Serious Eats - seriouseats.com

It's obnoxious. I also find the question "Are you still working on that?" to be a little bit gross and ultimately unappetizing. Like I am supposed to be "working" on ramming every bit of food down my throat.

Hovering waiters who feel the need to refill my water glass after every sip get on my nerves too.

I completely agree. I used to be a really fast eater (shoveler);
now I'm not (at all) and I've DEFINITELY noticed the same annoyance. :p

To add to this; isn't there actual 'formal' reading techniques in proper dining? Something like: crossed fork-and-knife means the customer is complete their meal? (or visa versa?) I'd be interested in knowing the 'real rule'.

this is a tough one -- i personally am on the don't clear until we're all done side, where one person shouldn't be sitting alone eating while everyone else has their plates taken away. however, i do know people that find it "disgusting" to be done with a meal and have the remnants sitting in front of them for an extended period.

I tend to pace myself with the person who eats with me so that I'm not stuck with a crusty plate or the person who is the one holding everyone up.

The "are you done with that?" doesn't bother me as much when I consider my friends' and my experiences when, like mentioned above, someone takes your plate away when you STILL have food on your plate and the fork in your hand. W-T-F?!

What I hate even more is when I go to some holes in the wall, and they scrape my food and the other food all in one plate IN FRONT OF ME to clear the table. Jeez. Yeah, it's a hole in the wall, but do people do this at home?!?!?! Not only does the massive dump look disgusting, I hate the sound of metal grating on ceramic.

I do love water service, where my glass is always above half-full. I usually only drink water when I eat out, regardless of what type of restaurant. I'll order iced tea, depending on what I am eating.

But as much as I love water service, I don't like servers who don't say excuse me and reach across me so that their entire body leans over my food and I can't even see the person I am dining with. It happened at a higher end restaurant recently, and totally not appreciated..

I'm with lemons. Perhaps my Canadian mother picked up European table manners, but we were taught to place our knife and tines down fork across the plate to signify that we were finished eating. That signal is usually recognized and acted upon.

I confess that I'm always the last person finished and it becomes uncomfortable. I'd prefer that they'd serve dessert while I finished my entree, because I never get dessert (well, hardly ever) and we'd finish at nearly the same time. It's embarrassing holding everyone up and I just can't seem to eat faster. I swear I'm not dominating the conversation because I'm so aware of eating so slowly. It was a conscious decision over 20 years ago, and now I can't shovel like nearly everyone I know.

my pet peeve is when they clear the salad or appetizer plate and take the dirty utensils and place them on the table instead of clearing everything and bringing new utensils, if necessary.... that bothers me soooooo much. I always say "take everything, please. I will use new cutlery. thanks"

and once I was eating breakfast alone in a hotel restaurant and I ran out of something... so got up to get whatever form the buffet table and left my utensils in the as if I was still using them and placed my napkin on the chair, not the table... and when I came back... my plate was gone. The reataurant was almost empty... so it's not like I was out of sight for a long while...

was I confusing in my signals?? Please keep me honest here...

@Marzipanda (love the name, BTW) - I'm sorry but I disagree - let me qualify that.

If, and only if I am finished, I want my plate spirited away as quickly as possible; regardless of whether or not the rest of the table is done.

I have a term for a dirty dish sitting in front of a diner: Dish rot. I can't sit and look at dish rot for more than five minutes. If, after five minutes, a waitperson has not cleared my plate, I will "mini-bus" it. (Place into the plate wadded up napkins or used flatware, individual salad dressing pitcher, that sort of thing.) If after 7-10 minutes the plate is not cleared, I will request it be taken. If after 10 minutes it's still not gone, I'll put the plate in a bus tub myself.

The only thing worse than a dirty plate in front of me is when 50% of the table has finished eating and there are dirty plates all over the table. Then, my mini-bus takes on a whole new meaning as I'll stack the dirty plates to make room on the table.

