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I'm totally with you on this issue. Sharing food with people is about way more than food. It's about intimacy and frienship and connection. It's an important bonding thing. We show/give our love when we cook for and feed people. If one is involved with someonw for whom these things are not important, a big chunk of fellowship goes right out the window. A very basic connection is gone.

If I'm dating you, part of how I show you I love you is to feed you, it's to watch your enjoyment at both the taste of the food and the effort I put in to it. If you don't appreciate it, it's like you don't appreciate my affection.

I could definitely handle different eating styles, but never a lack of food love.

Sure I would--and I have been, for the last year and a half. The key is consistent, unyielding pressure. I've taken my man from being a meat-and-potatoes guy to someone who's actually learned phrases in my language (Cantonese) to be able to order certain dishes in Chinatown. In fact, he's made far more concessions to my food-loving nature than I have to his scientific interests, so you have to remember that these things work both ways. Foodies who worry that their partners aren't sensitive to their passion should ask themselves how accommodating they are in return.

Finally, love is blind, etc., etc.

@Michele - the "love is blind" thing usually does not last forever:-). At some point, you do start seeing things clearly, the only question is, if you're willing to accept them or not. Then again, some people aren't hopeless and do change (even if slowly and reluctantly) - which is clearly the case with your BF:-). I was more referring to people unwilling to give food a chance.

My husband was into diner and fast food, well-done steak and potatoes, when I met him. I don't blame him because there wasn't much else in the extremely small town where he was from and what his mother cooked. He hated chicken, pasta, and cream sauces; never exposed to asparagus, salmon (other than from a can), non-La Choy Asian food, Greek, Indian, etc.

I slowly worked on him taking him to places where he would feel safe ordering something he would like and I'd order something different and offer him to try my dish. He's at the point where he loves medium rare (he still hates my rare, cold in the center steaks but eats beef carpaccio lol) steaks, poultry, pasta, and cream sauces, and could not live w/o sukiyaki, salmon, asparagus, Thai, and Vietnamese food. He is also the one who cooks our Greek, Japanese, Indian, ... meals from scratch.

What Michele above mentions about unyielding pressure is correct, but not to the point of being a nag. It really is a give and take situation and can potentially be a long process. My husband has been unrelenting in making me appreciate onions and garlic, and for the most part has been successful -- as long as it's not raw or has any discernable crunch, I'm all for it -- compared to before, where I'd be at a restaurant and would start heaving as soon as I tasted garlic or onions.

Although the thing I had working for me is that, presented with the opportunity, he'll try anything at least once.

Oops forgot to add -- However, if it is a major sticking point in your relationship and an extremely important issue that you feel the relationship cannot proceed for this reason, then it's time to dump the guy.

If that seems too brash, then maybe there's room for compromise between your likes/hobbies. I realize it's nice to share everything with a SO, but if it's not THAT important, differences are good too. You two should be strong standing alone, and even stronger together.

Not only did I date him...but I married him! When I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, his usual answer is food.
He's also one of those people who 'forgets' to eat....until his body tells him his blood sugar is low. He would eat only 1 time a day if I didn't make him lunch for work. When we met he ate only frozen dinners (and those were limited due to his pickiness) and subs, wings or pizza from the pizza place on speed dial.
He likes his steaks well done, he doesn't like quite a few veggies, onions, bacon, pretty much anything creamy, garlic....the list could go on & on. His is however a meat & potatoes lover, so as long as I work along those guidelines, we're ok. I deal with it simply....and very similarly to Michele. Sometimes I 'sneak' those forbidden ingredients into the food I'm cooking, sometimes I slowly introduce him to new things, including medium well steak instead of well done. Sometimes I make concessions, and eat the foods that I know he absolutely doesn't like when we're out to dinner, or when he's out of town - macaroni & cheese is something he doesn't like at all....sometimes I just make some for myself. Sometimes he makes concessions - he's not wild about spaghetti & sauce - I grew up on it every Sunday - now I make it about twice a year, and he suffers through it for me...the other times I want it I get it for lunch from the great Italian restaurant across from my work.
I guess I am lucky that while my husband is super picky & really doesn't care if the food I cook him is gourmet or not, he's not quite as limited as Carolina's guy. I do tease him though...once he was more excited about the hot dogs & potato chips I gave him for dinner than the fig & goat cheese stuffed pork loin w/risotto that I made him another time.
We met & married a bit later in life too....I was 40 when we married....he was 33.....I've slowly been 'training' him....but I don't expect him to change all his ways for me. He gives me the freedom to enjoy what I want, and as long as I feed him on a daily basis...he's content! lol

I've been with my SO for 11 years, and when we met, he lived on junk food, frozen corn dogs, and peanut butter. The only two dishes he's ever cooked for me (spaghetti/meat sauce and pot roast) would make Sandra Lee proud. His list of "won't eats" include: tomatoes, onions, peppers, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower. No duck, lobster, crab, oysters, salmon. And steak? Well-done. Sushi? Forget it. A milk allergy further complicates matters.

