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i would insist everyone eat. i love it when people come over. if i didn't have enough eggs i would improvise and add other things, even turn it into some kind of empty the fridge meal. your grandpa sounds like good people to me.

@pjrecz10~they sound like jerks. not friends. why would you give him you plate? your bf should be the one going without. take yours and go curl up in front of the tv and let him deal with him. or don't answer the door.

I never gave this situation much thought...perhaps its because I always make enough food to feed an army (thats my mom cooked, so its the only way I know!) and we never mind having guests. Also we normally have something quick and easy on hand, or already made. If you stopped by today, there are fresh homemade oatmeal cream pies. Its also super easy (and cheap) to throw some chips and salsa out! On the other hand, my husband has a co-worker who likes to stop by and STAY FOREVER. I mean its unreal. I dread him.....and 5 hours he will stay, no what hints you drop!

It's just plain rude to stop by without calling first - I don't ever do it to anyone (even family) so I don't tolerate people doing it to me. I usually don't answer the door and if I do, I'll (in a nice way) say that they could have called first - they get the hint and call the next time.

@dbcurrie -The drunk one is a jerk. He dosen't want anything to eat just drink and smoke and break wine glasses lol. The EATER does not come over drunk just hungry. If i know ahead of time when he comes over we have to take all the nuts, chips and crackers that are always on the coffee table for the Bf and myself to snack on, put them in a bag and shove them into the bedroom because he will help himself to it all and not just a few, he finishes the entire can of nuts. But anyways I just give him my portion of dinner becasue I am pig biting mad and have completely lost my appetite. My BF has told them several times TO CALL before coming over......Not going to happen especially w/the drunk. Like I said if they let us know in advance I would more then welcome (at least the eater) to come over and make enough for everyone.

I am generally happy to have people drop by and depending on the time, I will offer coffee and something sweet or wine and something savory. As for a meal, I generally cook with having left overs in mind, so there is usually enough to include a person or two. That being said, I do have my limits. We have a good friend who it seemed managed to always show up just about dinner time. So, of course he joined us. This would happen 3 or 4 times a week. I would also send him home with some leftovers for lunch and cookies or whatever else I baked. I was happy to do this. Fast forward a year or so of this and he is finally in his new place. He happens to mention that his girlfriend was over for the weekend and they had a cookout with some of her family. I said "Gee you should have called us, we would have loved to join you". He said "I am on a fixed income and cannot afford to have you come over for supper." I was floored. I didn't say anything, thinking maybe he was being funny. Well, that about 8 months ago and we've never been invited over. We have also stopped adding a third plate to the dinner table too. I still enjoy having people drop in, but I won't be taken advantage of.

Everybody eat! If you don't have eggs whip up some of what you have.... keep a quiche in the freezer.... no freezer space?! bring on the Alpo.... your grandfather was right.... there is always room for one more. Today we are a bunch of spoiled brats who need a curveball or two thrown our way... opening your fridge means opening your heart. Do it and feel better for it...

Years ago (70's) my sister and her husband lived next to a lake and often had people show up on the weekend just in time for dinner. One guy got to be a regular - until the day my BIL put the empty plates on the floor for the dog to lick off. Then he put the plates back in the cupboard. He didn't show up for a while after that!

With the toe of my boot.

(I'm assuming uninvited and unwelcome - otherwise with open arms, a big smile and always drink and food, in that order.)

Man, this is my one pet peeve. I was brought up to call ahead before going anywhere. Even my beloved mother will call and check with me before coming over. On the other hand, DH's brother will come over to do some chore outside and he will bring his wife and kids!!! Sometimes, I'm still in bed when they arrive!!! They sit in the house while the guys are outside. Oh, that chaps my hide!! I will have to quickly shower, dress...call Hub in and ask him what the H he is doing....and then have to plan something to eat. My husband is Hispanic and in his family..call's first are not required. Also, DH doesn't know the whole family is coming. I of course will scramble to get something together, but they are used to traditional Mexican dishes, and I usually have to make a trip to the Mexican take-out.

