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I have to say, being a former chubby kid, nutrition and keeping to a 'calorie budget' is number one. Next lifestyle--I'm single, and I don't have to worry too much about suiting other people's palates, so that affects lots of my food choices. Ethics would come next--I'm a vegetarian, almost vegan, followed by personal taste. Being vegetarian means I'm not as affected by high food prices as much, as does the fact I'm buying for one and culture is very unimportant--I am Greek/Irish/Italian/German-Jewish, and none of those cuisines are my favorites.

Most of the time these things cohere, but I still have occasional bouts of 'pastry fear' and I'm probably a bit less adventurous with new menus because of my concern for nutrition, diet, athletic performance, and also not eating animal protien. Although lots of interesting cuisines are veggie based!

The two built-in and equally important factors I consider without even thinking of the fact that I consider them are nutrition and taste. Since we haven't won a lottery yet (not that we ever will, as I recall something about having to buy a ticket in order to win), cost comes close second, although, as huney said, it truly is a balancing act. So while I'd much rather buy locally grown produce and humanely raised chickens, this is not always the key factor in my food-buying choices. Culture mostly comes into play during holidays, although I never think that there is something I have to eat even though I don't like it - taste & nutrition would still come first. Lifestyle...I'm sure it is a factor (for instance, we don't have children and both have offices at home), but not something I intentionally consider.

Great question!

1. Nutrition - but not at the expense of
2. Taste! Flavor is always critical, but it's important that the food not be highly processed junk.
3. Ethics - with sub-priorities of local, then organic, then ethical (free trade etc)
4. Cost - I do pay attention to price when I shop, and often the factor that decides What's For Dinner is What's On Sale. :)
5. Lifestyle - We have varying schedules and only get to eat meals together once or twice a week. This does affect the way I cook because I try to make meals that reheat well and make good leftovers.
6. Culture - This doesn't really come into play for us. We're not of a particular cultural background. The flip side is that there's not much variety of ethnic foods available where we live anyway, so it's a moot point.

It used to be cost first and foremost then nutrition, tradition and culture (in its way) and it was always a struggle and unpleasant. Gained weight too, constantly felt hungry with never-ending cravings.

Divesting from the ex™ with his demands, my daughter and I went vegetarian. The first Thanksgiving was a struggle in the run-up until I decided to just let it go. We stuck with tradition in as much as we still treated ourselves but we went with all the things we wanted and those things we didn't eat because they seemed too expensive. We had a selection of stuff from around the world and just prepared each one at a time, enjoying stress-free.

After that everything seemed to snap into place. The ethical and moral implications are easier so we were left with choosing local and organic which tasted so much better as well (and turns out to be more nutritious too). Price is much more manageable without meat (and is less time intensive from preparation to clean-up) but it turns out with proper nutrition most of the cravings and the hunger went away even though we were eating less (which also costs less). Weight dropped too even though we'd never felt more satisfied.

So letting go of tradition and the "shoulds" was key and I'll never let it keep me from doing what's the best thing for us again. Food is absolutely incredible now.

I guess the first would be nutrition, if by nutrition you mean "avoid the half-dozen things that would make me sick to the point of disability." Since that means avoiding most processed food/chemicals/pesticides/etc, etc - it ends up being combined with ethics.

Taste is next - food should taste good - followed somewhat by cost. An $10 chicken is all well and good since I can make three or four meals off of it, but $15 for ramps? No thanks.

Lifestyle and culture are somewhats. I like keeping a couple of quick meals on hand for bad days, and usually factor that into meal planning. Likewise, I'm a southern girl, so that influence tends to show up a lot when cooking (even if my actual cooking repertoire is usually anything but southern food). Most of my food ends up being pretty seasonal out of necessity.

My first priority was not on your list - it is to make whomever I'm feeding happy. That, of course, encompasses bits and pieces of many of the things listed, but it is different for each person that sits at the table, so the list gets shifted each time to suit.

It is actually impossible for me to put the priorities in order, even for myself (though I rarely plan food "just for me") for what is important one day may not feel as important the next day. And I never cook to show off what I can do, which happens in foodie-ism at times, which I guess would be one more thing to add to the priority list - "to impress" (which is not a minor attraction in any enthusiasm one might have not only with foodie-ism).

