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How do you describe yourself in cheese terms?

Cheezy terms like: aged, crumbly, stinky or strong-smelling, grated, shredded, processed, moldy, soft-ripened, smoked, sharp, triple-creme, sour, salty...you get the idea! Thinking of yourself as a piece of cheese, can you come-up with a description? Length of aging, % butterfat, texture, country origin could be included.

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