I Want A Divorce!! ~ Velveeta? Is He For Real??
Yep. That's what I said this afternoon when my supposed adoring husband came home, after traveling ALL week, with the biggest most disgusting rectangle of Velveeta I have ever seen! I asked him if he had lost his mind! He said a customer had given it to him and he could have brought more home, but since he had never seen me actually use Velveeta, he did not want to surprise me with too much Velveeta! Are you F-ing kidding me? A bottle of wine? A few flowers? Some REAL cheese? Noooo!
Needless to say, I was a bit harsh and said a REAL husband would NEVER bring his wife Velveeta!!! I said our 18 years together have been a complete waste and I wanted a divorce.
Okay that was 2 hours ago. I think I may have overreacted. He gives great cooking tools at Christmas after all.
So, how do I forgive him? Are there any reasons not to chuck the Velveeta in the garbage? I mean we are talking HUGE industrial size Velveeta. Hell, it doesn't even need refrigeration!! I am completely beside myself right now! He won't even come in the same room right now. :-0 Oh Boy.............Now what?
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62 Comments:
Have a Sunday Night Football party, invite all his friends over, and make an awesome dip for chips. With as big a size as you're talking about, I'm guessing:
Brown 2 LBS of ground beef
When that's done, throw the velveeta cheese, the ground beef, and 2 cans of salsa into a crockpot.
Serve with tortilla chips....and have plenty of beer on hand.
You can at least do that for him for over-reacting....
And, you won't have any more velveeta cheese and you will be praised as the best chip dip maker ever....
uaskigyrl at 6:08PM on 10/10/08
You could use it as a meat pounder.
bessfour at 6:14PM on 10/10/08
Gather it, some other canned goods and staples, and shuttle it all to the local food bank.
beth1 at 7:04PM on 10/10/08
I've had a terrible urge for several years now to write a story with a woman named Velveeta as the leading character.
But aside from that, which is not terribly useful in your situation, there are many things to be said about Velveeta. It is a passionate topic of discussion. Here is a link to a discussion of the stuff . Some decent recipes in this, and some good thoughts.
It may be possible to melt Velveeta just as one could melt chocolate for the purposes of making a Velveeta man. He would be vaguely more appealing to me than any chocolate-Axe combo smelling man. Just imagine the macaroni you could roll all over him.
foodvox at 7:12PM on 10/10/08
Send it to me! I get a big V craving about twice a year and a big ole block would set me up thru the Obama years!
sailordave at 7:27PM on 10/10/08
The dip idea is great! I love that stuff - about 1x every other year.
You could aways whip up an old fashioned mac & cheese like Grandma used to make - even though I love really "frou frou" mac & cheese (truffled bread crumb topping, chicken & a tomatillo cheese sauce, etc) every now and then I crave a good old fashioned mac & cheese with velveeta.
Fanciesmom at 7:40PM on 10/10/08
Well the food-bank idea is actually pretty good.....
Sacrilegious as it may be, I'll vouch for the beefy cheese dip - it's good stuff and perfect for sports watching get togthers.
Another recipe in a similar vein - brown 2 chubs of Jimmy Dean Spicy sausage, melt in chunks of Velveeta. Use the spread to top tiny little cocktail sized rye bread slices and bake briefly in the oven. Some people add carmelized onions (yum), little pickle slices (ehhhh), or pickled jalapenos (mostly yum)
Healthy organic artisan-quality appetizers? Uhhh, no. But strangely tasty.
hmneilson at 7:46PM on 10/10/08
Melt it together with some Ro-Tel and diced pickled jalapenos and I bet you'll come around! @Fanciesmom - yeah, about once every other year is right.
producestories at 7:48PM on 10/10/08
i dont use the stuff but in this economy i probably would, if you really hate the idea, find a neighbor with lots of kids to give it to, or give it to a foodbank.
huneybumper at 8:06PM on 10/10/08
I second the dip, also because you would probably be making it for a gathering/enough other people that you wouldn't be forced to eat it should you try a bite and want to ... divorce yourself for having done so :P
I do like the food bank idea though - and I should donate more myself ...
joyyy at 8:08PM on 10/10/08
Please don't eat it--it's fattening and bad for you and tastes awful, regardless of the economy. The great recipes suggested by everyone would taste so much better with real sharp cheddar, or a mix of cheeses.
