Serious Eats - seriouseats.com

That he refuses to even try things does not bode well for the future.
Not only picky, but inflexible. And this is during the dating stage. Think that's going to improve or solidify down the road?

If his eating habits bother you now, they are going to be a constant sticking point as you progress. He may have an overwhelming number of good qualities, but the bottom line is- What do YOU want out of a relationship?

You can make it work if you want. A person can make anything work. It's your decision. But I look for much more compatability in a relationship.

I've got a keeper. Smart, easy going, funny, hardworking, loves everything I cook, helps with clean up AND appreciates the effort I put into it. We're not perfect. Sure, we each have our bumps and quirks. But not in any of the big areas of a relationship. Big areas require a lot of sacrifice to make things work. And you've got to decide if the sacrifice is worth it.

Good luck .
From my heart to yours.
CJ

I had a girlfriend in my youth who refused to eat anything that might have had sugar added to it ... but she was smoking hot so it wasn't a problem.

I have been in this situation and unless you can find a way to compromise your eating habits it will lead to great stress.
And redfish, that part is often not enough...

Well now that you've heard all the "soft" answers I'm going to come down on the side of cut him loose sweetie! I've been married 40 years and these little habits don't change, don't go away, don't get any better. Look, you're presumably still trying to impress each other - this is how he impresses you? OK everyone has likes and dislikes but this is a pretty long list and he seems pretty inflexible. If it were me I'd be outta there. I wish you the best of luck with this decision.

thanks for the help everyone... And we have talked about it, he knows how much it bothers me, and he will make an effort to TRY it, but it always always ends the same, most of it headed for the garbage. He will try to pretend he likes it, then cover it up with garbage in there already. We have been together a year and ate together most of those nights and the only time he gobbles it all up is when its what he likes which leaves me pretty limited. I love to have people love my cooking and he just doesnt despite the efforts he made...

Oh, my. I do a whole routine on this. Lovely man, but just not An Eater. And as the relationship was winding down, one night a man showed up at my front door with a couple of lobsters under one arm and a copy of MFK Fisher under the other. And that, my friends, was Mr. Meatloaf.

In the midst of the earlier relationship, I had the opportunity to write Mrs. Fisher and thank her for all the pleasure she'd given me with her writing. And then I asked her if she'd consider getting involved with a man who didn't like to eat. She replied, "I would no sooner get involved with a man who didn't like to eat than a man who didn't like Mozart."

I rest my case. Tapioca is right.

I'm with tapioca on this one. I think it will only get worse. If you have gone into adulthood still being a picky eater I think it has become ingrained as part of your personality.
I have dated a few guys who were picky eaters, or had some food issues because they were fat kids and as fit adults they saw food as the enemy. I love food, I love to cook, and when you are sitting down to a nice meal that you put effort into cooking, and the person across from you is turning up their nose or just pushing things to the side, it is very upsetting. You will never get used to the faces that he makes, or the rejection of the food you put in front of him, it will not ever feel better to you, or get any easier.
My boyfriend and I both have foods that we don't like, and we both have foods that we just can't eat. He doesn't like melted cheesy dishes, or sour cream, so I keep those things out of recipes and use them as garnishes is I want them for myself. He loves Mussels, but I just can't stomach them, but whenever he has a craving I make him a big pot of them. It's one thing to not like certain foods, but when you have a picky eater that just doubles the stress level.
Dave and I love food and it's hard enough figuring out what we want to eat if we go out to dinner. Where do you even go out with a picky eater?
If cooking is a big part of your life and you get a lot of joy from it (like I do), you should think hard about being with a man that can't at least appreciate trying to enjoy this part of your life that truly makes you happy.

Funny, but the first thing I thought when I read what you wrote was that if I was going to make a sandwich for someone, I would first ask them what they wanted on it. I know plenty of people who loathe condiments.

Then he went to make his own sandwich. Well, that's better than handing it back to you and saying, "Make it right this time!"

