Confess Your Kitchen Catastrophes!
OK, we've all had them. It is our secret shame.
My most recent kitchen disaster happened while pureeing a hot sauce in the blender. The last thing I remember saying is "Don't worry, I 've done this before". Tip: While pureeing hot liquids, lid better less cracked open than more.
Over the holidays, a lovely Brussels Spout Gratin was bubbling happily away in the oven. Lots of cheese and cream. Beautiful. I thought I heard a weird little noise, but busy finishing dishes on the stovetop, I blew it off momentarily. A bit later I reached into the oven to pull out the hot casserole and the bugger had cracked right in half. Thank God there were no guests. Two days later, after several breaks in the cleaning action for hysterical crying tantrums, the kitchen was mostly back in operation. Tip: Don't ever ignore a crazy little sound coming from the inner sanctum of your oven. Unidentifiable sounds deem an immediate response.
I've confessed. But that is only two in an enormous repetoire of my best kitchen disasters. What are your worst?
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21 Comments:
I started cooking when I was quite young, and between that, a quick buildup of confidence, and a love of challenge, I have quite a list (if I weren't incredibly neurotic, it'd be even longer).
I've blended hot fluids, and wiped the subsequent splashes off the ceiling; the daft thing was, although I turned the thing off as soon as the lid flew, off, I actually put it back on... and tried it again. Just to 'make sure', of course.
My most recent fiasco involved a plate fragmenting while I made pancakes. I noticed that I'd absentmindedly left the burner on which the serving plate sat on the highest setting (instead of turning it down to just keep it warm), and the sheet of paper towel on it was starting to brown, so I quickly pushed it to the back of the stove, which was cool.The stove is a glass-ceramic one, and the plate was some sort of vitreous porcelain, so the heat transfer was great. In under a second there was an odd little strained sound, and the plate flew to smithereens. I was incredibly lucky to not be hit by any of it, but there's still a scorch mark on the floor.
I also recently tried to increase the height of the sides of some cake pans I was using with parchment-paper rims. I later retrieved them from the interior of the cake, and moodily scraped incinerated chocolate cake from the bottom of the oven.
mongoose at 11:53AM on 02/19/08
Oh, there was the fondant. You can't reliably make fondant without a candy thermometer. The last batch of I first undercooked, then returned to the stove and overcooked... and we iris out on me, in nothing but my knickers, covered in syrup, weeping in rage and frustration, while I desperately try to briskly beat something as dense as wood glue into creamy confection.
mongoose at 11:58AM on 02/19/08
When I was younger (around age 12) and just starting to cook I used 1/2 cup of baking soda instead of 1/2 teaspoon in a cookie recipe. It was upon tasting these cookies that I learned what baking soda was and how much would normally be in a recipe. :)
My most recent disaster involved blending hot soup in the blender. The middle part of the blender lid somehow flew down into the soup below and was quickly consumed by the blade. Needless to say, my blender was out of commission for a while until I ordered replacement parts.
AriaB at 12:00PM on 02/19/08
Here is another tip - while pureeing something with an immersion blender, do not take the said immersion blender out of the mixture while it's still running. If you do, don't be surprised to find whatever it is you were pureeing decorating you and your kitchen in the most unexpected places. And even if you yell out loud, "why in the world did I just do that?!!" -- most likely, you won't be able to find a good answer.
brooke29 at 12:15PM on 02/19/08
I was suppose to bring a potato salad for my baby shower. I don't remember why my in-laws asked me to bring something to my own baby shower but they did. I had a three year old and 11 month old baby and 1 on the way. I had my hands full. I had pre-chopped the potatoes and thought I had cooked them. I didn't and I served raw potato salad at my own baby shower. It taught me two lessons; always taste something before you serve it no matter how stressed or sick and number two, never ask someone to bring something to their own party.
evilchefmom at 12:20PM on 02/19/08
My worst catastrophe was really during "rewarming" something. I was doing a Mongolian Hot Pot for few friends. Two of them had spent the afternoon frying taro chips and other sliced roots. I wanted to serve them as is but they insisted on reaheating them.
I kept chasing everyone out of my (very small) kitchen but they kept gravitating back. Of course, my attempt to rewarm the (very thinly sliced, perfectly fried) chips ended with smoke billowing out of the oven. Bad enough I destroyed their whole afternoon's work but the acrid smoke that permeated my entire apartment served as a painful reminder of the incident during the rest of my (very labor intensive) Chinese meal.
chiff0nade at 12:25PM on 02/19/08
My worst cooking disaster was at my very first dinner party. I grew up in a vegetarian household, and while I'd eaten meat, I did not have permission to do so until I was 18, and was never allowed to cook it in the house. So, anyway, a couple of years later in my own apartment, I decided to have a dinner party. I got an awesome meat sauce recipe from a very good friend/cook. Seemed simple enough. Except that I had no idea that hot Italian sausage and Jones Hot Breakfast Sausage weren't the same thing. I fussed and cooked and puttered, setting the table as nicely as my tiny card table and mismatched dishes would allow. It went really well until I served the pasta (which I had tasted, and dismissed the weird taste as coming from nerves).
