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Even if you don't do all of the cooking, the host still does alot of work to make a great party- cleaning, making drinks, inviting a good mix of people, organizing a theme, etc. I like potlucks- I like to cook and contribute something to the party, and to try other people's dishes. However, I do think its inappropriate for a formal party, and also that it is strange to not provide at least the main dish (i.e. if you have potluck Thanksgiving, make a turkey).

Interesting! I host a dinner party about once a month (maybe more like once every two months lately) and we always provide the meal, but usually my friends offer to bring dessert--and those that don't offer usually just bring something like dessert or a pre-dinner nibbley or a bottle of wine anyway. I do think some of the potluck revival can be attributed to the economy, though.

Besides the economy which sucks, throwing a party and providing the food, drink, ambiance and elbow grease can be very intimidating for some. I see no reason to not get together with family and friends if you are not willing to do everything. Wow a triple negative in one sentence--1 cancells out 2 so 3rd times the charm. Am I right?? But I digress.....Home entertaining can be affordable when many are contributing. If it is established ahead of time, everyone knows what is expected like bringing something AND helping with the set up, drink making, and yes cleaning up. Personally, throwing a party and doing it all is like crack to me. Give me a guest list of 15, 8 hours to pull it off, an over ambitious menu and I am one seriously happy camper. While I am in the middle of chaos I am thinking of what to make for the next party. I love to contribute to someone else's party too.

I see where you're coming from Bunnee, but here's how it works in my little circle. My friends and I love to eat and we love to cook. Sure, one weekend I'll host and one weekend someone else will host, but at the end of the day we're all cooking, we're all eating, we're all happy.

@Bunnee I agree, host is beginning to equal doorman/woman.

I've never been to a potluck where the host mixed drinks or focused on "inviting a good mix of people." At potlucks in my area, drinks are self-serve soda, beer, and wine. The guest lists are not designed to spark conversation or introduce people who might not otherwise meet. If anything, I think guest lists are less likely to be thought out at a potluck - if hosts don't have to worry about food they are more likely to invite everyone who will fit in their house. And I've never been to one with a theme (even though it's pretty easy to think of a theme when you aren't the one that has to make the food to match).

@Juliette - it's not about who pays for the party. It's about being classy. A lot of the time a potluck is fine. But sometimes it's nice to invite your friends over without giving them an assignment. I think it's rude to show up empty-handed, and I always bring something, (flowers or a bottle of wine for the host to enjoy later if I have been told "just bring yourself"); I'm not opposed to bringing food or a gift, but I am opposed to food being a condition of my attendance. I can't see me ever, ever, telling all my guests to bring something. It just seems like bad manners.

And I do think that when you invite people over to celebrate YOU, (your anniversary, your new house, your engagement, your graduation, etc), you should provide the food, ESPECIALLY if it is a gift-giving occaision. Potlucks should be reserved for casual get togethers with close friends/family with no agenda other than catching up with everyone.

I don't ever host potlucks, but the majority of our friends do- and that's great for me. My husband and I are the only vegetarians out of our friends, so if we don't bring something, it's hard to tell what we'll be able to eat.

I agree - the economy makes things tough, the work entailed in hosting and providing all the food for something is a major investment in time and money. I also don't mind contributing to the meal and I never come empty-handed. HOWEVER, as ProfessorChaos says, when the event is for your special celebration, be it birthday or graduation or anniversary, I think you should provide the food. If a whole meal is overwhelming, make it a dessert buffet or cocktails and appetizers or even hit Costco or your local grocer for pre-pared foods. If the point is to get together with friends, talk about it first and work something out - don't send out the e-vite to come celebrate Huey's first job, please bring food unless Huey is hosting and hasn't had his first paycheck.

I have not been to any but keep hearing more and more of potlucks on this site and other places as well like the above said probably due to the economy and also it made a comeback.

Absolutely not. The whole "pot luck" thing is not, across the board, replacing the "just bring yourself" party. If I'm throwing a party and I plan to make everything, I'm clear about it. I NEED to cook - just be happy, bring flowers if you like, and get your ass here on this day at this time.

I definitely participate in pot lucks whenever possible. I consider it fun, complimentary and I'm thrilled that people are anxious to see what I've made. I have attended several in the last couple of months and there are the "food contributors," the "wine contributors," and the "appetite bringers." Any of us who cook all seem to have the same disease - we cook a HUGE amount - that's where the "appetite bringers" come in. The host isn't stuck with a ton of leftovers and everyone has a great time.

