Eating out..Alone
I have been dying for Pad Thai all week, and have come to the conclusion that I will eat out alone tonight...
what are your thoughts on the single diner? Do you look at them with pity?
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42 Comments:
Absolutely not! Many people travel for business and that means dining alone. I used to have a job that required travel and I preferred to dine alone rather than eat dinner with another person who I didn't know that well or even like for that matter.
My husband travel a lot. Sometimes he has to be away on a weekend. If there is something I am in the mood for, I have no problem going out by myself. Same goes for seeing a movie for that matter.
Bravo for being independent enough to take yourself out to dinner!
izatryt at 4:00PM on 10/23/08
I used to have a sales job and unless I was taking a customer out, I was eating alone. It's not a big deal. Sometimes it's nice to have the time to yourself to just enjoy the meal and the atmosphere without the distraction of conversation.
dbcurrie at 4:15PM on 10/23/08
I live alone, but must admit that I'm not comfortable eating dinner alone, in the evening, in a nice restaurant. Lunch? Not a problem. I feel so conspiculous, yet when I'm with someone else or a group, I don't even take note if somone is sitting alone at a table. Perhaps their companion has left the table or not yet arrived? I truly don't notice. If I traveled on business, I certainly wouldn't take dinner in my hotel room every night. I'd dine alone and enjoy myself.
PerkyMac at 4:19PM on 10/23/08
I too used to eat out solo when traveling for business & I loved it. Most restaurants have bar seating for dining, so if you do want to talk there is always someone there to enjoy dinner with, or sit & enjoy in silence.
Who cares if anyone looks at you with pity, that's their problem not yours.
Kim Nyland at 4:22PM on 10/23/08
I totally agree with you PerkyMac: I never notice people eating alone but, wow, when I'm eating alone, I'm extremely insecure. I do it, though, seeing as how I just moved to a new city and I know no one here. I guess I just have to get over myself!
earlybirdkate at 4:30PM on 10/23/08
I loved it during the 20-plus years I was single before re-marrying. I can pay full attention to the food, the decor, the other diners. They're not staring at me, but I may be (discreetly) staring at them! And when I began reviewing restaurants, I made sure to go alone at least once and see how I was treated. I have never, ever heard anyone say or imply, "Oh, poor thing, look, she's alone." In this day and age, there are too many women who have perfectly good reasons to be eating out alone.
I've taught my adolescent granddaughters how to walk into a restaurant and understand that they belonged there (well-behaved, please), or at least act like they believed they belonged there. We have just as much right as anyone to this pleasure, and we should do what we darn well please.
lemons at 4:39PM on 10/23/08
haha never do I look at single diner's with pity since I tend to always be a single diner. you can't expect people to have company with them at all times. i love concentrating on a delicious meal if i decide to treat myself. i have some wine, indulge in dessert, etc. but even a simple pad thai dinner is easy. bring a book or a magazine or just sit and have some time to think for yourself. don't ever deny yourself the pleasure of food because you're afraid of dining alone!
once i was at the bar at the union square cafe having just dessert: freshly fried sugary donuts! and this seemingly wealthy (and a bit tipsy) older women (i am 28) took the seat next to me and proclaimed that she was waiting for her date, indicating that she was alone but not for long. she then told me how sad that a pretty girl like myself had to sit alone and eat by myself and i said, "but ma'am, i'm not alone, look at these delicious donuts i have to keep me company!" people sitting alongside me at the bar, listening in all nodded in agreement, and exclaimed how good they looked. THAT was a fun night.
porkified at 4:45PM on 10/23/08
thank you all!
veggieout at 5:07PM on 10/23/08
@porkified - one of the BEST places to eat alone!
lemons at 6:19PM on 10/23/08
@earlybirdkate ~ I know how it feels to move to a new place and not know a soul. Where are you? Maybe some SEers might have a recommendation or two where you might feel more comfortable or meet some nice people. Congrats on forcing yourself out there and wishing you good luck in quickly feeling that you are now home.
PerkyMac at 6:26PM on 10/23/08
I used to travel a lot, and I often ate on my own. I never had a problem with that, nor do I ever notice people dining alone. Frankly, sometimes my company makes me wish I were dining alone. When you're by yourself, at least you know you're in good company!
brooke29 at 6:55PM on 10/23/08
I love it and frankly I think I enjoy my food alone better, since I get to take my time to eat (I'm a slow eater) and really savor each bite. The only difficult decision is what reading material to pair with the food!
HeartofGlass at 7:04PM on 10/23/08
I travel some 4-6 months of the year and eat out almost every single night by myself. I prefer not having to entertain anyone except for myself. I sit at the bar seats which most restaurants have, in case the mood stirkes me to be chatty. Most of the time I just people watch.