It's frustrating to not be able to try out a new dish, or share something I think tastes absolutely delicious, only to have him screw up his nose in disgust. I will say though, he understands and respects my love of cooking, and of good food, and has even learned a little. I've successfully been able to remove asparagus and lima beans from his "won't eat" list (added to a VERY short list of "will eat" vegetables), and he now appreciates the goodness of properly prepared food. So he appreciates the fact that I cook for him, and has a slightly more discerning palate now, which is nice when we eat out.

So while I am able to share my cooking with him, the selections are limited (and daunting - it PAINS me to ruin a ribeye like that!), and I have to put up with him pausing to pick out every little morsel of onion/tomatoes/mushrooms. I do get to cook "MY" food when he's out of town or otherwise not home for dinner. And he does eat pork (that might have been a deal-breaker). But the real reason I think it's worked all these years? I never have to fight him for the last piece of lobster or rare roast beef!

For me this would be akin to dating a smoker. If I really wanted to, I could probably make that work but why do it?

Food and cooking are both important to me and I likely would not gravitate to someone who thinks nuking and ingesting one of these constitutes dinner.

I'm struggling with this right now as well, I fantasize about food constantly, hate ordering the same thing at a restaurant, ever, and read cookbooks while I eat. He would be happy eating frozen pizzas or going to the same diner every night. I don't think he'd believe me if I told him that was the reason we had to break up.

Yeah, Michele took the words out of my fingers. Chances are, there was a connection missing on a deeper level, added to the fact that food and cooking are specifically important to you. As in, the other features of the fellow were not great enough for you to compromise sharing your love for food with a partner. So in that case, you probably did best to jump ship. Not to say that a great partner has to share your same passion for food, but to be with someone who ignores or antagonizes it could be frustrating in the long run.

My boyfriend was Skeletor when I met him, mostly because he hated cooking, was a single guy in the city, and subsisted mostly on white rice and frozen peas. Three years later, he likes to experiment with cooking, talks about making bread (I'll believe this when I see it), and has identified and refined what he likes and doesn't like to eat, as well as what makes food "good" to him.

One last point is that in my case, my boyfriend has become healthier through an appreciation for food. Not just cutting out tasteless junk, but also understanding that eating good food makes you feel better and live longer, and can incite a passion for cooking. If I were you, it would have bothered me most that someone I was dating was not concerned enough about his health for his own sake, to at least eat a side salad with the well-done burger.

Kissin' don't last.....cookin' does. Dump him.

My wife has been learning to love food ever since we met...she was raised in a strictly 'meat and three veg' house, where odd things like rice, noodles, raisins and nuts were off-limits. She's come around, but still uncomfortable around some things.

I have serious gastro-intestinal problems (let's put it this way; a part of my intestines and I have parted ways, ne'er to see each other again). I can't eat everything I'd like. But I still love cooking food and sampling as I do.

One child loves anything, one likes very little. But the small victories, when she tries a samosa or deep-dish pizza, are worth the effort.

I've long subscribed to the belief that we love whom we love, for reasons we may never know. If my wife announced tomorrow that she no longer liked mushrooms or Alfredo sauce, we'd work around it. But the love was there first, and I think that's what you have to decide.

The fast-food thing is I think easier to deal with. He likes pizza? Both of you together learn to make pizza. He likes fries? Pommes frites are not hard to make and are so, so much better. Maybe you could make it a project for the two of you. A night spent in, cooking dinner together, can be a great, great night.

@savecara - I was going to mention the health issue too, but by the time I thought of it my post was already rambly enough :P While getting TOO focused on health/diet can be annoying, overdone, etc ... I think it would be difficult to be with someone whose lifestyle health-wise was a big disconnect from mine ... which may have been a part of the OP's issues? Who knows.

I'm much healthier than I used to be now, and the bf has helped with that (I clean more now too, thanks to his habits rubbing off on me :P). I don't foresee breaking up with the bf any time soon, but hypothetically, I think it would definitely be an issue to try to date someone whose lack of or obsession with eating/being healthy wasn't even close to on par with my own ... especially as the years go on.

I'm too serious about food to date someone who doesn't love food.
That would take a part of my life away.

I was just thinking about posting this question last night! whenever I meet someone and see the possibility of something coming together I have to probe the food issue. Once a girl told me she couldn't eat tomatoes, along with a litany of other items. It killed me. No pizza?! Needless to say, nothing came of that...

