Mother's Day and the Restaurant Experience...
Does anyone here make a conscious effort not to eat out on Mother's Day? When my brother and I were kids, we used to take my mom out but quit doing it. The last MD dinner we had out really convinced us to find another way to entertain mom.
1) Reservation meant nothing - We waited anyway along with a throng of other patrons.
2) Limited Menu - That "favorite dish" to which we were looking forward wasn't even offered that day.
3) Quality falters - I remember being served FROZEN cheesecake.
4) You get rushed out - It's all about turnover.
One year my mother didn't feel well so bro and I prepared dinner for her. Even feeling ill, she had a better time that MD than at any prior MD "restaurant" dinner. That was in the early 80's and we never again went to a restaurant on MD.
Now that I'm a mother, I demand the same - Spoil me - YES! But no restaurants, please. Thoughts?
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32 Comments:
I'm with you. I can't stand dining in crowded restaurants and quite frankly, I think taking her out to eat is a cop out. She (most likely) busts her hump to do things for the family and the only effort the family puts out to thank her is to make reservations? I don't think we ever took my mom out. We've always gotten together at someone's home even if it wasn't on Mother's Day.
I realize that not every one likes to cook or CAN cook, but how hard is it to throw something on the grill and pick up a few deli salads? And I'm sure there are some moms that don't care what they do, just as long as they can be with their family. But fewer things say "I love you, thanks for everything" than a home cooked meal.
AuntJone at 1:59PM on 05/09/08
Chiff, I couldn't have said it better. I have a large family, so when we have a meal at someone's house rather than a restaurant, we get to actually spend time together and talk with each person.
MD is often brunch, and everybody brings something so no one has to do all the cooking. Each person puts 100% into one dish. That's how my aunt earned the title "potato princess."
Kerosena at 2:49PM on 05/09/08
It's like Valentine's Day: long waits at restaurants where you're bound to get mediocre food because the kitchen is so busy. For me this year, two out of three MD celebrations are in restaurants, so I'm crossing my fingers. If only everyone could get together and do a potluck, but divorce and small houses prevent that. I envy those families who can pull it off!
LiveToEat at 3:59PM on 05/09/08
As someone who avoids working on the line on that day at all costs, I beg you all, don't take mom out. For just those reasons stated above.
Restaurants overbook, try to make too much money, quality suffers, time drags, employees are harried and ticked off, guests get ticked off and it is just no good.
Heck, even having a restaurant do a take-home catered meal is better than the throngs at the door, as usually there are people who take care of just that side and no other, so can be sure your meal is correct and packed well to take home hot.
Heck, take her out the night before...calming evening ambiance is SO much more relaxing than the screaming-kid filled, packed Sunday crowd.
Though I would trade a million mother's days at work over the southern restaurant I worked at many years ago that was PACKED for Thanksgiving each year...omg the horror....
sadiepix at 4:34PM on 05/09/08
I remember one day my boyfriend at the time and I forgot it was Mother's Day and went to a popular chain restaurant. Yikes!
misseditor at 8:03PM on 05/09/08
Honestly....what do people expect when they go out to eat on a holiday?.....i assume most restaurant workers totally resent having to work on Mother's Day or Thanksgiving or even Christmas....and that's what your'e gonna get...a plate full of resentment.....sorry folks....
onepercent99 at 8:07PM on 05/09/08
My mother is 98. Her teeth are black. She shuffles along on her own, but her mind wanders: one minute we are in my hometown as a child and the next we are somewhere she visited in Canada. But she knows we are going to a restaurant to eat and that it is mother's day. She is happy. So what else counts?
fewteeth at 9:37PM on 05/09/08
The last Mother's Day meal I actually celebrated was ~15 years ago.
When I was a kid, I would make simple things for my mother on Mother's Day like a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast, since she loved them.
