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My favorite was
"Trust him: But keep your eyes open". Definitely one I have followed.

Alos, in my family, you must pick up the cookie that is pointing at you. That is your fortune. We use the 2 prong side. Whichever one has the split aiming at you is yours. The fortunes are rarely wrong. I have a daughter who is a worry wart and she often gets ones about worrying only about the things you can change. Too funny.
I loved the order take out one! Hilarious!

I once got a fortune that said "you are the best in the entire world."

I'm pretty sure they only made one of those.

And you bet I add "in bed" at the end!

i once got a fourtune cookie that read "HELP! i'm being held captive in a chinese bakery." no lie. it was off-putting.

I had always felt that fortune cookies would say something positive until I got a
fortune cookie that simply stated

"Nothings Perfect"

My cousin proposed to his girlfriend via fortune cookie. He went to a lot of trouble to make his own fortune cookies from scratch, write up a marriage proposal, and stick it in. My cousin then proceeded to set up a nice, relaxing dinner for two at home with Chinese takeout. He had pretend that the fortune cookies came from the restaurant in order to trick his girlfriend into opening one. Except, when the time came, she didn't feel like eating the cookies and said, "No thanks, I'm full." And then he proceeded to get flustered, and spent some time convincing her to open it and eat one.

He eventually forced her to open her fortune cookie, but that was a very tense few minutes.

No fortune found -- Abort, Retry, or Cancel.

Swear to God. At a normal Chinese restaurant, too (not gimmicky, gives out traditional fortunes hundreds of other times).