@NotAmerican; Unfortunately, he hates pizza too. He won't eat anything with tomatoes except ketchup. He won't touch anything with onions, garlic, herbs or spices. I'm (part) Italian, and don't really know HOW to cook without these things. (BTW...I make killer pizza already) (I've been a professional chef for the past 18 years now) He also hates all cheeses except for Velveeta, and the only 'pasta' he'll eat is Kraft Dinner. The dinner I cooked for him was pork chops and mashed potatoes, both of which he said he 'could eat'. Of course I added in a salad and some sauteed broccoli rabe for myself, and made a simple chocolate mousse for dessert, as he said he liked (American style) chocolate pudding. I also made sauteed apples instead of apple sauce, as they're so much nicer. I bought some lovely thick center-cut pork chops at Whole Foods, and resisted stuffing them, as I couldn't make a stuffing without onions or garlic. I seasoned the chops very simply, and cooked them to perfection. The apples were SOOO good, the mashed potatoes too, again I resisted adding garlic, etc. I DID use creme fraiche and Kerrygold butter in them, and topped them with a sprinkling of fresh chives (easily pushed to the side) Of course some sea salt and a bit of freshly ground pepper were added as well. I was quite proud of myself, that I had 'overcome' my desire to cook exactly what pleased me and try to suit his tastes instead. Well, it didn't. Not nearly. First off, the pork chops were 'too juicy'. His idea, turns out, of pork chops are the thinnest possible, fried long and hard over high heat until no moisture is left. Only then does he consider the meat cooked. Any hint of 'juiciness' in meat or chicken means that they are 'underdone'. So, he couldn't eat those. I did offer to cook them longer for him, but he said they were simply too thick, and could never be done enough in less than a half-hour. He also said all of the food was too 'spicy' for him, even the apples...(cinnamon and a bit of brown sugar...WTF?) The potatoes also went over like a lead balloon. He's only used to the 'instant mashed', and I made the 'mistake' of leaving the peels on the potatoes.They also were 'too spicy'. And sour. He also objected to the 'smell' of my salad dressing (a plain vinaigrette of olive oil and sherry vinegar) even though he wasn't eating it, and the smell of the broccoli rabe cos I had sauteed it with a bit of garlic. He managed to eat about three bites of the mousse, but said it was too rich (and too bitter) to eat more. He wondered why I hadn't simply made 'Jello' instant pudding, as that was apparently what he was expecting. I had used Valrhona bitter chocolate in the mousse, but also quite a bit of sugar, and the last bit of some Cheri Suisse that I'd been hoarding. So, you see, that was about the moment I realised it just could NOT work between us. Oh, and he even hated my bread, a homemade baguette, it was too 'chewy' and the crust was too 'crispy'. He honestly didn't think I should have been upset. He made NO effort to really taste anything. One bite of the chop, the potatoes and the bread, a wrinkled nose and the expression someone makes when something is foul, and that was IT!! He said..."Look, you know I'm picky about my food, you shouldn't take it personally. I know you tried" He also said he would go to Micky D's and get something to 'go', and bring it back to my house, then we could go to the movies when he'd eaten. I just told him I was too tired to go out, and to enjoy his dinner. Rude? Maybe, but...

I've never broken up with someone explicitly because of a food issue, but food issues definitely played a huge role in ruining a relationship with a long-term BF. He was a strictly kids' food kind of guy: burgers (no onion, lettuce, or tomato), fries, pizza, hot dogs, neon orange cheese puffs, and--how could I forget--the 2-liter bottle of cola that he'd carry around our college campus with him. (Yes, money was tight for him, and the 2-liter bottle was more economical...but he would finish that sucker by the end of the day!)

I tried to get him to try new things, but he was almost always unwilling to take even a bite of whatever I'd cooked. ("It'll be too spicy." "All those vegetables will have me on the toilet for hours." You get the picture.) We were basically living together, and it was important to me to share dinner, so we resorted to having separate meals. I'd enjoy my lovely homecooked meal with a glass of wine while he dug into his Burker King bag. Oh--and he was also a teetotaler, which made life somewhat unfun.

Long story short, I did break up with him, but not for these reasons alone. Still, though, I think that at least in my case it could be said that the food stuff was a kind of synecdoche when it came to the relationship problems as a whole: he was too bullheaded to consider evolving. Not sacrificing, just evolving.

I think it all depends on how much other stuff you have in common. My SO and I dont have alot of other hobbies in common, so food is really important to us. In the past, I've dated guys less interested and it hasn't been a problem becuase we had other things in common. I do have to put up with my SO thinking cheese is gross in large quantities, which is jsut sad to me.