Anyhoo - NYC has some great pizza delivery, which I took full advantage of.
I learned a couple of lessons from this, besides the Breakfast/Italian conundrum.
Never serve something you've never made before to guests.
I will not, not matter what I may think, actually die of embarrassment.
My friends will love me no matter what.
My friends will never forget potentially humiliating stories to regale my new boyfriends with.
chisai at 12:57PM on 02/19/08
I never deep fry. Last Super Bowl I decided to make homemade hot wings for my friends (insane anyway, because there is an amazing hot wing place ONE BLOCK from my friend's house). I plugged it in and sat down with a beer to watch the game, letting it heat up.
After a bit, I checked it. The oil looked dark. I just assumed my mom had used the oil before me (I borrowed the deep fryer from her) and threw in the wings. They had a few dark spots on them, but were delicious. Everyone inhaled them.
A few days later I stopped by my friend's to retrieve the deep fryer. We hunted high and low, but couldn't find the lid anywhere. Suddenly, our eyes widened, and we stared at each in horror. I HAD MELTED THE LID INTO THE OIL. I had fed everyone chicken wings coated in melted plastic. We laughed hysterically for hours.
I am no longer allowed to deep fry. Stick with what you know.
lo82070 at 12:58PM on 02/19/08
I was catering a small plates partry and running late while shopping at the Ferry Building. I had spent about $200 on sausages, assorted lamb and pork items, foie gras and a rabbit. I was in and out of stores trying to make up for lost time. I got home and began to unpack and noticed that the bag of meat was gone. I stood in the middle of the kitchen and tried n ot to completely lose it as I thought about the lost money, the lost food and the look on my client's face if I had to disapoint. Fortunately I had another store nearby that was able to replace about 3/4 of what I needed but I have since made a point of changing the way I do large scale shopping for catering gigs.
kitchenbea at 3:09PM on 02/19/08
My kids wanted some bacon,so I decided to cook it in the oven. instead of
the stove. Well, I didn't set the oven for 450, I accidentally put it on broil.
Needless to say, the oven caught fire, my WHOLE HOUSE filled with
black smoke, and the smoke detectors were making me deaf!
After calling 911, I got the kids into the van, went back in the house
got the dogs out, and then opened all the windows from the top.
When the fire department arrived they informed me that as long as the
oven remained closed,the fire would suffocate. However,they did give me
some advice regarding that fan above the stove. I was instructed to NEVER put it on in cicumctances like the above. The fire could be pulled
up from the oven and across the kitchen setting the cabinets on fire too!
I
donnie at 3:10PM on 02/19/08
My kids wanted some bacon so I decided to cook it in the oven instead of
the stove. Well, I didn't set the oven for 450, I accidentally put it on broil.
Needless to say, the oven caught fire, my WHOLE HOUSE filled with
black smoke, and the smoke detectors were making me deaf!
After calling 911, I got the kids out, went back in the house
got the dogs out, and then opened all the windows from the top.
When the fire department arrived they informed me that as long as the
oven remained closed,the fire would suffocate. However,they did give me
some advice regarding that fan above the stove. I was instructed to NEVER put it on in cicumctances like the above. The fire could be pulled
up from the oven and across the kitchen setting the cabinets on fire too!
I
donnie at 3:12PM on 02/19/08
When I was learning to cook I had mastered my mom's recipe for cream soups. She always thickened her's with cornstarch, so I did the same...I accidentally used baking soda...it was such a mess, there was soup exploding from all corners of my kitchen!
Lilartist at 3:39PM on 02/19/08
Before I really knew HOW to cook I decided to make a beef stew for my future fiance. Across the street from me was a lovely market that only sold prime aged beef (sad to say they're no longer there) and I bought some klind of cut I knew nothing about, proceeded to cook it for 3 hours and presented him with a bowl of MEAT MUSH. The whole thing had disintegrated! Needless to say, I only use prime aged beef today when I making a killer ribeye.
eded to cook it for 3 hours, and presented him with a bowl of meat mush
bessfour at 5:32PM on 02/19/08
I did this again just last night-- instead of defrosting my chicken breasts, I microwaved them. I should have learned the first time what that Chicken/Fish button does on my new microwave, but I just cannot fathom that anyone would actully cook chicken or fish in the microwave, so I assumed (again) that it was defrost. Sigh.
