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I would say that everthing should be served, if there are duplicates of the same dish they should all go out also, some peoples versions are entirely different than others and its always cool to taste those differences. Its rude to "reserve" a dish and then later say "we didnt use it"

I would say that if you are going to have a potluck you should bring out all the dishes. I also think it's a good idea to ask your guestslabel your dish so that people with allergies or whatever know what's in the mystery casserole. If you know your guest has a major food allergy or complication you might want to make sure you serve a dish that they can eat so they aren't just eating the food they brought.

I've attened many a potluck where there are sign ups for certain types of food so that you don't end up with 15 appetizers and so people can bring plates or drinks if they prefer.

1. I think it depends. If something is small or packaged (like.. a box of truffles) I think its ok for the host to keep it for himself/herself. To me, it seems like it'd be a gift, rather than part of the party.
2. If i bring something complicated, I like to ask the host first. and then show up early so I can do whatever I need to do without the crowd around. This also means i can help with little things, if the host needs anything.
3. I think the point of potlucks is to have variety. If the host has a personal preference, then s/he can state it. And as a guest, it's good to be conscious of others.
4. When you have a party of 50 people, no one expects you to cook for 50 servings. If everyone brings family-sized portion, it should be good. Then anyone else who can handle it can bring more. I try to be that person, to relieve others and the host.
5. YES! but please, please think of something nice and thoughtful. not a dinky bag of oreos...

I love potlucks but they shouldn't be for every occasion. And often when I'm not specifically throwing a potluck people offer to bring stuff. I wonder why potlucks seem to generate so much discussion. It's a nice communal party. It seems to me they should be informal and relaxed.

1 Yes. That's the whole point! If they don't something is wrong with the host (i.e. they are rude or greedy). When people bring stuff I put it out immediately and tell people it's there. Even if it's something I personally wouldn't eat (which is rare to find) I leave it out and let everyone else try it.

2. If you bring something that needs to be warm or cold, you should bring what's needed to keep it that way. Like a crock pot or some ice and bowl to place under the serving dish. The host might not have these things handy.

3. Depends on the crowd. If someone has a peanut allergy the host should be able to say, "don't bring anything with peanuts cause so and so is allergic and might die." Or if there are a lot of vegetarians they should let you know. After all why would you want to bring food no one will eat? But if you ask and they tell you something specific I can't see any harm in accommodating them. . . Within reason.

4. At a pot luck as far as I know no one dish should be expected to feed everyone. Depending on the size of the party one large bowl or baking dish is generally enough.

5. Why not? Not everyone has the time or likes to cook. A bunch of store bakery cookies or brownies is always welcome at my house.

@jaantwg & @bareneed--thanks! Yes, my stepmother and I pretty much have an ongoing, silent war expressed through food...all too common, eh? I have had to chuckle when I have seen all of the other women give pastitio for the party, and all of the lasangas are put out (like 6 for 12 people) and my dish is not. Also, to see one year one woman made 6 Jiffy corn muffins obviously made from the box and that was displayed, even though my stuff 'didn't look right.' I've gone on too much though about how in my stepmother's household, if someone she likes makes it it is Greek (boxed corn muffins) and if I make it, it is "eeh....American...not good.' Although I do like corn muffins, so no dis to her friend.

@bareneed--your experience expressed pretty much what I had always wondered about potlucks--even when I did attend as a child, they were at community centers with communal kitchens, so there was no sight of 10 people all clamoring for oven room!

@ocarol--I love your almost mystical analysis of potlucks: 'if you don't try to control things, and leave it up to the divine potluck forces, things will go well'

1. I think the host(ess) can set out the dishes at different times, but they should all be served. Of course, you're not discussing a potluck. Host(ess) gifts at a dinner party do not need to be set out. They are gifts and the host can do what he likes with them (though he should wait to trash them till the next day!).

2. You pretty much covered it. I usually bring things that fit in a bowl and can be served at room temperature.

3. I think food allergies and beliefs are important to be aware of. Beyond that, I don't think the host should be too specific (i.e. no "Bring coconut cream pie," unless you're really known for it).

4. I generally cook for 8, regardless of the event size. People's serving sizes will generally be inversely proportional to the number of dishes on offer.

5. Absolutely! Even foodies can bring store-bought items!

The most important thing the host can do is make sure that the guests know in advance that the party is a potluck. Don't invite everyone and after they accept tell them they have to bring the food. Give your prospective guests the opportunity to decline the invitation if they don't want to participate.

There's a huge difference between a declared potluck and bringing something random to an event where you're invited. In the first case, I think everything should be put out for serving. That's kind of the point of the potluck.

If it's a regular dinner and you bring something, I'd think that it would be more like a hostess gift. The hostess gets to choose whether to serve it or keep it for herself. Some things are more obviously meant as hostess gifts than others, though.

@Heart, your stepmom isn't violating potluck rules, she's violating basic politeness. Even if she hates what you brought, she should either put it out where other people with different tastes might like it, or thank you for it, say she's keeping it for herself, and throw it out privately, after everyone has gone. Tossing it that obviously is just rude.

You just have to let go and let roll with a potluck. Once, at a work enforced winter holiday potluck, I brought a nice mixed green salad with tomatoes, cukes, etc. and a blue cheese salad dressing, and an Italian. LOL the blue cheese dressing went first -- on the Buffalo wings someone else picked up & pitched in from the grocery across the street!

1, Is the hostess obliged to display all of the dishes that are bought?
...all of which were 'circularly filed' by my stepmother. Obviously, I was hurt...

