Serious Eats - seriouseats.com

yes! thanksgiving 4 years ago, our friends brought their greyhound over to play with our dog. we had just sat down to eat when we heard a commotion in the kitchen. ran in to look, and there was the greyhound straddling the stove where the turkey was resting, with my dog looking up expectantly waiting for something to drop. the greyhound got a hunk of turkey before we hauled him off of it.

funny now... not so funny then.

@french tart I did not mention that yes we have a greyhound. Never underestimate a grey when food is involved. That being said.....I would never have another breed. Love 'em!!!

My beloved Boxer ate an entire candy dish filled with Hersey's kisses. (And yes, we called the vet...and because it was milk chocolate and not dark chocolate and because of his size -- 97 pounds, the vet felt he should be fine.) He was pooping silver for several days.

Before my husband and I were married, he cooked Thanksgiving dinner for his mom. After a huge meal, he and his mom decided to go visit a nearby friend's house. On the way back home, Hunter remembered that he had wrapped the turkey, but didn't put it away. And his 90 lb. black Lab was notoriously food-motivated. They hurried home and rushed into the kitchen--there was the turkey, still tightly covered in foil, on the kitchen counter. Relieved, Hunter was petting Checkers and telling him what a good boy, when he noticed some crumbs on his whiskers. He looked carefully around the kitchen and realized that the foil covered pie pans didn't look quite right. He had tightly covered the two Derby pies to send back with his mom. Both were now loosely covered. He picked up the foil, and Lo and behold, the pie pans were licked clean. Checkers had left the turkey, but ate the dessert. That dog got into more chocolate than I care to remember, but it never made him sick. He lived to be 13 years old...that's pretty old for a Lab his size. He was also the sweetest dog ever.

Right after our wedding weekend, we went home to drop off gifts, finish packing for the honeymoon and prepare for our flight out at 6 am the next morning. As it was getting late and we were hungry, my husband fixed some sanwiches as a I finished up the packing. When I came downstairs, he was in the kitchen getting our drinks. On the coffee table, there were two plates. One had two ham biscuits and some chips, the other plate had one ham biscuit and some chips. Well, I started going off..."Is this how you intend to start our marriage, with an inequitible distribution of food?! You know nothing pisses me off more than an inequitible distribution of food." (low blood sugar=grumpy) My new husband comes into the den with two glasses and a "huh? I made two biscuits for each of us!" I say "oh really?" while looking pointedly at the plates. Right then, as if on cue, our Lab/Border mix licked her chops! We just busted out laughing because we never suspected her, she's always such a good girl.

when i was about twelve years old, i was staying overnight at a new friend's house. her parents were very persnickety, neurotic, super clean types with a fancy house in a fancy suburb, and i was totally nervous about being there. shortly after my arrival, their dog found one of my used sanitary napkins in the bathroom trash and exploded it all over the white living room rug.

On election night, my friend's lab ate another friends entire cake shaped like the US (even color-coded with red and blue states). Tragic! I couldn't wait to gobble up Alaska.

It's interesting all of these stories about dogs and chocolate--the sister of my friend has a dog, and once she was about to cook all of the holiday chocolate chip cookies--using a Nestle's semisweet chocolate chip bag from CostCo. Left the bag opened on the kitchen table, went to answer the door...came back...and no more chocolate chips!

She said the dog suffered no ill-affects other than diarehha. It was a retriever, too a large dog, but not a humongous dog either.

My chihuahua has also snagged a chip or two, with no ill-effects (I mean, like one chocolate chip). However, her most notable food feat of levitation/ consumption has been to jump on a table and eat a dish of ice cream I had out when I went to answer the door. That was when she was a puppy, and since then I've been careful. So instead she just tries to muscle her way underfoot, and hopes to intimidate/trip/or guilt me into giving her what ever I'm preparing.

Well, it's not really holiday eats but....My friend's black lab, Kai, still not full grown at this point, (I'm seeing a trend here, with labs and food-thievery) ate an entire pizza out of the box when she left the room. She came back in the living room, saw the empty box, and immediately blamed her roommate, who was clueless. This was about seven or eight years ago. More recently, she, now married, and her husband purchased a new home and had all the carpeting replaced before they moved in. About a week after the move Kai ripped into a brand-new bag of cat food (about 20 lbs worth) and consumed most of it while my friends were out. They returned to find a near-empty bag of cat food with a beached whale lying beside it. Kai spent the weekend vomiting cat food all over the brand new carpet.

@Brooke29- my mixed terriers can hear a cheese wrapper a mile away. They come a runnin' at the first crinkle.

If we don't push the chairs in on the dining room table the female will eat whatever I happen to leave out- including a stick of butter. That had some unpleasant consequences and earned her the nickname "butter butt" for obvious reasons. Both of our dogs have eaten chocolate and survived which is surprising since they're both 15 lbs. or less.

