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Well if they read shlock then I can't really deal. If they eat shlock it's maybe okay as long as they eat real food more than trash.

Both should have been a deal-breaker for me for years. An earlier marriage had most of my books in boxes in the basement, and the majority were destroyed by water damage. Food was another matter, as it was rarely good enough ... I was convinced I didn't know anything about cooking. In a better marriage now, the books are in bookcases where they belong, where I can get to them. I now cook almost every meal, with others besides my wife also telling me how good the food is. Talk about a refreshing change! Maybe I do know a bit about cooking after all.

Books? Nah...not at all.

As for food, not a deal-breaker for friends, but can be in a relationship for sure. I cook all the time, and while I am not over the top fancy or anything at home, I do use spices and veggies (gasp!) and some folks don't go in for those.
My DH now was fairly picky when we met, but has learned to like almost everything, so we can enjoy food experiences together. If you saw his dad however, it is a different matter. He literally eats plain unseasoned (or fried) meats, raw carrots and iceberg lettuce, plain potatoes with fake butter and all the junk food (as long as it does not involve 'strange stuff' like fruit or oats) that he can shove in.
His poor wife loves to cook, and not only has spent almost 40 years not being able to share anything she makes with him, but watching him slowly kill himself with food. He is not even willing to try other things, not one bite. THAT kind of food difference would be a deal breaker for me, not only because we would miss sharing in delicious experiences, even if they weren't super fancy, but that when food is compromising your health, it is not about taste and enjoyment and life.

Other than that, differences can be fun, and each can learn new things from the other they may never have experienced before or in a new way. If we were all the same life would get way too boring! :D

My boyfriend and I don't read the same books, but he doesn't have what I would consider to be questionable taste, he just approaches his interests in a different way. We still talk about the books we read, and about our ideas and perceptions of the world. It's similar with food. He loves meat, and grew up eating things like whale and organ meats, and I grew up vegetarian and when we met I was a strict vegan (now I eat fish, but not dairy). But neither of us is judgmental, we both love to cook, and we've managed to develop a way of eating at home that works for both of us.

So I guess for me the deal breaker in a relationship would be if someone wasn't curious and wasn't willing to be collaborative and to compromise.

As for my friends, they have my permission to eat and read whatever they like. :-)

I love this question! I also read that article, but I would have to say food. My ex was an English major, like I was, so a lot of our relationship revolved around lively literary debates, which was great. However, I couldn't STAND the way he ate. In my family, which is Sicilian, men are expected to eat copiously and with great appreciation. My ex CUT UP his pasta, and could never finish it. He didn't like rich, hearty meals, and in a lot of ways was a food snob. We visited my family in Sicily and he didn't finish the meal they served, which is SLIGHTLY disrespectful. When I made meatballs for him the first time, he only ate one.

My CURRENT boyfriend, however, is a fantastic eater. He loves all food, he cleans his plate like a vacuum, he thanks me EVERY night for dinner, and I've never seen him use a knife and fork for pizza. The first time we met was at a party where I served my meatballs, and he told me they were better than his mother's. He later told my friend he fell in love with me right there. He is also an engineer, which means that while he can babble for hours about quantum physics, he doesn't know Blake from Bukowski. And you know what? I don't care! As long as he never tells me he's a Dan Brown fan, I'm perfectly satisfied.

I loved the NYT article about books. I've gone out with many anti-book guys, even one who said he quit reading books in the third grade. Hmm. Anyway, my boyfriend now isn't much of a reader (but very intelligent) but he loves food. I think that's what sealed the deal for me. Our first few dates were at new restaurants we both wanted to try.

I'm more attracted (romantically and friend-ily) to people who are more adventurous with food. Picky eaters are nice people, and I'm sure read good books, but I turn into a food evangelist and scare people off (come on, my name is LiveToEat!). If someone doesn't like reading, odds are that they have some other sort of hobby that's equally interesting and challenging. I love books, the bf loves computers and the internet. Life would be boring if he was as bookish as I am.

Books.

Books are more than an indication of personal taste or heritage, as food can be. I went to grad school with people who ate spaghetti-o's out of the can, and most of them would oustanding people with interesting minds and great politics. Most are still in my life today.