HeartofGlass at 8:08PM on 10/10/08
Wow, if that's your attitude, Sure glad you're not married to me. Seriously. What you need to do, regardless of the velveeta is to go and apologize for acting like a prat. Your husband brought some fake cheese product home. So what. It was a gift from a customer to him. It's not like he brought home a big bag of Meth or something.
thepirateking at 8:18PM on 10/10/08
make mac n cheese for him, i like the dip idea and yes maybe youy should be realllllllllyyyyy nice for a while too :) . My hubb's idea of a gift is 2 give me the peanuts from the plane so hey at least he kinda thought of you right?
love2cook at 8:18PM on 10/10/08
Two of my "comfort foods" are mac and cheese made with velveeta and a salsa/velveeta dip (though rotel/velveeta dip is close.). When I was a kid I liked velveeta on broccoli or cauliflower. It's not an everyday thing, but every once in a while I do crave it.
I'm pretty sure that my co-workers will be totally shocked the first time I bring mac and cheese with velveeta for lunch! I haven't done that yet this school year.
cmtigger at 8:30PM on 10/10/08
I like love2cook's idea. In fact, the most popular post on my blog is My Mom's Velveeta Macaroni & Cheese, which I douse heavily with Heinz ketchup before eating it.
Seriously. No joke.
@izzy, you think mint is a weed, ya' won't even try my Ground Bologna Sandwich Spread (which I'm posting tomorrow just because you don't like it!) ...
Honestly, dear lady, he's not trying to poison you, and neither am I!
Now hon, go getcha some fake Oreos and a cup of warm, reconstituted dry milk, and maybe you'll feel better.
LunaPierCook at 8:36PM on 10/10/08
there is room in the world for velveeta, and cheese my husband gives me is welcomed! Yes I love the usual wedge of brie or camebert - but velveeta - dear lord it's just as good in my books!
Lilartist at 9:24PM on 10/10/08
Hate to judge, but I agree with thepirateking. Go apologize to the husband, and make him some nice cheesy dip to go with that apology.
You don't have to eat it. Make something for someone with it.
amanda0730 at 10:28PM on 10/10/08
Velveeta is the cheese version of Kool Whip. It's chemicals dyed orange. I'd toss it and keep the dude. You can forgive him but there is no good reason to put Velveeta anywhere near your mouth.
therealchiffonade at 10:43PM on 10/10/08
Velveeta = GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE. I'm not making it up. It's PA law.
I'm so sorry for you both and all those wasted years. Try to remember the bad moments and that faux disgusting block of yellow crap. It will be difficult to keep it around after you throw him out, but it would be a perfect wedding present when he remarries. Then #2 will know what a monster she got stuck with. In the meantime, enjoy some artisan cheese and flirt with FFC.
Best of luck to you. Sorry, I just can't stop the tears of sympathy.
PerkyMac at 11:20PM on 10/10/08
Seems to me that your husband isn't the one who needs to be asking for forgiveness. He was given something on a trip, and he brought it home to you. Obviously, he didn't know what it was, and he didn't know if you'd like it or not, but I'll bet he wasn't expecting you to yell at him.
What if it was white truffles? A bar of an astonishingly good chocolate of a brand that he's never heard of? Some other delicacy that he's never seen you eat or use?
What should he have done? Called you and asked if you liked it before he set foot in the house?
The next time a customer gives him something, he's going to look at it and think that if he's not damned sure that you like this thing, there's no way he's risking bringing it home, and I can't say that I blame him.
dbcurrie at 11:55PM on 10/10/08
The only way to have him make amends is to have him take you to Williams Sonoma and buy you something. Look my husbands eats prewrapped cheese slices. What do I care? He is a terrific provider and if he wants fake cheese food I am freaking buying it. Often I swap them out for real cheese and he is none the wiser. But that pack of kraft cheese slices is in the fridge because it is his house too. You should take the velveeta and put it in the pantry it doesen expire till after you do.
