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I am, in fact, a barista.

I own 2 cafes.

A good barista knows their customers drinks when they walk through the door. They know when milk is to temp without having to use a thermometer. They know that fresh, cold milk will bring good volume and best taste every single time rather than dank, reheated milk over and over again. They know that many steaming pitchers are needed as when flavor syrups are steamed WITH the milk, as opposed to being added cold, it brings a better flavor to the drink. They know that good, freshly ground beans are amazing and will gladly toss out pre-ground anything. They know that light and air are a beans worst enemy. They know that breaking down your equipment at least 2 times a day for a thorough cleaning will always lead to a good pull and no build up of coffee oils. They know that a good to-go cup is paper but has a textured styrofoam outer layer so it is comfort to the touch and the lid fits tightly. They know that fake whip will dissolve into a greasy mess on top of any drink in a hot second. They know that coffee brewed into pots on a hot plate will taste like dreck in no time and any good shop uses thermal tanks to hold the fresh hot brew.

Lastly, they know that most of America doesn't know shit about coffee, the difference between a cappuccino and a latte but really, REALLY just want to sound like they do. We just smile, chat away and then make your drink correctly while letting you think you just ordered an cold banana cappuccino when its really an iced skim banana caramella latte that you ordered.

Foam. I am a foam queen. I'm a big baby and first sip off the foam on my cappuccino. If there is no one waiting for coffee and I'm feeling a bit silly, I might even ask for more foam.

I hate foam that dissipates the second air touches it. I love foam that feels like mousse in the mouth and makes up the proper 1/3 of the cup. I don't like being served a cappuccino that feels more like a latte and has only a token film of foam.

Crema. A good barista can pull a shot with an enviable coating of crema.

Steamer. A good barista should not look at me like I have three heads if I order a "grande carmel steamer." That may not be what Sbux calls it but a good barista should be versed in terms used in coffee houses not just at Sbux. They were called steamers long before they were called (flavored) Cremes which just gave Sbux free license to charge more for steamed milk and a shot of flavor.

Speed. I'm there for caffeine, not fine dining. I want to make an order then not wait a month of Sundays for it to be ready. I've seen some great baristas who were basically a blur at the urn but have also seen my share of slow pokes. Slower baristas need to go work at a fondue restaurant.

I'm nowhere near barista expertise, but my consumer mentality knows that when I go to locally owned coffee shops, the espresso has a much better balance in my latte than at Sbux. And Sbux uses much more syrup, comparatively (ick). If there's not a crowd, a friendly barista will bring your coffee to you. And this is frilly, but I think the foam designs add a touch of elegance and care to that ultimate comfort-beverage treat.

As a barista, i'd say, in order of importance:
1. ability to put up with bullshit; you'll get a lot of it. from dumb customers(and from those who think they're smart but not so much), from coworkers, from bosses, etc; no matter what, you still have an obligation to treat your customers as though they are all important and worth your time(a side note--personal drama does not belong behind the bar and your customers will not usually want to hear about it)
2. A sense of humor--because of number one, and because of the amazing amount of miscellany you'll put up with, you're going to need to be able to take jokes, and make them; customers like witty banter, and it'll help fill out your tip jar.
3. actual real knowledge of coffee--this is last, but it's still important; you are an absolute authority on coffee, meaning both your shop's drinks and policies, and also just the greater world about coffee; read up on coffee history, try as may different varietals as you can, try different drinks; customers will want to know their drinks are being made by a professional, so knowing what to say and do is important(note--this doesn't mean you should randomly throw around facts--people don't tend to like a know-it-all).

another note, and this is from personal experience--there is a very good chance your boss, for many levels(ie, your boss, your boss's boss, etc), will be a moron; learn that doing things right often does not necessarily mean following the rules.

First of all I am going to complain. Shocking I know. Everyone has to put up with bullshit at work, every damn body. Why is it such a total stretch when you have to make coffee for tired people that they might give you some shit? Shockerooni. Shut up and do your job. This tidbit "you still have an obligation to treat your customers as though they are all important and worth your time" You should just hang up your apron and go on home, you missed the point of having a job and you need someone to explain what service is to you so you understand it. If you worked for me you would last a week, if I did not catch it sooner.
If you do not want to deal with the public find a job where you do not have to. I am very tired of hearing people who serve others for a living complain. It is tired.

