in the kitchen with those form fitting low-cut outfits doesn't mean that you will, too. And yes, I'm talking to you Andy.

6. If you need to get something down from the top shelf, for goodness' sake use a step stool. Shouting, "Hey, honey, come give me a boost" is not, and has never been, a good idea.

7. Water, grease and scraps of food can make the floor slippery. If you spill something on the floor, clean it up immediately. I know, the dog will get to it. Or not.

8. Never leave the kitchen if you have something on the stove. Even if you're tempted to step out for a minute because Cousin Billy is in the backyard yelling, "Hey, come and look at this. I've never been able to this sober before!"

9. If, while your are cooking, someone is constantly looking over your shoulder and saying, "That's not the way great-grandma Jenkins used to do it" then you need to turn and say "If great-grandma Jenkins did it a better way, then why is she dead?"

10. And finally, use cooking tools, utensils and gadgets for their intended purposes. Even if your neighbor brags about how he opened a stubborn jar of mayonnaise with a hacksaw

Ten Holiday Kitchen Tips You Won't Find Anywhere Else

1. Keep potholders, towels, wooden utensils, food packaging, and curtains away from the stove. And remember that holiday tie you got from the kids? The one with Mickey Mouse dressed as Santa? Don't wear it if you plan on hanging over the stove.

2. Don't hold a child in your arms when you're working in the kitchen. Even if it's someone else's kid and he's ugly.

3. There's usually a good reason the smoke alarm goes off. The good folks at First Alert did not create these items just to annoy the heck out of you.

4. If you do have a grease fire in a pan, quickly slide a lid over it to completely cut off the oxygen supply, then turn off the heat. Avoid the urge to immediately lift up the lid "just to take a peek."

5. If the fire is in your oven, close the door and turn off the heat to smother the flames. Don't worry about the turkey in there. It's probably a goner.

6. If the fire is in your microwave oven, turn it off immediately and keep the door closed until the fire is completely out. Unplug the appliance if you can safely reach the outlet.

7. If the fire is in your belly, it's probably a good sign. You really do need to get off that lazy butt of yours and do something with your life.

8. Best bet? Buy a dry-chemical Class A, B and C fire extinguisher. And remember, this device is not a toy. Sticking the hose down the back of Uncle Roy's shorts and giving him "one good shot for old time's sake" might seem funny to you and almost everybody else in the room, but it will probably piss Uncle Roy off real bad.

9. Nuke your dirty sponges occasionally in the microwave for one minute to kill any bacteria that might be present. Special Note: Make sure the sponge is damp when you do this or it may catch on fire (see Tip # 6).

10. Avoid cross-contamination. Don't toss a salad with the fork you scrambled the eggs with. And don't use the same cutting board to cut raw veggies and raw meat. And please, don't wear the striped apron if insist on wearing the plaid shorts.