Serious Eats - seriouseats.com

Communicate. I don't mean that snarkily at ALL. Promise!

My husband suffers the same problems, no fruit, except raisins (??) and nothing too "exotic". This means lot of grilled meats, rices and grains, and steamed vegetables which I can eat and he can pick around.
Really, you just have to talk it out. I don't know your situation or if you live together (where this might be an easier thing to sort out), but it is something that you need to do for the both of you. He will be a happier eater and you can be a happier cook knowing what you can and can't prepare that he will eat. Also, it will make you feel less anxious about "bombing" on a dish because he doesn't like a particular ingredient, not because the cooking was off.

Regarding side dishes, is he amenable to rice and/or grains? That can definitely allow for some experimentation.

try introducing some veggies in a way that is familiar - something like, potato pancakes, with zucchini and carrots mixed in... mashed potatoes with swiss chard mixed in, or make mashed turnip or cauliflower, since those might be somewhat familiar because they are almost like mashed potatoes. Also, does he like sweet potatoes? They are healthier than white potatoes (if I recall correctly) and he might like them - if he likes them, you can make sweet potatoes with apples, or with carrots (hide them in there - same color!).

I think Jerry Seinfeld's wife and another lady both wrote books on sneaking veggies into typical foods like lasagna and brownies using vegetable purees. They're aimed at moms and picky kids, but I bet the idea could work for your boyfriend too.

DTMFA.

Seriously though, you could always just reduce your stress by not burdening yourself with being responsible for him eating. Make what you want, keep him in mind, and if he doesn't want to eat it, he can feed himself. This might be a little trickier if you're living together and/or he *expects* you to feed him. But you might just not try so hard and save your more meat and potato nights for shared dinners and vegg yourself out when he's at his place. Or you can look to what myself and some others said regarding folks trying to feed others while losing weight: make a balanced meal (meat/protein, starch, veggies), then let your meal be lots of veggies (since you like veggies), with less starch and protein, and then there's more for him to load up his plate with the protein and starch and no veggies if that's how he rolls.

Will he even try a bite of things? I was a meat&potatoes girl for a long time, and then I discovered vegetables. Not that I'd never ever had veggies ... but my mother's strengths lay elsewhere. I thought I hated them, turns out I didn't.

But seriously. Your bf is (hopefully?) a grown man. As much as you like cooking and want to take over (at least sometimes) for feeding him (I love it too, not trying to get snarky or knock ya), he's probably fine fending for himself.

Involve him in the cooking process. I thought i didn't like a lot of vegetables until I started cooking. When I cooked something the other mysterious elements left the equation. I knew that I liked everything else, and therefore the only variable was the veggie in question. Similar to the above mentioned idea of putting swiss chard in the mashed potatoes. Take those suggestions and either let him make them or let him watch you make them. (altho that can be nerve wracking but I let my bf watch me cook and it alleviates his nervousness about eating my food).

I've posed questions like this to Serious Eaters as well and I'm always kind of amazed that people reccomend dumping your (often long term) boyfriend over his eating habits. That seems silly and excessive. Would you dump someone for not liking sushi? Bacon? Is it only because it's fruits and vegetables that it's ok? Can I reccomend divorcing your husband because he doesn't like cheeses of any kind?

My boyfriend is a picky eater, too. Planning meals used to be hard, but since I've involved him in the process it's kind of fun. It's give and take; if I make dinner for the two of us, a salad's involved. I, of course, will eat it, if he doesn't- who cares? I'm not going to stop eating the things I love because he doesn't like them. Like other Serious Eaters have already pointed out, it may have a lot to do with the food he ate growing up. I think my boyfriend has come to the realization that fresh vegetables from farmer's markets taste nothing like frozen vegetables out of a bag. Just try to involve him in the process, ask him what he's open to eating. If that doesn't work, cook for him less often, make eating together a special thing. There are ways to work around food differences, especially if you're serious about your guy and the relationship.

I'm sorry but I gotta go with Jerz on this. If you're looking for more than a few Saturday nights (i.e. Mr. Right Now vs. Mr. Right), don't call off the search just yet.

Take it from me, I know what it is to be with someone who does NOT appreciate or respect good cooking. I was married to that and I should have known that relationship was doomed. Why waste your talents on someone who will stunt your growth as a cook? I'm sorry but my passion comes first. Denying or stifling my culinary creativity is tantamount to depriving myself of oxygen. I could never limit myself to cooking simplistic things because someone's palate is limited.

This topic is a throwback to one where people ask "could you be with someone who is not as into food as you?" While the answer seems obvious to me, apparently it's not that evident to others. If two people's eating habits are polar opposites, it will get old fast. The light of love in your eyes will be dashed the first time you put out a beautiful spread of food to have him only give it a sideways glance and then ask when you're making french fries.