Pavlov at 7:06PM on 10/23/08
I don't think it's any big deal to eat alone at a restaurant as I've been doing it for years! Even back when I was a kid at 18, I'd do my Saturday errands and the most fun stop was the diner where I'd eat breakfast. A trick I learned back then: Bring a magazine to keep you occupied while the food is prepared.
Now as an adult, I generally sit at the bar or at the line watching the cooks (if seating is available there). I don't mind sitting at a small table by myself. What I really don't like is tying up a table for four or more with just me! I'll let the hostess or host know I don't mind waiting for a bar seat or a small table. They're generally so surprised at that offer they graciously show me to the larger table (where I feel guilty anyway...LOL).
therealchiffonade at 7:07PM on 10/23/08
I personally really enjoy eating out alone. Socializing all the time is just so tiresome for me. It requires more money and more time. Sometimes I just want to have a good, relaxing meal, maybe some reading material to accompany me. If you like people watching, eating out alone is a great way to do it! You'll notice stuff about people you may not have realized before. Like how awkward people are when they dont like their dinner company. =P
terabithia at 7:15PM on 10/23/08
I applaud anyone who can do it while remaining comfortable and confident.
I do it too, but often it makes me feel uncomfortable, especially if the place is crowded with couples, groups and families, and I'm the lone single diner... I feel like everyone is looking at me, thinking to themselves...
"Poor man, he must be lonely"
"I guess food is his only friend"
"Didn't I see that dude on America's Most Wanted"
FastFoodCritic at 7:24PM on 10/23/08
awww geez FFC - I love how you make me laugh! Next time I'm eating at a fancy schmancy place all by my lonesome, I'm going to imagine that my profile is playing at that very moment, but these people aren't watching tv, so I'm safe for now, until I can cross the border into Iceland - do they extradite?
PerkyMac at 7:29PM on 10/23/08
Nope - I was a regular single diner before getting married. Traveled all over and ate in some great spots by myself. Still have the chance to grab the odd meal alone these days and I still enjoy it. I sometimes go try new (both literally new and then just new to me) places out this way.
renoles at 8:29PM on 10/23/08
No pity here! I don't travel *too* often, but when I do I'm eating alone. And even though I like a fair amount of my coworkers, I often prefer to eat alone even if I'm traveling with others. For instance, when I was in Indianapolis, SE'ers gave me some great restaurant recommendations, but I seem to vary from the norm in that I was excited to walk about 2 miles to eat at a little dive creole place. Also, dining alone means you get to go where you want and order how you like - no getting roped into chain restaurants or ordering communal dishes you have no interest in.
I agree with the magazine suggestion (or a book or crossword/sudoku) but only because every time I forget to bring one I am utterly bored and the waitstaff behind the bar try to have awkward conversations with me. Plus, sometimes I just like to be left alone!
I was running some errands last Saturday and I started it all off with coffee and breakfast by myself at the diner with the local newspaper and magazine to keep me company. It was such a pleasant, relaxing way to start the day.
That said, I also love take-out (as well as pad thai!) and will often do that to avoid having to deal with poor service (and paying for it) and get to solve the bored/lonely problem by watching tv or a movie with my meal.
joyyy at 8:42PM on 10/23/08
No pity here either. As for me, I usually dine with people except on occasion when I'm away on travel. I must say, it was strange for me to go to the restaurant and sit to eat alone, but I got used to it. It gives you a different perspective and on these occasions, you take in the ambiance and you start noticing what everyone is doing. It can be rather interesting...lol.
lochaven at 9:26PM on 10/23/08
I wouldn't pity you either! When I went to Culinary school in Los Angeles I was on my own in the city a lot and since I was learning about new foods, I went out on my own a lot. A lot of times I found new favorite foods at weird little places, in my chef's whites, all by myself, reading my textbooks!
mayoxqueen at 11:16PM on 10/23/08
Hey, I have just begun to eat alone a lot this year and really appreciate it. Not even while traveling, while in my home city (NYC). I don't think people really notice me though I guess some people find it curious when I whip out my camera and reposition my plates so they're in better light. I find that I savor my food more and tune stuff out when I eat alone; I do bring a book but I only pick it up between courses (especially helpful to indicate to the staff that I'm done with a dish) instead of staring all around at nothing, uncomfortable. While I am eating though, I close my eyes and try to tell what went into each dish, what's in each bite... heaven.
I tried eating alone once hmm I don't remember what city I was in, but I was 18 or 19, went to Ruby Tuesday's or something, had no book, and just sat there really uncomfortably and wound up not eating more than 2 bites before I asked to have it packed up to go. It didn't help that the waitress kept giving me pitying looks and she couldn't have been more than 23 at the time. Or that she sat me at a table across from another diner who was alone, so we were facing each other. Very odd.