My mother preferred to go out because that was one less mess she had to clean up, re-shelve, or later find out she needed to restock since I used it all and didn't say anything. She really did not like anyone in her kitchen. Everything had its place, and she couldn't stand when things were out of order. I'm the same way now. o.O
Since my mother ate at a lot at different restaurants with her friends frequently, she was recognized when we walked in, so we never had issues with bad service. Ofttimes if the manager came out and saw the two of us, s/he would comp our meal...so it was pretty nifty. =)
Cassaendra at 10:43PM on 05/09/08
@fewteeth - You are absolutely right to take mom to a restaurant if that's what she wants. Regardless of whether or not it's perfect - it's perfect to her and that's what matters!
chiff0nade at 10:59PM on 05/09/08
@onepercent- you're absolutely right! I've always said this about people who wait last minute to shop for Christmas and venture out X-mas Eve...then inevitably complain about the crowds and service. Just as in restaurants, the staffs resent begin forced to choose between their holidays and their jobs.
liwinegirl at 8:23AM on 05/10/08
I am thanking my lucky stars that my mom just wants ice cream tomorrow.
AliceBlue at 6:07PM on 05/10/08
A lot of the people who are 'oooh, I would never go out on Mother's Day'--look, lots of moms of a certain generation, no matter what your cooking skills, feel the urge to get up and 'serve people/clean' during a home-cooked meal of any kind. They feel less pressure going out. Take mom out. Maybe it won't be the perfect meal. Maybe it will be crowded. Let her sit. Let her not be bothered. Sometimes not having the urge to wipe crumbs off of the table because someone is there to do it for her is gift enough. Deal. I miss my mom and sometimes bitched and I wish I could take her out tomorrow!
HeartofGlass at 7:45PM on 05/10/08
I live in California, mom lives in South Carolina. I send a gift of some type, and then we go out when I fly back to visit. This year, however, i a little different. Mom will be flying out in a couple of weeks, and we'll celebrate Mother's Day then, without the crowd. As for tomorrow, do whatever makes mom happy, even if it's a bowl of ice cream with a side of peace and quiet, followed by dinner and parade by brass band.
beth1 at 9:27PM on 05/10/08
@HeartofGlass - I know just what you mean. However, when my brother and I used to cook for my mother, she knew her role was Queen for a Day and she enjoyed it immensely. We are Italian so my mother was hard wired to do exactly what you describe. You want to talk about fighting a DNA-based reflex! Still, we wouldn't even let her get up to get her own drinks. She always enjoyed our MD's.
If my mother expressed a desire, of course we would have obliged and gone to a restaurant. The relaxed pace and home-cooked meal in her honor moved her every year. Even after I had a child, I would participate in the prep (because being out of the kitchen makes me miserable). We would sometimes invite other mothers to join us and it was always very festive and relaxed.
I find it so maddening to subject my family to that aggravation every year that I have carried on the tradition. I'm getting grilled goodies of my choice today (BF is an amazing griller). He left it up to me and that was my choice. I would so much rather go to a restaurant on any given Tuesday when there's nothing going on, enjoy my favorite meal, unrushed, without any compromise in quality vs. eating out because it's Mother's Day. It's more work for me to tolerate that frenzied holiday restaurant environment than actually cooking the food myself.
chiff0nade at 11:27AM on 05/11/08
^yeah, I didn't mean it as a slight to your thread at all--but just that for a lot of people, going out to eat is the best option, unless you can really make an environment that is low-stress for mom and truly special, like a family get-to-gether, rather than having her stress out watching her family ruin all of her cooking supplies for the one meal they cook all year, or making her something elaborate that they like but she doesn't.
I know some Italian people my age who swear they NEVER saw mom or grandma sit down to eat any of the elaborate family meals they made at home!
