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When you make meals for them, do they eat the food? I would not apologize because you have not done anything to warrant an apology. Going forward, stick with what they say they like to eat. I also don't think you need to be angry. Not everyone lives to eat. My dad eats to live and it is always a "treat" cooking for him! I just go with it knowing there are lots of people in my life who will run over each other to sit at my table. ;-D

@Laurall, I'm in the midst of a good miffedness, but I'm sure I'll get over it.

@izatryt, I think the anger is mainly that they didn't tell me this before. I've wasted a lot of good food and spices, and a whole lot of time prepping and cooking, and if they didn't enjoy it, it really was a waste. If they wanted a hunk of meat and a potato, I could have been doing that in a lot less time, instead of spending hours and sometimes days on meal prep for them.

I absolutely hate the fake politeness of people who tell you how much they like a meal when really they'd prefer to be at McDonalds. You don't have to like my food, but if you don't, then don't say you do. And I'll do something different next time.

Over the years, I've created a list of what these people don't like, but this is the first time I've been given the short list of, "this is what is acceptable." It would have been a lot less brain damage if I had that list to start off with.

@db - Okay. I will embrace your miffedness and be miffed with you for the next 30 minutes. Then let's have a glass of vino and talk about what yummy meal we could enjoy with our SE pals! I don't have a high miffedness level.

The important thing is, you now know what they really like (maybe) and can plan accordingly. Most people have a difficult time telling their host (family or otherwise) that they dislike the food prepared for them, especially when they know it was prepared with love.

@iz, I think it's a beer night. I've just finished the last bit of work that I get paid for and I'm about to print the invoice, the beans are just about ready to meet their refried fate, tortillas have been purchased from the local shop, and pretty much everything else is leftovers. Which is chicken cooked in a spicy sauce, and rice. Oh, and I bought avocados, so I should slice them open and de-pit them before the beer opens itself. There are chips from the farmer's market and some salsa in the fridge, too.

Limes, cilantro, pickled onions...

Ooooooo, I'm starting to feel better already :-)

Home made ice cream in the freezer, in my choice of vanilla, strawberry or banana.

Yeah, I'm feeling ALL better, now.

Thanks!

@chlamers: DH = dear (darling?) husband.

Not to get on your bad side... (eek) but it may be the idea of your miffedness that kept them from saying anything till now with each new meal making it harder to speak up. They also probably didn't want to hurt your feelings but there's really no reason to feel hurt because it's their deal but neither do you need to apologize since you aren't able to read minds. The only thing you might be remiss in is perhaps not getting clear with them about their preferences in the beginning. So, when you get over the feelings you are having, which are valid because they're real, then perhaps you can express that to them if you feel like it. Then just consider how much easier it will be to respect their tastes. That's the bright side here.

However, no doubt it's quite a blow after all these years so you have every reason to be full of conflicting emotions at the moment. Hopefully a year or two down the road this will be really funny.

My ex MIL was a doozy. She called me up one year before the holiday dinner to ask if there was anything in particular I wanted to eat and I said, sure... I'd love to have more of her apple cobbler (the only thing she made that I could think of that I would remotely like). She then informed me that we weren't having that and listed off what we would be eating. I still haven't figured out the point of the call and it's been years.

Feed them a baby goat roasted over an open fire. It looks very much like the neighbor's poodle. Put some nice blood red yams in the coals. Stew some okra. And for dessert, lukewarm tapioca pudding with durian. They'll never ask to eat at your house again.

@sadie - Oh Yeah!!!!!

@fewteeth - That's just ssssoooooo bad!!!!!!!

@dbcurrie, I was just trying to be a lil' silly 'bout your bad side. :]

After several years, if you didn't have some flood of feelings over this then you'd not be human. It's really goofy. My mom considered me picky but she had no idea what picky was which is my daughter (my mom's infernal curse on me come true) and even my girl has a much broader taste than your in-laws. Even when I ate meat I couldn't imagine an unseasoned steak. On the bright side, a good basic salad and baked potato can be really satisfying and those are both something that can be individualized with toppings.

