Serious Eats - seriouseats.com

Never dine with people who complain of prices. I never want to hear once you have arrived at the restaurant how you think it is expensive. In this day and age when you can google a place and see the menu and the prices complaining about cost means you did not do your homework and you are lazy. The lets split the check when you have 3 people in your party and I have 2 is not working either. How is that equitable?

The nose picker. I just cannot get over that one. At the table. I think I have given this speech over on FB earlier in the week. If you tried talking to him nice and got no place the employing of colorful metaphors at this point in the game would probably work. Listen jackass if you stick your mofo hand anyplace near your F%$# nose again while we are sitting at a $#%@ table eating I will get up and break my foot off in your ass, are we clear? I think if he realized you were totally never going to sit down to a table and have another meal with him and that he in fact is committing a disgusting act where people eat and you show your dissatisfaction loudly he might not do it anymore. Also getting him to an allergist might be something. They have spray that keeps your nose from itching.

I got one for you, its an oldie but goodie, the Meg Ryan. Inevitably this person wants their food their way, OK I get that, but they want to make it so complicated you know the waitress is going to blame you for being in the same party as the picky son of a bitch. I want my burger served without the bun on top and the cheese on the under the beef patty but the lettuce and tomato on the cool side with the bun. Do not put any condiments on it but bring them on the side. I want my fries double fried and do you have honey mustard. Bring me the bottle of beer but bring it with a top on, I like to open my own beer. This was last month while my friend and I had lunch at Chammps. I watched her face as she took the notes down, which covered her whole first page. While they waited they ate a can of pringles IN the restaurant. I wanted to be a pain in the ass, so I leaned over and said can I have one of those? The guy looked at me and my friend. I said I would love a pringle, do you mind? And he passed me the can. We hooted and grabbed a few. Why did I do that? Have no freaking idea but it was just so damn funny. I told the guy he was just the smartest person ever to think to bring his pringles in to the restaurant while he waited, Brilliant! By the time I was telling him how wonderful he was everyone was staring right at him. Most fun I ever had. When his burger arrived, SURPRISE, it was not the way he ordered it. His beer was uncapped and there was no honey mustard with it.
Someplace Mr Pringle is sitting waiting for his honey mustard with his little snack like he is in day care waiting for someone to bring him an uncapped beer and the quest for a burger all in the right order.

OK lets do this, cell phones totally overused during meals.
If you cannot pronounce something on the menu ask the wait staff what it is. Never asking questions when you are ordering then acting surprised.
Grabbing my water, cutlery or napkin, can you not locate your own?
Putting a fork or a finger ON MY FOOD, you could get stabbed. Who in their right mind thinks this is OK behavior?
Touching all the damn bread, do you have tastebuds in your fingers? Pick a piece of bread and stop touching all of it.
Butter, grab some on your bread plate and stop touching the butter.
Pasta sauce for morons. If you cannot twirl pasta, practice at home and not sitting next to me covering me, you and the table with pasta sauce. Order a short pasta. If you are a "wear it all over me person", put your napkin on and wear it like a bib. I can see dropping a piece of food perhaps 2. When you are wearing your meal you need more training.
Drunk eaters, if you are drunk you should not be eating, you can choke and doing the heimlich screws the evening up.
If we order nachos, use your damn fork and not your hands. Wash your hands after we get seated. What are you a heathen?
Children, if your children are not table friendly at home chances are (lightbulb) they are not ready for public. A child sitting at the table covering themselves with their meal and their drink is unappetizing. Get a babysitter and leave your child at home. Babysitters need to earn money too. You sit with the apple of your eye picking chicken nuggets and corn niblets out of your hair, I will pass thanks.
Be aware that crab legs, citrus in drinks and flaming or sizzling dishes can get on other folks at your table. If I get hit with one more lemon splash in the eye I am going postal. Cup your hands over the lemon ffs, and stop acting like a child.
Ask for the appropriate hand cleaning stuff BEFORE you eat. Nothing worse than the fingerpainting all over the table. If you need wipes ask for wipes, napkins, wet towels before you dig in.