JerzeeTomato at 12:21AM on 10/11/08
What the hell is wrong with Velvetta? I may be a foodie, but Velveeta is still one of the best foods on earth. In fact, I had a discussion (albeit a slightly drunken one) with my wife not three days ago about how incredible Velveeta was even when compared to some of the best food we have eaten. Yes, it may have been brought on by the slightly drunken eating of a box of Velveeta, but the result is the same: it is incredible regardless of what anyone has to say.
estepcha at 1:15AM on 10/11/08
Dang Izzy!
My husband brings home the darndest things at times...the ten pound bag of russets because it was on sale for $1.99, never mind that the spuds were already starting to sprout...the 10 tomato plants that were on sale at Lowes for $1, never mind that the poor dears were all brown and shriveled...do you sense a theme?...but he hasn't brought home Velveeta...know why? because it never goes on sale! bahahahaha!
Seriously girl, you need to kiss and make-up.
wookie at 2:29AM on 10/11/08
@LunaPierCook Yes I make mac and cheese with mutil types and style of cheese Velvetta included and with ketchup on top????Best comfort food. It also works well when making a chile con queso. If you don't want the Velvetta why not donate it to a food bank, hell with the way the economy is going.....
pjracz10 at 2:59AM on 10/11/08
@PockyMush, it just figgers, you and izmaniac would start agreeing with each other. Me so not surprizEd. ;-)
LunaPierCook at 5:49AM on 10/11/08
Hey don't worry. So we over react sometimes. I say donate it to a food bank too. There are so many people that would truely enjoy it, an it would be a blessing to them. Yeah, you should apologize to hubby, but then let it go. I might have done the same thing....
Wookie.. that's funny. Maybe hubby thinks that the tomato plants were along the same line as bringing you flowers. Sometimes they get it right, sometimes they crash and burn!
floridagirl at 6:50AM on 10/11/08
@LunaSee ~ Yes, I have Izzy's back - somebody has to. Just because she is married to every woman's dream and he treats her like royalty, there are just a couple of sins that can't be forgiven, by mortals anyway. He may be perfect in every other sense, but he crossed a boundary. Call it the yellow brick of Velveeta cheese road. So sad, so wrong.
BTW iz ~ if you're not saving the Velveeta as a wedding gift, I'll take it off your hands. Larder's low.
PerkyMac at 7:52AM on 10/11/08
RoTel tomatoes, Odum's Tennessee Pride hot sausage, and Velveeta: really good dip. Recipe's on the RoTel can....I think.
1stmakearoux at 8:32AM on 10/11/08
Good Morning! ~ All is forgiven in my world. ;-D We were so ecstatic that the Phillies won last night, the Velveeta debacle was quickly forgotten. I am making a nice dinner for him tonight. Today is the debut of the slow cooker I purchased last weekend.
@Perko ~ Thanks for having my back! Indeed I am married to the greatest guy in the world and it is good we can look back on these things and laugh like kids.
@LPC ~ I know he wasn't trying to poison me. BUT, after all these years, he knows we do not eat processed foods. Like ground bologna, for instance. ;-) You can post pictures all day long and I refuse to look!!
I put the big honking slab o Velveeta out on the curb last night with a note on it. "Free to Good Home".
izatryt at 9:07AM on 10/11/08
@izzy, I dunno ... maybe you should go look at pictures ... since I posted the recipe just now and specifically blamed you for it within the post ... ;-)
@OverPerked, we'll have to keep you two separated then! :-D
LunaPierCook at 9:53AM on 10/11/08
Just had to comment...Velveeta makes the BEST grilled cheese sandwiches..team it up with a steaming hot bowl of cream of tomato soup...WOW.....will even cure a heart break...YUM
metoo at 9:59AM on 10/11/08
Maybe tomorrow Lunie ~ I do not want to spoil my appetite!! ;-)
izatryt at 11:01AM on 10/11/08
@izzy, AdamK already commented over there ... says I should make a Ground Bologna & Velveeta sammich, and name it after you! [roflmao!]