That is inexcusable!! What I wouldn't do for an eye-bulge smiley right about here. What your stepmother did was reprehensible and in no way reflects good taste. I need to move on or I'll punch a hole in the wall.

2. Are there any dishes that are not 'okay' to bring--like things that require lots of refrigerator space/reheating?

Last pot luck, BF and I brought my pulled pork. I have a small electric buffet server which we brought. I think the host was grateful we didn't need oven or stovetop space. If you need special serving arrangements, I suggest you bring them. If your dish requires chilling, bring a cooler full of ice and you won't take up half the fridge at the host's home. (He or she might also use the ice.) I would refrain from bringing an ice cream cake unless the host says there will be freezer space. (That's not something to use as a surprise.)

3. Beyond general guidelines like 'bring an appetizer' how controlling can a host/hostess be regarding what people bring (food allergies, dietary restrictions and beliefs and so forth)?

In a case like allergies, religious observances, etc., you simply need to be clear that a dish contains pork or peanuts, etc., to avoid problems. As far as dietary considerations (low fat, low sugar), the host might request fruit salad to work around that. As he or she is collecting data and it becomes clear that a vegetarian entree is necessary, one might be requested. If the contributing guest is inclined to oblige, all the better. If not, that host needs to cook a vegetarian entree or the vegetarian will subsist on side dishes (as they so often do at these things).

4. Is there a certain limit to a number of people who can be asked--for example, some guests might be intimidated about cooking for large crowds.

There is a misconception that each contributing guest needs to make enough of his or her dish to feed the whole party. That's not the case. The host should be clear about quantity when making a request, i.e. "Please make enough to feed 10." The host will calculate total amount of food necessary to feed the entire party and break it down by contributor. Yes, there's always a chance that someone will not get a stuffed chicken breast but as long as there are other meat protein dishes available, there will be no problem. If something is prepared in limited quantity and you're really dying for it, make sure you're first at that platter!

Recently, we were at a pot luck and I brought a batch of Ina Garten's Tiramisu. I was NOT told how many people were coming and some guests didn't get to try it. Next potluck, I made a double batch and those who missed it were first in line...LOL.

5. Is it acceptable for a 'non-cooking' person or non-foodie to bring a store-bought item?

Absolutely. As long as it makes a good impression. Someone brought a gorgeous cake to the last potluck and believe me, no one complained. However, if you slap a half-pound tub of Publix cole slaw on the table and act like you just provided the loaves and the fishes, this would be a no-no.

There are always people who don't cook who would love to socialize at a pot luck. There is nothing wrong with asking these non-cooks to bring nice plastic plates, cups or cutlery; or to pass Costco and grab 3 packages of their bread or a prepared fruit tray; or to grab a bouquet of flowers. The important thing is that they contributed and are made to feel as though their contribution is just as important as anyone who spent time at the stove. (Chances are I'll be asking those very same non-cooks to help me decorate my house or landscape my yard, something at which they might excel!)

I still want to smack your stepmother.

The only time I don't put out something that a guest brings to a potluck is if it is a 100% match for something we already have. Example being someone brings a jar of a specific brand of salsa and a second person brings another jar of the exact same salsa. This happens more often when we have themed potlucks, particularly taco/fiesta parties. We often end up with two or three identical jars of salsa and more than a handful of chip varieties. We put out one bag of each style of chip or salsa and then open the next as the first is consumed.

I had a potluck wedding reception! When I suggested it, my mother was horrified. We included a recipe card in the invitation, and then I had a well-stocked recipe box to start my marriage off with!! We didn't assign what people could bring and we included something in the instructions to the effect that not bringing something was fine too. We ended up with tables brimming with old family recipes, simple dinners, and divine desserts. It was a cheap, but wonderful way to celebrate, and I have turned to that recipe box time and again!

There are a number of vile ways for some people to gain power over others. Using food is one of them. Dear HeartofGlass, I am so annoyed yet not entirely surprised by your foul SM's exclusion of your offering at her little potluck. I think you should never bring her anything again and not feel bad about it.

It's inexcusable not to offer what is brought to a potluck. Otherwise don't have one.

All this reinforces what I feel about potlucks: they are tedious, both in a social and culinary sense. If you insist on bringing people together at your home, have the fortitude to be gracious and generous... or don't do it.

@MMinNYC--oh my gosh--TAKING food for yourself bought for others at a potluck or otherwise--that is the worst Food Sin #1! I don't know how anyone could eat food gotten in such an underhanded way!

OK, my potluck picnic (mentioned in the "Are All Parties Potlucks Now" thread) was yesterday. We had a great time, I think everyone had enough to eat, etc. I had not asked anyone to bring anything specific, just to bring something to share.

Only I think three people actually made something to bring. Fruit salad, spicy cream cheese wrap spirals, and guacamole, all of which were delicious. Some of the purchased items were clearly planned - one person brought bread, old cheddar and grapes, for example. Others simply picked up something that would be easy to eat outside - chips, whole fruit, pastries, drinks.

My husband and I had picked up some sandwich makings, salsa, spinach dip, chips, and I made a chocolate wacky cake, which is vegan, since we have some vegan friends and one who is allergic to dairy (truly allergic as opposed to our lactose intolerant friend who can usually tolerate a cake made with a little dairy). I had made an effort not to have total control over the food but I didn't want anyone to be hungry either.

Not judging anything here (except the deliciousness of the things people made! yum), just saying that everyone is different, has a different idea of what is delicious or what is picnic food, has a different budget, has a different thing they are craving that day. Everything was at least partially eaten (we could not have finished everything!). I don't think anyone felt excluded or like they put in too much work compared to anyone else.

As long as everyone had fun and no one left hungry, I'm pleased.