I'm jumping in the camp with the Grump and the Chiff. It really works for informal events, and let's folks splurge on one dish, dessert, or cheese plate, or some nice fine wine. Oh, and never forget the "appetite bringers", they'll be asking for recipes soon enough.

personally I love potlucks, even if all someone brings is a bag of chips, they contributed. A get together/party with friends, for us anyway, isnt about showing off cooking and organizing skills, its all about enjoying a meal with people you love to spend time with. If that wasnt the case, why would you want to eat with them anyway?

I'm more than happy to bring something to a potluck. It's fun to see, although not always enjoyable, as to what people bring. Often enough, it's great food and something I will use for inspiration.
ControI freak here, so I usually do it all when it's my gig. However, if people ask if they can bring something, I usually tell them the main things I'm making and the say what ever you would like to bring or pick up some bread or rolls will be certainly welcome and appreciated. I love to make my own rolls, but there are times when you just can't get enough done.
Tlimes are tough... I would rather get together with friends and family and have a good time and have everyone bring a dish many times a year, rather than see them just once so I that can afford it and impress them all.

I have noticed that! I love cooking for people so I don't mind but I've had people be weirded out when I say "just show up". I've even had someone tell me they'll never reciprocate the offer and asked if I was really sure I wanted to do it. My friends don't cook for me but some take me out to dinner instead so I'm not complaining.

I was a guest at an outdoor grill party just last night. The hosts said they'd provide the meat and some other dishes and we were all free to bring, or not bring; salads, desserts or something to drink. I took a pot of baked beans and about half way through realized I should have doubled the recipe. Almost everyone brought something, big or small, and somewhere during the night we pooled some small bills to reimburse the hosts for the cost of the meat. How's that for recession-proof partying?
I usually put on the whole spread when I host a gathering simply because I have more time and more expendable income than most of my friends. I'm careful not to flaunt it by serving things that would be beyond the means of my guests. I've never, however, discouraged dishes that show up unplanned.
I'm casting my vote in with those who contend that the purpose of all of this is the friendships and interchange that are incubated in any such gathering. There is nothing more satisfying than to see two otherwise disparate friends make a connection that will be remembered and nurtured long after anyone remembers what was on the table.

The good thing about potlucks, is that there is a guaranteed dish there that you are going to like, your own!

It seems that many parties are de facto potlucks. Most parties I attend are family shindigs. When my cousin called to invite me over for Easter, I asked in rapid succession,"What can I bring? Can I bring pierogi?" She knows I like to cook, and am enjoying my foray into old family favorites. And when I invited her to a summer BBQ, I ask her to bring rolls, mustard and ketchup. She has three kids and hates to cook. We need rolls and condiments for the party. Why bother stressing anyone out?

I always ask what I can bring. If a guest asks me what they can bring, I'll let them know. I plan to do the whole deal myself, but helpers are always appreciated, and we don't call Aunt Jane "The Potato Princess" for no reason.

For years, my brother and his partner have thrown a huge party. It can go up to 60 people.

I'd ask each year what I could bring and he'd tell me - do the grilled vegetables! I'd say, "I know how to make other things, you know..." You get known for something and that's all anyone wants...LOL. For a while it was sweet potatoes that even sweet potato haters love; then it was Nutella Brownies. Sheesh.

I hate potluck parties! When a guest asks if they can bring anything, I always reply: "just yourself". They always sigh gratefully with relief!

While I don't mind making something delicious to bring to a party,I do get really bored with those big tupperware containers of similar pasta or potato salads, etc. It always looks like a mess really quickly.

I prefer not to go to big honking potluck parties, thank you.

@therealchiffonade haha I've had that same problem and so has my mother. My mother makes this really killer pesto torta and it's got its own fanclub amongst her circle of friends. She always is asked to make that for parties and people will sit around and inhale it. For me it's my beer bread and mushroom gallette.

I always tell my guests (if they ask about it) to bring their preferred drink - wine, beer, whatever. Bringing food always complicates matters as there's always someone who can't eat something or doesn't like something else... as the host I think it's my responsibility to put out a feast that all can enjoy. That being said, if you have friends that really can cook and don't bring the Sam's Club vat of potato salad, a pot-luck can be an amazing event. :)

Bunnee, I agree. The definition of guest is "visitor to whom hospitality is extended." I believe it is proper etiquette to plan on providing everything if you are hosting a party. If you don't want to do the cooking and cleaning, you are obliged to have an afternoon shindig with a few store-bought finger foods and drinks, then let your guests get back to their weekend.