LunaPierCook at 11:06AM on 10/11/08
Whoa! Luniest ~ I did not think I could get any more grossed out! Okay, okay.....I will take a peek. But, if I puke, it is on you!
izatryt at 12:05PM on 10/11/08
Velveeta has its uses. As mentioned, it's great for nachos. Its good on grilled cheese sandwiches, and steak sandwiches, too.
DaveFaris at 12:35PM on 10/11/08
I use it for nachos and green bean casserole. Here are the nachos. Both of which I eat about once a year. Okay, so it's been serveral years on the green bean casserole.
http://nujoikitchendiary.blogspot.com/2008/02/super-nachosode-to-processed-food.html
NuJoi at 5:54PM on 10/11/08
@LPC ~ left a note on your website, but I'm swearing you to secrecy - do not tell iz, k? we don't want her to feel betrayed, ya know?
PerkyMac at 6:02PM on 10/11/08
You are a hoot Perk ~ I think the ground bologna stuff is gross. I am not going back to that site and looking at it again. I have moved on. Totally moved on. I mean, would you grind a Lobster?????
izatryt at 6:44PM on 10/11/08
@Perk, mum's the word, the word is mum, mum. ;-)
@Izmeister, I stick my tongue out in yer general direction! :-D
LunaPierCook at 7:01PM on 10/11/08
@LunieLunie ~ Would you grind up a Lobster????
izatryt at 7:13PM on 10/11/08
@izzy ... lessee ... ground lobster ... kinda like ... crab cakes, only ... with lobster ... Sure!! :-)
LunaPierCook at 8:19PM on 10/11/08
@izatryt ~ I'd take lobster any way I can get it. I always grind it with my incisors and nolars anyway, so is there a dif? Geez, I'm feeling really guilty. I can't believe I'd agree with you know wholuna, but I did have to mention the atrocity of using yellow mustard. That's worse than grounds for divorce, it's a crime against humanity. Forgive me, pretty please with nothing yellow on top?
PerkyMac at 9:21PM on 10/11/08
I just want to chime in and say that this absolutely hilarious thread has prompted me to go out and buy Velveeta's bastard cousin, Kraft Mac&Cheese. And then ate the whole thing.
Umm .. maybe not the best idea. X)
kfarrel3 at 9:42PM on 10/11/08
All my hubby ever brings home are people for me to feed. I WISH he'd bring some Velveeta for a change.
scarletini at 12:33AM on 10/12/08
@kfarrel, boxed mac-n-cheese? The Aldi brand is actually better than Kraft! ;-)
LunaPierCook at 8:46AM on 10/12/08
@Lunie ~ You slay me!
izatryt at 9:57AM on 10/12/08
@LunaTic ~ Can't get to your website. This is what I get instead. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Is it my 'puter or everyone?
Warning: mysql_connect() [function.mysql-connect]: Host 'sb33.inmotionhosting.com' is blocked because of many connection errors; unblock with 'mysqladmin flush-hosts' in /home/blogsm5/public_html/tracking/tracking.php on line 17
Host 'sb33.inmotionhosting.com' is blocked because of many connection errors; unblock with 'mysqladmin flush-hosts'
PerkyMac at 10:05AM on 10/12/08
Hey Perkster ~ I just checked and that is the message I got.
izatryt at 10:14AM on 10/12/08
Yeah, that's what I've been getting sine yesterday. Maybe too many SE visitors? It's quite possible, actually. I'll let the paper know.
LunaPierCook at 4:59PM on 10/12/08
Oh come on, he probably didn't know it was fake cheese. I know I'm going to sound like a complete b*tch to all and sundry, but if this was your real reaction, you have a problem.
This was not a big deal, and quite frankly,you should be grateful that your husband is healthy and alive. Mine passed away from a cancer that had gone undiagnosed, two years back, and I miss him terribly. Be grateful for every minute you have together. Honestly, this is something that you both could laugh about years from now.
Please post back and tell us that you went and gave him a big hug and apologized.