Further qualification: My BF's sister takes a year and a day to finish her food, if she actually finishes it. She's not a big eater and really takes her time. She's generally the last one done and I can't see everyone else sitting at their place with dirty dishes in front of them until she's finished.

This desire to have my used plate moved does not reflect any "hurry" on my part to leave the restaurant. I'd much rather enjoy my dining companions without a dirty dish in front of my face.

here's a peeve from the other side, why do people feel the need to put trash, ie scraps of paper etc. in their plate when they are finished? I'm not going to "reuse the scraps" but this makes it much nastier for the person cleaning up and washing dishes. I've even had people use their plate as an ashtray, in the outdoor area where smoking is permitted. C'mon ppl, do you do that at home?!

This seems to be another of the "blame the server for restaurant policy" situations. Whether servers clear plates as they're emptied or not is more likely due to restaurant policy than due to the server's personal preference - you'll likely notice that all servers at a restaurant do it the same way.

Clearing plates before everyone at the table is done may have been started by restaurants who want to turn tables as quickly as possible by encouraging folks to hurry and streamline service; but now there are just as many folks out there who want their plate cleared ASAP as those who want it left on the table until everyone's finished. It's interested how our expectations change.

Topping off coffee unasked is annoying, though. Whenever I go to a new brunch spot I guard my coffee cup!

@ hungrycristel & lemons: The rule I learned what that you put your fork and knife, side by side, on your plate at "9 o'clock". I thought this was universal.

@huneybumper: I always thought that the contents of the plate would be scraped into the trash bin and that putting "trash" on the plate was helpful.

I'm always slightly amused when I'm savouring the last bites of something that I really like (say, cake) and the waiter comes by to take my plate. I will bar it will my arm.

Having food removed before it's finished seems more prevalent at receptions (e.g. weddings) than at restaurants. I guess that's because people get up to walk around, dance, etc. and the wait staff spies abandoned plates. Whether or not I'm in front of it, if my plate is full and there's no physical indication that I don't want anymore, it means I'm not done. At restaurants if I have to go to the washroom and only have a bit of food left I sometimes ask my dining companions to make sure that the plate isn't removed. If my dining companion goes to the washroom and the server comes by to clear plates I'll usually have them leave my companion's plate unless I'm absolutely sure that they're done.

I don't think I've ever had my coffee topped up without first being asked if I'd like a top up. That's nervy. Water, sure. Coffee? Nuh uh.

Having worked in a restaurant, I have to say that the line between clearing you plate in a timely manner and snatching it away from you prematurely is very thin. Often, servers are being nagged by managers, "Prebuss! Prebuss!" They should definitely ask you if you're done, though. "Are you still working on that?" Has never bothered me, because at least they're asking.

@Simon

I see what you're saying about "No Problem.", but I think it's just become a casual means to say, "You're Welcome." In fact, the phrases mean the exact same thing, really, You're Welcome - You Are Welcome. In other words, I gave you something/did something for you, and you are welcome to it. You're not imposing on me.

I could see this being more infuriating if you've received bad service otherwise, though.

LOL no wonder the restaurant folks ask...we all signal differently when we're finished with our meal! :)

I was taught to put my fork and knife together at 4:00. I have it tine up because that's the natural state of the fork at rest.

When I am eating, my knife is at around 4:00 with the handle on the table, but it also depends on how much room there is or the type of flatware.

Blue Iris..I have been kvetching about that for ages! Therefore I would really appreciate being asked first. Of course here in Baltimore I usually get, "Ya done, Hon?"

"may I take your plate" and "my pleasure"

That's what I want to hear.

I sooo feel your pain. My problem is that I rarely finish my meal since I get full quickly. I end up sitting there talking and the waitstaff wants to take my plate, so I've learned to ask for a container right when I see them start to "hover."