I'll give just about anyone at least one chance. I don't mind a drop-in if there is a purpose involved or it's obvious that they were in the area and had no/little option to call ahead. Rarely do any of them get fed but they might be offered tea or coffee. If the practice repeats itself, they don't make it past the threshold. It's simpe enough to say, "We've got something else going on right now. Call the next time your in the area".
Yes, I've postponed meals already in the preparation or already served. If they get in the door, that means I like them enough to reheat a meal later. Don't even think about sharing what I intended to be on my plate. If I have extra, you might get offered that...

@Pooch and I am bitching and moaning about a drunk and a huge eater coming over for a few hours and then boot them out, I think I will take my pop-ins anytime then what you had to go through with that family over FOR 4-5 DAYS? lol

Not quite the same, but my former inlaws, their daughter, grandson (age 2), and two large dogs moved in with us for a month with 18 hours notice, three days after we had moved into the house. At day 25, I gave my ex an ultimatum - them or me and our kid. He asked them to leave - they didn't speak to him for 6 months.

Generally I don't mind folks dropping in unexpectedly but I also am the type who has a full freezer, lots of leftovers, etc. But if someone were to make a habit of it, as other have indicated, that would become annoying after a while.

It happens very rarely. On the one occasion I remember, I seem to recall handling it by taking a good 5 minutes before we answered the door and then finally answering it in my PJs, bedhead and a perplexed expression at 4pm on a Sunday. Hasn't happened since.

I've never encountered an unannounced guest who really expected anything and they're usually very apologetic. I might quickly make a pot of coffee (depending on time of day) and there's always something in the cupboards for a quickie offering of food.

If I've got my foot out the door, it's a moot point because I probably won't change my plans to accommodate an uninvited guest.

I think for me it truly depends on who it might be. If it's family, then they can come anytime, and I'll always welcome them. If it's a member of my small circle of friends, whom I consider to be extended family, I would gladly open my door.
If it was just a neighbor or someone I didn't feel really close to, then it would depend more on my circumstances at the time. If I was in my jammies, for instance, on a Sunday afternoon, enjoying private time with my family, I would probably ask that they return at a later time, when I can properly receive them. If I was cooking and had plenty to share, I may invite them in and offer them a plate. I think there are a lot of variables here, for me anyway.
I did have an incident happen the other day, when we were hosting a small after-church hospitality luncheon, to which we had invited a certain group of people. Word got out at church that we were doing it, and someone actually went up to my husband and invited herself. She said she had "just made a cherry cheesecake and heard we were having people over, and wanted to come." Hubby graciously ignored her presumption and told her that was fine, we'd be delighted to have her. He didn't get a chance to tell me she did that, and before I knew it she was on my doorstep with cake in hand...walked in like she owned the joint. It was a bit off-putting at first, but then I realized that the whole afternoon was about hospitality after all, and maybe she's just lonely and needed to feel connected.

I keep the ingredients to make pasta Carbonara in my house at all times. Cheap, east, fast.

@Pavlov--speaking as someone who also works from home, I totally get what dbcurrie is saying. Also, sometimes I end up working through dinner at my computer so dinnertime isn't always convenient for a visit. I really don't think I should have to hang a sign saying 'working' like the 'keep out! no boys a-loud' sign on a kid's clubhouse.

I also always get the 'you don't really work' thing from family and friends, who treat their own childrens' 'real' offices (as opposed to my fake, home office) like sacred ground.

I never 'expect' to be fed at people's homes and can't believe at some of the senses of 'entitlement' I've seen expressed by some people's relatives in this thread.

@Heart, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I've actually gotten the comment, "You don't work, you enjoy what you do." Well, duh. Most people like something about their jobs. And even if I enjoyed it all the time, that still wouldn't negate the need to have it done on time.