I think there's room for compromise on both sides of this relationship, if you both want it to work. You said that takes the food, but tries it, doesn't like it, and throws it away, and that makes you mad. Would it be better if he didn't try it? It sounds like he's attempting to do what he thinks you will like - by taking a decent helping of the food - and then he tries not to hurt your feelings by hiding it in the trash. So maybe you just need to tell him that if he doesn't think he'll like it, that you'd rather have him just try a little bit of it, because the waste bothers you more than the dislike of the food.

And he's willing to pick out the bits he doesn't like, and eat the rest. So, if you make a stew, he picks out the mushrooms, right? Sounds fine to me. I'll take all those mushrooms. So if you can still make the dish with the things you like, and he'll eat around them, it's not the worst thing in the world.

As far as the pickiness, I guess it depends on how picky he is, and whether you two are willing to work around it. He's probably just as bothered that after a year you keep feeding him foods that contain things that he doesn't like.

There are plenty of relationships where one person has a major food allergy (milk, gluten, etc) or aversion to specific foods. Or one is a vegetarian. And those folks can work things out.

Personally, I wouldn't like cooking for someone with a very limited range of what they would eat, but on the other hand, I'd be willing to work around their likes and dislikes, as long as they weren't banning me from cooking things just for me.

Why do you insist he eats what you like? When I cook for others, I take their likes/dislikes/allergic sensitivities into consideration. I'ts not enabling - it's called being practical and considerate.

Why do you cook for others? Who are you trying to please when you cook "for others"? The question you need to ask yourself is this: marriage is comprised of doing for another out of love. If you love the beloved other, you will do what pleases him. (not in an oppressed way - don't freak out here) - so think long and hard about why his palate needs to be so tightly coordinated with yours.

On the other hand, this eating conflict may be a sign of deeper incompatibility and you're looking for a way out by focusing on something that's ultimately kind of unimportant. My suggestion is this: if you love him, really really love him, and if his other qualites are golden, then you will want to prepare the foods that he genuinely enjoys because you will want to make him happy.

If my husband, who loves runny fried eggs, had insisted while we were dating that my loathing for them was a deal-breaker, I would certainly interpret that as a sign that he was shallow, rude, and selfish. Ridiculous, too. After 26 years of marriage, he now seeks "texture" in his food, which drives me nuts, and makes me want to sprinkle his meal with gravel. But - butbutbut - his other qualites are golden, and I mean that sincerely, so I tolerate his fussiness about the texture thing.

Experiment with what he will eat and likes, and engage him in the preparation. If you truly enjoy cooking, then learn to cook what he likes and perfect that. If he's polite about communicating his preferences, fine - he's gracious, at least. If he acts like a jerk and makes faces and complains noisily and grandly about his likes, ditch him. But really, do think about why you cook, and who it is you're really doing it for.

The short answer is that no behavior that bothers you before marriage gets cuter after marriage.

And my purpose every night is not to cook for him, or i would take his likes and dislikes into consideration, like if i was making him a special meal of course i would taylor it to his likes, but everyday should not be just about him... Food is too good to eat the same thing everyday lol.... Think i just answered my own question lol... Thanks everyone. Really put my thinking cap on

Oh young one how you learn that not everything in heaven and earth is complicated but is easy. In matters of the heart you have to love yourself enough to know your limitations. Today your heart will flutter and tomorrow you will call him every name in the book after a hard day and the inevitable dinner time showdown. Never hide your light under a bushel. If you are foodie, YOU ARE A FOODIE, and if he doesn't appreciate that aspect of you or the significance it means to you that is the sign. As time goes by and as you develop and grow together it is a flourish or flounder principle.
The relationship is based on whom you are. That is not going to change for you OR for him.

if he doesnt like what i am making i can make some adjustments (like asking what spread he prefers on sandwiches), and he can make some adjustments (like trying things and judging them on this time rather than bad memories).... if he cant adjust, then he can make his own food and the fight ends.

Since you are asking a bunch of strangers for marital advice, you obviously already have doubts about the relationship. And, since everyone here loves food, we all think your boyfriend is a jerk.
Seriously, people that have aversions to many different common foods have deeper neurosis and insecurities that make them difficult to live with. Get out now.

