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Is she dieting or choosing healthier foods? Over the years, I have cut certain foods out of my everyday diet but it didn't mean I was dieting - I just wanted to be healthier.

Let her eat what she wants and you should eat what you want. I don't comment on my friends food choices and they don't comment on mine except in admiration. If she's being a health food nazi, tell her to shut it or don't eat with you anymore.

I don't think she's choosing healthier foods.

She would always go with the lower calorie one, despite its nutrition content. ..

If she hasn't pointed it out, I'm curious how you know she's going with the low calorie option versus something she'd rather eat that's higher in calorie. I mean, are there calorie counts on the menu, or is she ordering something extremely obvious, like a salad with no dressing?

I tend to eat "lighter" food in the summer -- could that be what she's doing and your mistaking it for calorie counting? Or maybe she's trying to avoid a particular ingredient, and the remaining choices just happen to be on the light end of the menu.

Seems to me that if she's not saying anything about her choices, then she's not saying anything about yours either...so where is the pressure coming from? Just order what you want. If your choices aren't pressuring her to order differently, I honestly don't see why her choices should pressure you into ordering differently.

If her ordering is really bothering you, talk to her. Like, "Hey, you seem to be ordering a lot of things that seem low-cal. Is everything okay with you?"

What huneybumper said.

I've been on boh sides of this. After my 3rd child, the weight stayed on, and on, and on, and I struggled to pay attention to what my body actually needed. The temptations were constant, and I feared not caring enough to eat what I should, not what I wanted. Big difference there. Eating "properly" i.e. portion control, etc, does not come naturally to me- it's got to be a conscious discipline or else. It was hard when family members pointed out my food choices without respecting my reasons, which I did not broadcast.

OTOH, I have a SIL who, "for no apparant reason" other than overall good health concerns, eats in an annoyingly self-righteous way. There is little joy in enjoying a meal around her, for she can lay on the guilt to the rest of us, removing all delight in eating.

People need to take control of their own desires concerning food, whether for personal health or personal enjoyment. The key phrase in your comment was "for no apparant reason", which tells me your friend may have very personal reasons for eating as she is. My advice is politely respect her but do ask for the same respect if your eating choices vary substantially.

Chill out. I do get annoyed by people who purposefully eat less than I do (I know one girl who will eye my plate and watch carefully to make sure that she eats less), but excepting a possible ED, there's nothing wrong with ordering chocolate cake while your friend orders a salad. She's not pressuring you, so let it go, or find non-food related activities that you can enjoy together.

-disclaimer- This is what goes on with me in my messed up little mind. It may not apply to you or your situation:

When my weight is on an upswing and I'm out with a friend who is eating healthy or looking trim, I get a little bit jealous and sort of feel bad about myself. I always manage to get over it, but my mind always "goes there."

If your friend isn't saying anything, just leave it alone. Don't worry about what she eats, just worry about yourself. Who knows, maybe she eats two pieces of cheesecake for breakfast every day and needs to eat dry salads at lunch and dinner to keep her weight in check.

What huneybumper said.

It's only bothering you bcause you insist on pointing it out to yourself.
She could just be genuinely ready for her lifestyle change;
you should congratulate her!

If it really bothers you too--all the time--maybe you guys could avoid dinners when you chill? Tea time? Some kind-of outdoor activity?

On the flip-side I find it TERRIBLY annoying when my friends question why I'm ordering a salad like "Why are you getting the least-fattening item? You don't need to watch your weight..." !? I'm like: "UH ugh!...cuz I want a salad!?" or if I really realy don't want to eat a piece of chocolate because I don't feel like it.
It's astonishing to people and they make me feel like an outcast.

Perhaps she really is just making a conscious effort to eat healthier, as others have said. But if she is "stick skinny," as you say, then I might ask her if everything is okay. Otherwise, order what you want and enjoy it.

@crumbles as someone who is underweight I have people I wont eat around because they are they ones always loudly judging what I eat. I dont judge them, and some of my friends qualify as morbidly obese, I dont care what they eat, but they always feel the need to use their loudest voice when asking whats wrong with the food why arent you eating? As much as a heavy person dislikes having their food choices commented on I feel the same. Order what you want, eat what you want, and keep your nose in your own plate!!!!!