I suppose that is what is so...annoying...about this. One is obligated to offer something to eat/drink when someone comes over. It's customary, just like it is customary to call ahead AND bring something when visiting someone's house. For some reason it's gotten to the point where it's ruder to not offer something to someone than it is to call ahead...

@maered: Thanks - now I have the tune...it puts the lotion in the basket...stuck in my head. :)

Oh, this could be a whole topic under the "wedding" section. I just paid for my only daughter's on Jan 10, and paid about $60 each guest, and there were many who came that were not invited. WTF? Do people not know anymore that if their name is not on the invitation, they should not come? Also, we had people who RSVP'd that they would be there, that did not come. Where is the civility anymore? Is every wedding a free-for-all? The wedding cost about $30,000, which is average in our area, I hear.

@heartofglass... I understood what dbcurrie was saying as well, but you also have to agree there are some occasions where a family member or friend will stop by without calling first because they happen to be in the area. If these occasions are infrequent and somewhat unavoidable they should be let in and offered something. If you are busy say so and go about your work when you need to get back to it. As for working through dinner time and being upset when someone has the misfortune of stopping by unannounced to your home... tell them you are working but offer them something. Look I understand the importance of calling, and I also understand some folks will take advantage of peoples good nature. But if work is that important to you make a sign and put it on the door saying sorry I'm working, or just don't answer the damned door. It's really just that simple. Oh, and don't forget to have "I wished I had spent more time working" on your headstone... BTW thanks for taking time out of your busy day to say hi... Oh, there's the door.... I hope I have some pastry in the fridge...

Luckily I don't have this problem. I thought I would when I moved this fall to my mom's best friend's neighborhood but more often than not my mom goes to her friend's condo and breezes right past mine. My sister is not so lucky. She's in a house (compared to my apartment) near my mom's church so my mom just stops by all the time. She's even asked my sister to give her a key so she can use the restroom to change when she's in the neighborhood and no one answers the door. Luckily she never stays long and the most she asks for is water since she's usually headed somewhere else. She taught us that we were not even allowed to go next door without calling when we were young so we're a little confused at her actions now. Even when I lived 4 doors down from my sister we didn't just show up at each other's houses. We always called first to make sure we weren't interrupting something.

Ohhhh man. After reading all of these comments the other night, I TOTALLY HAD A DREAM THAT AN UNINVITED GUEST KEPT COMING OVER!!!

Seriously. The dream was so weird--it was this kid who lived across the street from my parents house when we were growing up (which is super random), and he kept showing up at my apartment door, sitting down on our couch, and someone would inevitably give him food. Well, one day, he showed up again, and I was all "STOP F***ING COMING OVER HERE AND EATING ALL OF OUR F***ING FOOD!!! WE DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, AND WE CAN'T AFFORD IT!!!" *door slam*

@Pav, it's not that I work all the time, and the enjoyment of my leisure time is what this is about. If someone stops by at 11 am and doesn't leave until 4, that's a huge chunk of a workday I need to make up. So, instead of having the evening off to relax at home or go out to dinner, or do whatever I was planning on doing, I'm looking at five hours of work that evening.

And it's not that work is "so important to me" but it's what pays the bills. If I don't do the work, I don't get paid, and if I'm late on delivery, I'll lose the work permanently. On average, I probably work less than 40 hours a week, so I do have a bit of time off. And I enjoy that time. But my schedule is erratic, and sometimes unpredictable. I take the extra work when I can get it, because I don't always know when the next moneymaker is coming in.

Everyone knows I have this kind of schedule. Some people respect it, and some don't. If it was a random and rare occurance that someone disturbed a workday, I'd be fine with that. But there are some people who, when they hear that I'm completely booked for a period of time, will make it a point to disturb me repeatedly during that time, to the point where they'll come over and say, "I know you're working, but I thought you'd need a break."