The worse offenses, however, came from a dog I no longer have. She was a high-strung mutt and really liked cake. Any cake. Once she ate my son's Power Ranger birthday cake the day before the party (or the day of, can't recall). Another time she licked the frosting off a red velvet cake I made for my boss- but only off the top. She left the sides and the cake layers intact. Damn dog.

Wed night before Thankgiving I took a poll of the constituency assembled at the tomato house and they wanted to eat pizza. So I ordered some.
Husband swears that our younger dog stole the crust off his plate.
Of our dogs the younger one is secretly brazen. I am glad she only got crust as I micromanage the food intake of my dogs. No one wants "poopy butt" when you have guests. I blame Mr Tomato for his lack of proper placement and due diligence in pizza crust cast offs.
No one got sick.

I'm extremely lucky as my Springer Spaniel will patiently wait for someone to give him some people food. He is very well behaved - but not a saint. He will occasionally snatch a pita chip if it's sitting on the coffee table but he won't go into a bowl of them.

He has consumed very interesting things. He got into the garage one day and I got a call from my boyfriend. "Did you have a can of grease in the garage?" I knew immediately from the question what had happened. I made a bunch of pizzas the prior Sunday for our weekly football gathering and I had sauteed off a bunch of meats like chorizo, sausage, etc. I had nowhere to dump the grease so I put it in a large tomato can. Dog got into the garage and voila! Lunch.

I thought for sure we'd have grease exiting every orafice on this dog but all it did was make him sluggish for a couple of days. He must have the digestive system of a long shoreman.

One other time we had just come home from dinner and a "doggie bag" of risotto plopped to the ground. It was about 1/3 of an order. Not to let it go to waste, we called the dog out by the car and he wolfed the risotto right off the lawn.

Rice obviously has the same effect on dogs as it does people - he didn't crap for 2 days.

We have an eleven month old golden retriever. She's really sweet and generally well behaved, but hey, she's a dog who has her doggy moments. She has swallowed a grilled chicken leg, whole. A grilled boneless chicken breast, once again one gulp. A stick of butter, wrapper and all. A slice of pizza here and there. She also has eaten the kids' legos, chewed on the wood bed risers, and occasionally tried to chew on a wicker basket. I just try to give her a bone to solve the chewing problem. The worst thing she's gotten into was some cherry flavored Chloraseptic cough drops. I was very worried they have benzocaine in them and had problems getting a hold of the vet. She gets car sick really

we have a cat smokey that steals chicken off the counter while your trimming it. another that won't even take a cat treat. a rotti/lab/Shepard that lays right behind you in the kitchen so if he trips you he'll get whatever first. and a tea cup chiwawa that we call hoover because as it falls she cleans it right up.

@Kerosena- The thievery happened over several days, and we were home the whole time. It's difficult to keep the pooch under surveillance when there are turkeys to roast, and he is surprisingly limber when it comes to scaling counters.

@thereachiffonade- Thanks for the kudos. We've all been getting adjusted to each other, but he is right at home, and I can already tell that Reilly is a smart boy who will make a great addition to our family. I'll check out Animal Planet for tips, and we're keeping our fingers crossed that he makes it through Doggie Kindergarten!

My dog generally stays out of trouble, so this was pretty funny. Last Valentine's day my roommate's grandmother bought us a box of chocolates that came in heart shaped box made from chocolate. My dog ate the remaining chocolates AND most of the box while we were at work. There were claw marks on the box!

My weimaraner's claim to fame is eating a can of soup. Like, an unopened can. He also likes soap. Maybe he got it confused with sopa, but I doubt it.

Of the many food theft crimes committed by our dogs, the most memorable was an entire recipe of unleavened cinnamon roll dough by our old beagle. That was particularly heinous. He was the most food crazed creature on the planet. Whenever I roasted any meat, he would park himself right beside the oven door the entire time, drooling and whimpering.

Mine eat too many things to relate here, but the oddest is probably Betsy's uncanny ability to locate take-out ketchup packets and suck them dry.

Which dog do I start with?
The first family dog ate toys exclusively- barbies were sport!
The second family dog was the eater- in his 11 years Big Tucker ate: twice baked stuffed potatoes (usually a dozen at a time), poppyseed cakes, frosted cake (he managed to flip the pyrex onto his head, covering his bad self in frosting), asparagus tips (we found the top of the ziplock bag- stinky pee was the evidence), power bars (my brother's fault- he had to pay the vet bill!), lots of halloween candy (usually my sisters), fundraising candy bars (the foil and almonds nearly did him in) and many sticks of butter (a favorite family holiday story).
Next two family dogs weren't really into food.
Big Gem is a foodie- he's eaten coffee beans, baked potatoes, poppyseed cakes, coffee beans, sheets of brownies, lots of bread, cake. The brownies had to be the worst- we're pretty conditioned on the barf thing in our family, but seeing brownies in reverse was pretty darn awful.
I've got to say that life would be pretty darn boring without a dog to make the holidays fun. Nothing like playing hide the food before you go out!

my dog dragged an entire dear head up to the front door one morning. it had the whole pelt attached because some readneck was making a dearskin rug in his backyard.

it was a DOE
it was NOT hunting season
and it was also mother's day.

needless to say the previous owner didnt go asking around about it lol silly poachers.

