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I wouldn't say that DH is as passionate about food as I am. If I disappeared into a puff of smoke one day, he would probably revert to fast food, anything that can be delivered to his door, and occasional visits to restaurants.

However, he will happily eat almost anything. (Canteloupe-like melons and canned cranberry sauce are the only things I can think of off hand that he dislikes). So I can cook whatever I want to, and he's more than happy to eat the results.

He enjoys good food and enjoys trying different foods, but I'm the one that spearheads the foodieness. Him passionate about food...probably not. But accepting, yes.

If he was an incredibly picky eater and he insisted on steak and baked potato every night, I don't know how that would work out. I suppose it would be one of those things we'd have to find a way to compromise about, whatever that might mean.

I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship where the other person told me what I had to cook and/or eat, any more than I'd want to be forcing my food desires on them. But that's more about control issues than food.

It's kind of like laundy. After a while we figured out that I didn't like the way he did laundry and he didn't like the way I did. We didn't force each other to change our washing/folding habits to suit the other person, we just each do our own clothes now. It's not a big deal. I suppose if we each liked vastly different foods we could each prepare our own and still sit down at the same table and eat.

I think this might be more of an issue at the beginning of a relationship where you're dating and trying to do so many things together, even if you don't share the same interests. After a while, you realize that it's fine if he goes to the woodworking show while you go to the home and garden show and you meet up for cocktails later. Just because you're in a relationship, it doesn't have to mean that you're always joined at the hip.

I don't think my SO has to be passionate about it, but not enjoying food is a dealbreaker. I love to cook and I once dated a man (for a very short time) that would only eat mac and cheese (from a box) and poppy seed bagels. He liked his food bland, no sauce, no salt, no nothing. Eating together was impossible.

Thanx for the great replies you guys. i'm not sure what I'll do.

And totally missed that discussion last month!! Lots of nuggets there, perrrfect. I guess I was too busy gettin' some at the time :D

it's a deal breaker only if you want it to be..... my OH likes white rice with his steak .... so boring, but i comply because i know he loves it.... he knows i like the tip on the chicken wing and he saves them for me....
so, even the differences can bring you closer if you're open to them....

now i have to admit, the first time i saw him cutting his linguine, i almost
plotzed....

If you're looking for a reason to break up with someone, it probably doesn't matter if the reason is valid. As others said, love for food can change, and even if it doesn't, you have to be different from each other in some ways. If he's a d-bag about it, we're more inclined to call it a dealbreaker. If he's a willing sport and is happy to be fed by someone who cares, we're less inclined to call it so. Since you note that other things are going well ... if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

My BF is no foodie, but he appreciates the food-centric passions I have. He understands how much I love being a foodie, just like all my other personality quirks.

I suppose the important thing is for your OH to understand your passion. Any disagreement in a relationship can be assuaged with understanding (between a loving, committed couple). If there are other major passions or hobbies in your life that he is also extremely averse to, that may be a bad sign. However, it is very healthy for couples to have individual hobbies, although food and cooking often hard to keep entirely to oneself ---and food is to be shared anyways.

I agree with brooke29: Cook for him. Everyone has to eat, and his appreciation will grow, and his taste buds will hopefully wake up!

People can change. Before I met the bf, I thought canning only happened when you lost your job. Now, I am proud to say I went through my first time of making preserved lemons!

I am very heartened to hear these experiences. It's true about the respect thing, and I shall monitor the situation accordingly. Ask for what you want, and notice what you get, kind of thing.

I will try not to harbour any fantasies of changing him (although how FUN would that be :)) and will instead look at this as an opportunity to expand my own mind and thoughts of what it means to be with another person.

All of you ladies rule. Your partners are seriously lucky!

Agree with all the previous...happily married for 11 years to Spaghetti-O's man...who still likes Spaghetti-O's but doesn't eat them as often as he used to, and DOES appreciate my cooking and tolerate my adventures in gourmet-land (there's sourdough starter in the refrigerator right now, I've baked the last two weekends, and the 2 loaves of bread have been gone by the end of each week). He also doesn't like Mexican food, never has, never will, but he is totally cool with me going out without him every once in a while to have some (which I'm trying to do a little less often due to calories, anyway).

The only caveat I would make is that now that we have kids...I do wish he would eat more healthy foods and more of a variety, because the kids watch me eat tofu, edamame, brussel sprouts, asparagus, cauliflower cheese, and all sorts of different things...and then watch him eat Spaghetti-O's, Cap'n Crunch, and so forth...and guess what they eat?? =)

But it sounds like this is a while down the road for the OP, during which time she can cook for him and expand his horizons a little bit (gently).

Early on in our marriage I learned never to ask "Do you like this?" because his answer would always be a monotone "It's OK..." which I still am not sure what it means!! Instead I would ask "Would you eat this if I made it again?" which was really what I wanted to know, anyway, and got much more useful answers.

when i was just dating my wife, she would try and cook, leaving out things like garlic and onions because she thought "they make your breath stink". holy moly, I had to remedy that quickly. Now, we are pretty much on the same page, though I am much more adventurous than her.

when we eat out, she orders what she likes, and always tastes mine, which she always likes better, even if she had no interest at first.

i have made a game now out of expanding her culinary palate. Just last night i told her I was going to roast duck for us and some friends, and her response was "i don;t like duck" even though she always eats mine when I order it out.

to each his own, i have made due for 6 years, and take pride in the fact that we have come SO far! make it fun!

I think some 'habits,' overtime, can be dealbreakers even if you don't think so at first. For example, if you're figuring out a budget, and spending money on food isn't important to him, that might prove difficult.

If home cooking doesn't taste good so he gets takeout and you're cooking for yourself, that could suck, or if you like to go out to eat and he won't, that can prove annoying.

I had a friend who would ONLY eat fast food. I'm veggie, but heck, I will eat a baked potato if you need to go to a steak house--to ONLY go to fast food restaurants is a real crimp. I've also had friends who only ate 'American' food which for them meant burgers and sugary sweets--no veggies and not even any chocolate, because that was 'weird.' After a long-term relationship with someone, I think that not being able to eat any ethnic foods, or even go to some foreign countries because of pickyness could be frustrating.

I also knew a guy--as soon as he woke up he had to have Coke. No coffee, wouldn't tolerate the smell of coffee. It sounds like a small thing, but after awhile...