Are you a tyrant or a democrat in your kitchen?
*Disclaimer: despite the title, this post is not related to politics in any way whatsoever - other than the kitchen politics, that is.
As I was replying to Heart's question about Thanksgiving prep, it occurred to me that I don't really like people in my kitchen. It's not that I want my kitchen completely devoid of any human contact, no. For instance, we have an open floor plan, so I often have my OH kind of around when I cook, as he may be in the lounge or the dining room. I don't mind talking to him, but I don't really want him (or anybody else, for that matter) underfoot. So yes, I guess I'm a kitchen tyrant. I love cooking for people, but not necessarily with people (unless those people are just there for a conversation. Then they can stay, as long as they sit at the counter and don't get in the way).
It's my kitchen, and I happen to have a very strong opinion about the way things should be done (the right way, of course:-)), and that includes actual cooking as well as organising things around. I don't want to look for a ladle or a colander all over the kitchen, I know where they are. Or I did until the OH emptied the dishwasher and put them elsewhere (don't even get me started on the dishwasher, I constantly have to re-arrange the dishes there or we would be running a full cycle for 3.5 plates and 2 bowls every time). I don't want to reach for cumin and wonder why there is garlic powder in its place. Kitchen Rule #1 says, "if you don't know where it lives, ask me!", but people tend to ignore that rule.
You want to help? There is always a table to be set and drinks to be poured. But don't get underfoot when I cook or mess with my stuff. It's my territory, and I'm the queen, the police and the jury, all in one.
What about you?
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34 Comments:
Funny, I like cooking with other people, esp. my husband or daughter, both of whom are good cooks but pretty laid back about the process. I have cooked a meal with someone like you - he was a fanatic about measuring and using the right technique, etc., and it was his kitchen to boot. But I thoroughly enjoyed that, too, and frankly picked up some good tricks from him. Though now that I think about it, I cannot say whether he liked cooking with me ;-)
OliverRanch at 2:07PM on 11/05/08
I'm a professional chef/cook. I'm a tyrant/delegator of the first degree! lol Stay out unless you are going to do exactly as I tell you the exact way that I tell you. I was also a bartender for many years, so don't touch the drinks unless you know what you're doing either.
I'm a mise en place girl, everything has a home, I can find things in my kitchen blindfolded. I love it when people help me prep, but again, the caveat is that I will show you where things come from, where they go back to, how they should be prepped and where they go once they're prepped.
Amazingly enough, people still ask me if they can help me in the kitchen! I don't mind having company and do have fun with the people who help me, but by now most of them understand my rules, and actually I think they kinda like it. There's no confusion, yanno?
Now, glad to hear your back is feeling a little better. I know way too much about back pain, mine has kept me out of work for the better part of 4 months now. :( Is the high school in your backyard Lacey Township? If so, you darn well have been watching TV-21 WLTS last night! But I think you live in Toms River. :)
scarletini at 2:07PM on 11/05/08
Argh, I swear I only posted this topic once, I don't have the slightest idea why there are two of them!
@OliverRanch - if you weren't in his way, he probably did:-).
@scarletini - I think the one by us is TR High - South High School :-(
Oh, and having read your post, I no longer feel like a horrible, horrible person for being a kitchen tyrant that I am:-).
brooke29 at 2:25PM on 11/05/08
Democrats belong in the White House and Congress. In my kitchen, only I hold the reigns of absolute power.
simon at 2:34PM on 11/05/08
I think I'm a kitchen tyrant.
There is only one person who I can tolerate in the kitchen, and that's my mom. I think it's because we use all the same techniques and we both know where everything goes :)
Other that, I prefer to have people keeping me company in the kitchen instead of helping out.
CarolynEats at 2:41PM on 11/05/08
@brooke29 Did you send note to Serious Eats and have them merge?
I did keep out of his way, we were great at dividing and conquering :-) One of the best meals I've ever made, too. One guest said, after the third course, "I think I need a cigarette, now." Not a smoker, he was referring to something else...
@simon, very funny!