I'm not a heavy, chubby or overweight person by any means, I eat generally healthy and really, really, don't have any food or weight-related issues (never had, either, although I suppose I used to be underweight. I also used to hear "I hate you that you can eat this and stay so thin" from a colleague every time she saw me eating a croissant for breakfast. It wasn't pleasant) - but I reiterate, there are people out there who judge what and how much one orders when eating out with them, no matter how thin or heavy one may be.

You can't just say, "it's all in your head" - I have a very real example, and have I mentioned that the 'rack of lamb" story refuses to die a year and a half later? The woman who ordered it wasn't heavy, and wasn't ashamed of her choice, but I don't know if she'd ordered it had she known how many times it would be mentioned in the next 1.5 years! The only solution is just not to eat out with people like this...unless it's family and you simply can't get out of it.

Okay, maybe your friend is judging you, but aren't you judging her as well? You've called her skinny and said that she doesn't need to be on a diet. Sounds like you're paying the same attention to her eating habits as you say she's paying to yours.

Maybe she does need to be on a diet because of health reasons she hasn't discussed with you. Maybe she's not on a diet, but she just happens to like the lighter food choices. Maybe she's planning on a heavier meal later, and she's "saving room." Maybe she's not "stick skinny" but she's a healthy weight for her height, and she has to work at being there. Just because someone is thin, it doesn't mean that they're ill or that they don't need to watch what they eat.

If you're not comfortable with what she's eating in front of you -- whether she's judging you or not -- it's not fair to expect her to change her eating habits to match yours. So that leaves you with several other choices. You can choose not to eat with her and pursue other activities; you can end the friendship; you can have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and come to some sort of understanding; you can continue to eat what you want, ignore what she eats, and ignore the judging; or you can order what she does, pretend that it's what you want, and start resenting her control over what you eat.

People will judge. Friends, relatives and strangers will look at what you're eating and make assumptions. Maybe you're eating too much, not enough, not the right thing, too many carbs, too many fats...but really, what does one meal say about a person's overall diet? I might order dessert for lunch at a place that is famous for desserts, but that might be the only dessert I eat all week. I might order salad for lunch because I like salad, and not for any other reason. If someone wants to judge what's on my plate or in my shopping cart, I figure that it's their problem, not mine.

"What did you do about it?"

I order what ever I want, and then I eat it slowly, making sure to express my satisfaction and taking care to really enjoy myself. Which is what I always do, regardless of who I'm eating with.

too often women are cruel too each other about their diets.

if she's trying, rock on.

if you want to pig out, take a different friend

Ignore the dieter and eat what you want. My husband has weight issues, but I do not. I love to eat and he refuses to take any measures, such as portion control and love of sugar, to control his weight. I am not going to feel guilty if I want prime rib for dinner. I am tired of feeling bad that I don't make low calorie meals every night of the week. So, eat what you want.

I've come to realize that most, if not all, of my close friends were picked because of their shared love of a good meal (and sometimes, just an appreciation for pigging out). I hateee hearing "I hate you for eating all that and still being so skinny" and "cupcakes for breakfast again?!" from coworkers and friends alike. I enjoy food and hate having my eating habits scrutinized. Your friend might just have realized that she could make a few changes with her diet just for health reasons (shinier hair, nice skin, etc) instead of anything related to an eating disorder. If you really feel so self conscious about it, perhaps you should bring it up at your next encounter and just let her know you're making sure there's nothing wrong with her eating habits. Then just let go and enjoy what you want because there are too many delicious things that have yet to be exposed to your tastebuds :)

I would totally go and eat the fattiest option on the menu. And enjoy it a lot.

I try to find the most unhealthy item on the menu and order it. Every chance I get, I tell the person I'm eating with how delicious it is.

Have you considered just asking her if she's on a diet? If a close friend was suddenly changing their behavior and I found it worrisome, then I'd ask them about it. Otherwise, it sounds like you're being weirded out for no particular reason. Just order what you'd normally order.

A person should be able to eat what he or she wants and avoid what he or she wants without pressure from other diners. However, if this person inflicts his or her lifestyle on you, that's a no-no.

Tell your friend she is free to observe whatever diet she likes but if she plans to dine with you, she should keep her kibbitzing to herself. It's rude.