@carolina - I would have dumped him too....he wasn't just picky....he was downright rude!
Most people are raised to eat a meal that has been prepared for them, and then smile politely and say nothing if it does not appeal to them...if they are a guest in someone's home....this guy had no manners at all...and I have a hunch it would have gone way beyond food!

@carolina - wow. that's definitely DTMFA behavior. How rude! If I were dating someone who was a professional chef for 18 years, I'd be hanging around constantly hoping to be fed like an adorable, hungry puppy too cute/sad to turn away.

Seriously, that's just bad manners whether you are a foodie or not. Besides, if someone I liked put that much effort into a meal - I'd smile and eat no matter what. A note later that it's not one's preferred style is one thing, but blow by blow dissection of how bad his palate is? ugh.

I think that, for me, the reason the food issue would be such an issue is that it's an all the time thing. One eats food. A lot. Unlike, say, political affiliation, it comes up every single day you're together. I have happily dated people with different political, religious and ethical food styles than me with little problem, even though vegans can be a bit difficult, but there's always a midway, but if someone just plain YECH, on everything outside of fast food, and belittling to boot, he would, in fact, get the boot. Because, you know what? With every "going into serious" relationship, I have to ask myself, "Can I live with this forever?" And if the answer is "no, I really can't," then they have to go.

If I am willing to sit through endless baseball and football games and learn to enjoy them, they've got to give back in kind. You don't have to love what I make, but you are not allowed to tell me it sucks. The words "interesting," or "I'm not feeling it" are totally fine. At least give me the impression that you're trying, and I'm totally cool with it.

On the Food Confession thread, I mentioned an old BF. He's the same one who would not eat any kind of raw fish, only liked food that had the same texture the whole way through, and refused to even contemplate the idea of a beef stew not created by his mom. He was a huge Mets fan. He learned to LOVE raw oysters and grew to like my cooking to the point that a couple of months after we broke up, he called me for recipes. I, in turn, grew to love the Mets. Give and take. But the willingness has to be there, on both sides.

OMG, I'm totally on a soap box now. Sorry.

If it gets to the point where the other person's disinterest in food turns out to be a fear of food encroaching on willful ignorance and possible bigotry (cultural or ethnic generalizations, stereotyping, etc), then yeah it might be a deal breaker.

But if its just someone who hasn't had the good fortune to be able to have a broad range of eating experiences, I can fix that real fast!

Assuming their are willing to try and aren't all "EEW THE CHINESE EAT THAT??!!" at the mere thought of something outside of what they are familiar with. At that point, their other personality traits may be showing.

It's funny for me because when I was dating my Hispanic now husband, I would bend over backwards to make homemade Mexican dishes...Mole, tamales, carne asada...you name it....when I asked him if he liked it, he would say...well, I've never had this before!!! He lived in a regional part of Mexico that hadn't ever had the typical Mexican dishes we have today.

I finally gave up and made MY tradional dishes that I grew up with....roast beef with Yorkshire pud, cornish pasties, swedish meatballs, spaghetti, lasagna, etc and he loved it all...although the first time I presented him with roast beef, mash and gravy he poured hot sauce over it all (and still does when I'm not looking). He had never even had a baked potato before so it was an educating experience for both of us. Well, he still married me, and still loves the food I serve after 25 years....so I guess I did good. His palate was definately expanded.

@carolina; wow. Just wow. He might be food phobic, but that's just being rude. I don't know what to say. Except you can come by and cook for us anytime.

@LearP; my father-in-law hates raisins. When my wife was a little girl, her brother and she made a batch of scones and hid the raisins in the centre, and then gave them to him. Dastardly.

I really like the way chisai put it (and a couple of other posters touched on it as well), that a conflict over food just keeps coming up. I think I could tolerate our totally divergent tastes in music, because that only comes up every other day or so when we are in a car together. But he will not eat any vegetables except spinach cooked until it is dark, he doesn't like any type of Asian or long noodle, he won't eat yogurt, he doesn't like baked or mashed potatoes, tomatoes, avocado, olives, beans or tofu (and I am a vegetarian), he doesn't eat fruit and doesn't like "fruit in desserts" (he turned his nose up at a lemon cake!). I'm getting really tired of making pigs in a blanket, macaroni and cheese and gnocchi.
The other night I made barbecue tofu, buttermilk biscuits, a simple green salad with a vinaigrette and roasted baby brussel sprouts. He ate four biscuits.
Any ideas of what I can feed him?

I find it interesting that the comments are overwhelmingly about guys that are picky eaters. Are men that much worse than women when it comes to this, or do they just care less about what their SO eats (or about this thread :-)?

For me, a relationship would have to be pretty fricking amazing for me to overlook a girlfriend who wouldn't eat most of what I do. I can deal with someone who isn't as passionate about food as I am, but an overly picky eater is a near-dealbreaker.