HeartofGlass at 11:42AM on 05/11/08
I didn't mean it as a slight to your thread
No worries! Didn't take it that way. :D
My daughter works at Chili's and is working a double today. She called me earlier to wish me HMD. She texted me immediately after and said, "I hate that I can't be there today :[" I returned by saying, "We will get together next week, it doesn't have to be exactly on MD to be special." (This is especially poignant because we were estranged for several years. This is the first Mother's Day I'm not wishing away at lightning speed.)
I lost my mother a year ago this month. Whether Mother's Day means taking mom out to dinner, prepping dinner for her, sharing ice cream cones in the evening or a long-distance phone call from too far away - Make it happen. Give her a big squeeze while she's here. Even if you think you already to a lot for your mother - do more. There's no big enough "thank you" in the world to fully acknowledge that herculian act - bringing you into the world.
chiff0nade at 12:53PM on 05/11/08
@chiff, Happy Mother's Day. You're right, celebrating on the actual day can be as simple as a phone call and setting a date that you can both relax and enjoy. Having been in this biz all my life and married to a partner in a restaurant, I/we celebrate VD days before the actual day and sometimes again after the actual day.
I am about 780 miles away from my mom right now. Last year when I still lived in the same state as my mom, we were all able to get together for MD. Since two of us lived 90 minutes away and another lives 2 hours or more (depending on traffic around DC) away, it is almost always necessary to take her out. But that's good because that is what Mom wants. Dad would rather stay home, but then it's not his day. On his day, we party at home.
I do agree with you about the restaurant experience on super-busy days such as MD or VD. It is not going to be your usual experience. That being said, we pick higher-end establishments where turning and burning is not the emphasis especially with larger parties (our group is usually about 9 or 10) and I pre-order bottles of wine for the table (it's my family, I know what they like, I'm the oldest so they expect me to take the lead) and some starter plates to (a) give something to occupy my neice and my dad (b) takes pressure off the waiter and, (c) doesn't make my mom feel like she should get up and go into the chef's domain and offer her assistance (LOL, half-joking, half serious).
Anyway, happy mother's day to all you mamas out there!
wookie at 1:43PM on 05/11/08
I guess we lucked out... For the first time ever my brother and I took my mom out for lunch today (Mother's Day) and we had a great experience. The restaurant had a great menu of specials, the food was hot and tasty, the service was good, we walked right in a few minutes before our reservation and were seated right away. We weren't rushed out, and my mom loved the little box of chocolates she was given by the waiter when we paid the bill. I had concerns that things would be busy and crappy as described above, but logistics did not permit cooking for Mom today, so I'm thanking my lucky stars it went so smoothly!
psychsarah at 4:22PM on 05/11/08
I agree that MD is whatever makes Mom happy- I'm happiest in the kitchen and feeding other people and making THEM happy-so I cooked for everyone else today. And I'm not italian-but maybe in a former life-seems I never sit down at these meals either. But let me just say, in mother's-day-induced fit of narcissism-my meal ROCKED!! I outdid myself...and that made me happy mom on MD.
foodiemama at 9:13PM on 05/11/08
Unfortunately, there's several hundred miles between my mother and I. Usually MD was a chance for me to wow her with some fantastic breakfast recipe and we would spend the day just enjoying each other's company--going to a movie, etc. We rarely, if ever, went out that I can remember. Anyway, this year I sent her some quince de membrillo, which I know she will love, and called. It's not the same, but I think the expression of love and appreciation, however you do it, is what counts the most. It's not a black and white 'restaurant or home-cooked meal question'.
Christina at 11:05PM on 05/11/08
I hate Mothers Day, Easter, and Valentines Day, all because I am a server. The people that come out on those days are the people who never go out any other time, so it seems as if everything is new to them, from ordering drinks when asked, to how to tip. I had one table leave cash and a coupon from another restaurant, along with a 10% tip on the discounted price. The tip wasn't even enough to cover the coupon mistake which I had to pay for. Another table let their 5 kids (under the age of five) sit at a table all by themselves. The kids threw everything from broccoli to whole hamburgers on the floor. They also screamed very loudly when taken to the bathroom, so loudly you could hear them from every corner of the place. I am requesting off next year.
brittj8585 at 11:07PM on 05/11/08
^5 @ psychsarah! Sounds like a terrific day. Glad it went as smoothly as it did. You must have eaten at a very well run restaurant that didn't overbook and underestimate meal timing.
