PrintI love you but you love meat
Has everyone seen this from the Times today?
http://tinyurl.com/26u2b8 (may require free registration)
Do you and your significant other share the same dietary restrictions? Both vegans? Vegetarians? Eat any and everything under the sun?
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19 Comments:
We would both be called "no-holds-barred carnivores" in the Anthony Bordein vein. We will also try anything once - life is too short and there are too many interesting and fascinating things out there not to do it other way. But we both do have some restrictions - for examples I can't stand certain vegetables so he takes them and he can't stand mushrooms and onions so I take them.
i know people like her - I avoid them at all cost.
bravian at 10:26AM on 02/13/08
I might have a problem with someone thinking I was one of the "flaky, picky cheaters" when it came to my vegetarianism (On a side note, I'm always astounded by how people are so rude when they talk about vegetarians).
But other than that...I haven't had any issues. I'm currently single but past guys I've dated had zero problem with what I eat, and I really didn't care too much on their food. Any guy who focuses on me not eating meat as a problem is obviously a lucky guy to not have anything else to worry about in his life.
emes1 at 10:29AM on 02/13/08
To clarify my "avoid them at all cost" comment - it wasn't a dig at vegetarians or vegans. It was a dig at people who carry the opinion that they are more 'enlightened' or 'evolved' then everyone else because of the food choices they make. I think the article makes it clear that those who make food choices and are willing to compromise can live with a partner that makes different food choices but is also willing to compromise. The person I made the comment about is uncompromising and judgmental. She will only be happy with someone who is the same.
bravian at 10:58AM on 02/13/08
I've given up on dating non-omnivores. Even if they are open minded and accept the fact that I eat meat and fish as well as vegetables and dairy, it creates a divide. I personally want to be with someone who will share all my experiences with me, and that includes enjoying a steak. It's less about the (debatable) moral issues but more about the sensual aspect. Love is about sensuality. If you can not share the sensuality you enjoy with your partner, then it's bound to fail.
seyo at 11:08AM on 02/13/08
As a vegetarian (with the occasional bit of fish, when I'm feeling protein-deprived), I've dealt with my family's excessive meat-eating for the past 6 years. At first I reacted very poorly, and would fight with them all the time about whether or not I should be eating meat. At this point, they've stopped criticizing my choice (although my brother makes fun of me sometimes, but in a friendly way), and as the best cook by far in the family, I actually make meat dishes quite frequently, I just choose not to eat them.
Bravian: I might not use "unenlightened and disturbing" to describe cooking veggie burgers next to meat, but unless part of the grill was cleaned extremely well before cooking the veggie burgers, I definitely wouldn't consider it a vegetarian burger, and it's her choice to eat it or not. Of course, she should have just insisted that they cook hers in a separate pan...
ChristineB at 11:09AM on 02/13/08
My girlfriend is vegan and she gave me Fearnley-Whittingstall's The River Cottage Meat Book for Christmas.
Although I do understand seyo's comment about the sensuality of food and sometimes I wish she would eat the pork shoulder I smoked for hours or the bacon or a lovely cheese, I guess I am happy she is not just like me and diet is one place we are not the same...
our differences in diet have also encouraged me to be a better cook in both my vegetable and meat preparation, just by thinking how to use the same ingredients in both preparations and becoming a more efficient cook, also developing flavors with vegan food also required much more thought and creativity in the kitchen, along with the desire to use ingredients and explore cuisines I had less experience with to prepare better vegan food.
True I could have and might have done the same thing with an omnivore girlfriend, but even though I work as a cook sometimes and constantly learn technique and flavor combinations at work, I had not done quite as much at home. Anyway, so it goes. We seem to be happy with one another.
