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beaver tail. pungent, delicious slow-smoked beaver tail.

Myself.

What defect, deficiency, or malformation is it in our society that sees to it that I am not yet a celebrity chef who is worshiped like the culinary rock star I am?

Also, one for all Serious Eats posters: Is it my innate and seemingly unique inability to be sychophantic toward others chefs that makes me seem a jerk?

Or is it just that I am a jerk?

Either way, I would urge everyone to spend less time on the lauding of the branded chefs (however ultra-talented they may be) and more time seeking out and supporting the local talent.

I have a Kitchenaid 12 cup that is really versatile and effective and seems to be more or less indestructible (it's a tall, substantial piece of hardware, though, so perhaps less than ideal if you're working in a small, cramped kitchen) but a good friend who's one of the better cooks that I know swears by her Cuisinart. That said, she's got an older (ten+ years) model and I've heard from other friends that the newer models are not of the same high quality. I'd say a new Kitchenaid or look around for an older model Cuisinart. And, as others have mentioned, go with the largest capacity model your budget and available space allow for.

A traditional Thanksgiving dinner at a large table, surrounded by friends and family, all of whom are just drunk enough to be pleasantly buzzed but not so drunk that any fights break out.

Actually depending on which of my friends or family members was doing the fighting, a good brawl, whether verbal or physical, might even enhance the experience...

Ina Garten is a force for good, for sure - with this being yet another one of her typically great recipes - but the Cooks Illustrated mac and cheese recipe from the May/June '04 edition is my go-to recipe when it comes to serving something that will please both kids and adults.

It's more of a sort of "classic comfort food" type of recipe but it's that in the best sense of the term.

And prep time is minimal.

As Bridget Lancaster says in the final paragraph of the CI piece leading up to the recipe proper: "Finally, I had a macaroni and cheese that more than passed muster, at least with my test kitchen colleagues But would it please my toughest critics, the kids?"

Needless to say, the dish passed the kid test with flying colors.

Does whiskey count?

If not, how about if I drink the whiskey while looking at some broccoli?

thin-sliced ham, layered thick on rye, with Plato's brand "Ideal Mustard" and, on the side, a load of Byrne's handmade chips and a original Guss pickle.

I used to work at Marthe Stewart Living here in Chelsea NYC and so have cooked more of her recipes than I can list here.

They all tend to be well tested and none of them make it into an MS-branded publication of any sort unless they're solid, reliable successes.

The descriptions, even for the more ambitious/complex recipes are always clear, and as I said, the recipes are always reliable.

My favorite of all time is her "underpaid, no benefits-having, soon to be suffering a nervous breakdown assistant" flambe.

I used to be a milk chocolate fan but then I had a dessert at El Bulli that was composed of dark chocolate vapors and aerosolized pig brains, and ever since then I've gone over the to "dark" side.

Also, since enjoying that dessert, I have been diagnosed with chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, or CIDP, a rare immune disorder that attacks the nerves and produces tingling, numbness and weakness in the arms and legs, sometimes causing lasting damage, but it was totally worth it, if only to be able to brag to my food snobs friends about the having been to El Bulli.

My beer batter-dipped deep-fried bacon - a recipe dictated to me by a legendary Texas-based chef who is now departed.

Minutes after writing down the recipe, I looked on as the man died of what doctors would later call "the simple, undeniable fact that the man loved him some bacon."

The buttermilk biscuit sandwich at Clinton St. Baking Company.

Venezuelan beaver cheese.