It's definitely not "silly and excessive." I don't expect couples' likes and dislikes to mirror each other 24/7 - that would be boring. But you're here at SE because you obviously have more than a passing interest in cooking. It's best you find someone who will revel in this facet of your personality instead of squashing it.

There is nothing like someone you love walking in the door and saying, "Wow, something smells great." And it ain't French fries.

i'm echoing what some other folks have said here too, but my husband always says he hates vegetables, including some particular ones (like peas)...i used to avoid them (only made them if we weren't eating together), then started making them just for me (like as a side to whatever dinner was), then realized he would finish everything off if i gave him some too (he still says he doesn't like vegetables, but he eats every one i make). he comes from a family of pretty good cooks, but i've had their vegetables and it's....really sad. so if he's only ever had vegetables that are cooked to death in a pool of butter, he may not know what he's missing.

dumping your (often long term) boyfriend over his eating habits. That seems silly and excessive. Your entitled to your opinion but I tend to be more realistic since I am older/wiser.
Would you dump someone for not liking sushi? Bacon? I would dump them for as many as 200 and some odd reasons when I was your age and dating. Hell food is an indicator of compatibility, its not rocket sciene its simple logic ffs, get the stars out of your eyes and see a man for what he is a human male
Is it only because it's fruits and vegetables that it's ok? If the person you want to spend the rest of your life with doesn't eat healthy you have to think about that seriously. You are young now but you won't be forever. Also it is about respect, how much respect does a person have for you and subsequent children you may have with him if he does not respect his health. Answer: he doesn't. Again not rocket science simple common bits of logic that save heartbreak down the pike.
Can I reccomend divorcing your husband because he doesn't like cheeses of any kind? I would never marry anyone who did not love cheese. That is just not a possibility.

It is so easy to be young and think with your heart and not your mind.
I stress this always you are looking for a husband look with your mind and soon your heart will follow. You eat what is good for you often, why would you not want someone who understands that? Answer: you would
Then go and find that person.
You can try and rationalize it all you like in the end you reep what you sew. Some of you will learn the easy way and some not so easy. Now back to your regularly scheduled program...

I agree with teaching him to cook things he likes. It will free you up to be more creative and not resent him.
You could try similar things... like white yam fries instead of regular... the white yams are not extremely sweet. how about them baked... how about carrots, turnips, and/or spices in your mashed potatoes... how about spinach and mushrooms in your pasta sauce.... peaches in your apple pie...
most important if you want to try this part is to learn what he likes about these items... if its texture, taste, comfort foods, and decide if you want to persuade or deceive. an important part of this is to make sure its not a private health matter he doesnt wish to share.

My guy never ate vegetables when we started dating, but after awhile of my cooking vegetable dishes every night (not going to sugarcoat this, it was at least a year), he actually started liking them! Now he will say things like "this kale is delicious!" So don't give up hope.

Everyone has their own dealbreakers. I had mine, but somehow didn't notice that my guy violated some of my set-in-stone standards when I was busy falling mad crazy in love with him. Six years later, I've still yet to be bothered by e.g. his lack of interest in literature. I guess that's how things work. If he wouldn't eat vegetables, it would cause problems - not because I want him to eat what I like, but because I would be saddened that the person I love doesn't care about his health.

I'm not sure how old you or your guy are, but as people get closer to 30, folks will often rapidly shift their thinking toward caring about their health...obviously not everyone does, but I've noticed it in most of my friends, male and female. (Some folks never do though.) For now, I echo what other SEers say - make what you want, and let him eat around the parts he doesn't like. Who knows? Maybe your enthusiasm will convince him to try some of the foods you seem to love so much!

Not being open to trying new things in life is fundamentally a deep character flaw. JMHO.

just another way of looking at this:

is the boyfriend feeling betrayed because the OP likes more than just potatoes and apples?

if it is something that is truly stressing herout, i'd say she has a problem.

he may eventually come around to liking more foods, but i think the question to the OP is does she enjoy sharing her likes with him .... and is she personally devastated when he does not like something she's cooked.

i'm into letting people have their own space to be whoever they are, character flaws exist in us all..... as long as their basic nature is good.

the oak and the cedar grow not in each other's shadow.

@huneybumper - Scary thoughts. I agree, OP: stop the "mommy" train IMMEDIATELY if you even THINK you may already be on it.

I like life affirming topics like this. Women chiming in and sharing their knowledge and experience and views on people, men, marriage, food.
We should do this more often. However you can leave the words bitter and irrational out. All women should be so lucky as to find a mate foodie or otherwise that is perfect for you. Can I get a witness?

