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Watching the Giants beat up on the Massholes at my friend's place, with a lot of buffalo wings....

What terrible news. I'm so sorry for you and all the others who have loved him so much and will always continue to love him.

Either Yumburger or Redburger

A blue cheese-topped burger with Merlot? That will overwhelm it. I wouldn't have most merlots with any meat heavier or more intense than a roasted filet mignon.

You did, of course, miss the wine that typically pairs best with most burgers -- PETITE SIRAH

There are no good real (i.e., dry) reds in Michigan. I concur with the advise to try Washington State wines.

For a nice rose for about $10-12, try Aaron Jackson's Swell Rose (100% Petite Sirah, a grape that's rarely made into Rose), available directly from the winemaker at aaronwines.com

Of course, any true Obama burger would be burnt to a crisp, no matter how thick it was. The irony of naming a burger for somebody who ruins it by ordering it medium-well or worse is probably lost on Spike.

Have a party for my friends and family and EAT DELICIOUS MEAT

Definitely a pub-style burger.

re: #7. "Handhed"?

A slanket has sleeves,
So I stay warm while eating;
Also serves as bib.

Oh please. Anybody who'd prefer an overcooked burger isn't using her head.

You *always* err on the side of UNDERcooking a burger (or anything else, for that matter). Why?

Well, cooking is in essence a chemical ratchet, much like mixing two things together. You can't unmix them, just like you can't uncook something.

If you can tell that a burger may be on the undercooked side, you can put it back in or on for another 30 seconds or so, or let yours sit a bit longer and continue cooking from the residual heat it contains.

But once a burger's overcooked, you have no recourse if you want it less cooked. You can't apply more heat. All you can do is throw that nasty hockey puck in the garbage (or give it to the president) and start anew from fresh beef.

I thought that this wasn't rocket science, but I may have been wrong.

Well, since Barack likes nauseatingly-overcooked burgers with no flavor, the tasteless, American Cheese-only Five Guys is much more suitable for his unsophisticated palate.

Just like his burger on AF1, Barry orders it medium-well. What a waste of amazing beef. What's the point in cooking out all the flavor. Medium-rare (or less!) or bust.

If he wanted a charred hunk of leather, he could (and should) have just gone to 5 guys.