PrintGrief Food
Okay, so in the interest of full disclosure, I am going through a rough time right now. In the span of a single day I lost a close friend to breast cancer and found out that my grandmother wasn't doing well, either. I spent the weekend trying to be with her (it's a long drive away — close to Canada), and I cannot even attend my friend's funeral, because tickets to the UK at the last minute are too expensive.
That being said, I also have no appetite, and I was hoping that someone might have some ideas for something that might appeal to me and be comforting. Right now, everything looks about as appetizing as cardboard. I would love to hear any suggestions...
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23 Comments:
I'm going to go the opposite route from what you're thinking and recommend you only eat when you feel up to it, and only those foods that feel right at that time. I'm concerned that if you force yourself to eat when you have no appetite, eating foods you don't actually feel like eating, you may end up making yourself physically ill.
Disclaimer: Your mileage may vary ...
Please take care of yourself ... gently!
LunaPierCook at 11:38AM on 04/15/08
You need massive hugs and shoulders to cry on. I hope you have both readily available. I'm so sorry.
You know you have to eat and drink to stay healthy for your gram, so think of something you love, but avoid because it's too fattening or greasy or whatever and have some handy for comfort. Otherwise, make it easy, so you can just concentrate on what's important - getting through today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Sending love and warm hugs. You can have my virtual shoulder too sweetie.
PerkyMac at 11:41AM on 04/15/08
Honey, when you're ready to eat, something will pop into your head and become the focus of an intense hunt. It will find you and you will then find it.
Do not rush yourself into eating but I would sip some heated chix broth. If you don't feel like making it or if you don't have any in the freezer, grab a box of Pacific or Kitchen Basics. Both are incredibly delicious and come about as close to home-made as any.
I wish you strength at this time. ((Hugs))
chiff0nade at 12:04PM on 04/15/08
I know when I'm going thru it, my friends and SO are the ones that help me out the most. I never wanted to eat by myself, but somehow surrounded by them I did want to eat.
I also find it therapeutic to cook. Is there something you enjoy making that your grandmother raves about? Or is there a new technique you've always wanted to try? How about making something you love to eat? Throw yourself into the process.
Another thing-humor! Grab a funny movie or a movie your gram loves. Humor goes a long way-and it's what makes great memories..:)
Just remember-in order to take care of others, you have to take care of yourself. When cooking is involved, you're able to kill two birds with one stone.
If you can't/don't want to cook-think dessert! Set up an ice cream bar! What beats ice cream with a variety of toppings or have sundaes..:)
Hope things get better for you soon and you are in my prayers.
Butrflygirly at 12:09PM on 04/15/08
Sending (((((HUGS)))))) to you. If you are not eating well, please remember to take your supplements. Your desire to eat will coincide with your healing process. I lost a parent last year and was so stressed out during the final few months, I couldn't eat. As I settled down, I returned to my former food loving self! You will too!
izatryt at 12:16PM on 04/15/08
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time lately, and really hope things get better soon!
It's Cuban tradition to bring a loved one chicken soup if they're grieving. There's just something comforting and easy about chicken soup. Maybe that will help?
bitchincamero at 12:23PM on 04/15/08
Sweetie I am so sorry for your loss. consider yourself hugged. I agree with Chiff, when you're ready to eat you will think of something. But Please try to stay hydrated, water, caffeine free tea, anything to keep the liquids in you. And whatever you do, let the people around you help in whatever way they can. You are in my prayers.
huney_bumper at 12:27PM on 04/15/08
Thank you all very much. Your comments are truly touching, and I appreciate them a lot.
I do want to bake, actually. I may not want to eat, but I do want to cook (it runs in the family - we grieve by working on something with gusto). The problem is that I also have a final exam due this week for a class, and since I didn't get to work on it over the weekend, like I intended before everything happened, I have to work on it now, after work. I am so tired, and there is so little time that i fear that I would fall asleep, forget it in the over, and wind up with a little charred brick of something. :(
Again, though, really and honestly, thank you for your support.
Traveller at 12:31PM on 04/15/08
Traveller - my thoughts go out to you.
I agree with the others who suggested chicken broth....another thought is scrambled eggs....the protein will give you strength, plus it's something quick & easy that you could add to if you feel like it.
mepolo at 12:49PM on 04/15/08
Traveller, I am so, so sorry. I do hope that you get plenty of hugs and support, because while they are not a "cure", they sure help. I can never eat in similar situations myself, but like huney said, just please make sure you stay hydrated. And whenever you feel that faint craving "I would probably eat...", just go for it, no matter what it is.
I know that you need to stay strong for your grandma, but I truly hope you have someone to allow yourself to be "weak" with, even if just for a very little while, and let your friends be there for you and help you through this rough period.
Sending hugs and kisses your way (oh, and good luck on your exam!)
brooke29 at 1:08PM on 04/15/08
Traveller,
Wow - my family reacts the same way during crises - start cooking, in quantity. Must be an East European thing. Even if I have no appetite myself, it helps emotionally stabilize me to be around food, even if I'm not eating it. I find it also helps me if I do something for someone else in need around me, rather than center on my own grief. Is there someone you could make a nice meal for, or take out to dinner, or bake a little cake for...? It also helps me remember that I'm not the only one suffering or experiencing difficulty.
Having said all that, just take it one day at a time (there really is wisdom in that). You're in my prayers.
moibec at 1:19PM on 04/15/08
So sorry to hear what you're going through right now... when I've been there, "sippables" seemed to work -- for some reason, "drinking" the nutrition seems to be a mental workaround for the lack of appetite. The chicken broth is a good start, along with things like tomato soup in a mug or miso (very decent instant versions are handy). If you like it, try keeping V-8 (or other fruit or veg juices) handy. Hot cocoa, milkshakes, smoothies (with dairy or some kind of protein), etc., are often appealing when you can face nothing else.
