@eaguk---ah I understand what you meant now...no apology necessary :) It is a bit odd to think of a grown man picking minuscule onion bits out of hash browns! I try not to judge though...because if it were bacon bits I wouldn't even eat it at all let alone pick them out.
Obviously I think I realized within moments of posting this question and seeing the initial responses come in that this is really a larger issue than food. Though any and all tips to a beginner in the kitchen are definitely appreciated.
@JerzeeTomato--I think you are 100% correct. I am going to look into the therapist thing. Obviously food is not the underlying issue here or it would be simply solved.
@eaguk---not quite sure what you are getting at. The picking veggies out of his food and dining at his mother's house are two separate thoughts. And a 41 year old eating at his mother's house for holidays isn't odd--we take turns holidays at all the relations homes.
@AJ12754---very good points---We're kind of a mixed bag...some shared interests and some shared values....obviously not quite the perfect match...but what is...all relationships are work...mine perhaps just a bit more. I think for both of us food is basically just a necessity. I just want to make it as pleasant and healthy as possible in the process. And yes...that article does put things in perspective a bit. Thanks for the smile!
@maleificent --- I don't know how it would world should children come in the picture...it would definitely be a challenge. He (and his mother!) have made it clear that the kids would be given meat in the house by me but obviously I'd prefer to raise my children vegetarian. Doubtful it will be an issue anyway as we are 36 and 41 and not even married yet.
@whyuseafork & honeycrisp --- I understand...and trust me I have my reservations as well. I think that a lot of his issues are social...he just doesn't get that certain things are said and done for others as much as yourself (or instead of yourself if you feel them unnecessary) He does have a good heart--just has no filter and for some reason is super private and super defensive about everything. (I could go into childhood issues but won't)
@she likes pie , janaatwg, ell.victor, dbcurrie --- Thanks for the comments.
@CJ McD --Why would it have been an issue before we moved in together. I didn't go to his house every night to cook dinner for him. We ate separately unless we were going out together.
@shasta0610---Thanks for the tips...maybe I also just need to give things more time to work themselves out...it's been less than a month...I know he's not a big communicator...so it will take time for things to "reveal" themselves. As should be clear by now...I am by no means a "foodie"--my goal is simply something that is economic, healthy and tastes good--nothing fancy. I agree completely about meal time...and prefer to use that time as "family time" He really prefers to eat at the coffee table while watching TV...so we eat at the table maybe 3X a week. I've learned not to mind since it's kind of uncomfortable for me anyway since he eats in about 5min and then has to wait and watch me eat... Obviously communication is an issue...hopefully I can just stir things to the right track by actions rather than trying to initiate conversations which for whatever reason always make him defensive and angry. (Sometimes I am even afraid to ask him if he's hungry! It's hard for me to understand someone so private as to find that offensive but I try to understand that people are different)
@hungrychristel--I'm just glad that MandyEats doesn't have access to my food...though I've never contemplating tricking someone into eating something...apparently she's given it a lot of thought! lol
@Sudenveri--Maybe the post title is misleading...I simply wanted to characterize the dichotomy of our eating habits. It's my first day on this site....I wasn't aware of the multitude of threads on this topic or I'd have just chimed in on one of those. But I do think I'll go look for a few. :P
PS..glad to know your boyfriend likes tomoto sauce..phew:)
@redfish @Dcarl1--Point taken--he's a 41 year old adult who should be grateful that I am cooking (and for the record--he is) and capable of supplementing or cooking/buying something else if he doesn't like what is on the stove.
@JerzeeTomato--Life is all about compromise...but you are right...I admit to becoming a bit resentful of the fact that although he said he was fine with me being a vegetarian and that he'd work it out...he tries to get me to eat meat and cook meat.
I think I need to:
1. Stop trying to please him in everything
2. Not be hurt when he doesn't "enjoy" a meal at our house as he does at Mom's or a restaurant
3. Just live and let live...he can eat it or not...make something else or not.
I need to let it go and focus on more important aspects of the relationship.
@Burger365 & @seriousb---Sorry...folks...I don't know how the Hand Washing thing came out...frustration I suppose?? My subconscious explaining why I don't mind so much that he doesn't step up and cook....?? Anyway...that's really a topic for another post on another forum! LOL
@AJ12754--Thanks and good point. He's with me many a reason...and inone of them... my cooking.
@Martini Me--Thanks for the tips...I'll try them for me.
I think the point that people are missing is that it's not that he doesn't like how I cook veggies....he just doesn't like veggies...and won't give me alternate ideas for things he'll like to eat other than meat. I'm not trying to push my diet on him...just trying to get him to tell me something that I can cook (other than meat) that he'll enjoy.
