Confession: I'm a back seat eater. It has to stop!
I'm not sure when it started, but I'm guessing it was with the kids. When they were little I would say eat this first, or bit more of that etc. to make sure they weren't filling up on only their favorite or because sometimes certain things taste better while warm. Now that they are older (11 and 15), I'm finding that I have to bite my tongue and let them decide what they want to eat and mix on their plate. I do suggest to my husband that he start with this or that and he seems to be amused more than anything else. This habit just needs to stop. At least I don't do this with people outside of my family...or so I think. And yes, I am also a back seat driver in the car and also in the kitchen when cooking. Anyone else with these control freak tendencies?
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18 Comments:
Yep. Same here. The only real issue I have about daily meals is that when I call out and say, "It's ready," I expect all activity to come to a grinding halt and see an immediate stampede to the table.
I don't like it when people put parmesan on my linguini and clam sauce.
I don't put salt and pepper shakers on the table. (Fresh ground pepper is OK.)
I don't like when someone crucifies a dish of mine with a gallon of ketchup. Not even teenagers.
I find it difficult to stand by and watch someone put a sweet jam on a garlic bagel.
therealchiffonade at 11:03PM on 07/25/09
@chiff, i confess that i love to put jam on onion bagels...
cybercita at 11:16PM on 07/25/09
Haha @dhorst--I remember your thread about trying to trick your loved ones to not waste potato chip crumbs by putting them on salad ;)
I guess I come at this from another angle--I was raised by *ahem* very controlling parents. Being female, and small, this was hard, because I can't eat a huge amount and still be healthy, so I feel I have to be selective about what I eat (picky, but not restrictive). And even if you are right about eating something hot, it really only tastes good, especially for a kid, if they discover it themselves.
Your kids sound healthy, so I wouldn't 'sweat' it too much. But it's worth remembering you will relinquish control when they leave 'the nest' and the more leeway you give them now the better they are likely to manage their diets outside of the home. The first month at college, no joke, I lived on muffins, doughnuts, cake, vending machine snacks, tempered with healthier food that was forbidden as well for weirdness like hummus, Indian food, and so forth.
HeartofGlass at 5:31AM on 07/26/09
you're not alone in the backseat @dhorst - it's that strong mommy gene, that's all. now that the kids are older they'll carve out their own eating territory.... it's the way of life.....
you'll always be there with their favorites, i'm sure....
pooch at 7:39AM on 07/26/09
@therealchiffonade I agree about calling dinner ready and everyone coming immediately to the table. I don't care about s&p or ketchup or weird food combinations; and when the kids were little I never forced them to eat anything. I was forced to "finish your plate there are people starving in China" and I vowed never to do that to anyone else.
tapioca at 7:43AM on 07/26/09
this is too funny. @realchiff: I am known to be a real bitch when Im in my kitchen zone. God help the little tart whose fingers reach around me to snack on my prep/unfinished food/mise. I become fierce! (my dad thinks he's hilarious-- he calls me 'the condescending chef') so, yeh--i get irked by inappropriate treatment of good food.
I have loosened up a lot, but I try to inject my suggestions on everyone's nutrition and "eat this, not that", "why dont you read that label.."
Also, my fifteen year old brother I've given up on; he, too, regularly 'crucifies' my food with condiments!
It bothers me when my calls for dinnertime are ignored as well. Depending on who Im with, etc; I have actually begun to just dig in whenever I bloody feel like it.
emilytaylor at 9:49AM on 07/26/09
How about whenever you have the urge to backseat eat, you ask yourself if you want to be on the other end of similar questions? Even if those questions extended to your personal style, driving habits, grooming routine, financial spending?
finewinendine at 9:49AM on 07/26/09
Whenever I said dinner was ready, my brother in law would suddenly hit the shower. Then everyone was stuck waiting at the table for him to get out. So I started telling him when to shower! I guess that counts as back seat eating.
blankplate at 10:11AM on 07/26/09
@blankplate, i used to have a boyfriend with seriously old parents who wanted to be taken to the family lake house every summer. i would slave away making a three course scratch dinner on a camping stove {the house had no electricity and no running water} and just as i would begin to set the hot first course on the table, his 93 year old mother, who was entirely intact but quite crazy in her own special way, would suddenly declare that it was time for her to visit the outhouse. this entailed about a half an hour wait for the rest of us while the food congealed on our plates. i'm certain she did it on purpose, because she wasn't a cook, her husband and son had loud raptures over my delicious food three times a day, and it annoyed her. after the second time she did that, i got smart and started telling her when to go. i made my boyfriend tell her that if she didn't go when i told her to, we wouldn't wait for her, and we didn't.
cybercita at 10:52AM on 07/26/09
I hate it when others comment on what/how I'm eating: "do you really need that much salt, etc", so I never comment on how other people eat. But, sometimes it's all I can do to keep my mouth shut! So, I do understand backseat eaters dilemma ~ keep quiet or speak up....