LoCo at 1:29PM on 04/15/08
poor thing - i'm so sorry. :hugs: I agree with LoCo on those "sippables" - especially soups - chicken soup, miso soup (my favorite instant version is Trader Joe's, if you don't have one nearby, I can send some to you), etc.
mrsbao at 1:41PM on 04/15/08
I agree with Loco. Things to drink that have some substance make sense in grieving times. They will help you keep your hydration levels up and give a little caloric boost if nothing else. I tend to do tea and cinnamon toast myself.
My prayers are with you.
coffeefrappe at 1:48PM on 04/15/08
PB and J. Sweet Salty and all around awesome!
nelson5757 at 2:15PM on 04/15/08
Traveller...talk to whomever is giving the exam and explain the situation and ask for an extension. I am sure a re-take will be granted. Take a day or 2 off of work...hell, even 3. It will still be there when you get back and the bills will still be there even if the paycheck isn't. Secure 2 of the non-habit forming sleep aid pills and hit the sack. Sleep will do you a world of good.
When death or damnation hits me, I do some of my best work in the kitchen. I think that is where I end up taking out all of my anger, sadness and frustrations. Make something that Gram would love but is also a tribute to your friend. Sometimes, you will find yourself nibbling here and there. (Gotta taste to make sure its good, right?)
Keep your fluids up, even if it is just sipping ginger ale or a little broth. Dehydration won't help in the least. When your body is ready to be done grieving, you will know.
ChelleyD01 at 4:05PM on 04/15/08
I just wanted to add my hugs & condolences....take care of yourself sweetie!
bisbee at 4:39PM on 04/15/08
Just checking in. Have you cooked, eaten or sipped anything yet today? No response necessary - just a reminder that I'm thinking of you.
PerkyMac at 4:45PM on 04/15/08
Traveller...Gosh, you're going through an awful lot right now. I feel for you. Take care of yourself.
When I am merely depressed, food is my buddy, my friend, I cling to it. But emotional devastation, not so much. It's so easy to go without food, and even when I start feeling sick because I'm not eating, it seems still too hard to so much as make a cup of tea. But you kind of have to. Having food in your system makes you stronger, not just physically, but emotionally as well. More able to handle the challenges ahead of you. My way is probably not the healthiest, but it's the easiest and it works for me, so here goes... Canned low salt chicken broth, nuked with a hit of hot sauce for sipping goodness. And ice cream. It's fuel. Lots of fat and calories. It tastes good and requires nothing from you other than opening it and getting out a spoon. And Yobaby yogurt from Stonyfield Farms.
Also, what @ChellyD says makes sense regarding the exam. I'd imagine that most places will allow a re-take.
(((((hugs)))))
chisai at 6:55PM on 04/15/08
I truly want to offer my condolences on the loss of your dear friend. I hope you can tell from all the sincerely offered suggestions and heartfelt wishes how quickly bonds and friendships are formed here. I'm sure your grandmother appreciates any time you have been able to spend with her and knows you love her and want to be there. Grandmothers are like that...
Rough times tend to demand soup. I picked up some instant miso at the WF a while back and it was a life saver for me. If you have a gourmet grocery or good take out near you, stop and get soup - whatever sounds good at the time. Let your appetite be your guide. At some point, you will feel like making your own again, but not right now. Conserve your energy. Stress is more exhausting than running a 10K.
A baked Idaho or sweet potato is so nutritious and easy. A big steaming pot of your favorite tea (with perhaps a spoonful of honey and a splash of brandy) is extremely therapeudic, along with toast or graham crackers. Get a dozen of the freshest eggs and scramble a couple along with your buttered toast. Puddings are the ultimate comfort food to me - tapioca or rice pudding - just buy some from the dairy case. Applesauce, warmed with a dash of cinnamon. Rice or noodles just with butter. Plain and simple bowl of cereal with banana and milk.
Just know there are many empathetic spirits being strong for you. You're in my thoughts. Be well...
frederika at 10:51PM on 04/15/08
so sorry about your loss, and your grandma's illness. these things always seem to happen at once, don't they?
i'm also a Crisis Chef - as soon as things get stressful, i start cooking. i find that making elaborate soups is really therapeutic. why not make a big pot of delicious mushroom barley or chicken noodle? soup freezes well, so you can enjoy a little bit now, and save the rest for later on when your appetite returns. there is something really comforting about knowing that there is a good meal in the freezer, any time you need it.
my thoughts are with you and yours... be well, and please don't forget to eat!
Ariel777 at 11:58AM on 04/16/08
I'm so very sorry. =( I don't have advice beyond what's already been said, but I wanted to pass on my condolences. Take care of yourself, and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
jenilowrance at 1:24PM on 04/16/08
Traveller, I am so sorry that you're having such a rough time. When I was at university, my best friend died unexpectedly, so I know the pain of losing a close friend, and how it can mess you up physically as well as emotionally. I remember that after Christine died, I had to force myself to be with other people, as it felt so much easier being alone. But even though it required effort, it was so important that I had other people around me, and I think that's probably important for you too. And maybe you will find, as I did, that it's easier to be with people when you have something to do, as opposed to just having to talk. So I suggest that you call up a friend and invite him or her over to make dinner with you. It doesn't have to be a culinary masterpiece, it just has to be something comforting that you made together with a friend. Maybe you will find that you don't feel like eating it, but that's ok. The eating part will come in time; you just have to hold on until then.
caley at 1:43PM on 04/16/08