I think that everyone here is taking it a little too seriously. I also think it depends on the place. A fine dining establishment usually has the policy to wait until everyone is finished, but a diner or pub would have the remove as a person is finished. I think that the reason there are so many disgruntled servers in the world is because, even on this thread, almost everyone has a different idea on how they would like to be served. People get irritated with almost everything, everyone has a pet peeve, and not everyone can be pleased by every server they have. My favorite servers are probably not going to be everyone's favorite.

And why is there so much focus on small things a server does, such as the phrases they use, or the fact they don't want your coffee to get cold? Shouldn't you try to enjoy your company or your book more than picking up on either mannerisms or restaurant policies you are letting upset your dinner?

And to the woman that left a plate on the table...did you leave anything else there? Say a book, paper, or cell? That is about the only way that the busperson would know that there was still someone at the table and not just a dirty table that they could get in trouble for leaving.

I was taught that actually crossing your silverware over your plate is a signal that you are NOT finished, just merely taking a break. Then, the silverware placed together at the side is a signal that you are finished.

Speaking as a former server in both a chain and a high end restaurant, they are usually (fingers crossed) good enough to be able to guage someone's place in the meal. Now, with a "turn-and-burn" mentality (think nearly every chain restuarant out there), they will whisk it away, b/c they want you in and out in an hour or less. Managers will yell if that is not the case and there appears to be empty plates on the table.

In the high end, they want it off, b/c of the appearance of the table. I'm thoroughly annoyed by the crumb scrapers. It always makes me feel slightly guilty and it's intrusive. But I just tolerate it. I know it's their job.

Former server, frequent diner. Crossed silverware means that you're still dining; parallel silverware means that you're finished, regardless of the part of the clock you place it. The napkin-in-the-chair signal should work, but etiquette is eroding, and the napkin and silver methods are often meaningless, even in high-end establishments. Separate note: I'm a thanker. Whether it's bread, water, iced tea, or bringing me my cocktail, entree, or check, we always thank the server. That's two thank-you's per trip for the bus boy and the server. How annoying for the person on their feet to navigate through, "You're welcome," "My pleasure," or heaven forbid, "No problem!" We're both working hard to minimize the verbal appreciation, and let our gratuity be monetary. It's difficult!

Yes Cassaendra! I always think that people who act as if the waitstaff are 'invisible' are supremely rude! I appreciate the fact that they try to remain unobtrusive, but I don't want them to feel invisible! I want them to know that I appreciate their efforts to make my dining experience a pleasurable one! And I often find that a pleasurable and enthusiastic countenance often results in the waitstaff trying even harder to please our table vs. the others around us! God knows they see enough grouches in a day!

If you're in a high end restuarant, don't pre-bus. Just put your silverware on your plate. Oftentimes, if a manager sees plates stacked, they will assume the server isn't doing their job or hasn't been by to check often/quickly enough.

If you're at a medium priced chain (TGIF and the like) stack and pre-bus all you like. It always annoyed me when customers did that, but as a server I didn't get into trouble. It just made me feel like I had missed something.

And I wanted to add to the person who commented about blowing nose in the napkin: I also hate when people leave their gum in the napkin. NASTY! Why should I want to even come close to having contact with THAT!? And if we really want to be nit-picky, unless you have a paper napkin, please, PLEASE don't put it on top of the plate. It's very difficult to get oils, butter, and such out of the cloth napkins.

It depends on where I'm eating. If I'm at a diner, I don't mind the plates getting removed as people finish their meals. It's a diner, and along with not having cloth tablecloths and napkins, I get it. They work on high turnover, it's fine.

At a good restaurant, it infuriates me. I'm not spending $100 so you can rush me out of the place.

It should be said that I eat really quickly. Not so much due to gluttony as to the fact that I want hot food HOT. Leisurely dining ends up with room temperature vegetables because diner/lower end restaurants (and even some high end one's) do not serve hot food on hot plates as they should.

To me, a far more annoying restaurant thing is not having the food brought out at the same time. It sucks sitting there while everyone else at the table is enjoying their whatever as I sit there waiting for my food.