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I don't think it's rude to tell your hosts about allergies, but preferences is another matter...let them make what they want. If they ask, then you can tell them but I wouldn't make them feel like they have to make you a certain something, or you might wind up unwanted.

Hillary
Chew on That

I appreciate food requests before I cook. I decide after they are made if I will accommodate them. I do not mind if someone has an allergy, gluton free, kosher, no carbs, vegetarian requests if they are told to me in advance.
The vegan thing I do not accommodate. I always am honest and say to the vegan folks, I am sorry but maybe my food is not for you.

I'd say if it's an allergy or a firm dietary restriction -- vegetarianism, Kosher, Hallal -- tell your hosts (because it's more polite to tell them ahead of time than to refuse to eat their food), but if it's a simple preference -- I, for example, don't care for eggplant -- then don't unless you're asked.

I try to accomodate various food issues, because the people who I invite over for dinner are, in most cases, friends who I like to spend time with, and are generally accomodating of me, and I have no interest of inviting a climate of judgement or intolerance into our friendship. On the other hand, where I live it's probably much less common for people to have strict dietary regimes or to be randomly unwilling to eat some basic ingredient. Still, I tend to know my friends' food preferences and I try to work with those. I've never taken the position of 'well, I'm cooking what I feel like, so either like it or eat elsewhere.' I mean, jeez. That seems like the antithesis of hospitality.

If I knew any vegans, I would also be more than happy to cook for them, having been one myself in my early twenties. When I was still a vegan, my (omnivore) partner and I would have people over for dinner and not serve an entire vegan meal, but a meal with some delicious vegan components. You may think that veganism is necessarily difficult, but I'm sure you all have plenty of vegetable dishes in your repetoire that are made with olive oil and aren't cooked under a blanket of cheese or in a bath of cream. It's not rocket science, particularly as you're not required to provide a nutitionally balanced diet to the poor vegan, it's just one meal.

And since I'm kind and non-judgemental, I would also (should the situation arise) expect my hypothetical vegan friend to be as well, and refrain from criticising my meat-tained crockery. But I can imagine having such a tedious grumbler as a friend anyway.

The short answer to the above question is "Yes, unless someone asks you." Of course you tell people you're allergic to shellfish or are deeply lactose-intolerant.

I find people - at least adults over a certain age - are astonished when I ask my normal question after they've accepted an invitation for a meal, "Do you have any allergies, or is there anything in particular you don't eat?" And they stutter a lot. But I accomodate them; putting together a menu is sorta like solving a crossword puzzle anyway, and this just is part of the game.

What bugs me is the folks who do give me specifics and after I plan around it, announce at the table, "Oh, no, I never eat beef, thanks," or, worse, "Ewwww, chicken. How can you eat that?" when they never said "no beef" or "no chicken". Or the self-proclaimed vegetarians who dive into the meat, saying, "Well, yeah, I'm a vegetarian, but I eat duck. And I just love seafood, don't you?" It's not easy to leave me speechless, but that'll do it.

My son has a peanut allergy, which has obvious restrictions, but also many not-so-obvious. His allergy has also led to other food issues - he is anxious about new foods and usually won't eat something unless he knows who made it (and knows them well). When we're invited to someone's home to eat, I will ask about what is being served, but I usually bring something for him to eat (ask first, of course) so that the hosts don't have to rearrange their whole menu for one kid. I'll also offer to bring something, and it is always something he can/will eat.
Dealing with the peanut allergy has increased our empathy for other people's allergies/aversions, so I always ask and I'm happy to accomodate others when I host. There are very few things that can totally throw me; but my ex-sister-in-law did stump me when she arrived for a week-long visit last year and announced she had moved from vegan to raw foods only.

I have struggled with this question since I stopped eating ground beef. I agree that its rude to accept an invitation with conditions, so I try my darnedest to just by subtle and not eat something with that ingredient, but sometimes people make a really big deal out of it and then I feel like a heel. I don't want to explain why I don't eat it, (because it is not polite dinner conversation) but sometimes its a bigger deal to not say because people think you're just trying to be evasive. Food can be so much fun, but it can also sometimes be such a landmine!