Kelly
Kelly Spitzer at 6:00PM on 02/19/08
There was the time I assembled some enchiladas and popped them in the oven, then stretched out on the couch for a catnap, expecting my sweetie to arrive shortly and then we'd have dinner. But no, he got stuck late at work, and I drifted off into a sound sleep.
What was supposed to be enchiladas with a melty cheese topping ended up being a peculiar mushy nasty casserole.
dbcurrie at 12:39AM on 02/20/08
Last saturday I took a skillet full of corned beef hash out of the 400 deg. oven and set it on the stove. Not 30 seconds had passed when I attempted to pick it up without the oven mitt. I can still see the shape of the handle imbedded in my palm!
sparkalina at 8:08AM on 02/20/08
I've made pasta sauce dozens of times. So why I thought it would be good idea to turn the burner on high instead of low while it simmered, I will never know. Needless to say, I had a layer of blackened tomato + ground turkey sausage covering the bottom of my pan. It took forever to get it off, and I lost most of the sauce. Oops!
Skythe at 10:05AM on 02/20/08
About 10 years ago, I decided to prepare a special meal for my brother's birthday. The menu was going to be lasagna, and we were having 10 guests over to my parents' house. The night before, I spent hours cooking up a big batch of sauce in a huge stock pot. It was perfection! I took it off the flame and let it cool for a while, until it was ready to be put in the basement fridge. I picked up that big, heavy stockpot and carefully made my way down the stairs. I missed the last step and went flying. Miracle of miracles, I only lost about a cup of the sauce, but had to spend the rest of the night in the ER, and the next few weeks on crutches with a nasty sprained ankle.
If I had it to do again, I think I'd just leave the sauce in the kitchen overnight. Really, a few hours without refrigeration is not that big of a deal.
Kerosena at 10:25AM on 02/20/08
@lo820070 - As I read your post, LOL, my husband wanted to know what was so hysterical. He did the exact same thing years ago to our Fry Baby. He didn't find it nearly as amusing as I...
@evilchefmom - Direct quote from an essay in Home Cooking by Laurie Colwin - "There is no such thing as really bad potato salad. So long as the potatoes are not undercooked, it all tastes pretty good to me. Some potato salads are sublime, some are miraculous and some are merely ordinary, but I have yet to taste any that was awful."
She was a very insiteful lady, eh?
frederika at 1:33PM on 02/20/08
OK, I don't feel so bad now. Several years ago, I was asked to make my famous spicy korean pork skewers for a friend's holiday party. A pretty big deal party, with business clients, partners from the firm, etc. & I would get paid for my efforts! After working an extra long busy week, it was Friday night and I had to get 200 skewers of pork marinated and skewered--I don't even remember how many pounds of meat that was. So, I rolled up my sleeves, washed up and started. A couple of hours later, it was late, I was tired, I had made over 200 skewers and laid them out in a disposable foil baking pan with handles. For good measure, I doubled the pans, using two pans for more support. I wrapped it securely in saran. I picked up the pan with both hands and turned toward the fridge, realizing I couldn't open the firdge, I set it down and opened the fridge first, then picked it up again, when disaster struck, the foil pans crumpled and the skewers landed with a wet splat, splat, splat, splat, sploosh! all over the kitchen floor. I was so tired, all I could do was start crying. I had to go back to the grocery store, thank god, the store didn't close until midnight, and start all over. My boyfriend came over to help clean up and lend a hand and moral support. If the party wasn't such a big deal for my friend, I would have ditched the whole thing. I don't even know what time I made it to bed that night.
Wow, just remembering it is making me all tense again. jeez.
wookie at 4:04PM on 02/20/08
Kerosena's comment reminded me of my own soup fiasco. My sister and I got together at my new house one evening to make a big batch of my mother's wonderful vegetable beef soup. We planned in advance and divided up the extensive shopping list. We chopped, minced, boiled skimmed etc. When we finally finshed cooking the huge vat of soup it was nearly midnight. The soup needed to cool so the fat could be removed more easily. The pot was too large to fit in my fridge. It was the dead of winter so we put the pot of soup in the garage close to the door. We knew the garage was cold enough to keep the soup chilled until the morning. My sister left through the garage. I went to close the electric door and it wouldn't close. She tried the keypad on the outside of the door with no luck. We kept pressing the button with no luck. It would move an inch or so and stop. Finally I pulled on the door while she pressed the button to close it. The door came off the track and was dangling precariously over my car. At that point there was nothing much we could do. I soon discovered that the pot of soup was in front of the garage door's electric eye that prevents the door from closing if blocked. I had never had a garage before and was not familiar with the "fancy" technology. We felt quite stupid. The Soup was good, but quite costly!
lakeloverhh at 4:11PM on 02/20/08