During the text exchange between my daughter and me, I told her, "Be patient! It's going to be a non-stop day." She responded, "Mom, that's EVERY day here..." So she was prepared for the throng. Our neighbors across the street went to Olive Garden and I'm curious to know how that went.
@foodiemama - congrats on a great MD!
BF cooked dinner and wanted me to take it easy in front of the TV. Eventually he needed a tiny bit of help with the phyllo/manchego/mushroom pastries.
Me: "Would you like some help?
BF: "That depends...you want to eat today?"
(ROFLMAO)
It was a good day, despite the potential for it being very difficult for me.
chiff0nade at 5:00AM on 05/12/08
@brittj8585- I feel your pain! While I can't say all of the customers were an issue yesterday, there was an unusual excess of screaming children and, I work at a wine bar. Young children who go out on these holidays typically don't know how to behave on account of the fact that they don't go out very much at all. In some cases, I think this is why parents can be unequipped to control them. The majority of adults had a great deal of patience because they know it is busy on a holiday; the minority complained about the children and under-tipped for not having a "perfect" experience. Not sure if it applies to your restaurant, but children simply don't belong in grown up establishments and holidays should not be an exception.
liwinegirl at 8:41AM on 05/12/08
It's just mom and me on Mother's Day so whatever she wants is what goes. If she wants to stay in and have me cook, if she wants to go out, heck if she wants to cook - it's her day. This year we went out for dim sum. No reservations. We were seated immediately, even in the middle of the lunch crush, received attentive service and ate delicious food. Then we spent the rest of the day walking it off!
Amandarama at 1:00PM on 05/12/08
@wookie - I agree. For special occasion dining, high-end is the only way to go. Not just because I am the "Queen for a Day" (heehee) but also because they are able to accommodate busy services without a problem. You do get what you pay for, in this as in anything.
@liwinegirl - This may sound self-congratulatory, but I do agree with you - on other people's children. I have felt so sorry for kids whose parents are screaming at them to behave when they have clearly never been out and have no idea what is expected of them.
Having said that, all three of my children (ages 10, 7, and 2) have been out to "grown up establishments" and done fine...but that is because they go out to dinner with us on a regular basis and know what is expected of them. The 2 year old gets wiggly, but we know this and take turns taking him for a walk (in the parking lot if necessary). We did this with our older children when they were little and they now LOVE restaurants and can order for themselves off a menu.
We don't, however, take them out way past their bedtimes, or ignore them in restaurants, which is what I have seen many parents doing. No wonder the kids act up when they are overtired, hungry, and no one is paying attention to them. I get a little cranky under those conditions as well. =)
akk328 at 1:53PM on 05/12/08
I thought about this thread as I was eating a pretty average buffet lunch with my mom and wishing there was some place a little nicer we could have gone. When you're 100 miles from anywhere, Applebees sounds pretty fancy. The cafe was where Mom wanted to go and that's what counts. I drove up (about 80 miles) to go to church with her and spend the day. As I said, lunch was so-so, but the day was beautiful and it was nice to have time for just the 2 of us. Mom's 87 and pretty amazing. She just bought her first pair of blue jeans as well as a 42" flat screen HDTV. One of the best things for me was channel surfing and coming across a replay of the KU-Memphis game. Watching the end of that game on the big screen was great!
dutchgal at 3:43PM on 05/12/08
My brother and I always take mom out for MD b/c we do not own our own homes yet and Mom / Dad would feel obliged to cook/cleanup in their homes. THey are very particular( read OCD) and would have more stress if we prepared the meal because they like things done their way. We went out for a 4pm early dinner reservation to a high end restaurant and treated mom. There was no cleanup to worry about so we were in no rush. The food and servicer were superb. Mom said it was exactly what she wanted. THis is my only goal on MD!
