Dear Pie Crust Recipe,
Hello, it's me again. I'm not sure where we went wrong last night. Why did you turn on me at the last second? I gave you lovely, chilled butter and shortening. I had cool water for you, and I chilled the bowl I used. I sifted my flour oh-so-carefully, just for you. I measured every ingredient as precisely as I could. I even let you rest for two hours in the fridge, carefully wrapped in wax paper.
And yet, you spurned me! When I tried to roll you out for the bottom of my pie, you perversely stuck to my counter. I used my offset spatula to get you off, but serious reconstruction was needed. I put the rest of you back in the fridge, then tried again for my top crust a bit later, and still, you did not care. You crumbled as soon as I tried to lift you on to my pie. Why, pie crust? Why do you elude me so? Is it that you just don't like the altitude here in Colorado?
Anyway, I'm not giving up on you. I hope you're free in a week or so, when I'll be making another attempt.
P.S. I'm going to ask my friends at Serious Eats if they have any tips for our relationship. I'm hoping they'll be able to tell me where I went wrong last night, or at least that they'll be amused by this letter.