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I do think this is rude: after refusing your offer at first! In any case, asking for your help and suggesting a theme or mentioning what else is already being served would have been OK. I would not feel bad at all to reply with "I will be glad to help; however I am not familiar with that particualr dish. If I could bring 'x' or 'y' to compliment your menu, I'd be happy to bring one of those.". It doesn't sound like you two are particularly close, so I would not back down. The last thing you want is to go to a party with a bad taste already in your mouth!

I think she should have been more careful when she first refused your offer to bring something.

I bet she thought she had it under control then re-thought her theme/ options/ amount of work involved, and realized she was overwelmed and reached out for some help. I do think it was a little foreward to ask for something so specific, but what the heck, if you're asking you might as well ask for you really want.

So look the dish up and if it looks like something interesting you'd like to try making, go for it.

If you're still pissed she asked for help after turning you down you have to decide for yourself whether to cut her some slack and make that dish, something else or nothing at all.

ya, what's the dish?

You could bring flan, or tres leches cake. Honestly, I think I'd just buy a box brownie mix and add a sprinkle of cinnamon and chili powder. There, Mexican brownies!

Hey ! Way to go emgroff !!

@emgroff - brilliant idea:-).

I agree though, it's rude, especially considering that she'd refused your original offer to bring something. That said, I would probably bitch a bit about it (to myself, mostly, or round here:-)) and make it anyway, just because, like @db said, it may be fun. And because I have a hard time saying "no" to people. But mostly the fun thing:-).

You are right to feel put upon. The hostess is rude, or at the very least, thoughtless. She should have at least called to vibe you out and coax a second offer out of you - politely.

Is this someone you are close to? What is the relationship? How invested are you in attending?

I have had this happen to me twice, and I foolishly obliged because I am nice that way. Both times my effort was unappreciated. Not even a basic "thank you," and I felt particularly jilted and put upon, especially because both of them required me to spend around $100 on ingredients, not to mention my time. Needless to say, I never accepted an invitation from either hostess, again.

I am with emgroff! Great ideas - all three! I was going to add something very similar.

If you do go with the brownies, and you want them to shine, you can always swirl in some dulce de leche, or something like that.

Good luck!

~ Paula

My cousin did the same thing to me one Thanksgiving and even emailed me the exact recipe she wanted (ordered) me to use. Bad form.
One a lighter note, however ... my friend made Mexican brownies last month, and they were absolutely delicious. I think she added chipotle pepper and cinnamon to the batter, but I can't be sure. I'm not much for baking or sweets, but these things were so tasty I had two.
It's your opportunity to make lemon into lemonade.

Yea, I was thinking you should just make them exactly as requested and make them kick ass! Then make a point of telling EVERYONE how you'd never made these before and the hostess called you last minute because she was unable to handle the load herself and you were just TOO happy to help her out since she'd obviously bitten off more than she could chew with this BBQ. Or some such catty nonsense.

That's mean, isn't it? I'm having a bad day.

I'm amazed at the number of passive-aggressive responses on this thread! Yes, her request is possibly rude. But:

1. You asked if you could bring anything. She has now responded with a request that you bring something specific.

2. You're posting on a food board. You obviously have an interest in cooking. How hard is it to make a pan of brownies with some cinnamon added to the mix? It's not as if she asked you to make something that requires a lot of effort or exotic ingredients.

If you're really pissed off about her request, I'd suggest you politely tell her that you can't attend her BBQ after all. I wouldn't want a guest who was feeling bent out of shape to attend one of my dinner parties.

Oh darn. If I'd only known. Have been sp busy I haven't checked my e-mail all week.

Or the first suggestion- "I will be glad to help; however I am not familiar with that particualr dish. If I could bring 'x' or 'y' to compliment your menu, I'd be happy to bring one of those.".

Or just bring whatever YOUR specialty is, along with a smile.

(-Googling-) Oh. I thought you had to get Mexican chocolate or special sugar for "Mexican brownies", but apparently you just add chili pepper and cinnamon to regular brownies... A Foodnetwork recipe even suggests to do exactly @emgroff said! lol

lol rdrnr44

I am passive aggressive. But I did email her, tell her I do not consider myself a good baker/brownie maker and I would hate to ruin her bbq with an inferior dessert and I will just pick up something at the local bakery on the way there.

I'd probably say:
"I wish you'd given me a more notice! It's a little late in the week and time is tight for me. I'd be more than happy to pick something up on the way if you'd like."
That way, she has the choice to ask someone else or you can just buy something. If you do decide to make something you want to make, then it's like a bonus.

I thought that was way rude of the hostess to ask you to bring something specific.
Everyone had great comments-I loved this thread!
@peony-I thought what you had emailed the hostess was spot on--not passive aggressive, just assertive and got the point across..
@rdmr44--I would have done EXACTLY that --LOL!!