OliverRanch at 2:44PM on 11/05/08
i find it's just easier to do it myself, or i'll start to micromanage. hence, i guess i'm a tyrant. and i don't even think i'm that great at cooking!
megannesta at 2:58PM on 11/05/08
Oh yeah, my mommie is allowed in my kitchen anytime. But we cooked together on the line for years, so we speak food telepathically anyway!
scarletini at 2:59PM on 11/05/08
@OliverRanch - I just did, thanks! I thought about it an hour ago, but that's how long it takes me to type a line right now:-)
@simon - you sure made me laugh!
brooke29 at 3:03PM on 11/05/08
I scare no one. Even my dog laughed when I raised my voice. So, I guess you'd call me a delegator. Unless you're my mother (and she died in '03) or I've asked for your help, you need to be sitting at the breakfast bar and chatting or chopping. That includes my daughters who tend to get under foot, although I like cooking with them. Excludes my 4 year old granddaughter who I would stop anything else at the drop of a hat to play with her and have her safely help in the kitchen. Most definitely includes a friend who cooked more steak after I had just put our dinner on the table. I think I'd growl and bare my teeth if she ever came in my kitchen again. Maybe I could scare!
PerkyMac at 3:22PM on 11/05/08
I remember that Perky. Helpy Helperton.
I am a task master. Tyrant would mean that I was impossible. I am not impossible, I am exacting.
JerzeeTomato at 3:26PM on 11/05/08
I tend to be a tyrant, but I'm really trying hard to let go of my OCD so that my two beautiful babies will still enjoy cooking with me. I'm always telling myself to "let go" and not freak out if things get messy. Just the other day, my sweet little girl was enthusiastically helping me dredge my zucchini rounds in egg and bread crumbs so that I could fry them, and of course more egg and crumbs got on the counter and floor than anywhere. It was all I could do to keep my cool and "just let it go" -- she was having such a good time and was so proud to be helping mommy, that I just had to tell myself that it wasn't anything that couldn't be fixed or cleaned later. We ended up having a great time together. Another lesson learned in patience. I think I'm finally getting it...:o)
juliebugsmama at 4:01PM on 11/05/08
I guess I have to admit I am a tyrant. I have found I like to cook alone. If I have a plan only I know the plan and can get it does most efficiently and if I don't have a plan then you still can't help because I don't know what will be happening next. I think part of the problem is that I do things pretty quickly and it is so much easier just to do it myself. I don't think it's so much that "my" way is the "right" way but I just don't delegate well. I find inefficiency in the kitchen is tough for me to take, so maybe there is a little of "my way" being best??!! When my sister was alive I could cook with her and I have one friend I can cook with but other than that you are more than welcome to keep me company in the kitchen, just DO NOT keep asking if you can help. If I need something I will definitely ask! I am generally quite mild mannered but my husband tends to be a little afraid of me when I am in the kitchen.
I am glad I am not the only tyrant out there!
mrsmoosie at 4:18PM on 11/05/08
I'm a complete and utter Fascist. Get out of my kitchen while I'm cooking if you know what's good for you. You will be in my way, will do something wrong, will not be of any help whatsoever.
I scared my sis-in-law so bad once that she always asks if she can go in the kitchen now. Oops :)
The only day I'll have patience is Thanksgiving, and that's probably because I'm in my mom's kitchen, not mine.
bitchincamero at 4:24PM on 11/05/08
I'm having to learn to be more tolerant too. My kids and my husband love to help me but I tend to be a little neurotic. I clean up before, during and after cooking. I hate mess and clutter. I'm just having to learn to be more laid back and take things as they come. It's not an easy process but a glass of wine while cooking does help!
LizSherman at 4:29PM on 11/05/08
Tyrant for sure. I'm trying to get better about it--how else will my kids learn how to cook? I drive my husband crazy when he tries to make an omelet or something else and I adjust the heat or season it for him. Lot's of eyerolling on his part and some smart ass control freak remarks.
dhorst at 4:43PM on 11/05/08
definitely a tyrant -- and when it comes to doing the dishes -- there are only a few people that i'd let near that, also! sometimes you have to explain to people why you shouldn't put the wine glasses into the greasy soapy water from the rest of the dishes. duh, do the cleanest stuff first and work your way to the dirtiest! do i sound like a control freak?
you don't have to answer....
pooch at 4:44PM on 11/05/08
I'm a bit of a kitchen despot by nature, but do my best to be as diplomatic about it as possible. I leave the kitchen when my boyfriend is cooking, to avoid making us both nuts.
mongoose at 5:33PM on 11/05/08
Husband refuses to enter the kitchen while I'm using it. In the spirit of keeping marital bliss, I'm perfectly fine with his decison. He's in the way 98% of the time otherwise.