I actually have a friend who married a guy with weird food issues. She LOVES food. He has an odd set of food criteria that make it challenging for us when we have them over and for himself, but he does not force his food issues on anyone. She has different issues of her own. After all, no one is perfect. WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES.
They've been married 10 years, have a gorgeous and hilariously independent four year old daughter, a beautiful home, loving family and friends, they are both accomplished, gorgeous, and truly wonderful people. If they had a Golden Retriever, they'd be pushed into a Stepford version of the perfect family. The reality is that during the course of the 10 years, the food issue was the least of the problems they overcame. Their problems are pretty universal to all marriages--worries over money, worries over job security, where to live (he was working for NASA, she was working for Capital One, both workplaces were in different cities), buying a house, selling a house, buying another house, worried that the other house isn't selling, moving, the economy, why can't he scrub the toilet for a change, not enough sex, too much sex, let's renovate omigod why'd we renovate, etc.
What I'm trying to say is that a relationship is more than what he won't eat. It is what WILL he eat? How will WE handle issues, big and small? If you're ready to throw in the towel, then be honest. But if he's a keeper in every other way--you know he'll be there in a crisis, he's honest, he's motivated, he makes your heart skip, he makes you laugh, you make him laugh. Oh! FLASH of inspiration! Do you read The Pioneer Woman?! If you don't, you must. Her husband is Meat and Potatoes. She is sushi and starbucks (well, not together). The thing is, she says he makes her hiney tingle or her skirt fly up or her ovaries leap or something like that (she's pretty funny). She's a food blogger--food's important to her, but she fell in love with a man who want's steak and baked potato and a wedge of iceberg with ranch dressing (I think that's right). AND they made it work!

Seriously, you want advice on this? Okay: Chill. If he's a nice guy and treats you well, what's wrong with him treating himself well enough to not eat what he does not like? If he's a jerk about it, then he's a jerk, period, and that's a reason to not move forward. Don't search for excuses, if you want to end it, do. Don't expect him to change. Be willing to meet halfway if he is. That's my advice, but only because you asked. (My authority here is that my husband does NOT eat cheese. Why did I marry him despite this atrocity of taste? Because he wouldn't dream of asking me to forgo cheese, and even encourages me to buy it when we shop. He's a good guy, he just has a different palate. Not a deal breaker.)

I will admit I do appreciate how very unpicky my boyfriend is. I would be livid if he threw things I made out. But it's worth talking about it before ending things.

His attitude about what he doesn't eat would be more important to me than what he doesn't eat. As far as I'm concerned, adults should be allowed to not eat things they don't like. But at the same time, he shouldn't make me give up what I want to eat. There are ways to work that out, if you really want to.

also, ocarol had the best comment on this entire thread. listen to her.

oh and- marriage is hard work. There is PLENTY to fight about without adding a daily struggle of what his highness will eat.

So true , if something bothers you before marriage, it aint gonna go away after thats for sure...it's gonna get bigger than BEN HUR....you could 1.either cook ONLY for yourself, let him fend for himself
2.keep trying to please him, probably mostly unsuccessfully.
3.cut him loose so he's someone elses problem, unless you can deal with his criticism everyday, for the rest of your time together.
these things don't diminish in time they actually divide you more, if it's something you enjoy and he always spoils it for you...where's the fun in that!!

Before we met, my husband disliked certain things -- brussel sprouts, asparagus, and the like. It wasn't until I cooked those things for him that he started enjoying those vegetables... and I thought (rather arrogantly), "Hey, maybe I can change his mind about other foods!"

After we got into a disagreement about anchovy butter in mashed potatoes (me presuming that, a friend very delicately pointed out that no, I don't have the power to flip a switch and change his mind on all foods (much less anything), I just have the power to make some things that he really enjoys.

Compromise is a big thing in a relationship. If you want someone who's willing to meet you halfway, then he has to be able to do that on his own. If he can't, then it'll cross over into non-foody issues, and that's going to be a larger problem down the road. Likewise, if you can't work around the fact that your boyfriend is a picky eater, then it's time to re-evaluate whether you want to stay with this one long-term.