KtMc24 at 4:43PM on 05/12/08
Yea, you make a good point. We wound up going out to eat this year and the service wasn't the best. Not only that but the person who liked her food the least was mom, so that was sad. Maybe next year I'll try and cook....She can't hold me to a high standard. :)
Hillary
Chew on That
Chew on That at 5:14PM on 05/13/08
There was a restaurant reviewer who wrote a book called "Never Eat Out On Mothers' Day", and whether as a daughter or mother I have managed to avoid it until this year, when we were traveling. (Kudos to Lucques and Zuni in San Francisco, BTW; both went smoothly.) If other people want to, that's fine, but like drinking on St. Patrick's Day, I avoid it. Restaurants are hurting in this economy, and I see a number of spots did brunch that never did before. I hope they did well, but I'll give 'em my business other days.
lemons at 4:53PM on 05/14/08
As a former server/cook/bartender/manager of restaurants let me say there is some truth to the difference in service/menu/etc on MD, VD, NYE, etc...we don't call it "Amateur Hour" for nothing! But a well-managed restaurant that typically has great service and standards will be able to adjust enough for the volume without sacrificing quality and service. As a server, if I "sucked it up" and had a positive attitude about providing a special once-a-year treat to otherwise infrequent diner-outers, I invariably had an acceptable day money-wise and a great day karma-wise.
That being said, you wouldn't catch me in a restaurant on these days....no matter what!
Cary at 7:31PM on 05/14/08
Several years ago I said "no more restaurants on Mothers' Day." Since then, I entertain the familiy at our house. We have a small house with no formal dining room so holidays are a challenge but I worked out a system for Mothers' Day that turns out pretty well. I do a buffet table in the living room and everyone just sits and samples a variety of hearty appetizers and an easy to eat main course. Sometimes I do a soup in the crockpot which is on the buffet table. I have my husband act as server and we do about 3 "shifts" of food, ending with a couple of desserts. He brings dirty plates back to me in the kitchen and I wash them and send them back out if we run low.
Often I make a punch or sangria which everyone can help themselves to.
I do not have children of my own and my Mom works on Sundays so this is really done as a show of respect for my husband's mom and his sisters. It's work, but it was my choice to start the tradition and I will carry it on as long as I am able.
robincat at 12:43PM on 05/15/08
My wife and I went out Mother's Day evening with another childless midde-aged couple (we would never go out for brunch on such a day, unless we were getting tacos or Chinese food). We went to Goldberg's Deli at Factoria mall on the Eastside of Lake Washington from Seattle, since our friends had given us a gift card. I'd been reading David Sax Savethedeli.com blog and just jonesing for some good Jewish soul food.
Nice space, little delicatessen shop in the front. My wife got a brunch special: bagels, omelet, hashbrowns, and an enormous piece of very nice smoked whitefish. She was very happy. My friend Suzanne had the stuffed cabbage, which looked very nice and she enjoyed it. My friend Jerry had the beef brisket dinner, which was a generous portion but the only DRY Jewish-style brisket that I have ever seen. I went very traditional -- potato knish, pastrami on rye with coleslaw on the side, and a generous piece of noodle kugel to follow. The knish was nice (the accompaniment of gravy was unfamiliar) but I think that it may have been zapped rather than oven reheated. The pastrami sandwich was very good, not oversized, tasty but a little dry but the Gulden's helped that (just French's yellow mustard and Gulden's -- no regular deli mustard). Heck, I like Gulden's. The noodle kugel was great, although obviously not as good as my mothers and mine.
So, a mostly positive experience. We got rugalach and Joyva halvah for the counter on the way out.
Stushi at 1:38PM on 05/15/08