I actually gave her Veganomicon for christmas.
intheyearofthepig at 12:16PM on 02/13/08
I was raised vegetarian and my boyfriend is a meat-eater. I do most of the cooking just because I love to cook and I know how to make lots of different things. He has never once requested that I make meat for him (even if he did, I wouldn't - it would gross me out), but I don't restrict him from eating it - just so long as I don't have to cook it! He has learned to love vegetarian food (I make a lot of Indian, Mexican, Thai, and Italian) and he only eats meat now when we go out - and it's usually chicken or fish (ok, he eats an occassional burger, too!)
And I love a summertime BBQ as much as the next girl. The bf is nice and keeps a little section of the grill reserved for me and my veggie burgers (and veggies). I have no problems with his grilling burgers - how could I deny him that all-American pleasure?!?!
charm city cupcake at 1:33PM on 02/13/08
In response to the Times article, I wrote a piece on my veg/non-veg experience on my Here and There blog.
hereandthe at 2:23PM on 02/13/08
This is a great topic. My husband has never eaten meat, except for a few months when he ate fish. I struggled with finding meat disgusting, but still eating some things I really liked as a kid. When we got together, I still ate some meat, but I wasn't too attached to it. I would get meat sometimes when we went out, but was vegetarian at home. My now husband, never subtly or directly pressured me about becoming vegetarian. It was a choice he felt good about, but I was free to do what was right for me. Over the first year or two we were together, I let go of meat, and then became vegetarian. It suits me now for many moral and health reasons, but I've talked with him about the idea I may eat meat again. It's just a conversation for now, but he supports what I feel is best for me.
But food has always been very important in our relationship and we are both very adventurous eaters with a wide variety of foods we enjoy. Basically, if it's truly vegetarian, we'll try anything at least once. Not eating meat already restricts our choices, why be picky on top of that?
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FigswithBri at 2:48PM on 02/13/08
I am a vegetarian but my partner is not, although she only occasionally eats meat. I have a peanut allergy and she is gluten and whey intolerant. We always tip well when we go out to eat because the poor server has to remember all our restrictions!
I've dated vegetarians and omnivores alike. I'd rather date a vegetarian than a raging carnivore, but it's not a deal-breaker for me.
Vegetarianka at 4:50PM on 02/13/08
And as the old joke goes:
And then after learning accept all that, I found out he/she was a Republican!
srhcb at 5:52PM on 02/13/08
My guy and I are both vegetarian, and quite honestly, it makes everything so much easier, since we live together and eat almost all the same meals (down to our packed lunches in the morning). And when we have kids someday, we won't have to argue about whether to raise them veg - we know that we will. I could see that being a big issue among "mixed-diet" couples. Though we do have some serious dietary differences: he loves mushrooms and I hate them, and he hates broccoli and brussels sprouts and I love them. He made me love tofu, though, and I got him to like spinach and kale, so it works out!
producestories at 8:54PM on 02/13/08
I'm glad this is not something I have to deal with. But in the situations where diet is a deal breaker for a couple, it seems like there must be more at work than those differences. The folks who have commented here about being part of a "mixed" couple appear willing to bend and compromise, which makes for a great partnership all around!
Kerosena at 9:27PM on 02/13/08
Everything I make he loves. We are omnivores and we like all kinds of food. We do not like offal and I am never buying, serving or eating it in this house ever. He does not jump for joy over pumpkin and I love it. He will eat pumpkin pie. I often make a pumpkin rolls cake and tell him it is spice and he never even blinks. (not sure whether he has figured that out) He did not like eggplant when I met him he eats it now. I do not like asparagus but will make it. He likes dark chocolate and I can live without it. He drinks coffee in the racing fuel strength and I do not drink it that often.
We eat meat and we like it rare, grill marks and still kicking. We are truely well matched.
JerzeeTomato at 3:31AM on 02/14/08
I'm vegetarian and I've only dated omnivores - but it's never been an issue. I'm an adventurous eater, and I can find good veg food in almost any restaurant (though clearly, I'd appreciate he save the steakhouse for boys' night).