The only food priority I have is . . . To make it all about You.

Sieseye - It is a crime against the soul when someone plays games with food (or with any good thing such as food) against someone else (as has occurred in the examples you detail above).

I've had similar experiences in the past. It added another confusing layer to it all having been a well-respected chef to have this occur.

There are intellectual answers as to "why" but there is no good final answer, emotionally . . . except definitely to be really sure you know who you are cooking for. And to know that there are actually people in the world who do set out to fool people for their own rather sick internal reasons - and to be sure to avoid ever cooking for them.

Your new food priorities sound delicious. Bon appetit on and into the future!

Now I'm longing for a tomato sandwich! :)

Siseye and Karen Resta, thanks for sharing such wonderful stories of coming back from a negative relationship, culinarily and spiritually. As positive as food can be, I think lots of times in families it is used as a negative instrument of control--and as a vegetarian, it's interesting how with my stepmother and my father, quite often she would leave the room and have a tantrum if I didn't eat what she prepared, and I have accidentally eaten meat on a number of occasions, including bacon bits in a salad ("it is not meat, it is just bits," according to her) and every kind of chicken fat in the potatos, rice she cooks. Also, when she served chips with olestra in them I refused to eat them (having read the label about the *ahem* side effects) she pitched a fit...as if she had made them herself, rather than opening the bag!

On topic, I do see that with many women in relationships, 'lifestyle' in the sense of the prefrences of their partner or children takes priority, even if they would prefer to eat healthier or more adventurous options

This is a great discussion. Yes, thank you HeartofGlass. :)

So much touched on here.

My stalker is Libra which I thought when I read about them (out of curiousity not to guide my life) means balance but more that they achieve balance by wild swings rather than hanging in the middle. :(

Balance. That's what is missing from so much but especially food these days. We've taken food apart from the very beginning, with monster farms growing only one thing supported by chemicals which meant putting the animals elsewhere in huge building supported by chemicals which meant putting their waste in huge pools... no integrations, instead attempting to solve each new problem with more tech which only creates new problems.

Interesting the gender thing. I've been watching Gordon Ramsey because I loved the idea of the remaking a restaurant to work better (I have a secret desire to have my own cozy food emporium with inexpensive but yummy comfort food of the best quality). His no nonsense approach appealed to me because it's more about little tolerance for idiocy and manipulation rather than being mean. I found out later how little respect he gives to those who shun meat which is still hard to reconcile (he's a famous one who has taken pleasure in sneaking meat in veggie meals). However I happened on his new chef competition show where there's a woman's team and a men's team. The girls were all working together and talking while the guys wouldn't even acknowledge each other and undercut, tricked, schemed... but in the end when it came to knocking one out at the end the girls did turn catty (hate that word but that was what happened) and it turned the next show unpleasant because of the resentment factor. However, one of the guys was so fed up by the way the guys are he asked to be allowed on the woman's team. That's next week. I'm so intrigued to find out how it goes. So it's especially interesting the point about food science and molecular food.

In another round of coincidences, I had just come back yesterday from a seminar on the Myths of Vegetarian Eating where the question was asked about why so many are resistant. The speaker talked about how mothers (mom's day being the next day) have their identity so wrapped up in the food they present, as well as the nurture factor, they take their child going veggie as a rejection of them rather than the meat, cruelty, political, or whatever. Then along with the societal pressures and the industry that has pressed our ideas of nutrition, it feels as if we (as mothers) are being told we've never understood how to keep our children healthy... that we aren't very smart after all. Lots get twisted into our meals. It's not just food by any means.

I know my daughter has been taken aback by how accepting I've been of her going veggie (even becoming one myself -- I just needed a reason) then going vegan. In some ways I've unintentionally undermined her rebellion but in a good and loving way. I even started sending her to cooking classes which she despised in the beginning (natural extension of the resistance) but now pretends to tolerate while having gained huge confidence in the kitchen and become valuable amongst her friends for her food talent.