Secondly just serve the damn coffee. Be polite and make the coffee and serve it. Don't be a comedian, don't be mr or ms personality, your not on a reality program, you are there to make freaking coffee.
Make it the way I want it, not the way you think I want it, not the way "I am so clever about all things coffee" attitude reinterpreting coffee orders. Just give people what they ask for-full stop! People have choices they are going to choose things you do not agree with. No one asked you to sell your opinion, just the coffee please.
One would imagine you would know about coffee; you work in a coffee selling, brewing, serving establishment. You get no cookies for the painfully obvious knowledge that you acquire doing your job.
As for the IQ of your boss, the customers, Americans or any other person this has little or nothing to do with the ordering, brewing, serving and consumption of coffee. Drinking coffee is not a skilled task, it is consumption of a beverage. Hardly worthy of academic standing.
Good grief grab the clue train when it rides by.

Coffee culture never went out of style. This is why I bought a good coffee/cappucino system for my home just because this kind of behavior and attitude. I can make my own coffee. It is less drama.

In the words of a great SE community member (I forget who), you are not a barista, your someone who makes and serves coffee for a living.

Me.

If not me, someone who makes good foam and pulls a good shot (and doesn't use it if it ends up being bad). Also, someone who doesn't lick caramel or whipped cream or foam or anything off of their fingers while they're working. Also, someone who makes iced drinks very cold and stirs up all the sauce from the bottom of the glass before serving it.

Jerzee can fill in for George Carlin (RIP).

@ Jerzee....your 110% right. Drinking coffee requires no skill. Creating the delicious beverage actually does. It takes endless hours of crucial tastings to get the bean just right. "You get no cookies for the painfully obvious knowledge that you acquire doing your job". Most hourly paid workers have never been to a roaster, done a cupping or even know the difference between Jamaican Blue and Folgers Drip.

Then there are those of us that actually do. We are thrilled to death that you have your own system and don't have to grace us with ridiculousness in thinking that being a good tipper will be the standard in which you get a good cup.

I work roughly 80 hours a week, not including ordering, payroll, taxes, scheduling, stock, inventory and upkeep. This does not include catering and doing cupcake orders as they roll in. I guess that just makes me one of those service industry peeons you refer to so often. I wonder if any of THAT requires skill?

Chelley you own a business. Several of them and my rant was never directed at you. I appreciate you a lot! But I will say this, running your own business is never easy. I too was a service industry person/business owner thus my rants about unhappy service providers. No one called anyone a "peon".
I responded to someone stating they were never happy giving service and that made me take issue. No one is going to toot your horn for owning your own business and being good at it. Sorry but that doesn't happen.
Actually my tips do have an effect on people, they would people who WORK for a living.

I think most people have missed the point Jerzee was attempting to make... Most baristas have some severe attitude when dealing with the average american, replete with average American intelligence. The point of argument was that preparing and explaining coffee take some mastery, consuming it does not. Therefore, I really doesn't matter what the person in front of the counter does for a living, nor how they order.* If you want proof that most baristas are snarky, "underappreciated," masters students, there are many, many, many blogs about it....

*as long as they are POLITE

Jerzee--You talk big, but it's assuring to know you've really got no clue what you're talking about.
What you're saying here is pretty much the antithesis to everything I've learned in three years as a barista; you damn well better act like your customers are the center of your attention; you better know what to say when someone asks "so, why is a dark roast more bitter than a light?"; you really have to be able to make and take jokes--remember, people come to a shop because they want to enjoy something and have fun. If they didn't, i guess they'd stay at home with their "coffee system" (wtf kind of pretentious assery is this?), and not bother hardworking bartenders trying to buck a living.

Jerzee- Dude, just stop. You're just embarrassing yourself now. Oh wait, I guess that's nothing new.
Carry on.

A good barista remembers who ordered what, and steams/foams the milk really well. I love lattes with that perfect texture of light foam all the way through.

Hillary
Chew on That

My favorite barista is an overweight, flannel shirt-wearing teddy bear-of-a-man who knows coffee but knows good business better. A very sweet person. He's hardly the urban hipster talking down to you or trying to impress all with his Mad Libs quality vocab.

And he'd never publicly rag on his customers, sure as the sun rises.