@ocarol -- my sentiments exactly!

If you're at a crossroads with him anyway, and you're not totally head over heels in love with him, then I say the food issue is a deal breaker. It sounds like you're a creative person, and you're already being limited by his pickiness. You have to eat at least three times a day, so this is just going to keep coming up.

Also, imagine what travel would be like - your honeymoon to some exotic place and he's picking things out of his food... Or worse, keeps wanting to hit up the McDonalds in the train station and then complains that the hamburger is seasoned differently.... Or worse yet, you don't end up traveling at all because he's afraid of the food.

The ability to cook is an asset and as someone else put it above, an expression of love. You should be with someone who appreciates it! I can't believe he refused to eat a sandwich you made him!!

Bottom line-

What do YOU want in a relationship?

This thread is fascinating! As my sons married and additional people were added to the mix, I found I had to add things to the menus for holidays because the new people had dislikes and I didn't want to not cook the old favorites so we just have a Lot of Food now. For every day though I thank my lucky stars that my beloved husband of 40 years eats everything except liver, a food without which I can certainly survive. He also cheerfully cleans the kitchen every night no matter how many dishes I have used. The more things you have in common to start with the better the chances of longevity of the relationship.

The other option is to unburden yourself from the responsibility of feeding him. Yes, it's not that romantic and it's a little unconventional, but he is a grown man, right? He can feed himself, right? Just because you love to cook doesn't mean that you should shoulder yourself into bearing the responsibility for someone whose tastes are clearly driving you up a wall.

And when you feel like it's time to rotate something from his super limited menu into your more divers menu, it will be a treat that he appreciates more than if you just resigned yourself to cooking a handful of bland boring dinners for the remainder of the relationship. Or make BIG batches of things when you do cook for him that can be frozen and will last much longer if you need to assuage yourself from the guilt of abandoning him food-wise.

Good point joyy-

Just poach a big bunch of bland chicken, cook up a batch of buttered noodles and rice and pack them into seven containers for reheating.
Then cook what you like.

It doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but I find that a shared love of food and cooking is such an important thing in out relationship. Our likes and dislikes don't line up exactly, but we both enjoy lots of different things, and share a few favorites.

Do I wish there was more seafood in our household? Sure. But as long as we keep trying new things together, I can let that one go.

If you feel that your BF is shut off to trying new things in life, that's not going to change. The food issue may just be a symptom of inflexibility. Only you can answer that one!

Are we dating the same guy? My BF won't touch mayo or mustard. He'll make me a sandwich and turn green when he uses those! He also hates the vast majority of vegetables and thinks they smell...

Seriously, though, I don't think food issues have to be a deal breaker as long as other parts of the relationship are there. If you're making a list there's obviously something bothering you and I'd focus more on how he treats you and whether you and he are willing to make compromises for each other.

I'd love it if my BF would be more adventurous, but he's always willing to take me resturants where he knows there's probably only one thing he'll eat. He'll also try new stuff that I make, even if the end result is that I have yummy leftovers for lunch and he has a sandwich for dinner. If you can't see compromising about this, then it sounds like a deal breaker, but as much as I love food I think there's more important things to focus on in a relationship.

Honestly, his preferences don't sound that outrageous to me. I don't like cheesecake, and I know people with very sensitive palates who don't like eggs. I try not to use many condiments to mask the taste of food.

I don't believe in deal breakers, but as others have said, what does get under my skin is treating ME as if I am weird or abnormal if I have particular tastes or only going to one or two restaurants. My father, for example, will only go to ONE restaurant in all of New York City (and one I don't like very much, frankly) and two in NJ (one of which is a seafood place, the other of which is the Olive Garden). Blood is blood, but I wouldn't put up with that from a guy I was dating.

A person can control going out to eat, though, and personal reactions to what you eat--however, if mayo makes him want to hurl, that isn't going to be something love can cure.