You have my sympathies with the power company fiasco too. If it will help you feel any better they've been ripping up the street just outside my place for several months now (no notice). Noise all day starting at 7am. We walked out this evening and the entire block is paved with the smoothest sea of black I've ever seen after a weekend with 4 foot deep holes in front of the driveway (no notice). The bright side of the mess is that people were going really slow down the street and it detoured the bus that went by every twenty minutes until 1am (so I was getting to bed earlier which was good as I'd be up at 7...). Though I am hoping now that they've paved it all pretty they won't need to rip it up again as they have been over and over and over.

Do count your blessings that it's your MIL married to your FIL and not you and that you obviously did much better. That they are nice is a double blessing indeed. I really mean that. Not having to see the in-laws again may be the best part of the ex™ being the ex™ and he was a real booger himself.

Did they mean this as a confessional or as conversation? I only ask because if they are not foodies, they might not understand how much this means to you--to cook food for company that everyone can enjoy, It sounds like they always put cost over food taste and quality, from what you say.

I think lots of people tend to prefer how they eat at home than they do at someone's home, but accept having to eat differently (within reason) as part of being polite. For example,it took years for my stepmother (another difficult relationship, almost as much as MIL-wife relationships) to accept that I do not eat meat or many traditional, heavy Greek dishes. I can now eat a salad there--the salad is with iceberg lettuce and garlic, tomato, and olive oil. No vineger, no other veggies. I don't like olive oil, iceberg, or garlic, I would make my own salad very different, and I like many other vegetables, but lettuce and tomato is all they eat. So I deal. I've even had to deal with being told that potato and rice dishes are 'vegetarian' only to find out that to her, veggie means made with chicken broth--or bacon bits
:( I've tried bringing my own dishes, but she won't even serve them to company, she just throws them out, even cookies I bought at an expensive bakery one year, thinking she would like having a few more cookies to serve with coffee after the meal to the large crowd.

Sometimes you can't win. you can't change people, period, but especially food tastes and your in-laws probably accept that their palates are the kind that, even if they could eat at the French Laundry, they'd probably prefer having a burger at home.

However, if things are emotionally okay, since this upsets you so much, I might broach the subject in a nonconfrontational way. "Last time we talked you mentioned that you only like x. I didn't know that, I'm sorry because I served x, y, q, before, and you always ate it--it means alot that you feel comfortable at my house, enjoying the food I prepare and I put in a lot of effort into my cooking. Did you really like it--I'm confused now."

Also, on a more humorous note--check to make sure they like steaks. Some people only like the Ground Round :p

@joel7 - HUH?

@HeartofGlass.......I'm sure I'm not the only one picturing My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Vegetarian? No problem, we'll have lamb! You are living that movie! So funny.

^ Yup--that is so true! It's funny, according to nutritionists, the Greek diet is so healthy. But my stepmother and father didn't even know what hummus is--they thought it was "mushrooms." Greek to them means a loaf of bread eaten with copious amounts of olive oil, several pounds of lamb or fish, and Greek baked pasta in cheese, with spinach pie and feta as the vegetable.

I suppose to be fair, 'vegetarian' to my stepmother is chicken, not lamb ;)

I suppose the really important thing, not to thread-hijack, is that the fact that your MIL and FIL are picky eaters is a 'personal' thing based on age and habit, not a rejection of you--it doesn't sound like they're trying to articulate their rejection of you as a person in terms of food, which is a relief.

I AM an in-law and have a precious daughter in law that is a wonderful cook. I would be devastated though if I knew she was miffed at me for something as small as my food preferences. I believe since they are your husband's parents, you ought to do what you can, while he still has them, to make them happy and comfortable in your home. His food preferences aren't something he's got against you, it sounds like it's just what the man likes. They won't always be around, and one day you'll want to look back and laugh about your FIL's love affair with green beans. It's an old person thing, I'd say - let it go, and stick with pork chops and green beans as your best bet. You'll be his favorite daughter in law, and he'll love coming for dinner! ;-)