I would have probably made a batch of brownies (from a box) and dumped an entire bottle of cayenne pepper powder in along with whole cinnamon sticks..Make it really inedible..you could have gone 2 ways with your explanation: 1) whisper quietly behind the hotstess' back and tell everyone SHE made them but got so embarrassed you decided to take the fall or 2) not say anything at all, smile proudly and brag to anyone who has ears that this is your signature dish and everyone you ever made them for loved it!! You could be assured that she will never ever ask you to make anything again!! Problem solved!

@rdrnr44 - nah, that sounds just right!

Q: Can I bring anything?
A: No thanks.
A: On second thought, could you please bring some Mexican brownies?

The OP offered! Why is it so rude to take her up on her offer? I've been asked to bring specific dishes to plenty of events and I've never thought the host rude for making the request. I'm flattered! On the other hand, I don't ask people to bring items to my dinners because I genuinely enjoy cooking myself.

Here's a question: Is it rude if I make an insincere offer then get pissed off when someone actually takes me up on my offer?

It's brownies with cinnamon. Take your favorite brownie recipe--or a mix--and just add cinnamon. There's nothing esoteric or ethnic about them, and also nothing unmanageable: brownies with cinnamon.

Easier than a flan, certainly easier than churros, and while it's a bit oddly demanding, the most tactful way to deal with it is to show up with some Mexican brownies. I was expecting you to say she asked you to make baklava or mochi or something.

Assuming you have a good brownie recipe, they are also delicious, whatever you decide to call them.

Make a batch of Sangria and call it a day. Yes, you offered, but there is a time frame that is to be respected with that. If you're the host and you're asking for a specific recipe last minute, to me that says the host has either not found it to purchase, or, can't make it themselves. Hence, Sangria solves all.

Why is this person even going to throw a party and not be more organized?

You could just make my Great Aunt "special" brownies that she made for people she hated. You can add anything you want to the mix, use homemade or straight from the box, but the special ingredient was Chocolate Exlax tablets melted in with the chocolate. When she told me this as she was delivering a batch, I laughed so hard I was crying for probably 20 minutes.

Wow - how hard is it to make a box of brownie mix? It took you more time to post on this board & read the responses than it would have just to run to the corner for the boxed mix. Who doesn't have cinnamon in their house, unless they just ran out? Or if you are just not a cook at all and can't follow the simple instructions, buy brownies pre-made & throw them on a plate. Quit whining - she was nice enough to invite you, and assumed it would not be a horrible burden to make & bring such a simple thing. I feel bad for the hostess, and think you are really over-reacting.

Just make brownies. Boxed if you have to. She has a lot of nerve. I would be tempted to not go at all. I love to volunteer to bring food, but hate to be invited and then asked to bring something. "Pot-luck" dinners are something else entirely. They can be great fun, especially when you give the cooks free rein to bring whatever they want. 5 broccoli casseroles, anyone? Fun.

I laughed at Italiancupcake's "suggestions" until I cried. This was very entertaining!

The proper response to this quandary truly lies in the writer's relationship with the "hostess". Is she a good friend or a family member? If so , bake the daggone brownies she requested and go. If she is not a friend or family - tell her no, but don't expect to be invited for any more bbq's.

First, I'm with @Chgoeditor and@mrstkack, mellow out and make some brownies.
Second, the only mexican brownies I've ever made were with "Acapulco Gold" quite a few years ago. As I recall, everybody liked them.

You asked and she said no. Go with what you want to bring or don't go and if she asks why, tell her she's no friend.

First of all, I am of Mexican descent and have never heard of "Mexican Chocolate brownies"... WTF?! Mexican's in Mexico don't make brownies!

Second, Boy what a rude B*tch to decline an offer and then to ask you for something specific?! And a weird request at that!

All I can say is that I'd bring "whatever" to her party... as long as its good, she'd have nothing to complain about.

If you want to bring something "mexican", try Bunuelos. They sell them at most Mexican supermarkets. I am in So-Cal and these are easy to find in a store called Gigante. Just thinking about yummy Bunuelos, I'm not pissed anymore - YUM!

@chardonnay...I was going to suggest a little herbal addition myself...lol.

Utterly tactless. Do your own thing. Enough food will surely go around and no one will notice, and maybe, just maybe, no one will care but I hope its good enough that they will.
surrah

Simply don't go too rude for me to deal with no-matter who she is. Do you really need someone like that in your life? E-mail her your regrets. Have your own BBQ and do your own menu. Thats what I would do but I am too harsh for some but you only have so much time on EARTH . Ladies and Gentlemen "START YOUR COALS"

Not churros; not so easy if you're new to making them. Also, they taste best when freshly made and still warm, maybe not possible at a BBQ.

Just to let everyone know I emailed the hostess told her I was not comfortable making something I'd never made before (worried that it wouldn't turn out) so I said I'd bring my tres leche cake that I had made before and I hoped would fit her theme. She said great, thanks. I brought it, it was good, all the food was good and we had a good time. The best part? There were tons of kids at the bbq who loved the cake and even the hostess said it was prob better than spicy brownies.

Thanks for all the posts btw. Very entertaining.