Potlucks are appropriate for casual get-togethers, not for "mandatory attendance" events such as holidays or parties in which a person is being honored (birthday, etc).

That being said, I believe that a good guest always offers to bring a dish and/or help clean up.

Diner parties at my house are all done by me. These are always small, 2-4 guests, and short, 3-4 house.

Real parties are large pot lucks with grazing food. I will usually provide chips & dip and sandwich fixings. These are BYOB & if people ask (only if they ask) I will invite them to bring something to eat as well if they would like.

Wow - in my family, Thanksgiving has always been potluck, with different parts of the family bringing different dishes. Otherwise, nobody could hold it - we'd have 50-60+ persons at the average Thanksgiving!

As for non-Thsanksgiving potlucks today, I think that the previous comments about what people can afford are right on. People can't afford to do five-course sit-down meals. So they offer what they can and ask friends to bring something else. I have a friend who hosts monthly potlucks, we all contribute, it's fun to talk about the food and exchange recipes, and there's none of the old etiquette problem of who owes whom a dinner invitation. Some people I know don't have the wherewithal to have people over for various reasons, but they can contribute some amazing dishes to a potluck at someone else's house, and it works for us.

If you wan to invite people over and tell them not to bring anything except some flowers or a bottle of wine for another time, that's your choice. But if you refuse to accept people's invitation because it includes a request to bring a side-dish, or you continually show up without contributing to the party, you may end up with many fewer invitations coming your way. In a better economy, trading off dinner invitations may happen again. But these days, I think it's fun to have an opportunity to share in each other's gastronomy.

Boy can I relate. I have a new sister-in-law that has found more ways to con me to bring or help with meals that it's amazing. For about 10 years up until 2 years ago I had ALL the family dinners at my house since I am now the one living in the old family home which is 200 years old and my family has had since 1918. Now this was fine as I LOVE cooking and entertaining even though I am a 40 something single female. Even though my family would offer I would do the great bulk of the meal myself as I spent a great deal of time planning a delicious and complimenting combination of foods. My sister-in-law at the time was a lousy cook so I never asked her to make anything. The one time she had the family Thanksgiving meal she was so stressed out we thought she would have a nervous break-down. We all helped and it turned out to be a beautiful meal, but she said never again. My mom would always come over and help do the soux chef chopping and prep with me so that was a big help but I wanted to do the bulk of the meal of myself. When I invite guests into my home and serve food or a meal, I consider it a gift to those people. I find it a joy and a pleasure. Now my health has become poor and right now I'm not able to do all this so my new sister-in-law, who was SUPPOSE to be a great cook, said she wanted to do it. However, my brother wants to lay this guilt trip on me if I don't do all this work. I said hey, for TEN years I had EVERY holiday at my house. For Christmas I went to an enormous amount of work to create a beautiful Christmas for my family, did I ask for help from anyone? Plus, the new sister-in-law has an entire family to help her. There is her mother, her husband, her step-children and a half a dozen other people. Why do you need my help? He just looks at me. I said it's time for me to relax. I've learned that many things she said she was great at before the wedding was just alot of hot air. So now, every meal or party she has she finds some way for me to do food. Usually she uses my mom. She never just calls and asks me to do something. I understand how the writer feels. Why can't people just enertain like they used to? It can be done inexpensively. When you invite people, don't expect them to bring something, if they offer, that's great. But some times people like to just come and enjoy and not have to worry about making food. If you can't throw a party and not do all the work, then don't have anything.

When I have a dinner party I prepare all the items on the menu. The only thing I ask guests to bring is the drink they enjoy.

It is complicated to provide at least 2 different soda flavors - cola and other, in both diet and regular, two different wines, white and red, and either a lemonade or an iced tea.

Now that they bring their own, I am amazed at the selection from Gatorade to imported teas. I'd never be able to keep up!

I agree with almost all you summarized kah9932 except the color beige analogy for potlucks. We have potlucks at work and the variety is bright and beautiful and from lots of different cultures (as we encourage fols to bring food from their culture is they want to). The variety makes the gatherings amazing!