My sis-in-law tried for years to sneak mushrooms (and later cilantro) into foods she served me. I guess she figured if I just "tried" them I would finally realize how good they are and my life would be so much better and she'd be the hero or something. Why couldn't she understand I *had* tried them (long before she came into my world) and that's how I knew I don't like them? Why couldn't I have my own preferences? I did always find them, and pick them out (or not eat at all) which amazed her but she never learned. All it did was make it unpleasant, so I didn't trust her, and lost respect for her as well. Stopped visiting (maybe that was her point?). However, when my daughter went veggie she was very accommodating and kind. On the other hand we spent little time there by then so she didn't have much chance to sabotage.

Speaking of which, I spent years trying to convince the ex™ I wasn't his enemy which he would say he knew only to find out he felt I was trying to sabotage him (like if I was late, for getting held up; he thought I did it on purpose to ruin his life) so felt he needed to not just get back at me but punish me. Not even to get me to not do something again because he never admitted till the end he was doing any of it on purpose and in fact he was still taking revenge for minor "trespasses" upon him a decade before. The thing is, it wasn't really about me. He'd have done the same to someone else. He was trying to give me his own pain somehow. Of course that doesn't work for anyone involved.

Now, I celebrate the food itself. I figure if a new person in my life doesn't like what I make they either don't (and won't) like me or they can get what they need themselves (and hopefully let me know too so I can get to know them as well). But I won't give up myself anymore. If people don't like me for who I am, why would they like me for who I'm not? Further, why should I waste time with those who aren't going to like me when I could be free to find one that will?

Course I feel the same respect for the other person in that I won't waste their time sticking around if I'm not digging them. Only to get someone who's taken it so personally he's become increasingly unpleasant in forcing himself upon my world (because dumb*ss is just so irresistibly attractive and sexy... /sarcasm). No kidding, he's taken to hanging at the Farmers Markets for me to show up then following me through a few feet away the entire time.

Sorry for the essay! :)

Karen,

Hope I didn't offend. Certainly not my intention. He was the first Libra I'd knowingly had much interaction with and I looked up his sign because he seemed so different. Balance seemed like a great thing to me but I had a different idea of it which I'd say is often how we have so many misunderstandings with people... though this guy seems to be special but not so much in a nice way and I'd say it has little to do with what time of year he was born (nor do I think he gives much thought to balance). The good thing (and I always try to find it) is I've change where I go and what I do (restaurants and stores also because he took those too) and I've found great new things I wouldn't have otherwise in my previous comfort zone.

I do know about vegangelicals too. I've encountered them myself and they are unpleasant (as is any extremism). However, I've also been attacked by non-vegetarians just for not eating meat. Accosted with the excuse being the vegangelicals; that they exist means all vegetarians should be harassed (to some people). In comparision the meat-eaters have been more vicious, tenacious and numerous but they aren't marginalized so people not only don't seem to notice when they are being mean, they join in. So, I usually tell the extreme veggies to back off and that they are doing more harm than good but I feel a little forgiving because they do feel intensely about their cause, just unable to understand how polarizing they are. But, it is exasperating to be attacked and be put under a microscope for my every action and lifestyle choice (what I feed my pets and what shoes I wear get examined for instance) because any "unpure" action by me is an ah-ha moment that releases them to not just continue what they were anyway (only now with permission vicariously via me) but also to attack me for the way I live and the choices I make even though it seems to be their own insecurity and issues and because they were nosey and poking around my plate. Sounds personal but it happens to a lot of vegetarians/vegans. It was something I had noticed before switching myself and while never joining in never paid much attention let alone stood up to it. However, it's fresh on my mind this week between the Slate article (found thanks to SE) and some related classes I took this weekend. While there are a lot of issues beyond animal treatment what I'm most intrigued in is how and why people do what they do. Motivations.

It also surprises me how much we do when we don't know the whole story (or sometimes even more than a fraction). I used to look on in admiration to those who said we don't regret what we do as much as what we don't do. But, I think what I regret most is what I've done without knowing why.

I'd rather spend time with Gordon Ramsey than most people as despite being a bit confrontational he's quite together -- just wouldn't let him cook for me. :)

As far as different... I do understand. I felt that way too when I considered going veggie even though I was unhappy not being one. I'm finally discovering Indian food in all it's glory. It's so amazing but felt so strange for so long. I realize now it's because I so dislike cilantro but now I know I don't have to put it in when I prepare it. My regret is not doing this sooner. Another tradition busted. :)

Thanks, I've enjoyed the conversation and exploration.