My two cats aren't big on people food. My male cat has no interest in anything that isn't cat food or the juice from canned tuna. My female cat will eat anything fish or chicken and has a special fondness for toast, but she knows not to beg.
When I was younger though we had a cat that had a huge thing for bread, we had to get a bread box or she would tear into any loaf she could get ahold of. Our other cat at the time once managed to eat almost 1/4 of a cheesecake that I had left out on the table to cool. I just cut the affected part out and pretended it was fine. Our dogs were always really well behaved and never stole food.

My cat dragged a pork chop of a platter and gnawed on it until we found her.
My boxer ate like 8 lbs of raw hamburger meat during a party while the grill was heating up.
My mastiff ate everyone's stocking last Christmas except her own - not the contents, the actual stockings.

Animals are an adventure!

Our late and beloved 98 lb Lab/Rotweiler mix was capable of eating huge amounts of anything that resembled food. My late and beloved mother in law was visiting for Passover one year and had just taken the traditional gigantic brisket out of the oven and (non-dog owning person that she was) simply put it on the counter for my father-in-law to slice. She returned from her afternoon walk and assumed that her husband has sliced the brisket, wrapped it in foil and put it in the fridge..the pan was empty, after all. Well, not a 5 seconds later, the dog came around the corner from the living room with onions literally dripping from his chin. He had consumed nearly 5 lbs of brisket with onions and gravy. Other than a couple of loud belches, he (and we) suffered no ill effects.

Hungry sailor--my sister in law called me a few years ago to report that her yellow lab ate an entire 1.5lb tub of margarine off the counter (yeah, she actually uses margarine). She said that the effects were pretty immediate and the offending oil came out the opposite end 'looking pretty much exactly like the topping they put on popcorn at the movies'. I haven't eaten movie popcorn since.

The ten handmade chocolate truffles on the plate beside the bed next to the champagne and glasses......

When our dog Maggie was young she had a penchant for stealing from the kitchen counter. She pilfered a few funny things (6 hot dogs, Texas and Hawaii from a cake shaped like the US) but the most memorable item she ate was a Rubbermaid butter dish.

Wow, these are some great tales (tails?). I have a few stories of our beloved dog's escapades, which I will condense briefly.

He has eaten many many items that were not proffered. These are the highlights.

He once drank a glass of Merlot without knocking over the stemware. I am still impressed.

During the same week, he drank a cup of coffee without spilling a drop.

While we entertained guests, he devoured an entire platter (3+ lbs) of chicken, lovingly marinated and grilled during a moment of inattention.

He has also eaten:
a cherry pie
a birthday cake
a large plate of blanched asparagus

@dhorst--That's a great book. I loved the part about how Marley loved to eat mangoes, and then how his poop looked like orange traffic cones all around the backyard.

theres an infamous story in our family about when we were babysitting a friend's sheltie, and my mom had prepared a big plate of cinnamon rolls for the whole family. while she briefly left the kitchen to holler to us kids that breakfast was ready, in that minute or so the dog hopped on the table and ate most of the rolls. we'd never had a dog do anything like that, we were so shocked!
there are countless bad cat stories from my ex boyfriends two evil cats... one of them took a pringle OUT OF MY MOUTH once.

My old cat had an affinity for Starbucks Caramel Cappuccino Swirl ice cream.. couldn't keep it in the house. Even thought he was frail and 19.. you could not eat a bite in peace.

Current cat will climb up your leg to get tomatoes or canteloupe and will swipe the peanut butter or homemade blackberry jam right off your toast. At least he's civil to guests, but to me he has nailed down the art of pulling my hand towards his mouth while I'm trying to eat.

My in-laws' miniature schnauser ate a 3-1/2 pound bag of Gummi Bears one Thanksgiving weekend. Now that was a mess!

My 10 year old Ridgeback and my friend's Greyhound mix worked as a team to eat 5 lbs of salmon cream cheese.

The pug puppy once ate $74 worth of 12 year Hook Cheddar. He CheezWhiz'd all over the backyard. I almost had him put to sleep I was so pissed.

When we had our old cat, we had to eat in shifts...one would eat, while the other restrained the cat, who was focused laser-like on whatever food the other had. The same cat refused to eat unless you watched her. If you put her food down and went into the other room, she'd follow you and make a fuss until you went back.

Also, my childhood dog ate our World Series tickets. That wasn't fun.

Thanks all for the laugh at work!

This thread reminds me of a collection of similar stories I read about in the Washington Post a few years back around Christmas time - my favorite being the dachshund who ate a box of caffeine pills.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/21/AR2006122101366.html