Oh, and I eat my lunch at work in the cafeteria alone every day. I definitely read the whole time though :)
PS Take out is a nice option, but I get the appeal of eating out sometimes because you don't want to do the dishes or want a different ambiance than your own place can give.
feistyfoodie at 12:08AM on 10/24/08
I remember being a teenage girl and being so self concioous sitting by myself to eat a meal. . Now I am fine with eating alone in resteraunts
missjess at 12:37AM on 10/24/08
OK, I've been thinking about this a lot and I've come to a realization.
Besides a couple close friends, and family... I have trouble eating around other people, period. It seems I can't relax and I don't really enjoy the food as much when eating among strangers, people I've just met, on dates, or just in public generally speaking. Sure, I think lots of people are shy like that to a certain degree, but I become a zombie just going thru the motions... heck, I can't even remember the food I eat on dates because I'm too nervous trying not to eat like a wild animal or something... I couldn't tell you if the food was good, bad, or whatever, because I'm worried something about my eating habits or manners are going to turn off the girl.
I should probably do something about this, I think I've got a complex.
Definitely plays a part in why I'm still single. I love food... but have trouble sharing the experience on an intimate level with another person.
Wow... what a depressing f**d-up topic this has become. I hate this site.
FastFoodCritic at 2:26AM on 10/24/08
On a lighter note -- My first thought when seeing the title of this thread...
"Eating out..Alone"
Somewhere, right now, there's a lady turning to her husband and saying...
"If I could do that.. I wouldn't need you, and I've never leave the house."
FastFoodCritic at 6:48AM on 10/24/08
Hum... somethings taste better when i am on my own... and i really dont mind eating alone, at all. Its great! But drinking alone is a bit where i draw the line.
sweetieBird at 7:49AM on 10/24/08
i sometimes go out to eat alone, i love some food that SO really doesnt like and vice versa, so when that craving hits we go without the other and just enjoy. Although to be honest i'm sometimes uncomfortable, i usually bring a good book and read before dinner, when my meal comes all of my attention is focused on that. Unfortunately, alot of the resteraunts where i like the food, are patronized by obnoxious people with small children that would much prefer mc'ds or chuck cheese, it can be funny to watch the parents try to force their screaming brat to swallow eel, but usually not, so in most cases i place my order to go and just wait at the bar till my food is prepared then eagerly escape to the quiet of home.
huneybumper at 8:03AM on 10/24/08
@ PerkyMac: I just moved to Cincinnati and I actually live in a great area for eating out but a lot of the places seem like they would be uncomfortable to dine alone in.
earlybirdkate at 8:45AM on 10/24/08
Okay, I realize that I am coming into this conversation late, but I just wanted to say that I am young, single and don't know a lot of people near me in the Twin Cities, but I love to try to new places. Even the people that I do know, don't really like to try new things, so basically, I am left with myself a lot. So, frankly, I have no qualms about going out to a restaurant alone. I don't really like going to the ncier, more expensive places anyway, but prefer the smaller, neighborhood joints that make cities unique, so I never really feel uncomfortable. I tend to bring a nice book or a magazine, and enjoy the atmosphere, the food and the people-watching. Just this week I got to listen in on a young couple planning their wedding. It was really sweet.
Even if you don't generally do it, I would highly recommend just giving it a trry sometime at a place that doesn't intimidate you. You never know, you might like it.
Besides, I travel, and when I travel it is usually alone, so I have to get used to it.
Traveller at 10:52AM on 10/24/08
I eat out alone all the time. I like it very much. It's a time you have all to yourself. You can order without any social considerations. You can eat and appreciate your meal without having to temper your experience with someone else's opinion. I think eating alone really helps build one's own identity as an eater, to find out what one likes and dislikes without the pressure of someone else's opinions and idiosyncrasies. When I eat alone I often sit at the bar. I can strike up conversation with the bartender if I feel like I need to interact with someone.
simon at 11:29AM on 10/24/08
Hey Veggieout -- I actually posted a similar topic on SE:NY last week: http://www.seriouseats.com/talk/2008/10/dining-alone-in-nyc.html -- any chance you are in NYC?? Ha!
andrearode at 11:52AM on 10/24/08
I only really feel bad for the older people eating alone in restaurants. It just puts a picture in my head that all their friends and family have passed away and it's just them left waiting. It makes me sad and it makes me want to sit with them.
DCraver at 1:46PM on 10/24/08
@andrearode---
Thanks for the link. I'm actually in Boston, and I had the most fabulous meal last night! But i'll keep that in mind for when I am in NYC.