Mares at 12:20AM on 10/13/08
@Mares ~ I'm so very sorry about your husband, but you've misunderstood a chance for us all to share a joke, some wisecracks and laughs. I've never met izatryt, but I feel I know her well enough to tell you that she is crazy about her husband, and she gave us a chance to joke. He may have brought home Velveeta, but I'll bet she laughed if he actually did, and gave him that hug. There are a lot of people here, me included, who are dealing with very difficult, painful, traumatic situations. I could have you all in tears and so could quite a few of us - you included. Join us in some fun as a welcome break from suffering. We all share a love of food and camraderie. While discussing all things food related, we manage to get to know each other, care about each other and sometimes even laugh. It's helping to keep me sane. Wishing you the very best!
PerkyMac at 1:16AM on 10/13/08
camaraderie. where is that edit feature?
PerkyMac at 1:21AM on 10/13/08
Yeah ... what PerkingMad said. ;-)
LunaPierCook at 5:13AM on 10/13/08
@Mares ~ If you were offended by my warped sense of humor, my sincere apologies! I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. He definitely knew it was fake cheese and at the end of it all, he was laughing his backside off at my reaction, which by the way, he knew would be coming. All in good fun!
@PerkaPerkaVille ~ Thanks again for your continued support! I still can't believe you are moving!! First order of business is to get your computer running and check in to let us know how you are doing. K?
@LuniePete ~ What can I say? I think you really "get" me!! Not easy for so many. And if I catch you grinding Lobster, you are in big trouble mister!
*sighing* I still feel like I should be sitting in time out or something.
izatryt at 9:07AM on 10/13/08
My husband would total hate me after he done something like to me. Cause he would be buying some ex-lax to get relief...Did you ever see Forest Gump? Bubba the guy who wanted to open a shrimping Business. Bolied shrimp, fried shrimp, baked, shrimp, grilled shrimp, etc...I love that part!!! Anyhoo~ Im saying he would have grilled cheese, cheese sticks, cheese soup, cheese dip, twice baked potatoes With cheese of course, I could go and on & on. Girl you let my husband come home with a block cheese, without wine and crakers and grapes. He would invest stock in Ex-Lax!
molly14 at 10:17AM on 10/13/08
I also want to add, Hun its just a block, well a huge block of cheese. 18 years of marriage is way more special, than him coming home with a block of cheese. I dont eat cheese hardly ever, so my husband of course would be in trouble ... ha ha
Glad all is well with ya now!
( Go Texas Rangers..Giggles )
molly14 at 10:25AM on 10/13/08
@iz ~ I can't believe it either. Giving my beautiful house to the Sheriff and I thought the mortgage co. could have a great year with all my equity. How generous am I? 8-(
On the bright side, I found my taco holder that I've been searching for. It doesn't take much space so I get to keep it.
PerkyMac at 10:27AM on 10/13/08
@Perk~Are you headed west? That is taco country. Send me an e-mail.
izatryt at 10:39AM on 10/13/08
I was probably 10 years old before I knew there was any other kind of "cheese" except for that envelope of powder in the mac and cheese mix box.
robincat at 4:27PM on 10/13/08
I think a nice fried bologna and Velveeta would be good, with that cream of tomato soup someone mentioned up a few posts, not sure about ground bologna, will have to look it over.
and if he bought you a block of Velveeta, look at it this way, he didn't bring you home an open DURIAN!!!
iamon02 at 1:40AM on 10/14/08
Heck and darn!! I had to jump through hoops just to tell iz***** (whatever) what to do with her cheese. It took 5 minutes to become a ... member? And then I had to find the post again. Lots of work for this poor old lady. ANYWAY, that big ol' hunk of Velveeta could be just the thing for an art project that requires carving. Maybe a statue of a (mini) 'David' or maybe 'Winged Victory.' After all, you said it yourself, it will last forever! Just be careful that you don't place your statue too close to the fireplace or heater. LOL
CarolQ at 2:20AM on 10/14/08
I haven't read all the posts here, But the one thing you can make with Velveeta that is pretty damned hard to beat.... hold on to yer bloomers.....
Fudge! You heard me right... you can make an easy fudge with velveeta and it is as smooth as a baby's bottom...errr...so I am told. I'm not sure where the recipe is, but I am speaking from first hand experience, it is first rate fudge and not grainy like so many others. The best part is that you cannot taste the velveeta.
Pavlov at 11:05AM on 10/14/08