Also, if anyone decided to take a shower, walk the dog, etc. when I'm putting hot food on the table ~ they'd be eating whatever was left over. No waiting on totally rude people!
duncan1205 at 11:44AM on 07/26/09
I laugh at these comments... my husband used to call me a "Food Pusher". I just don't like wasting food, or putting away 4-5 tablespoons of something thinking it will get eaten, only to throw it away a few days later. I've since gotten over that. And what is it about showering just when dinner is ready? Countless times I will say dinner is ready and husband heads for the shower. I now announce it's ready, and if they wanna eat it cold, go for it. I've never cared if my kids finished their plates etc... I just wanted no negativity at the dinner table about what was actually being served. If ya don't like it don't eat it.
rlwycoff at 2:09PM on 07/26/09
I'm a back seat everything! My son and husband brand me seriously obessive/compulsive and thank God they joke about it and don't get angry. My grandkids are a lot like me (finally the children I deserve!) I love it when they are precise like me.
My daughter not so much. She didn't grow up wanting to be anything like me and she gets upset when I point out that she should not be ordering fetticini alfredo if she says she is dieting.
We are a busy family and have different dinner times, but when I say it is dinnertime then I expect everyone to show up in at least five minutes even when they are doing homework on the computer.
I really am loveable, though:-)
janaatwg at 4:12PM on 07/26/09
Oh - people actually sit down at a table for meals? Yea I know there's family unity in family meals, good time to bond with the kids yada yada yada...but we've got a lot of people in the house. Breakfast and lunch folks are on their own. Dinner - food is prepped around 5 - 6. I'll keep it out for another two hours.
So it's our style not to force anything on anybody. Will prep two proteins, a salad plus a vegetable side dish. If any one wants something different, they can plead their case with me or make it themselves.
We're a large family. The Leave it to Beaver approach will not work!
Ribster at 8:27PM on 07/26/09
LOL--I am a back seat chef. I do the lion's share, like more than 90% of the cooking for the B/F and myself--and to make matters worse, he's a fine cook. I just can't share the kitchen. The few occasions that he decides that he is going to cook dinner as a treat for me--it is AGONY for me. He would like me to keep him company, but I hate the number of constant comments I make--how to more efficiently chop an onion, suggesting that he change the temperature of pans, ovens...WHATEVER. He is mortifyingly slow...thinking of it as a prolonged period to hang out. I love cooking, but I also love cooking efficiently and then relaxing together, so when he stops for five minutes mid mincing garlic to have a sip of wine, change the music, and chat--I go bonkers.
BananaMonkey at 10:36AM on 07/27/09
I'm a back seat eater at heart, but have learned to just keep my mouth shut. I'm Italian, and I married into an Eastern European family. They will do things like put sour cream on my potato croquettes (my partner's mother lives with us). I would always say something, but then it dawned on me--just LET IT GO, as long as they're eating and enjoying, what does it really matter?
They also don't have as much of an appreciation for food as I do--especially Italian food. They drown stuff in sauce--why must everything be dipped in a sauce?? They don't get to enjoy the subtle flavors of certain things that I make. God, I think it bothers me more than I realized.
Having said that, they LOVE my cooking. I am convinced, however, that my mother in law does some of these things just to annoy me (isn't that what they usually do?). She also enjoys cooking, but I get way more compliments than she does. Sounds petty, mais, c'est vrai.
I also hate hate hate when people stand over me while I'm cooking, or tell me how to do it, etc. I'm in my zone, I will call you when dinner is ready!
italiagirl84 at 3:46PM on 07/27/09
I don't think I count as a backseat eater, because I try to understand that everyone has their own individual tastes. For instance, I LOVE Sriracha and could seriously put it on anything. It doesn't say anything about anyone's cooking, because food is certainly delicious without it. But there's something about the addition of a much-loved sauce that I appreciate.
But I agree about the dining together thing! My dad used to be so bad about that when I came home from school. I'd cook dinner and then it'd be done, and he'd continue reading, or working on a car for fun, or fixing a gadget around the house. Once I started to eat without him, I think he got the hint :) And now since it's just my fiance and me, and he's not really a cook, he comes when I sound the dinner call...mainly because he's excited to eat my cooking, which never stops being flattering!
thuscwspake at 11:33AM on 08/13/09
Anymore room in the backseat for hungrychristel?
I'd fit. I tend to lecture people about nutrition and don't realize it until they're annoyed. I can definitely see this happening worse if I ever decide to have kiddies.
I also hate Ketchup and the way it ruins things,
I don't like American Hot Dogs,
I don't like bologna
no wonderbread tainting my colon,
and I love things RAW.
hungrychristel at 2:02PM on 08/13/09
I thought this thread was about eating in the car! Admittedly, I'm more of a front-seat eater, usually while driving home after picking up fast food/pizza/bagels/doughnuts/ice-cream. In most cases, it would be easier and less of a mess to wait until I get home, but eating in the car is particularly enjoyable to me.
This comes from my childhood. My family would drive to my grandparents house every Sunday for a visit, and as a reward for what could sometimes be a tedious evening, my parents would stop on the way home for fresh, hot bagels or at the Dairy Queen, which my sisters and I would immediately devour in the back seat of the car.
salpico at 3:34PM on 08/13/09