My husband and I found ourselves in a sticky food situation. A co-worker invited us as well as another couple over for dinner. Salmon was to be the main course. No matter how much we try, we cannot swallow salmon. It's not that we just don't like it - we detest it. So, what to do? Do we insult our hosts by leaving the main course untouched, or do we politely explain ahead of time that we can't eat salmon, but would surely enjoy the rest of the meal. We opted for the latter, and co-worker was very understanding. The next day he announced that the main course had been changed to swordfish. Eeeeks! We hate that too. (We're not big fish people.) I decided to politely 'fess up to our host about the fish "thing". Again, he was very understanding, and we ended up with filet mignon. I felt guilty with every delicious bite I took. We ended up dictating the meal for four other people which seemed so unfair. But I felt it was better than insulting our hosts by not eating a meal in which they had invested a lot of work and money. I made sure to reciprocate the invitation the following month, and asked for suggestions as to what they were hungry for. I'm glad I did because co-worker's new wife ate only Kosher. I guess the moral of my story is to be considerate and serve what your guests like, not what you enjoy cooking. They'll always leave happy and will look forward to their next invitation.

@wookie, I'm actually an only child, which is sort of stupid to say as an adult, when I come to think of it. But I have no siblings. And my parents are gone, too, so there's no close family of mine that we deal with.

My DH is one of six kids, and the man his mom married (after all kids were grown and gone) also had six kids. So between the two of them, there are 12 sets of couples. Of the twelve couples, we're the only ones within something like 900 miles and like I said, we're about six blocks away from them. So we're the ones who see them on every holiday, their birthdays, our birthdays, other people's birthdays, and random days in between. Which is nice in a way, but considering how much I like to cook and how varied DH's and my tastes are, it's hard to come up with meals for holidays that will fit our tastes and theirs. And now, that list is even shorter.

And yes, the vegetation list is rather short. I've seen him eat carrots, although I don't know if he likes them. But at their house, it's pretty much always green beans. With hot dogs it might be baked beans (canned) but that's about as far as it goes.

He'll eat potatoes, too. He ate winter squash once at my house because he thought it was sweet potato. But he said he usually doesn't like squash.

I'm getting used to the steak and baked potato idea for next weekend, but going forward, I don't know if I'm going to be thrilled with making steak every time we have them over. Roasts are an option, but I need to get his definition of "roasts." I don't know if turkey and chicken cooked in the oven count as roasts, but poultry wasn't on her list. However, we've had them here for the traditional Thankgiving turkey a number of times and he said he enjoyed the meal, which is another reason this is all so baffling. My stuffing has plenty of spices and he's always taken multiple servings of that. And there have been plenty of other meals that they've claimed to have liked. And eaten themselves nearly into a food coma over. I dunno...I just don't get it. Maybe this is some new kind of madness.

@josdean, I ALWAYS check with people ahead of time, unless I know them really well, or I'm serving something we've had together before. With my inlaws, since I know they're picky, I always check with them ahead of time, just in case. Or, when it comes to sides, I'll make several things, one will be something I know they like (green beans) and then I'll have something else, just in case one or the other might like it. And up until now, I've gotten the green light beforehand on every meal, and compliments during and after. AND sometimes they'll even take leftovers home so they can have them for lunch the next day.

Sigh. I'll survive. DH will happily eat anything I cook.

@Heart Oh, believe me, we've had lots of conversations about food, and quite often it's a discussion of what one or the other doesn't like. Onions, cucumbers, anything in the cabbage family, aspargus, artichokes, black pepper, celery seeds, mint, olive oil, anything spicy or vinegary, etc. Every time I see them, it seems another item is added to the list, and I do keep a list. But this is the first time she's said "this is what he DOES like."

She said something along the lines of how he's not really a picky eater, it's just that there's a very short list of what he likes, and it makes her shopping and cooking easier because she doesn't have to deal with a variety of things. No need to use recipes, because most of what's going to be there, they don't like. For example, neither of them likes any spices at all, so when she makes pork chops, she just cooks them plain in the George Foreman grill.

I don't think she meant it in a mean way about my cooking, but a short time before, DH had been talking about some spices I had ordered online, and shortly afterwards, she made the comment about how they don't like any spices at all. I really think it was an around-the-block way of telling me that they're prefer it if I would cook differently for them.

DH is going to have coffee with them tomorrow morning. He'll probably get more info, considering I've asked him to find out for sure that FIL likes steak, and to find out if there are any particular steaks he doesn't like.