As a consequence, I also try to ensure that everyone who is coming to my house to eat can be accommodated-I kind of see it as the role of the host to make sure everyone is comfortable (within reason of course-but then, most of my friends are pretty easy going and are just happy that someone else is cooking!)

If you know your guests well enough, you would already know about any food allergies they may have. If a guest doesn't care for a particular dish you made, they can skip that one. You would be serving a variety of dishes so they would have other choices. And if they're really fussy, who wants to invite them for dinner anyway?

Dude, vegans have awesome food.
Pasta, beans and rice, a plethora of Asian an Indian inspired dishes.
Why not try giving up meat for one meal? People eat too much meat anyways. Sorry if that shocks anyone but I'm vegan and this issue is very sensitive to me.

I'm vegetarian. Whenever I host a dinner party I always let my guests know that I won't be cooking any meat (or fish!) but dinner will be tasty anyway!

When I am invited to a dinner event I make sure to let my host know (if they don't already) that I'm vegetarian. I also ask if they would like me to bring anything to make the night easier.

Dude (last time I checked I was not a man) I like meat and I eat it whenever I can. We certainly do not eat it at every meal but we like meat. Nuff said there! The same way you like eating no meat and that is a personal choice. Everyone has the right to cook whatever they want when they are paying the bill in their own home and like KDBlue I chose not to cook vegan because I don't agree with it and I don't care for it.
Being Vegan may be very sensitive to you and that is your choice but cooking what I want for my guests in my home is very personal to me.
I have said this before no one and I mean no one can dictate to you what to do thus the OP topic of what is impolite to ask of your host.
I knew this might be a heated topic and I am just relating what happens in my home. You don't need to agree with it, thats the beauty of cooking your food in your house your way.
Watchforbears you sound like a great person to have as a guest sharing your vegetarian dishes.

chefman (muah) I so agree!!!

As a pescetarian, I make sure that my hosts know that I will not eat chicken, pork, or beef - simply because it's more polite to tell them in advance than to refuse food as it's served. I do offer to bring a side dish or meal of my own making. And most hosts are more than willing to throw a veggie kabob on the grill. I've honestly never had a problem.

If a steak lover visits my house, I will not make them steak. But they will not leave my house hungry.

If I invited someone with a food allergy or another food restriction, I would make a meal they could eat. That's what hospitality is, folks. I certainly wouldn't tell a vegan that they weren't welcome because "I don't agree with it," anymore than I would tell a veal fan that he could not enter my house.

I did have a roommate that would not eat any meal unless there was meat present. She refused my French Onion soup because I used vegetable stock . . . nevertheless, local restaurants could accomodate us both. And there were certain, traditional vegetable dishes that she could enjoy. Moral of the story? There's always a middle ground.

What I'm trying to say, hospitality is a 2-way street, haha!

Hot topic! Wow.

I was a strict vegetarian for a long time, but have welcomed back dairy and fish/seafood simply for practical reasons. But before that, my husband and I had a difficult time eating out together because it would always be either Italian or an Asian (Indian, Thai, etc.) selection -- not that those are in any way not tasty choices, but one does tire of the same thing all the time.

In the case of visiting friends, most of my friends and family know about my dietary restrictions, so I don't normally say. But recently, my cousin was stricken with a very bad case of celiac disease, so she had the unwelcome task of sharing with everyone 1. what it is, 2. how it affects her, and 3. what she cannot tolerate.

I have friends (and a husband) who cannot or will not eat certain foods for a wide range of reasons. Whatever the reason, it's not for me to judge. However, I no longer cook what I don't eat, but I will help out John and flip a pork chop for him once in a while. Just don't ask me to prepare fowl of any sort. Just can't do it.

So, Jerzee Tomato, we can host a party -- you can cook the meat/fowl and I'll handle the vegan fare. How about that? (I'm in Jersey, too!)

choc_puddin, comments like that are one of the reasons people get bad impressions of vegans. Don't assume that you know what every omnivore's diet is like, nor that none of us ever have meatless meals. I rarely eat more than 4 ounces of meat a day, and often that's at one meal, and the other two are vegetarian and occasionally even vegan. But I don't enjoy beans, and I don't function well without meat (yes, I have tried). Trying to tell omnivores not to eat meat is just as obnoxious as omnivores trying to tell you to eat it.