I'm just going to clarify for the record that my "DTMFA" was actually in jest. I mean if you're looking to DTMFA anyways and this is an issue, definitely apply it. But there's tons of good advice on how to include him in cooking and cook around his tastes. And I maintain - any grown man should be able to feed himself. Take the burden off yourself, go nuts on making yourself what you want to eat. Who knows, he may get curious after watching you so delightfully inhale lots of interesting, colorful dishes.

Jerzee (and others) - no matter how good your intentions are, there's no better way to make people not want to listen to any opinion you have than by pulling the "I know better than you because I'm older and wiser" card. Even if everyone here finds out that you're100% on when they hit your age, pulling the attitude works against an otherwise valid point. I do think people who don't want to try new things or at least take their health seriously would also end up on my do-not-date list ... but no way in hell would I back any of your ideas when you're expressing them with such a holier-than-thou attitude.

@joyyy last I checked no one said you had to. I will state it as I like when I like. That is what you call a strong empowered woman thing. I also respect your right to say I should not. Even if I do not agree with it.
Lovely thing about a nice roundtable discussion.

@runnereater, missy lapine, the author of the sneaky chef, actually came out with a second book recently aimed at sneaking veggies into the food cooked for men. it's called how to cheat on your man in the kitchen.

The first time Picky Pete detects a bit of asparagus or broccoli in his food, he'll likely push the dish away. At which time the contents would become part of his clothing.

Here's the thing. If the original poster can completely overlook her love of cooking, more power to her. As for me? It's way too big a part of my life for me to walk away from it for ANY man. Penises don't come that big.

I remember an episode of the TV show "Coach" where Kristine cooked a meal for Harden Fox and he was so happy, he said "Meat and potatoes, no vegetables, my favorite meal!" ;-)

I think this all depends on how important food is to you. I dated a picky eater and it made going out on dates impossible (he lived on boxed mac and cheese and poppy seed bagels). What a person chooses to eat is their choice, unfortunately this got in the way of our relationship (along with his religious beliefs and workaholism).

I think if not eating a salad is the only problem then it isn't a problem at all. Maybe he'll get curious someday and try pineapple or green beans. I don't think it's possible to change people (especially since eating habits are developed so early in life). If you can deal with the pickyness then there's no reason to DTMFA. My boyfriend and his ex cooked separate meals since they couldn't agree on flavors. Food didn't break them up.

This MAY be the cream of the crop of SE threads. I am actually in awe of some of the responses. Are you people on glue? Did you get into the apple wine again?

You guys have the audacity worry about ME and my bitter/anger/bitchitry? Give me break. About 90% of you need a good railing and a reality check. I will toast this thread tonight, ladies. HYSTERICAL.

My, this is a lively discussion. What a feisty bunch!
I've been married for the past 18 years to a man who is a bit picky when it comes to vegetables. My 14 year old son has inherited dad's vegtable aversion. I say, more for me and my 10 year old veggie lovin' son. I hand my husband and my 14 year old a multi vitamin and a glass of V-8 Fusion juice and leave it at that. And hey, they don't give me a hard time about not eating red meat--so I'm not going harp on them.

Dump him and date me;
22yr old Male
Accounting and Intl Business degrees from Villanova
5'9" and very athletic
Dark hair and dark eyes
Employed as a Corporate Account Rep for a Wine and Liquor Distribution Company
I enjoy cooking, working out, the beach, snowboarding, traveling, and spending time with my family
I am a hopless romantic and more importanly I enjoy all foods and will eat anything you were to serve me!

I say someone needs to go out with Joe. There he is girls, nice, a foodie, good job, takes care of himself. We have a winner. We have now moved to a dating thread. When it works it is damn good isn't it?

I love you guys, and I am amazed more and more everyday about how genuine and caring the members of SE are, more importantly I really believe that we all share a similar way of thinking, not just about food but the fact that we are so loyal to this site and are always ready to lend a hand to each other. Whether its figuring out what to bring to you're bosses pot luck or what the next step in life should be. I would come to you guys before I approached my family or friends in many situations. I don't know if its the anonymous factor of the format or the fact that we share with each other several times a day.
I have become so disenfranchised with my friends and the drudge of everyday life after college, its a tough transition! But a few times everyday I come on SE for 10-15 minutes and I am able to forget about everything except the delectable savoriness of fresh game or the salty goodness of our favorite topic (bacon). And today the way you guys reached out to me, it really touched me. It may just be karma or sheer good luck but having people, even being online friends, seeming to care is exactly what I needed. This may be a little TMI so I am sorry but Its been a tough day and i needed a format to vent. If I had a blog I would have went there, but alas, no blog. So SE thanks for being there, and thanks for being my friends!!!

Awww, Joe. Good luck to you!

@Ribster - I hope Mag13 read your comments and took them to heart. I agree with your point wholeheartedly!

I deal with this daily. My husband grew up with a SUPER picky family. Because of this, my husband only eats corn, green beans, potatoes, asparagus, bell peppers, and zucchini.