I am having food-related dating issues now, but not about meat vs. veg. The guy in question is OK with the veg thing - he just doesn't eat anything besides fast food (and even then, not a big variety). At least he's willing to try new things, but I'm trying to do it gradually, which means no Ethiopian for now.
piccola at 10:18PM on 02/15/08
My daughter is a vegetarian, raw foods only except salmon on occasion. Her boyfriend calls himself an opportunivore. I love that word! If somebody else fixes it or pays for it, he'll eat it He does make some awesome fry bread as his contribution with my ingredients. You've gotta love the guy!
PerkyMac at 10:32PM on 02/15/08
AKA hungryvore. If you are hungry it could be dinner. This was the premise my mother used. If your hungry you will eat if not that's all there is. what are we running a restaurant? I often hear people making multiple meals for their family and doing special this for one and Atkins for another and special this for that one. What happened to the eat what we put in front of you?
JerzeeTomato at 2:48AM on 02/17/08
Though now an carnivore, I was raised vegetarian. I can go weeks at a time without eating meat, so dating a vegetarian has never been a problem for me. As a rule, I won't eat meat at home with a vegetarian, but will, occasionally, in a restaurant. Vegans are somewhat more difficult. It's hard cooking for them, and I like my cheese too much. Also, in my experience (and my experience only, I cast no aspersions on vegans everywhere), there comes the inevitable conversation where I am told I am an evil killer of adorable critters, and I'm over that conversation. If they can eat their vegan stuff (much of which is very good) and shut up about my occasional cheeseburger and lovely, lovely skirt steak, I have no problem with it.
Far harder for me, is the super picky, neurotic eater. I dated a guy once who would only eat food that was the same consistency all the way through. He would eat steak and mashed potatoes and chili and that was about it. Another who couldn't stand onions, garlic, cooked tomatoes in any form, any type of whole grain anything and most herbs and spices and and all vegetables save corn, peas and potatoes. I could have sort of dealt with that, except he also couldn't stand looking at them on another person's plate. We actually broke up over chicken pot pie. I ordered the pot pie because I figured the crust would shield his tender eyes, but he eyed a tiny piece of diced red pepper and got all weirded out. It was the last straw. I excused myself, paid the bill, and walked out of the restaurant, never to see him again.
Actually, I think that what's far more important than meat, non-meat, is love of food. If you actually jones for hijiki, even though I hate it, I'll kind of love you for it.
chisai at 7:34AM on 02/17/08
Oh - I adore hijiki. I never can make it properly. My boyfriend will eat meat from time to time, but he doesn't have to think too hard about preparing a homestyle vegan Japanese feast for me. He likes all the food I make -- and doesn't miss the dairy or meat. He's vegetarian probably 90% of the time.
I find that people are generally sympathetic if I explain that I am very allergic to dairy -- cutting it out has eliminated all the chronic, daily arthritis pain I have suffered since I was a small child. There will be a few hardcore hedonists who swear they would never do it and try to get me to eat something cheesy or creamy (tempting but I prefer to not be in pain, thanks), but overall people are ok.
Restaurants are especially good if you tell them that you are actually allergic (rather than averse) to something.
That said - I have dated people who were phenomenally picky eaters. I don't like celery but I won't spit out soup if there's some floating in it. I have gone out with a guy who would order pork-fried-rice and pick out all the peas, carrots, celery and onions, eating only the pork, egg and rice. Seriously. He was so intent on eating only meat most of the time that it was really a turn-off.
Another friend is so "ethically carnivore" that he wouldn't eat a bite of food at a big party I had at my house. Most of the dishes were vegan and all were vegetarian (not by request - I ask meat eaters to bring food to share with others, sometimes it just turns out all veg). This friend actuall ended up leaving early to go get a steak burrito -- he wouldn't touch a single thing on a huge, creaking table full of food! He claimed later that it's not different from me going to a place where all the dishes are meat and walking away -- to which I responded that it would be the same if he had eliminated all vegetables and non-meat from his diet.
jennconspiracy at 3:00PM on 03/13/08