Apple at 6:07PM on 11/05/08
After so many years of marriage, DH still wanders into the kitchen and leans on the counter to "chat" while I am cooking. I am indeed a kitchen czar. I throw him out every time! I have a small kitchen and my friends and family are welcome to sit on the barstools, period! I have a friend who does not cook at all and always tries to look over my shoulder if I am cooking. She says she will learn something. I always ask what difference would it make. "Go sit down"!
izatryt at 7:16PM on 11/05/08
@simon--ditto, you made me laugh out loud!
I have to say, regarding all of the 'tyrants'--I'm just a beginning cook, so I'd actually rather 'help' a tyrant in the kitchen who tells me what to do. The worst is just standing there, and sort of puttering away, not sure what you're doing is helpful, or watching someone who is uncertain themselves. I always find I learn best from people who are very precise about everything.
I'm just beginning to learn how to cook, really, so I admit I follow recipes very closely. I live alone, so most of the time there is no one around to give me 'advice.' When I did cook simply for my mother, it did irritate me though, when she gave me advice, because she was very correct about things like hardboiling eggs for 40 minutes and washing spaghetti after it was cooked.
I'm afraid the little person who gets most in the way is my dog. She doesn't understand poor thing, but I do have to say that even a clumsy person isn't as dangerous as a 10 pound, very hungry chihuahua who doesn't understand the concept of 'a hot stove' and thinks that the butter you are melting in the microwave is a snack just for her--all of it.
HeartofGlass at 7:36PM on 11/05/08
In my own kitchen, I tend to be a tyrant. Well... Tyrantish. I am definitely in charge but will let people help if their heart is in the right place, even if they're not great with a knife.
I will allow guests to bring a dish (pre-approved) to T-Giving.
I will not allow guests to bring anything but dessert to Christmas Eve.
When I'm in someone else's kitchen and trying to help, I'm a deck hand. My knife is geared to whatever task the host or hostess has requested that I perform.
therealchiffonade at 8:06PM on 11/05/08
heart I hope you are kidding about your mom hard boiling eggs for 40 min :) 12 min after the water starts boiling makes perfect eggs with no "greyish"ring.
I am a tyrant I would prefer you stay out of my way as I have 6 burners and 2 ovens in use and you have no idea what is going where and if I take the time to explain things will burn. I love to chat with you as long as you are not over my shoulder as iz has said.
love2cook at 8:12PM on 11/05/08
My kitchen is very small. I've been known to bump into myself if I turn around too fast.
I suppose if someone wanted to help in the kitchen, I'd give them tasks to do, but that doesn't happen much. On the other hand, I don't mind if people hang around the kitchen and chat.
dbcurrie at 8:54PM on 11/05/08
I think in my younger years I was probably a tyrant, but how much fun did I miss out on by not wanting my kids in the kitchen? I agree with "perky mac" I love having my grandson in the kitchen with me. Yeah, so many it takes a little longer and makes more of a mess, but SO WHAT?!?
renee59 at 10:10PM on 11/05/08
i am a tyrant. most times it is easier to do things for myself than having to take the time to fix what others screw up.
that being said, my sister is the only person i can handle in the kitchen with me. she has learned how i work and has figured out how to be helpful. powerful observation skills.
supersu75 at 10:49PM on 11/05/08
I'm definitely a tyrant. I don't mind people in my kitchen, as long as they just want to sit at the table and chat with me as I cook. But. Do. Not. Touch. Anything. Ever.
That said, if you're willing to do exactly as I tell you, you can peel potatoes or something. I don't like it, but sometimes people need to feel useful, and I try to be good about it.