I keep bags of his favorite frozen veggies and make single sized portions for dinner. Then I can eat whatever veggies I want without the fuss.

Sometimes he'll ask me what I'm eating, I'll give him a bite, if he likes it - it goes into the routine. If not, oh well. It's really manageable once you figure out what he likes and dislikes.

Thanks for all of the suggestions and comments. I've enjoyed this much more than I thought and the fact that this turning into a dating service (complete with an offer!) was hilarious. On a serious note, I definitely appreciate the suggestions on dishes and ways to incorporate our food differences. It's nice to know that other have successfully handled this issue and I've started to see this as a cooking challenge!

I have been married to my husband for 26 years and have 3 children. I live to cook, it is what I love to do most but all 4 of them are extremely picky. My husband eats no vegetables other than lettuce, tomato on tacos or sandwiches and raw baby carrots and corn on the cob. No potatoes other than some fries, occasional instant mashed and baked potatoes. No rice, not big on pasta but will eat spaghetti with Ragu. Only beef and chicken, no fish, pork, etc. Only likes pizza from one place and could survive on cheese sandwiches, bread, and turkey sandwiches. My kids on the other hand eat no sandwiches, eggs, pasta, cheese, seafood, sauces, gravies, beans, you name it they don't eat it. It's horrible trying to come up with meals to feed everyone. I gave up eating dinner long ago because their meals are too boring. We almost never eat out and when we do it's always Outback and they all get sirloin and fries. They also recently started eating the bread and bloomin' onion so we are making progress. That being said...

We have an amazingly, happy, fight free marriage. Food makes me happy, they all eat to survive. They can't change me and I can't change them. My husband is a wonderful man and I have incredible kids, if you BFis special don't let food get between you and happiness.

I will date you twoojoe. You sound too good to be true.

And when it comes to vegetables I am a picky eater too. But I've found that if I mash something like cauliflower with potatoes, or I blend/puree vegetables when I'm making a soup it's much more tolerable. Today I made eggplant "chips" and they were great.

Wow, that was a long read and I'm super late to the party, but I wanted to add my 2c.

I grew up loving to eat, my bf grew up eating cuz he was hungry. His dad was super picky so he took on a lot of those assumptions about food items (without trying them).

When we met, I wasn't as obsessed with food as I am now, but I did eat a lot of things that he was like "Uh, no." I thought he was strange for never having tried them, and he thought I was strange for eating them. My oblivion to just how strange he thought I was led to my being able to un-self consciously relish whatever I was eating anyway, while he quietly ate his chicken dishes. He later told me that seeing me enjoy so many different things he'd never considered eating before really made him want to try the same things - afterall, he thought I was awesome, why would I eat un-awesome things?

After we moved in together, I instated a rule: you have to try two bites before you can say "I don't like this," and not eat it. I don't make things that I know he won't like - I'm a fair judge of what flavors and tastes he likes and doesn't like by now - so this works out in all of our favors. If I make something that I think he won't like, I tell him he can try it, but I also warn him that he doesn't have to try it (it's exempt from the rule), and that I made it with only my palate in mind. This has worked well for us.

About a year ago, he was talking to a friend of his while I was nearby, and I overheard him listing off all the things he would never have eaten if it weren't for me. The list ranged from seafood (he used to claim he didn't eat ANY seafood) - clams, eel, calamari, etc. and even sushi! - to various vegetables, hummus, lamb, pork chops, etc.

I don't think he'll ever be a foodie, and that's fine by me. He doesn't cook - also fine by me. I love him, he loves me, and he respects my obsession with food and indulges much of this habit. We indulge each other's passions by encouraging them and occasionally by sharing moments in each with the other. This works because it's been 6 years and we've done a lot of growing with each other. Admittedly, there was a patch of time where he didn't understand my growing obsession with food, but we got past that.

Having said all that, if we were to break up today, and I had to go back into the dating pool, I would try not to date a picky eater. If I fell in love, well, so be it, I'll do it all over again (and for my current bf, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat), but I'd prefer not to. Probably because I'm a lot crazier about food now than I was 6 years ago.

Anyway, to the original poster, I think if things are working the way they are, please don't sneak veggies into his dishes. I find that just strange and unnecessary and extremely mommy-ing. Your original question just seems to be what we think about it... I think it's fine, give it time and maybe he'll want to try your veggies. If not... well don't cook around him too much, tell him he can pick out the veggies if he doesn't like them (I make a wicked fried rice that has veggies in it, and they're kinda small, bf just eats it and admits it adds to the flavor, haha). :) Patience and I do agree if he's being a jerk about things and just refusing to try things - that's an issue. Otherwise, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Haha yes I took all these words to say just that one little thing ;)