• Share:
  • Send to Reddit
  • Send to StumbleUpon
  • Send to Facebook
  • Send to del.icio.us
  • Send to digg

Celebrity chef shows you will NEVER see...(fictional versions)

I was inspired by all of the other fun threads: I don't have cable, so this is based on what I have seen of morning TV silliness and PBS.

Shows you will never see from 'food personalities'

Paula Deen--Unbuttered!

Sandra Lee--Preservative free!

America's Test Kitchen: Viewer's best riffs on test kitchen classics.

Martha Stewart: Good enough.

"This show geared to working moms bears not even a passing resemblance to anything Rachel Ray has ever done"

Mario: 300 calories or less

Anthony Bourdain: Bile-free vegan

And sadly (sniff)...The French Chef Redux (because there will never be another JC).

20 Comments:

"Barefoot & Pregnant" -- Ina Garten -- Cooks meals in a trailer using only food she can buy at a 7/11 and cook in a microwave.

'I cooked in a real restaurant, during service, in the last year': Starring any FN celebrity.

I would hate to see:
"Kooking with Ketchup"
"Dogs for Dinner: With Rachel Ray"
"Learning your table Manners" hosted by Chef Gordon Ramsay

Paula Deen "unbuttered" LOL thats a good one

I would very much like to see Paula Deen immediately follow up any show with a 2-4 hour aerobic workout that burns off the exact calories in her featured meal.

Heh -- very funny, HeartofGlass. I see being published in MAD magazine in your future! And you, juliebugsmama and hungrychristel, you scandalous commenters.

Anyone for:
-Alton Brown's "Chill Out!" TV Special: It's Just Food, Not Science
-Bork, Bork, Bjork: The Swedish Chef's Iceland Christmas Party

And maliciously going off of HeartofGlass' well-laid "celebrity show" rails:
-KitchenAid Contemporary: Molded & Mixed -- The Tofuturducken Mixer Party
-West Coast Choppers: Episode 6 -- The Chinese Cleaver

There also must be never-gonna-happen cooking shows for Serious Eats' posters too... (drops the bomb and runs away)

I can see it Paula is cooking and men in bike shorts are exercising behind her. Tight bike shorts. She keeps walking over to them and spraying rediwhip on them and licking it off. Her husband sits near her laughing like Santa Claus. Then time for the Paula Live Band.

all of the above are hilarious!!!!! very witty.....

how about:

Giada's latest episode:

Food that doesn't get stuck in your teeth.... Spinach-less meals under 50 calories.....

OMG, Jerzee Tomato, the whole rediwhip-laughing husband thing is just too much imagery!

I just watched a rerun of Gordon Ramsay with Sharon Osbourne on the F Word: hubby wanted lamb chops but what about:

Bats in the Belfry, Bats in the Kitchen: Lunatic Brit Gordon Ramsay Cooks Up Ozzie's Fave Gnosh

Bobby Flay's Boy Meets Baggie: a sous-vide special. I don't think he recognizes food without grill marks.

George Foreman; Grilling For A Crowd

Chef Robert Irvine; Exploring My Foodie Past

Ted Nugent; Million-Dollar Rockin' Tour Bus Grillin' Safari

Diners, Drive-In's & Dives, with Robin Leach

George W. Bush Cooks French

National Footbal League's Molecular Gastronomical Breakfast Tour

On-The-Hunt with Woody Harrelson

Jerry Lewis: Dieting with Steroids

... and last but not least ...

The Pope Cooks Kosher

More ...

Ina Garden's Roadkill Cafe

Cooking Light with Whopper Virgins

Pork & Donuts: Cooking with Cops

Jacques Cousteau's Seafood

Cojo's Guide to Bombay Streetfood

PotatoE Cooking with Dan Quayle

@LPC--those are awesome! Especially the image of the Pope making matzoh ball soup!

C'mon - let's spice this up a little. How about 'Naked Chef' just like Naked News. Ratings would shoot up like a rocket...hmmm okay for Giada and Nigella, Sandra Lee and Sunny ??? . Not sure about Paula or any of the guys ! I could almost envision a Playboy spread on the 'Women of Food Network' !


Guy from D,D & D doing a show that is the complete opposite of DD&D.
Duff from Ace of Cakes making a regular Betty Crocker style cakes.
Ray Ray doing a baking show.
Paula Deen doing a strictly vegan show.

Guy, Whupped: Recipes for ulcer patients and alcoholics.
Trailer Trash Martha: 1001 Crafts made with toilet paper tubes and empty meth baggies.
The Neelys After the Divorce: Cooking with only half your stuff. They alternate appearances on camera.

Seriously, though... Sunny.... NAKED?!?! No way! Once she unzips and peels off those tighter-than-skin jeans (with the aid of a come-along) and her Spanks she's easily as big around as Paula Deen, just taller. (Her recipes stink, too.)

@Calichef ~ I thought the same about Sunny. Funny, funny stuff there friend! You know, if Martha can be jailed, then maybe the Neelys could split and spare us. As one who lost half her stuff, that comment made me LOL. I'd take Pat in a heartbeat....ha ha.

Nigella Lawson's Convent Cooking.
Robin Miller's Recipes You Can't Mash Up In A Ziplock Bag.
Food Network Challenge: Cooking Without Product Placement

i feel like a mean 6th grader saying this, but i just can't resist:

mario batali as the naked chef.

Michael Phelps: Eating Lite for Athletes

Sandra Lee: Flour, Sugar, Eggs and Milk-What to Make?

Ina Garten: Cooking for Straight Guys

Paula Deen: The $50,000 Meatloaf: Or, I know I Was Wearin' Mah Rangs When Ah Mixed It With Mah Hayands.

Add a comment:

Comments can take up to a minute to appear - please be patient!

Previewing your comment:

 

HTML Hints

Some HTML is OK: <a href="URL">link</a>, <strong>strong</strong>, <em>em</em>

Comment Guidelines

Post whatever you want, just keep it seriously about eats, seriously. We reserve the right to delete off-topic or inflammatory comments. Learn more at our Comment Policy page.

If you see something not so nice, please, report an inappropriate comment.

Start Talking!

Need a question answered? Have advice to share? Start a Talk topic now!

Sign up to start a talk topic

Sign up to get your questions answered and share advice.