Thank you ALL for the encouragement...this college girl is taking advice from all her "elders"
veggieout at 5:48PM on 10/24/08
@ PerkyMac: I just moved to Cincinnati and I actually live in a great area for eating out but a lot of the places seem like they would be uncomfortable to dine alone in.
earlybirdkate at 8:45AM on 10/24/08
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. A girl's gotta eat, so try having dinner at the bar and check back with us - bet you meet some great people!
PerkyMac at 5:59PM on 10/24/08
Take a couple of wonderful magazines..and or books, and or a journal..and go and treat yourself.. I do this all of the time..and while it might be nice to join others...sometimes treating yourself is just as great too!
Sometimes it's nice if you can even share a table with a person..and sometimes you can meet people in the restaurant..(this has happened to me so many times...and I have never regretted this! I love it!!)
(I used to feel strange eating alone..and if you think about it, and never try it..IT can indeed make you "feel" funny at times..some restaurants..seem like they are nosy about your personal life, too! I remember going to some Chinese restaurants..and the waiters were all talking about me..and then trying to get me to leave the restaurant...they did not want to have me take up a two person table! Can you believe that!? Good Grief! They also watched me, and sent people over to my table to ask WHY I was NOT with man!! Oh Brother!!! But, that was a long while back..this does not happen to me anymore! Thankfully!!) *smiles*
lilbrnbear at 4:04AM on 10/25/08
Other than a lunch here and there, I don't think I've eaten dinner alone. Strange since I'm such an advocate of going to the movies alone. Even now, with a wife and family in the area, I'll still be strolling around the mall and stop to catch a movie.
The last time I was in a restaurant alone was on my way to a Sci Fi channel event at the Morgan Library in NYC. I stopped at Heartland Brewery for a beer and some fried goodies.
Lunch is another matter. I've eaten lunch alone numerous times. Either no one wanted what I did in the office, or I just felt like relaxing by myself. When I was an office jockey in NY there were many days I just had to not be at my desk, so delivery and take out wasn't an option.
phenoderr at 10:27PM on 11/01/08
I travel a lot for business. Eating alone is something I've come to enjoy. Mostly sit at the bar, typically avoid eating at the hotels I stay in and occasionally will indulge in carry out and take back to my room.
But it is nice to come home and eat out of my own kitchen.
Ribster at 8:51PM on 11/02/08
I LOVE eating out alone... the only drawback I can think of is that if I've eaten something I'd like to discuss afterwards, I can't, really.
I've never seen someone dining alone and thought anything other than that that person was spending a bit of 'quality time' with him or herself, UNLESS they had that devastated look of someone who's just had a bad break-up (but then my feelings of commiseration had to do with their seeing unhappy, not the simple fact of their being alone).
Sometimes I'll bring a book, but if the place is known for it's very fine food, I'd feel a bit rude reading until coffee, because I'd feel that I was not giving my full attention to the chef's efforts. Plus, I usually enjoy seeing what's going on around me, and I like taking a peek at what other diners have ordered, because I often see something that I intend to order next time.
mongoose at 3:16AM on 11/03/08
I am self concious of eating alone when they seat me at a table because I feel kind of isolated, but if there is a bar area in which I can sit at and talk to a bartender or watch the kitchen do their thing I can usually find it pretty enjoyable.
I actually had one of the most pleasant times eating by myself 2 weeks ago at California Pizza Kitchen. I got recommended a great pizza, pear and gorgonzola, and was given excellent service. I chatted it up with the bartender, manager, and the "quality check" pizza woman. All very friendly and extremely enjoyable to talk to.
FrostyGhost at 1:20PM on 11/04/08
I am quite self-conscious and refuse to eat alone in a restaurant. I don't mind having a drink alone at a bar, but food is different, somehow. On the very rare occasion that I am traveling alone for work, I order room service.
I know, I'm pathetic. Then again, I have very weird social dining rules, like never ordering a sandwich at a business lunch. You never know when things could get messy!
MakeARoux at 1:18AM on 11/05/08
I like to eat alone every now and then because a. it gives me a chance to just have my own quiet time and enjoy a meal and b. it somehow reinforces my self-esteem that "hey, I CAN do this!" My one stipulation is that I prefer a perimeter table rather than being out in the middle of the room. I am an only child and have always been somewhat independent and done things alone, so it really doesn't bother me that much (which most of my friends totally do not get). Anyway, when I see other people eating alone I think "there's a confident person, who enjoys their own company from time to time" and I think that's GREAT! Down with co-dependent diners!
gourmetgal at 3:49AM on 11/05/08
I'm another one who feels self-conscious, and I end up eating too fast. But I look at those eating alone with jealousy--they always seem so confident doing it, and I want to be like that! (I do my best to project confidence, though.) Waitstaff are always very nice and not condescending, and I really need to just get over it.
If I weren't in my home town I wouldn't think twice; weird, huh?
mintyfreshflavor at 5:56PM on 11/06/08