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I think the whole idea of tipping is ridiculous: do you tip the toll collector for taking your money? Do you tip the gas man for reading your meter? Do you tip your IT guy for fixing your computer? Of course not. Now, obviously, they don't live on tips. GUESS WHAT: NEITHER SHOULD WAITERS! How insane is it that a customer has to pay basically twice: for the food and for the service? Can you imagine if we had to tip UPS person for delivering the package to your house? Here's another tidbit: are the dishes heavier at T.G.I. Fridays than they are in a fancy steakhouse with $100+ dishes? Where do you come off with a sense of entitlement to a $20 tip just because the food was $100, whereas at Fridays a $20 plate would only get a $4 tip? If restaurant you work at charges that much for food, let them pay you! Enough is enough!

I just wanted to offer some appreciation for this post. I have had a similar experience, where, after paying, my tip would have been $1 on a $60+ order. I returned the dollar "change" to the table even though they said "no change," and they were shocked and shelled out more money. It happens, and I see no reason why someone shouldn't approach their table if they believe that a mistake has happened.

I'm glad there's no rules about gratuity, I've had some great service, then i've had some nightmare services. I love it when the server knows his food, wine, and even gives us some of his personal recommendations from the menu.

Then there's the flip side, clueless servers, and you can tell they are dying to go home. I have been waited on with the server talking on his CELL PHONE! Yeah, I'm going to tip you for talking to your friend during service. NO WAY! We have witnessed arguing about who's tables are getting people between staff (yes in front of customers), whine about how tired they are, has a short-term memory, and look miserable to be at work in general. No, uh uh, no reward for that. If I behaved like that at my job, I'd be fired! It's not a pleasant experience so why should I even bother tipping.

Honey attracts more bees, even if you gotta fake it. For an awesome service all around, I don't mind overtipping, I have given 25-30%. But for a mediocre service, why bother.

The best service is the waitstaff that take their job seriously, and know their stuff! Because how you feel about your job always reflects your performance.

Your article reminded me of the time I went to a restaurant a few years ago when I left $0.00 tip on a $200+ bill. I am usually a good tipper (at least 15%, more if service was extraordinarily good). But the combination of my alcohol-induced haze, my general deer-in-headlights feeling when it comes to money, and my friend trying to explain something to me about the tip...made me think that gratuity was already included, or that my friends had already taken care of it.

I didn't realize my mistake until weeks later. I didn't take care of it then and then, when I read your column last week, it hit me like a smack in the face. I am guilt-ridden about the fact that our poor waitress got squat when she didn't do anything wrong. I am attempting to track her down now, and though I don't know how feasible it would be, in retrospect, I would have LOVED if she confronted me about the tip.

I absolutely agree that tipping well and graciously is a mandatory aspect of eating out. However, if my server ever had the audacity to approach me about what I left, I would never return to that restaurant. Honestly, I wish every restaurant added gratuity so that the debate could end. Kudos to the French.

I would not criticize Hannah for her actions for questioning the customers for her low tip if she can report on any incidence in which she ran after a customer who left a very large tip a)to thank them profusely for a very generous tip or b)to ascertain they did not make a mathematical error and offer to refund some part of the tip. I will always remember the following two incidences: 1) After a great home-style meal in the 70's, we chose to leave a $20 tip (50%) because the meal was so good and reasonable in price and the immigrant waitress was so attentative - she came running out of the resaurant to thank us with many bows. 2) We couldn't figure out why a waiter in a very expensive restuarant turned so friendly after giving us just barely adequate service during a meal. When I finally looked at our receipt, I realized my mathematically challenged ex-husband, having had a couple drinks, calculated a 40% tip!

You know what's funny? I never tip less than 30-35% (15-20% always seem inadequate to me, provided that there was nothing extraordinarily wrong with our dinner, in which case, I will make a point of calculating 15% - it's happened once in my life so far. I'm 35). That said, the line It’s your job to tip graciously at the end of your meal, unless service is included, or you're at a take-out joint, etc. made me feel very resentful. No, it's not my job, it's my choice. Big, big difference.

I work hard (at my real job) and I go out to relax, have fun and yes, enjoy being served by somebody else for a change. And make no mistake, I appreciate it tremendously, which is why, like I said, I never tip less than 30-35%. But it's not my job. My job is to make sure the audits I submit to my employer are correct.

Imo it's not appropriate for someone serving me to act as anything other than a servant.

Seems to me that a bad tip means the service was bad. We all need feedback on how we are doing our jobs, and a server needs to know what he/she did wrong to deserve a bad tip. Seems reasonable to me that you asked... would I ever have the gumption to do it? No way, but I think it's perfectly reasonable that you did.

Likewise, I call the manager when service is exemplary... it costs me absolutely nothing and commends the server.

Well thought out, well written and, from the description of the interaction with your patrons, well handled. A poor tip for (perceived) poor service, without constructive feedback, does no one any good. Obviously, if there's a pattern, on the part of either the patron or the server, it's a different story.

Your ideas about why this is an uncomfortable subject are insightful and good food for thought (intended) for us all.

Here's the thing. The fact that is that you made the right call in this circumstance. They happened to be a group of people who had meant to tip well and messed up. It happens. On my birthday last year the kid who collected the money from the group later confessed that he had assumed included gratuity for our 12 top but realized his mistake later on. The waitress would absolutely have been right to ask where her tip was.

But the reason you got flack over this was because most of the time when a bad tip is given it is because either A) the service was bad or B) the customer is a lousy tipper.

In the case of the lousy waiter, asking is only going to make things uncomfortable. We all have off nights but nobody wants to be given a laundry list of why they were a lousy server.

In the case of the cheap tipper, asking is probably going to result in nothing more than a complaint to your manager. Poor tippers are often the most bitchy and demanding of customers. So yes, it worked out for you on this particular occasion, but more often than not, asking would have been a wrong thing to do.

I'm firmly of the belief that there are swings and roundabouts in the service industry. There are times you'll get 5% and times you'll get 50%. With rare exception, you're better off not worrying about the size of an individual tip, and instead thinking about your overall income.

this is dumb. i do have to say, i agree with the author on her actions regarding the tipping situation. what i don't agree with is the strange authority vibe she attaches to her columns combined with a terrible, nagging naivity raging below the surface. give it 5 years, i swear you'll look back and cringe.