Serious Eats - seriouseats.com

Omg, so funny you ask this. I went to Artisanal (cheese heaven in NYC) a few years back with two of my friends. They have a HUGE cheese menu, and each cheese is described with three adjectives. We were dying laughing at the descriptions and matching them up with people we knew. Our favorite cheese descriptor was unctuous, which we had to look up (it means "smooth and greasy in texture or appearance"), and of course, we applied proceeded to apply this label to someone we knew, too.

Who knew cheese could be as fun as it is tasty!

Distinctly nutty! With a bit of sharpness, on the salty side, medium textured, but overall rich and creamy. Of the somewhat aged variety, with a few resulting crumbly portions!

One that tends to be an acquired taste, and not for everyone, but one which grows on you until you're addicted.

I'd like to think, too, that I'd be one that is well-suited to fun. String cheese, or one that works well in fondue!

soft and smelly!!!

Sharp, strong, slightly bitter. Has aficionados, but definitely an acquired taste. :P

Tangy triple-creme verging on over-ripe. ;-)

As to myself, I am not quite sure. "Spoon some good port on this cheese and serve with ripe pears for an excellent dessert"?

I do have a friend who writes horoscopes focused on cheese though, as she has a great personal interest. This is a picture of her . Some of you may have seen her around.

She said I could post her cheesy horoscopes, so here they are:

Aries: Aries, now don’t get too excited, but Cabrales is waiting for you. Your equally strong and demanding characters will meld into quite a match! Be sure to wipe the crumbs from your mouth as you finish eating the entire pound you’ll be dining upon for your companions do enjoy hearing you define and clarify the entire world at great length!

Taurus: Taurus, if you can rouse yourself from dreaming of the nice-looking girl or guy across the room, take your eyes right to the cheese store and place them on that traditional 40 pound cylinder of Cheddar. This sturdy, solidly yellow, conventionally pleasurable cheese will calm you down momentarily from the seemingly endless lust for love that fills you. . .and the nice huge 40 pound size of the entire cheese will satisfy your urge for stability and freedom from worry.

Gemini: Ah, Gemini! How confused can you get with all the options out there?! Stand still for just a moment and stare into the sky. Can’t you see it? Can’t you just see what the stars are telling you? With your vivid imagination, I am just so sure that you can, sweetie. “Quark, quark!” they are crying. Yes, you do hear them, don’t you? So do go straight to the store and grab a container of Quark and chow down. Little bites, please, now. The gentle softness of intelligence that Quark holds does so much to make your own intelligence glow!

Cancer: This week you can prove your sensitivity and probity to everyone, Cancer. And at the same time show them all how very different you are from them all, all those poseurs. Gaperon is your recommendation for this weeks taste. Just hold your breath as you bite into the garlic imbued savor, and remember what is was like, on the bottom of the sea whence you came from in ancient times.

Leo: Stop brushing your hair for a moment, please. No, turn this way and take that eye off the mirror, Leo, for I have the perfect, I mean perfect, just as you like it, cheese for you. Cornish Yarg. You do like the way it sounds, don’t you! Yarg. Yarg. Ah, who else would be so quietly brave as to dive into a bit of nettle-covered Yarg but you, Leo! Show your friends what a true leader you are!

Virgo: Celestial rumor has it that you are not easily pleased, dear Virgo. Whatever is presented to you must not be too sharp, too soft, too hard, too wet, too dry, too crunchy nor too out-of-date. A cheese with a style is the cheese for you, and we will attempt to assure that it will not offend. For you sure can go on forever, complaining about things. Taleggio. Beautiful (and rich! Rich! A bonus for you!) Taleggio will surely calm your nerves and settle things down for a moment or two. Do try it!

Libra: Please stop smiling for a moment, Libra. I haven’t even said anything yet and there you are with that silly grin on your face that you think will charm me. And try to sit up rather than lazing on the couch in that lazy way. Are you ready? Explorateur, darling.
Need I say more? Venus Rules.

Scorpio: Your intellectual demands require a special sort of cheese, Scorpio. One that is as different and individual in its own way as you are. Sexy Sapsago is the one. If you can find someone, anyone, to share this cheese with you, you have found a true friend and perhaps a love. Try not to be too critical of them if they faint upon the first bite. Nothing but a Scorpio’s intensity could melt this cheese.

Sagittarius: Happy Sagittarius, here is the cheese that will make you stop talking for a minute! Reblochon. Find a friend or two or twenty, call them all up and share it! The party has begun, and you are the star, for sensual Reblochon is by your side!

Capricorn: Contemptuous you may be of all earthy things, Capricorn, as you work conscientiously toward the higher things of life.
It is good to remember that even the sturdy goat needs to be nurtured on its steady path up the mountain. I advise Vacherin Mont d’Or. Full of a quiet beauty that will beckon you closer, the herby taste will remind you of your original home on the hills between the high fir trees. Keep a stiff upper lip, Capricorn, and do give it a try!

Aquarius: Who cares if it sounds weird, right Aquarius? Who cares if nobody else wants to try it? You know what you want, and you don’t give a damn if it sounds like a water cooler bubbling in distress. Gubeen is the cheese for you. Gubeen. Say it loud and say it proud! Damn right, both you and your cheese are full of character!

Pisces: Pisces. Pisces, I am calling you! PISCES! Stop dreaming and listen for a minute here. You will be hungry soon. You will be hungry for something sweet, something salty, something pleasant and something everything. Try to find your way out of the house and get over to the cheese shop. Write down this word before you go, so you will not forget: Gjetost. It can only make you that much sweeter than you already are. Try it.

Well, if Moira was right (that's her name, Moira Tuscanaro - and though it is possible she could be wrong I would never dare say that to any cat!) and you have an astrologic affinity to quark ( wiki definition here ) you are:

traditionally made without the aid of rennet.;
continuously stirred to prevent it from getting hard, resulting in a thick, creamy texture
and
often used as an ingredient for sandwiches, salads, and cheesecakes.

The picture on wiki is rather pretty. :)

Karen...ya know, that does sound slightly close to my personality--LOL. Mmmm...cheesecake:)

Thanks for leading me to the link!