Now Robyn gave me snack packs of Hello Panda and Koala March to try last night after our noodle extravaganza, and so try them I did. I tried them once after dinner, and then polished off the rest for a healthy and protein-packed breakfast….or, not.

Impressions:

First of all, I would like a clearer defense from my compatriots who prefer Koala March to Hello Panda. Um, why? The biscuit itself was dry and tasteless, qualities which in and of themselves would not be so offensive were it not for the filling:

I forced myself to ingest the dreadful substance, at one point fumbling it around inside my mouth at the tip of my tongue, so that no one area of my palate need be exposed to the filling for more seconds than was necessary, and felt its waxiness melt and slide like sludge, or tar, down my throat. I tried to search for the right words to describes its taste, but none came to mind, because there was almost NO TASTE. You could call it sweet, or vaguely chocolate-ly, but such descriptors would be an affront to that which is genuinely sweet or tastes like chocolate. Bad texture, bad taste…what is there left to like?

For those who disagree, please rebut with reasons rather than unfounded opinions boiling down to “I just like it,” because I am not disputing the epistemological possibility that you would have different taste preferences than I; I am simply curious as to whether or not you have your reasons for those preferences.

Moving on.

Hello Panda: Oh yes, oh yes. More, please! These were…..surprisingly tasty! A crumbly and rich shell; a fudge-like chocolate-ly filling.

Unlike some folks – and this I recognize is a minor point in the grand scheme of things – I do not think it needs more filling. More would ruin the balance between cookie and filling, veering it dangerously into the category of candy rather than cookie. Imagine if the filling were even 20% more: then the entire inner surface area of the cookie would be coated. It would be terribly sweet.

For the same reason that I object to double-filled oreos, I simply cannot tolerate more than a certain level of sweetness in my cookie. And notice what it says on the packaging: Hello Panda’s intent is to offer us “Biscuits with Choco Cream” rather than, say, “Chocolate-filled Biscuits.” The emphasis is on the cookie, rather than the chocolate.

As well it should be. The cookie is pretty damn good – crumbly so it collapses in on itself, like a smashed pumpkin, with enough satisfying crunch in each bite.

Finally, I love the way the soft fudgy filling coats the interior of each Hello Panda biscuit, like a veneer of light brown, ending in a soft chocolate-y dollop.

What I have I learned from this short impromptu taste test? First, that maybe I should funnel the considerable energies of my strong opinions in ways which would better the world, rather than my own stomach. Though, if even one person walks away from this and buys Hello Panda instead of Koala March, then I suppose that would be adding to the overall pleasure experienced in the world, rather than taking away from it. Also, that taste is a subjective, wondrous thing, is it not? It’s what keeps us talking and arguing with such passion and why we do these tastes test in the first place.

Mwinston - I didn't think the flavors were boring, though I see where you're coming from. I tasted a lot of browning action, and lard, and the sweetness of the rice noodles. I think that a more aggressive flavor profile might have overwhelmed those subtleties.

Kaye Y, as it happens, I do not like bacon in my chocolate, and a compost cookie would not be my go-to dessert.

My question about “who would like this dish” was meant to be rhetorical. I understand that there are people who like it, if only because the restaurant would not devote a large portion of its menu to cheese and rice cakes if, in fact, the combination was not appealing to anyone. So this was a musing on my part, my wondering about why certain flavors work for some people and not others.

One thing I wish I had been clearer about is that everyone has different conceptions of what is normal, or delicious, or not delicious. For instance, maybe some people might think, who would ever want anchovies on pizza, or pineapple, but those both happen to be popular pizza toppings. To each his own, right?

That’s the message I wanted to leave readers with, not that no one should ever try a cheese dukboki. And, as Max pointed out, another writer here on SE does in fact like the dish.

Hi Guys, your comments are noted - here's my take on it, and I'd welcome any further thoughts.

To my taste, this dish belongs in this column because of its transformation of pork fat and skin into something quite different from what we usually think of.

And I think Lorenzo spot-on here, in his comment that the purpose of this column is to highlight some part of the animal, either internal or external, in a way that has not gotten as "press" as we think it deserves.

I'd say, lard and skin are pretty "nasty" to some, even if it appears in a much loved cut such as pork belly.

The purpose of this column was never to gross anyone out, nor do I think that anyone is assuming that. I just mean to say that some weeks, we'll do something that's probably "gross" or strange to a majority of readers, and some weeks, it'll be something more "mainstream," such as pork fat.

surc - yes, I think there's a difference but it's slight. Stewed meat (or even braised) is always going to have a certain moistness to it, while roasted meat has more an unctuous-tender thing going on. Skin will get crispy regardless, so it's really the texture of the meat that's noticeably different.

crapk - no, it's not a hassle at all - really fun, if you're the sort of person who would consider roasting a trotter to begin with. That being said, it is sort unseemly. Gelatinous pork residue everywhere.

smokeat - I don't know, it's pretty darn good with chicken. Besides, don't you just want to eat chicken sometimes if only to give yourself a chance to miss portk?

Mr. Nick and monicalups, I do mean sugo all'amatriciana - thanks for the correction!

As to the double ears controversy, I'm gonna leave it as is....until I am otherwise convinced. My feeling about the matter, and of course I welcome a discussion, is that until a non-English term becomes so familiar as to be part of our vernacular, or at least very commonly understood, I will continue to use the noun form of the English word if I think it adds rather than takes away from the general reader's understanding.

So for instance, I would write "lo mein noodles" even though mein means noodle in Chinese.

Well, those Chinese characters didn't compute.

The point is that the same character denotes both knife-cut as well as knife-peel, which are used interchangeably. Whether or not they should be interchangeable is another issue, but if you look on most Chinese menus, the same character will sometimes be translated as "peel," and sometimes as "cut."

bauwau2u, I don't have a favorite brand, but yes, it keeps for a long, long time. (6 months plus)

That's okay, Adam! Just joshing you. But yes, I am truly grossed out.

Max, I'm really glad you covered this. This is one of my favorite bites of food in Flushing.

Hi folks, thanks for all of your kind comments. Though I'm sure my pugulist-loving noodle date has moved onto green pastures.

I have had the rice cakes at Shanghai Asian Cuisine, and Max is right - I do find them a little too soft.

If anyone knows of a restaurant serving a very thick and chewy rice cake dish, I'd be much obliged.

jester99 - what a great idea - i may have to do a separate post on uses for salted duck egg

erin - uh, yes, so did I, in the moment, once I got over my own puritanical sensibilities.