Conversely, I've known gourmands, with pallettes from the gods, who were the most insufferable and arrogant individuals I've ever known. We shared a love of food and nothing else. They stayed in my life for a very short time.

Food for the stomach can keep people alive, but books are food for the mind, and dare I say, the soul. And, I find people with well-fed minds/souls far more interesting and likeable.

All that having been said, though, books are not the ultimate deal-breaker for me. Politics are. I don't care what you eat or what you read if your politics suck, and THAT's the truth of it.

Neither has ever been a deal breaker for me, but food has come close. My hours-long bolognese received barely a nod. He didn't like chocolate AT ALL. He thought he was a great cook, but was soooo wrong. He ate the same thing every single day. Grilled cheese and tomato soup received the same response as a meal that took all day to shop and cook for. He wouldn't eat anything with onions or garlic.

BTW, this was not just one guy. It is a composite of various food issues I've encountered. My guy should read whatever crap literature he likes, but not liking chocolate AT ALL might be a deal breaker.

I'm lucky that it's not an issue at all, but I imagine that if my husband were a fussy/picky eater, it could be difficult. Because I love cooking, and I love trying new foods and dishes, so it could be stressful or at least a bit disappointing to not have an avenue for that. I would still have to cook (it's therapeutic for me) but I'd struggle with limitations. Maybe I'd have to find another hobby.

For books, I'm less conscious of it, but it's true that I've never been friends with "Marley and Me" readers. In my opinion, the simple fact that someone reads says a lot already. What bugs me most are pretentious people.

To be honest, one category of books whose avid readers I might avoid is religion. I've met too many fake Buddhists and lite-Christians to not feel skeptical.

@cassaendra - That's interesting! I don't know why it is, but I find men with hearty appetites really attractive. My old roommate, who's Russian, once told me that in Russia there's an old test for manual labor jobs - a prospective employer will give you a big plate of food and you have to finish it. This somehow proves you're a strong worker. I guess I can see that - in peasant countries, like Sicily, jobs are traditionally manual labor, and if you eat a lot it shows that you're healthy, and therefore a good worker. Also I think Sicilians have such big meals because they're traditionally poor farmers - you ate what you could when you could, and therefore appreciated it more.

I think that might have something to do with the "clean plate" philosophy that has only recently stopped plaguing American families. How many of us remember being rewarded for cleaning our plates when we were young, and scolded for leaving food? ("starving children in Africa," etc.) I personally think it's part of the reason America has such a problem with obesity, because we're programmed to feel guilty when we waste food, and portion sizes are out of control, but that's a WHOLE other tangent.

LOVE the topic. I'd have to say if a person is humble about food/books it's all good. Meaning-if you aren't a snob either way, we're going to get along. My problem starts when you think you are better than me because you (think) may have a better palette or have read more than I have. One thing I hate is when I speak with people and they think just because I am picky (I really don't like a lot of things due to texture, taste, etc) I know nothing about food and they proceed to tell me how I need to "allow my tastes to mature." (BTW, I'm 30) And then let me know what I am "missing out" on. First of all-I don't like it, so I'm not missing it. Secondly, I try everything and come up with my own opinion-so I know about food.

Ohh, went off on a tangent didn't I? Sorry about that. Bottom line, if I trust you and you're easy going-we'll be all good.

I will say this-table manners are a deal breaker. I broke up with a guy once because I could not handle the way he ate dinner. It was awful. He would place his left hand (he ate with right hand) on his hip-so his elbow would stick out like he was acting out "I'm a Little Teapot" all throughout dinner. I wish I was kidding. But, I am not. Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Seinfeld broke up with someone because of the way she ate peas. LOVE that episode.

So, maybe food is a deal breaker...

Neither are deal breakers for me. I love sashimi. My sister in law would tell me over and over again how gross it was OMG how can you eaaaatttt THAT! I would smile and pick up another piece and pop that sucker in my mouth. She eventually got over it and now tells me sushi bars she wants to take me to.

As far as books go - I read so much its crazy, but when someone tries to push a book on me that I don't feel the need to read... I just say ya know that book so goes against what I believe in and I am really not interested. I've sent books to people with note on them that say read it if you like - I did and loved it - if not please donate it to a library.