Hey canadian_sunshine, I can relate. My BF of two years is super picky, though slightly less than he was when we met. (No cheese, mushrooms, whole grains, nothing too unfamiliar or that "looks weird.") It makes things a little complicated -- it's hard to pick a restaurant we'll both like, and while we eat together at home, it's rarely the same dish.
I still haven't figured out whether this will be a deal-breaker; for now, it's doable, because we only eat together a few times per week, so I don't notice the differences as much. But if we were to have a family, I'd want a proper family dinner...
Anyway, let us know what you decide.

I pity picky eaters. So many times, it's the symptom of a very boring childhood, cuisine-wise. But as adults - there's no excuse. They're old enough to embolden themselves by at least sampling new foods to break out of that "I-only-eat-3-things" mentality.

My Workaholic has his dietary quirks - not a fan of eggplant or mushrooms. I see it as a challenge to find eggplant or mushrooms that he'll like and eat. It has happened a few times. However, if you think that the dietary quirks of your new beau might be a deal-breaker for you, then it seems as though it maybe already is.

If you are a foodie, let him go. Why compromise on one of the most enjoyable aspects of your life. From what you say about him, I think he is just narrow-minded and stubborn. To say I don't like mustard and not try anything with mustard on it is childish. There are a great many different tasting mustards. Look at the bigger picture - he is not even willing to compromise. You will always be on the shorter end of the stick. Good luck in your decision.

There may be an astrological explanation...

Taurus sun signs, for example, are often notoriously picky eaters, and for them it is often about the texture, although sometimes other factors come into play. This may also be true for those born on the 6th, 15th or 24th of any month, as the "6" is the same vibration as Venus and Taurus.

Cancer sun signs sometimes have idiosyncracies, too, but more often they are a matter of comfort... or, actually, discomfort. Mustard, for example, usually contains vinegar, something that those of us with sensitive stomachs cannot always tolerate. This might also be true for those born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th of any month, as the "2" carries the same vibration as the Moon and Cancer.

One might also have other placements that could make one a picky eater, particularly in the 6th house, but to determine that, you'd need an actual horoscope.

(I have a Taurus daughter-- no mayo, tofu or mushrooms-- and a Taurus grandson, who is both picky and eccentric in his eating habits.)

Best of luck... try not to take it personally. It's probably not meant that way at all, but just someone who is in tune with what works for him food-wise and what does not. I sympathize, though, since it's hard to stifle one's creativity when cooking. Still, it is sometimes surprising how limitations can lead to even greater creativity.

This is not about food, but it's fairly analogous. I am a semi-professional musician and a music lover to the core of my being. Throughout my dating life I sought out guys who were as into music as I was, with varying degrees of success/failure. Then I met a guy who I went wild for, and who was also wild about me. We were off-the-charts compatible, except for one thing: he was profoundly deaf since birth. He couldn't hear me sing, play music or even speak; we couldn't have long, deep conversations about our musical passions; we couldn't share the experience of writing songs together, performing together, or even just attending concerts together. In my immature youth, I would never have given that guy a second thought. Instead, I married him, and it was and continues to be the greatest blessing I've ever experienced. I have found that I can satisfy my need to experience and share music easily enough through other avenues (family, friends, other associations) - but to paraphrase another commenter, he is the one who nourishes my soul, and I his. And that's a rare and precious find.

This is not to say that you should or should not continue in your relationship - only you can decide that. But rather than grieving whether you'll ever have the chance to fight over the last piece of cheesecake, let the test be whether you nourish each other's souls. If you do, then the rest is generally negotiable.

I'm not sure how serious things are, but if you had children, there would be plenty of fights to go around because if he is picky, more than likely he will let the kids be picky too.

If you don't mind him being picky, just take into consideration that you would be fixing two meals every time. It would get old real quick.

Dollface; try slammming your head in a refrigerator door twenty times, it would be less painful!!! This guy is settled in his ways...too late to change.
Take your energy and creativeness, and look elsewhere...plenty more GREAT men to choose from. with more varied palates!