Also, I don't want to hear your opinions about how I'm doing things unless it's to tell me how awesome I am. I do not want to hear about how I could do it easier this way, or add more salt that way, or whatever.
I'm terrible. I know it. And not just in my kitchen. If I'm at your house and you're cooking, I have to stay out of the kitchen. It's almost impossible for me to keep out of the way or my opinion to myself, so I just remove me from the room. My friends know what I'm like, and surprisingly, they still love me.
chisai at 7:59AM on 11/06/08
I always start out wanting people to help, and try to come up with activities for others to make cooking a fun group event. But alas, the road to hell was paved with good intentions. I always end up finding ways for people to get done with what they are doing and get them out of MY kitchen. I'd like to get better about it... is there any 12 step programs I can join for this?
Pavlov at 8:28AM on 11/06/08
i work well cooking alongside my brother and mother, but other than that i tend to prefer to cook alone. that said, i have been working hard to relax enough to allow others to assist. isn't it funny that we all have such control issues?
gastronomeg at 2:04PM on 11/06/08
@gastronomeg - that's what I was thinking, too! I was almost embarrassed when I started this topic, and was amazed to find that there were so many of us! Happy and relieved, too:-).
When I mentioned this to my OH, he said he wasn't surprised - according to him, SE's are more likely to be tyrantish about their kitchens than people who don't care about food (with the notable exception of grandchildren, of course - if grandchildren were not allowed in the kitchen, I probably would have never learnt to cook myself:-)).
brooke29 at 2:29PM on 11/06/08
Depends on who is in the kitchen with me, and whose kitchen it is. Hubby drives me INSANE in the kitchen, and if he's cooking I try to stay out unless there's something I can do to help (do you want me to chop the onion for the chili you're going to make?) or he's specifically asked me in there to help him w/a technique or something. I couldn't figure out what it was that drove me crazy until after my mom came to visit when I had my daughter. Being in the kitchen with my mom is like a beautifully choreographed dance. Be it hers, or mine, neither of which the other person is particularly familiar with, living 2500 miles apart and being new homes. HOWEVER, 15 or so years of learning from her has made it all effortless and we float around each other and barely need to speak about what is getting done in a crazily efficient manner. Hubby - oblivious to others around him in the kitchen. I get out of his way if he's coming, but if I approach it seems he moves to block me or otherwise just get in the way, without any idea of where I'm going or what I'm doing.
In other people's homes, I am their servant. I will ask how they want something done, so that it meets their specs. I may be the culinary school grad, but at the Halloween party I went to last week, my "susie-homemaker" friend schooled me on how to most efficiently whip out 90 pigs in a blanket in about 5 minutes. :) Now I have an awesome technique, should I ever need to combine that many processed foods at one go. :) (In all seriousness, I love those fricken things, and I DID learn a lot from her, despite having to use a knife so dull that we both agreed it was almost impossible to tell which side was the blade and which was the back, to halve pillsbury crescents and beef lil smokies)
MaresyDotes at 11:24PM on 11/06/08
considering i have earned the nickname "kitchen nazi" i would say im a tyrant. people can be in and talking to me, i love talking while cooking, but dont touch anything im doing or ill tend to snap....
listener at 11:45PM on 11/06/08
I would have to say I am a kitchen tyrant. I like things to be done a certain way. Having cooked professionally for 15 years, I have a difficult time cooking with people who don’t want to be shown the proper way to do things or just don’t get into the flow of the cooking.
With that said, there are a couple of friends who I happily cook with in my own kitchen; my wife is not one of them. Cooking for me is cathartic; I derive great pleasure from being able to spend time in my kitchen. My daughter is truly interested in participating in cooking, and I have bought her a cookbook designed for children. She is 5 now; I wasn’t much older when I started learning how to cook. I hope that she takes the love of cooking and does something with it in her future.
Alan
aholsber at 8:53AM on 11/07/08
Oh all the way I am a tyrant and BF knows to stay out if I am fooling around in there. I don't mind if someone is in there but sits down away from me so I can get things done. But the kitchen is really small and has very little space for 2 people to dance around. So I just say as long as I get the other people a drink and they sit down out of my way then I don't get stressed out.
pjracz10 at 5:06PM on 11/11/08