@Sudenveri -- I understand what you are saying...however I am The Cook...simply because I feel that in any house there has to be A Cook. It can't be KFC, Pizza, & Kraft Mac-n-cheese on a three day rotation for the rest of our lives. He's welcome to step up and be A Cook as well. I plan to hone my skills...but for now...they are the only skills in place...and I think that my asking him what I can do to help him enjoy meals more...should be able to have some simple answers...like "how about perogie night" rather than become a gourmet meat chef.
@06sarahliz--That is tough...I am still hoping that we can find a few things that we can enjoy together other than individual pan pizzas--mine with veggies, his with sausage and meatball.
@Pavlov ---I'd never try to trick anyone into eating something. I would never want someone to do that to me.
@goosk---And the spicing is tough...he likes things plain...He doesn't think he needs vegetables...he pretty much thinks that he's invincible even from germs. He doesn't even wash his hands except once a day in the shower---how could he avoid it then!
1st off--thanks for all the comments...and thanks to those who genuinely want to help me. I am noting all the cooking tips and diplomacy tips and will test them out.
@KarmaFreeCooking---Very true...I think I need to stress less about him loving dinner...as long as he's happy in general I guess that is pretty good.
@ESNY1077---As I have stated--I am not trying to force him to eat anything. On the contrary...I have for the first time in my life been touching meat and trying to please him. I am not forcing him to eat vegetables...just trying to figure out what he can tell me that he'd like to eat other than meat and potatoes. He actually is the one always trying to get me to eat meat. Also I said that I used to make steamed veggies when single...I've been changing it up a lot more of late. (It is difficult also because the only spice he likes is garlic)
@seriousb---I really don't plan to learn to cook any complicated or sophisticated meat dishes. He knew I was a vegetarian when he met me and he claimed it was not a problem. That he could make something for himself is he needed to. He's welcome to come into the kitchen to cook and clean at any time...open invitation...he just doesn't take me up on it. I've since realized that KFC does not really constitute making something and I admit that I worry about his health...and mine...I've gained 20lbs since we've been together as I've been eating more like him. I guess it's easy for a guy to say no big deal at the beginning of a relationship...but apparently any time he's lived with a woman she's cooked him meat and potatoes so he expects it nonetheless.
@AJ12754 ---I think you've got the right idea
@hungrychristal---I wish I could try some of those ideas. I'm not sure if it stems from his mother's food. I've eaten at her house and she makes delish casseroles with veggies and cheese and such...and he won't eat them. He picks the onions out of hash browns and the green peppers off of pizza. And won't even talk about cauliflower.
Despite other opinions on this topic...I am not trying to change him...I don't expect him to stop eating meat..and I even make it sometimes for him...but would like to:
1. See him eat something that I cook and actually enjoy it.
2. Eat a little bit more than meat and starch (I can find no evidence that this is the optimal diet)
Maybe as Tupper alluded the real issue here is communication and not recipes.
@Coach & redfish---Is it really a "normal healthy diet" to eat only meat, cheese and potatoes. I'd love for you guys to link up some references with medical stats so I can be reassured that the man I love will have a long healthy life on KFC food. It'll save me a lot of work in the kitchen too! I'll just stop at Taco Bell for myself on the way to KFC every night on my way home from work!
@Tupper---I would not say that it is jeopardizing the relationship...but lack of communication is an issue. Last week I mentioned that he never seems to enjoy anything that I cook and that I'd love for him to give me suggestions about what I could cook that he's like. First he got defensive and said "I never complain"--so I agreed but mentioned that I could tell he didn't "Enjoy "the food and that I wanted to please him so if he could give me a list of any possible meals that he preferred or sides that he liked I'd try to cook them more often. Then he basically got mad that I asked for a list and said the only way I would make him happy was to cook more meat. Suffice it to say it led to a fight and I just dropped it. Figuring he can eat what I cook and enjoy it or not then.
@carebearnj-Part of the problem is that my "real food" is still evolving--being single and living in a small apt prior to this with counter space sufficient for only a microwave led me to eating very simply with little "real" cooking--mostly single ingredient steamed veggie sides with beans, rice, pasta, potatoes, etc. I've been trying out new recipes etc now that I have space but without much positive feedback and with too many leftovers since I'm basically still cooking for one. (Even if he claims to like something he will only eat leftovers if it is Restaurant food or his Mother's cooking)
@Sharona---Good point. Maybe I should just make every night "Every man for himself night" He gets home from work before me anyway...no reason he can't make himself something. (Truth is he'd just eat out every meal -except for the rare Kraft mac-n-cheese night and then start to resent me if I didn't want to join him in eating out or cook for him)
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