I don't care if all you read is US magazine and eat goldfish crackers... just don't be rude and obtuse and we can get along just fine.

I'll admit to being a serious book snob as well as a food snob. But I certianly wouldn't ask the same out of a partner. But what I do demand out of a parnter is intelligence, curiousity and open-mindedness. So I think it might be a deal breaker if someone wouldn't eat (without even trying or curious to try) or wouldn't to read anything aside from Michael Crichton, just cause. Hey, I love McDonalds and read the DaVinci Code. But I admit, non-eater/non-readers are a turn-off, I just wouldn't go as far as to judge them until I got to know them butter, I mean better.

Definitely books.
You can encourage a mate to eat better over time.
Most people don't take kindly to attempts at "elevating" their reading material.

@Karen Resta: I can laugh about it now, but then embarassment and astonishment was all I felt. Location had no bearing either. Picture going out to dinner with a Caveman to a nice restaurant (we went to dinner where it was jacket and tie mandatory) and you look across the table. First dinner date, great food, great drinks, and then BAM. That's across from you. I remember asking him if his arm was hurting. His response, "No, why?" I had no words. Ugh...

@BangieB: Are we talking about the same guy!!?? Serious. I still wonder how a person can hold a utensil that way-and the stabbing. Never seen anything like it.

I think they deal breaker for me would be if that certain someone DIDN'T eat or DIDN'T read. I'm a voracious reader, but I don't expect everyone to have my tastes. However, I do immediately suspect someone of ignorance/stupidity/mind-numbing boorishness if they don't ever read, or worse yet, think I'm stupid for having my nose in a book.
As far as eating goes, I'll admit it's difficult to deal with someone with crazily stunted appetites or limited diet, and I know from experience that it's also tough to be in a relationship with someone who is really blase about food (luckily my friends are foodies, so that helps). However, the one deal breaker for me was in college when I dated a wrestler. I mean a real one, not that WWE crapola. He had such a bad, BAD relationship with food, as the scale always determined which weight class he would compete in. He was always either starving himself or gorging on horrible food. If I ate when he was in a "starvation" phase, he made disparaging comments all the while about whatever I was eating. If I was in the mood for a salad while he was binging on 6 deep-fried twinkies, I was accused of "not being a team player". I couldn't hack it.
Yup, gotta read, gotta eat (among other things, like don't bump uglies with other girls and such).

my current boyfriend grew up in household where a "cooked dinner" meant anything that could be put in the microwave and ketchup poured on it. he lives on junk food and frozen dinners. many things he had never had until he began coming to my house to eat. he is WILLING to try new things - and that makes all the difference. someone who was just picky and stuffy would be a deal-breaker

Books are more of a dealbreaker for me. Anyone who likes Ayn Rand is out. Anyone who likes Nabokov is in.

I don't think food is quite as important as the person's attitude towards life, especially since the kind of food someone eats changes over time more than the mindset defined by the books they like. And it's a lot easier to sneak kale into someone's dish than Dickens into their hearts.

I am a pescetarian married to an omnivore, but we have had few problems since we do both love food. And we are both readers. While I don't worry too much about WHAT he reads, the fact that he DOES read was important. The previous boyfriend didn't read newspapers and was never in the middle of a book. 'Twas a deal-breaker, for sure.

I agree wholeheartedly with Karen Resta, while I love both food and books, I am of the opinion that the heart and soul of a person determines their worth.

Neither is a deal-breaker unless the person is fanatic about it, or tries to convert me to their ways. Same goes for just about anything -- religion, politics, milk-or-sugar -- whatever. I'm perfectly happy to have a reasoned discussion about whatever it might be, and I'm just as willing to let the topic lie undisturbed, but I'm not fond of people who insist that I should change who I am to suit them.

I'm actually more interested in people who are unlike me than those who could be my clones. I like learning about other people's cultures (including foods) and beliefs. I might not agree with them or embrace them in my own life, but I find it interesting on an intellectual level.

Things that are deal breakers are unkindness and ill manners of all sorts. Some ill manners I might excuse in a friend or relative that I wouldn't accept in a mate, however. Luckily, that choice is already made.