I don't make a fuss, I offer them food and drink, and I don't get rude. I just try to explain again that when I'm working at home, I'm really working.

I'm not looking for special treatment here, just that people respect my work environment they same way they would if I was working elsewhere.

I think that a lot of people who work from home run into this sort of thing. I know others who work from home, and relatives will drop by and say, "Could you watch the kid while I go grocery shopping?" They'd never do that if the person worked at an office. The same people who are happy to drop in on me mid-day would never dream of dropping in on my spouse and asking him to entertain them for a couple hours.

It just irks me that no matter what I do, how much money I make, or what recognition I get elsewhere, there are people who insist that because I work from home, I don't have a real job.

@dbcurrie... ok you work from home, and you work hard... I get it. The post was about how you would handle an uninvited guest. Let's just assume you were not working on a given evening and someone stopped by unannounced. How would the person(s) be treated?

My in-laws called me 1.5 hrs ago to tell me that they're in my driveway and forgot to call and tell they were coming, so Is it OK to come in?. They are my in laws and they're already in my driveway, so I can't tell them, no, I'm working (I, too, work from home) and trying to eat a bowl of onion soup. Although I did mention to them that I was in the middle of my soup and asked if they wanted any. They said no, we're fine. And proceeded to stay for 1.5 hrs. Like I said, other than mid-soup, I was in the middle of a large and complicate audit I'm working on. I just lost 1.5 hrs of workable time and returned to my cold half-bowl of freaking soup. I'm so pissed, I can't even tell you.

I was raised in a Latvian home where the European adage always rules: You feed a guest whether they want to eat or not. We sometimes got some interesting foods when visiting my Mamite...like cold hot dogs...There is always room for one more and they will eat.

I'm with the people who offer something small but put dinner on hold. I recently graduated from college and am currently the only one of my group of friends who has an apartment in nyc, so we constantly have house guests. fortunately, they all understand that the budget doesn't cover rent and food for 5 other people, so everyone is constantly pitching in. i don't mind if someone just stops by with a bag of bagels!

@Pav , if somebody stopped over unexpectedly, I'd be gracious, and I'd offer food and drink. It wouldn't matter if I was working, not working, or if they woke me up in the middle of the night. If someone needs me, I'm there.

However, I still think it's a bit rude to just "stop by" and assume that the hosts have nothing else to do and that they live on the same schedule you do. These days, no one is far from a phone. I don't think it's a big burden for a guest to call ahead. If it's a tradition among family and/or friends that stopping by is okay, that's a different story.

Even in families where stopping by is a tradition, there are unwritten rules for what times are acceptable for visits. Some folks might be more open to evening guests than to having them show up for coffee at 6 am.

For example, I don't open the door until I've showered and dressed, unless maybe it's the SWAT team banging on the door. Give me a call before you arrive, and I will be showered and dressed and there will be fresh coffee brewing. Stop by without a call, and chances are that I won't even go to the door. It's not that I'm saying you can't come by, just give me warning so I can be ready.

When we were younger it was less of a problem for people just to pop in because our lives and our schedules were different and pretty much everyone we knew lived on the same schedule we did.

As far as evening guests, I'd be less inconvenienced than DH. He gets up at about 4 am, so he goes to bed really early and he likes a little time to unwind in the evening before he goes to bed. So stopping by in a normal "after dinner" timeframe is encroaching on his bedtime. He also would be gracious and stay up and entertain the guests until they left, but he wouldn't be a happy camper the next morning when he had to work on less sleep than usual.

We've actually had guests that have come over after he'd been undressed and ready for bed, and he has gotten dressed again and not made a fuss about it. Once in a while, it's something he can deal with. But if it happened often, it would become a problem.

Some guest are very understanding when you explain that you don't have a lot of time to spend. Others show up with an attitude that you should drop everything and entertain them, because they are more important than anything else you could have on your schedule. The first ones, I have no problem with. The second ones annoy the heck out of me.