I think this may depend on what food means to you and how you feel about cooking. I'm in the "food is love" camp and although I like cooking, I don't love it, but I do it bc I DO love my own cooking and feel better physically when I eat it most of the time, rather than eating out. Under those circumstances, if I'm cooking dinner at least 5 nights a week for someone who doesn't appreciate it, or confines me to blah meals that take some effort but don't taste that great, I'm going to become resentful, bc I'm either getting a negative response to my love offering (my food) or working pretty hard for a product I don't particularly like. But that's ME. That isn't you.

You're going to have to decide what his pickniness does to you emotionally, and how much positive energy you get from him in other areas. Also, if he were willing to hang out with me in the kitchen and help with meals or clean up, that would be a plus. And you can always get creative, I guess and find ways to cook for him and make sauces, chutneys, side dishes, etc. that you can add to your food to amp things up. So if everything else is good, it could be do-able. But if you're going to resent it every time he rejects your offering (and I'm not saying this judgmentally, I would have a hard time myself feeling otherwise) then your relationship will be stressed about every day of your life and you're going to need to really have good things going on in other areas of it.

I was married to a man who ate everything I made silently, and seldom said anything about it, positive or otherwise. My current husband (the keeper) still raves about my cooking after 12 years. It's just one more wonderful thing about him, and it sure helps to make up for the inevitable annoyances that come with a long term relationship!

Just cut out the middleman and look for someone whose eating habits are not so astronomically different than yours. "Compromising" every so often and having pizza when you want ribs is one thing. Having food habits that are polar opposites is a big thing to overcome. The person who cooks is never afforded the pleasure of watching a significant other enjoy a meal without dissecting it. (I hate this and anyone who does it is not likely to be invited to my home again for food.) The picky eater wants a house full of ramen or some other food over which they obsess, and this will drive the cook crazy. A visit to a "favorite" restaurant turns into a war. It's a big world with lots of people and there is no need to hammer a square peg into a round hole.

I dated a guy who would dump copious amounts of ketchup or bbq sauce on anything I'd cook for him. Before tasting the food! It was totally disrespectful and showed a complete lack of flexibility (or taste).

You need to be able to communicate about this. Is he really just that picky, or does he have food allergies/diet restrictions that he is too embarrassed to bring up? If there is a specific health restriction involved here, then that is not his fault, but it is his job to communicate this to you. If this is just pickiness, and YOU are a foodie, then as my mother would say NEXT. Move along honey.

Good luck my dear.

I married the world's pickiest eater. His family does not own a single condiment. Pickles, please, mustard, ugh, ketchup, ok maybe. But I married him anyway. Me with my 37 pie and cake pans. 53 pieces of cookware, 5 food processors and every gadget on the market. Of course I needed that ebleskiver pan! I could open a restaurant. Getting the pic. We solved the problem but two ways. Rule #1 - I would cook and not tell him what was in it. By the way he didn't know about rule #1. So - rule #2 - he would try one new item per month. Surprise, surprise, he has found many things he actually enjoys. And sometimes he actually tries 2 or 3 things per month. He still can't abide mushrooms and it's been a long process but he has been worth the time and effort. Make sure this is the only thing bothering you. It should be somewhere down toward the bottom of the list.

I have been in a 10 year relationship with a picky eater. When we first started dating, he said he ate everything and enjoyed going to restaurants. He wined and dined me until I moved in, then I found out the truth... It affected my cooking and dining until last year when I said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I cook what I want when I want and if I want to go to a restaurant that doesn't appeal to him, I go with friends or alone. So if you can tolerate this type of lifestyle then continue dating him, if not DUMP him! But trust me, it is hard to live with someone like this when your a foodie and some days you just want to scream...

Canadian Sunshine could end up with a chronically frustrating life with this picky eater. In considering a long-term or even a lifetime relationship, you need to identify the features and characteristics in the other person and in your interactions which will eventually drive you nuts. In several areas of our life together that could describe my 45 years of marriage but he loves my cooking, most of which involves a big bowl or plate of homemade glop du jour. He is enthusiastic about every vegetable except brussels sprouts and turnips, both of which hit his "too-bitter button." I love to shop for food, cook food, share food with others, and eat it myself. Without a welcoming audience at home for my cooking, my life, which is rich in so many ways, would be much poorer. Canadian Sunshine should not settle for this picky eater. They are not compatible.

