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Hey, late to the party, but I have to say, the original of what J would say - "Hey, was everything okay?" (paraphrased) made me sit up and think of all the times I could have used that. What you wound up saying gives me pause if only because you directly say "Is this all you meant to leave?" which can put people on the defensive... otherwise, bravo!
PS Carding people made me uncomfortable initially as well. Eventually I got to know the signs of underage drinking fairly well, and if I did card you, it was a signal to the boss that there was an issue... We had to throw a guy out who seriously looked like he was going to reach over and punch me (!!!) for carding his - I SWEAR SHE LOOKED 12 and COULDN'T be more than 16 at most! - mistress. It was really disturbing because he was like 35 or 40 - not OLD, but uncomfortably old to be dating a girl who not only look to be just entering puberty but apparently was under 21 as she did not have ANY ID on her. Ick.

We are going to Tavern On The Green. We went there when my brother graduated from NYU and will be going there for my sister's graduation. Such a great place for a celebration. Outside seating is perfect or indoors with a view of the park!

@minonda, i would like to know what, specifically was mean-spirited or petty about my comment. Furthermore, i would like to point out that volunteer firemen (as many of them are) do not get a regular salary, benefits, or vacation days. I am *much* more grateful for the service they provide than the person who takes my order and brings food to my table. I would argue most people would agree with me on that.

WOW. There is a lot of pent up anger over the tipping debate, but I would have to agree with Hannah on this one. Servers make a substantial amount LESS than other fields and regardless, they are there to SERVE you. Take your order, bring you food or drinks, grab the check, etc. This is usually what I base a standard 15-20% tip on. If the server is exceptionally friendly, fun or even throws in something useful (a round of drinks, great info about local happenings, etc) then I up it to 25-30%

Nothing pisses me off more than when people talk down to servers, boss them around, stay on their cellphones while ordering, or expect incredibly high demands without paying for it. Servers do not equal servants.

If you can't afford the tip, just don't want to pay up, or take the menu the way it comes, stay home.

@wannabetvchef I'd like to know where you heard of this "federally mandated 10% gratuity" because I have never heard of it and it smells like BS. Links, please.

@mh330 - out of all the mean-spirited and petty comments that this post has elicited, yours has to be the meanest and the pettiest. Sure, people in other lines of work work harder and more is asked of them in terms of physical effort or risk, and education or some other qualifier, but please recall that these other people are compensated fairly and receive benefits such as paid vacation, holidays and health insurance. Servers get none of this, and if they are to get any kind of decent wage, must rely on the whim of whoever they serve, sort of like a seller on ebay needing good feedback.

I don't really support what Hannah did, because she said herself, the big tips even out the loss of the small ones, and generally a server does not get that many poor tips. But your cold response, and your attitude toward servers, makes me cheer for her and all the others who have to serve people in order to make a living.

People like you make me glad I'm no longer a waitress. And I got great tips.

Leaving a tip of less than 10%, regardless of service, is criminal. Federal law mandates 10%, however, that same fereral law punishes the victim not the criminal. However, in some municipalities you can have a poor tipper charged with theft of services for leaving less than 10%. Where I live (South Alabama) is one of the worst tipping areas of the country, several of the small towns here will prosecute someone for leaving less than the federally mandated 10% gratuity.

To earn that 10% tip a server must bring you something. It doesn't have to be what you ordered just something and they don't have to be friendly.

I do not like this but to change it is in the hands of the voters. Tell your politicians to pay servers the same minimum wage as every other industry in the country and you can then tip whatever you want. Don't write/call your local law-makers and you should tip big every time.

If your service is truly poor speak to the manager. If you do not speak to the manager than your service wasn't truly poor. If you have ever rationalized why you left a bad tip, chances are you are just cheap.

Is this column actually real? I cannot believe someone gave you a column to write about the same job I have had for the last 3 years, albeit not in New York City.

I additionally cannot believe a 21 year old has a problem carding people. If I were younger than 21 (but legally allowed to serve alcohol with a proper permit), I may feel a bit awkward asking people for their ID; but as a person legally allowed to consume alcohol myself (Im only 22)....Its mor than over due to ask such a simple request...; I would say you were only a "1/2 ballsy waitress"...in the sense you basically asked for a larger tip, but were afraid to ask peers for their ID. I dont get it, I really dont.
My life at a Big 10 University in a midwest state is more exciting than this NYC column.

LIkeswords,
I hope you don't mind if I borrow "when bad systems happen to good people" because you nailed it!

I once went out for lunch with co-workers, and got carded by the hostess. Then her boss who was nearby explained that next time if she were to card anyone, it would have to apply to the entire group as to not single one person out. Pretty funny.

Hard to blame her as I look young ^_^, although I was probably older than her.

I wish people would remember that we are all in a recession. Including your waiter, who at my restaurant makes $2.13 an hour.

That, for those with the math issues (seriously?) is slightly over TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR. Half of minimum wage in like, 1998. Plus we get to take our tips and give a portion of that money to the support staff. So if you neglect to tip, the server is paying a portion of their money for you to eat there.

If you have problem with your service/food/whatevs, talk to a manager.

Years ago when I waited table I approached a customer only once about a payment issue but it was when he didn't even leave enough money for the bill much less the tip. He left cash on the table and when I discovered I'd been shorted he and his date were already out the door but as luck had it they were in his (brand new) Corvette waiting for the light to change by the restaurant entrance. I ran out, leaned across the hood (in front of his date) and asked hm if he was ready to pay his entire bill or if I should call the police to report a theft of services incident.

He paid up... was obviously caught in the act (never denied what he had done and also didn't apologize nor did he try to deny his actions)... and left. I'm thinking that his date was not impressed ;-)