Oh Mr Nick, I am blushing. I would let you in front of me in line I bet you would love some mentos and a kit kat. LOL

My middle name is kitchen obsession.
In the collapsible area have you seen Lekue
http://www.lekue.es/en/

I recommend making a paste with the anchovies. You saute them with the garlic or just the anchovies if you are not using any garlic; and while it is still warm not hot add in a pinch course salt (not too much it will be very salty already) and use your knife (cutting board) to make it about a tablespoon of paste. You add this to your pan and it will melt into the tomato mixture. I will not slip it in any other way. Anchovy non believers are fierce and if they find any kind of anchovy they are going to give you junk over it. Making the paste eliminates any kind of anchovy backlash.
This works well with caesar type salad dressings, its the tang no one can place.

I would grab a rotisserie chicken and make a nice veg with it and mash some potatoes, then make a second main for everyone else and a salad with no onions or tomatoes.

This christmas I went through 40 lbs of flour and 15 lbs of granulated sugar. 6 lbs of brown sugar and 4 lbs of 10X sugar. 11 lbs of butter.
Thanksgiving was less about 15 lbs of flour (at least 2 was cake flour) 5 lbs of sugar in 2 days.
Normally I go through about 5 lbs per month of granulated 2lbs? brown sugar, perhaps 1 lb of 10x. I keep about 50 lbs of flour on hand and 30 lbs of granulated sugar during normal times. I am a big baker.
I sometimes bake ahead. March I start baking for Easter and I am all stocked up and ready to go.

@FlyingBadgerMan No one ever passes me on the road, I am from NJ (we drive like maniacs). Mr Tomato and I do not go to the movies the last time we went was to see Star Wars part 1. I do not like going to see a movie in a place where people make me wait in line to pee (separate rant). I like the DVR/DVD pause feature and as you can tell we are quite jaded in the tomato house.
The moral of the story is this, when it is you seek to express dissatisfaction to a person with 2 more items than

I love that you called me childish. It was a nice way of saying bitch, which I own and thanks for the props. You can stand in front of my tics tacs anytime you want!

I like that one passive aggressive = dog poop. Outstanding!
Also I am not passive in any manner. Speed therapy is so much fun. Love this thread.

Coconut stacks. I will also say I do not care for silicone because accidents happen. make sure to put a sheet pan under it. Its very flimsy and I just do not trust it. I bought one years ago and when it failed I threw it out.

@wadejay26 oh sweetie I am so sorry I like to break rules. My market does not have an express line they have a small limit line. I am not sure if its 10/12/15 but I get in it when I feel like it. If you count my groceries and I catch you, I start adding more things to my cart. Tic Tacs, magazines, I ask for stamps. You want to make a big deal of what I do, I will stand on your last shred of humanity. As Pavie would say "dukes up".
I have so many more things to be worried about than do I have 12 or 17 items. I don't count my items when I have few. I know when I have many, please give some credit here.
If you act like you are all up in my face, I get slower. I never get in the face of someone in a hurry and I do not count items in anyone's cart. Why? It is none of my damn business, that is why. Perhaps it is because I have time, loads of time.

Perhaps its my love of the human condition that makes me love the checkout confusion or I just love insanity. I always let people in front of me and if you are in a hurry I let you go first because I will be damned if I am going to be hurried. Someone in a tizzy standing behind me mouthing away is a formula for me going postal. So standing in line if I hear you act indignant, cranky, loud you get to go before me so you can get the hell out of the damn line and stop ruining my visit with your negative BS.

I get into the 15 item line with more than 15 things. If you are counting the stuff in my cart and you come up with 17 items and you got the nads to tell me about it you will never like my reply, Mind your own $%#@ business. Thanks so much helpy helperton for reminding me of the painfully obvious. Every damn grocery store has a small limit check out; 10 items, 12 items, 15 items. I have better things to do than to keep track of the item limit, is this is airport? Is it a safety concern? NO its not, spend more time doing something more useful than counting my items.

You hate waiting in line. Who doesn't. Welcome to planet earth young human. If this is at the top of your list, I got news for you, there are more things to make you crazy and they do not involve waiting in a line.
As I am waiting in line do not be surprised if I add some mentos and a National Enquirer. OMG 18 items, I love living on the edge. If it upsets you, don't look! LMAO

With butter over 4 bucks a pound I would make room in the freezer for it. When it goes on sale around here I buy 6-10 lbs and freeze it.
If I did not have any room and had a lot of butter I would give some away. I am sure you have some baking friends who would lose their mind over a few pounds of butter.