Being with someone who starts out a picky eater but eventually decides to expand his horizons is not the same as being with someone unwilling to budge. One is a victory that opens up a whole new world of flavors - the other is a huge pain in the ass.

Wow, what a thread! And what a smorgasbord of advice! This guy must have really swept you off your feet in every other way for you to have endured his food fetishes for a year. Or, you are selling yourself short that there isn't someone out there who is perfect for you. And someone else perfect for him.

I married a picky eater-- not quite as picky as yours, but some of my faves are the things he hates. Over the last 4 years, it's been easy to "cook around him": to use ingredients he likes, or just make sure the stuff he hates is in large chunks so he can pick it out and give it to me. I kind of like have double the mushrooms in my coq au vin! The thing is, for me, there was no consideration of not getting married to him because of his pickiness-- because it was SO obvious that we were meant to be together in every other way. So now I have artichokes when I go out, not at home, and I make a side of kale for just myself, and it's no big deal.

I have another friend who passionately loves her hubbie of 20 years, but they eat separate meals-- hers are gourmet feasts, and his are pizza, hot dogs, and pancakes (he has a severe food issues).

So it can be done! But it sounds like there are many other things that make you unsure... trust your instinct on this!

I think if you were really crazy about this person, his food habits wouldn't bother you as much.

It would eventually chip away at her patience, no matter how much she cares for him. You can only overlook something for so long before it ends up being part of an argument that goes, "Yeah, and another thing..."

My first wife hated eggs, bananas, mustard, my watermelon fruit salad, my top secret recipe 6 grain pancakes, didn't like breakfast in general. Of course, I'm more of a breakfast cook, but her idea of cooking is heating up canned soup (mac and cheese was a highlight of her cooking skills). In fact, when we first got together, the only thing she ate was McDonald's cheeseburgers and fries. (I did get her to eat fresh cut up strawberries.) So when we split, I vowed that I would avoid dating picky eaters.

So of course, my last (I'm planning it that way, anyhow) wife is a great cook - an amateur chef IMHO, but she's vegan (and I'm allergic to the entire legume family). We have great fun trying to create dishes that we can both eat (the entree is always veggies, the protein ends up a side dish for each of us), and she has decided that fried rice with eggs is ok (she is having trouble getting enough protein in her diet). And as a bonus, she loves my pancakes (which I modify by substituting coconut or almond milk for sour milk and/or yogurt), and never complains about my potatoes.

So, as to your problem, drag the bum into the kitchen now and again and make cooking a shared activity - fun-shared, not chore-shared. If he is a good kitchen companion (maybe not entirely his cup-o-tea, but as a special activity), then it will lessen the anti-everything you seem to interpret from him right now, and some of his ideas might end up being useful in figuring out how to feed him when you are cooking without him. If you two can't get along in the kitchen, I'd have to vote for a quick exit strategy.

it sounds as if the problem is as much how his pickiness presents itself Vs the actual fact of the pickiness.
you need to negotiate how he goes about tasting and reacting. instead of filling his plate hiding the uneaten, he should take a bite only, then only take more of what he will actually eat. He also must accept that if he rejects what's for dinner, he makes his own substitute.

You, OTOH, have to deal with adjusting your daily cooking to reflect some of his opinions. Cooking can be fun, but the day in day out feeding of your partner & family isn't so much about the fun for you as about the fact that people need to eat. Plus, if he rejects your food in favor or cornflakes or PBJ for days on end, you can't be hurt.

if you someday are having kids, he needs to have learned to reject in a low-key fashion so as not to 'teach' his pickiness to them. I won't go so far as to expect him to sometimes noticeable eat something he is known to dislike, to model polite behaviour. But it would be handy.

PS I was in a relationship in which we had very different food cultures. our inability to appreciate each others standards was but one of many problems. But 3 times a day one or both of of us being annoyed or mad or disappointed sure didn't help. If you cant fine some way to enjoy meals together, some compromises, then hang it up now.