Celebrity chef shows you will NEVER see...(fictional versions)
I was inspired by all of the other fun threads: I don't have cable, so this is based on what I have seen of morning TV silliness and PBS.
Shows you will never see from 'food personalities'
Paula Deen--Unbuttered!
Sandra Lee--Preservative free!
America's Test Kitchen: Viewer's best riffs on test kitchen classics.
Martha Stewart: Good enough.
"This show geared to working moms bears not even a passing resemblance to anything Rachel Ray has ever done"
Mario: 300 calories or less
Anthony Bourdain: Bile-free vegan
And sadly (sniff)...The French Chef Redux (because there will never be another JC).
Add a comment:
Previewing your comment:
HTML Hints
Some HTML is OK: <a href="URL">link</a>, <strong>strong</strong>, <em>em</em>
Comment Guidelines
Post whatever you want, just keep it seriously about eats, seriously. We reserve the right to delete off-topic or inflammatory comments. Learn more at our Comment Policy page.
If you see something not so nice, please, report an inappropriate comment.
Start Talking!
Need a question answered? Have advice to share? Start a Talk topic now!
Sign up to get your questions answered and share advice.
20 Comments:
"Barefoot & Pregnant" -- Ina Garten -- Cooks meals in a trailer using only food she can buy at a 7/11 and cook in a microwave.
juliebugsmama at 9:31AM on 12/31/08
'I cooked in a real restaurant, during service, in the last year': Starring any FN celebrity.
coolname at 10:30AM on 12/31/08
I would hate to see:
"Kooking with Ketchup"
"Dogs for Dinner: With Rachel Ray"
"Learning your table Manners" hosted by Chef Gordon Ramsay
Paula Deen "unbuttered" LOL thats a good one
hungrychristel at 10:43AM on 12/31/08
I would very much like to see Paula Deen immediately follow up any show with a 2-4 hour aerobic workout that burns off the exact calories in her featured meal.
smallkitchen at 10:54AM on 12/31/08
Heh -- very funny, HeartofGlass. I see being published in MAD magazine in your future! And you, juliebugsmama and hungrychristel, you scandalous commenters.
Anyone for:
-Alton Brown's "Chill Out!" TV Special: It's Just Food, Not Science
-Bork, Bork, Bjork: The Swedish Chef's Iceland Christmas Party
And maliciously going off of HeartofGlass' well-laid "celebrity show" rails:
-KitchenAid Contemporary: Molded & Mixed -- The Tofuturducken Mixer Party
-West Coast Choppers: Episode 6 -- The Chinese Cleaver
There also must be never-gonna-happen cooking shows for Serious Eats' posters too... (drops the bomb and runs away)
TikiPundit at 11:02AM on 12/31/08
I can see it Paula is cooking and men in bike shorts are exercising behind her. Tight bike shorts. She keeps walking over to them and spraying rediwhip on them and licking it off. Her husband sits near her laughing like Santa Claus. Then time for the Paula Live Band.
JerzeeTomato at 2:04PM on 12/31/08
all of the above are hilarious!!!!! very witty.....
how about:
Giada's latest episode:
Food that doesn't get stuck in your teeth.... Spinach-less meals under 50 calories.....
pooch at 2:26PM on 12/31/08
OMG, Jerzee Tomato, the whole rediwhip-laughing husband thing is just too much imagery!
I just watched a rerun of Gordon Ramsay with Sharon Osbourne on the F Word: hubby wanted lamb chops but what about:
Bats in the Belfry, Bats in the Kitchen: Lunatic Brit Gordon Ramsay Cooks Up Ozzie's Fave Gnosh
TikiPundit at 4:50PM on 12/31/08
Bobby Flay's Boy Meets Baggie: a sous-vide special. I don't think he recognizes food without grill marks.
pearl at 6:24PM on 12/31/08
George Foreman; Grilling For A Crowd
Chef Robert Irvine; Exploring My Foodie Past
Ted Nugent; Million-Dollar Rockin' Tour Bus Grillin' Safari
Diners, Drive-In's & Dives, with Robin Leach
George W. Bush Cooks French
National Footbal League's Molecular Gastronomical Breakfast Tour
On-The-Hunt with Woody Harrelson
Jerry Lewis: Dieting with Steroids
... and last but not least ...
The Pope Cooks Kosher
LunaPierCook at 7:02PM on 12/31/08
More ...
Ina Garden's Roadkill Cafe
Cooking Light with Whopper Virgins
Pork & Donuts: Cooking with Cops
Jacques Cousteau's Seafood
Cojo's Guide to Bombay Streetfood
PotatoE Cooking with Dan Quayle
LunaPierCook at 7:13PM on 12/31/08
@LPC--those are awesome! Especially the image of the Pope making matzoh ball soup!
HeartofGlass at 7:16PM on 12/31/08
C'mon - let's spice this up a little. How about 'Naked Chef' just like Naked News. Ratings would shoot up like a rocket...hmmm okay for Giada and Nigella, Sandra Lee and Sunny ??? . Not sure about Paula or any of the guys ! I could almost envision a Playboy spread on the 'Women of Food Network' !
Ribster at 9:25PM on 12/31/08
Guy from D,D & D doing a show that is the complete opposite of DD&D.
Duff from Ace of Cakes making a regular Betty Crocker style cakes.
Ray Ray doing a baking show.
Paula Deen doing a strictly vegan show.
pjracz10 at 12:18AM on 01/01/09
Guy, Whupped: Recipes for ulcer patients and alcoholics.
Trailer Trash Martha: 1001 Crafts made with toilet paper tubes and empty meth baggies.
The Neelys After the Divorce: Cooking with only half your stuff. They alternate appearances on camera.
Seriously, though... Sunny.... NAKED?!?! No way! Once she unzips and peels off those tighter-than-skin jeans (with the aid of a come-along) and her Spanks she's easily as big around as Paula Deen, just taller. (Her recipes stink, too.)
Calichef at 1:13AM on 01/01/09
@Calichef ~ I thought the same about Sunny. Funny, funny stuff there friend! You know, if Martha can be jailed, then maybe the Neelys could split and spare us. As one who lost half her stuff, that comment made me LOL. I'd take Pat in a heartbeat....ha ha.
PerkyMac at 1:20AM on 01/01/09
Nigella Lawson's Convent Cooking.
Robin Miller's Recipes You Can't Mash Up In A Ziplock Bag.
Food Network Challenge: Cooking Without Product Placement
therealchiffonade at 9:30PM on 01/01/09
i feel like a mean 6th grader saying this, but i just can't resist:
mario batali as the naked chef.
cybercita at 10:46PM on 01/01/09
Michael Phelps: Eating Lite for Athletes
veggieout at 11:58PM on 01/01/09
Sandra Lee: Flour, Sugar, Eggs and Milk-What to Make?
Ina Garten: Cooking for Straight Guys
Paula Deen: The $50,000 Meatloaf: Or, I know I Was Wearin' Mah Rangs When Ah Mixed It With Mah Hayands.
robincat at 4:28PM on 01/08/09