PrintQuestion of the Day: Memorable fortune cookies ...
These little slips of purported wisdom might be as inaccurate as they are inauthentically Chinese (they're a purely American invention, after all). Still, we all love them anyway—who hasn't tucked a particularly delightful one into a wallet or pocketbook after lunch or dinner? What's the most memorable fortune you've ever gotten?
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38 Comments:
Though some people would describe me as humorless, I've kept one taped to my computer monitor at home that says "Your sense of humor reveals itself at just the right times!"
Lucky numbers: 47, 29, 38, 5, 17, 2
Learn Chinese: August—Ba-yue
Adam Kuban at 4:29AM on 02/16/07
The one taped to my monitor reads: "It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are."
Lucky numbers: 10, 28, 44, 39, 50, 2
Learn Chinese: pot sticker- guo-tie
Calichef at 5:08AM on 02/16/07
You're up late, Calichef, even for PST. (I'm assuming you're in California.) How did I know other people would have these things taped to their monitors? I guess it's not just me and the handful of oddball coworkers in the various offices I've worked in over the years.
Adam Kuban at 5:31AM on 02/16/07
I got one once that read: "You are doomed to be happily married."
I didn't tape that one to my monitor, but there are some other ones there.
Rhonda Marie May at 6:09AM on 02/16/07
The most memorable one in my experience isn't even one I got. Back in college, I was at one of those terrifying mondo-buffets with a large groups of friends and acquaintances, and one of the girls got, "God has given you one face and you make for yourself another." Since she wasn't best known for her honesty, the rest of the table was in stitches (and those of us who recognized the source of the quote were especially delighted). The young woman who got that fortune was none too pleased, though.
The only way that one could've been better was if she actually wore heavy makeup.
thepictsie at 6:24AM on 02/16/07
The one I remember the most was that I opened one and it was empty. The timing felt perfect.....
I remember watching a rerun of Sex and the City and the same thing happening to one of the women.... I had to laugh to myself because I could relate.
Alm25 at 8:51AM on 02/16/07
I have one on my refrigerator:
"Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up."
LindaD at 9:51AM on 02/16/07
"You will be hungry soon. Order take out now." No joke.
jbrach at 10:14AM on 02/16/07
inside my wallet, i keep this one: "you look pretty."
ruiniste at 10:18AM on 02/16/07
Once following a bad break up, a friend attempted to cheer me up by taking me out for Vietnamese. At the end of the meal I was feeling comforted and ready to move beyond the boyfriend. I was prepared to have a fortune like LindaD's "Time heals all wounds," instead mine was blank. I had no fortune—utterly devastating for the 21-year-old who need a good word.
Here is my favorite from the vast category of fortunes that aren't really fortunes: All we are saying is give peace a chance. A little John Lennon makes up for an empty fortune.
jshepard at 10:31AM on 02/16/07
Perhaps not the most memorable, but one I just dug out of my wallet:
"Life is like a dogsled team. If you aren't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."
Alaina Browne at 10:47AM on 02/16/07
Most memorable, and apparently written by the most bitter guy at the fortune-cookie plant. Also poorly timed, as I had just been dumped my girlfriend:
"Remember, there are always other fish in the sea. Not as pretty, nor as rich, but fish nonetheless."
I laminated that sucker. It's living here in my office...somewhere.
corycm at 10:59AM on 02/16/07
"There's a nice cake waiting for you."
kansas at 12:34PM on 02/16/07
A friend of mine once told me to add the words "in bed" to the end of every fortune. Always good for a laugh!
ThatGirl153 at 12:58PM on 02/16/07
My family got a really really weird batch once. I don't remember the other ones but my dad had "You will meet Charlston Heston"
NYminknit at 1:03PM on 02/16/07
"You are never bitter, deceptive, or petty." Which, if you know me, is hilarious. And I've gotten it three times. Once in high school at a Chinese buffet, once in college with take out in the dorm, and most recently in law school with takeout in the cafeteria.
Also, I totally add "in bed" to every fortune.
segalbraith at 1:26PM on 02/16/07
An old friend of my wife's told us over dinner how she was coming out of a long depression and discussed her hopes for the future. Her fortune: "All your aspirations will come to naught"
kqrbob at 3:17PM on 02/16/07
I once had the fortune "You love Chinese food." I guess that's a safe thing to put in a fortune cookie!
kuhlimuh at 4:26PM on 02/16/07
I have a friend who also got the "You love Chinese food" one.. My most memorable one /recently/ (because my memory is horrible), "Someone is looking up to you, don't let that person down". My favorite, which I keep in my wallet, is "You will travel far and wide". :}
Also fortune cookie related, I was once told that if you want the fortune to come true, you have to eat the cookie. I don't really like sweets, so I only eat the cookie for the good fortunes.
myzkyti at 4:39PM on 02/16/07
"You will set foot in many countries." I carry it in my wallet.
jscheck at 12:36AM on 02/17/07
Adam, I'm an Incorrigible night owl. No matter how I try to get to bed at a reasonable hour I rarely get there before the sky turns from black to deep blue. I've always been a night owl, but it became even more ingrained after I became a chef and never got off work before midnight.
Funny, but nobody expects people who get off work at five to go to bed an hour later, but they expect people who work nights to go to bed as soon as they get home. I wonder why that is? Honestly, I have always wondered why early rising is considered morally superior.
I think it is all Ben Franklin's fault. He wrote:
Early to bed, early to rise,
Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
Calichef at 8:09AM on 02/17/07
I was at an all you can eat Chinese buffet and stoned and my friend and I decided to have an eating competition. We couldn't decide who had won and I was pretty sure I had bested him but he kept saying he had bested me. When I got my fortune cookie, it read, "You will be awarded some great honor." After that, I was sure I had won.
Marmenzo49 at 11:07AM on 02/17/07
"The best thing to do is to not be yourself."
Joker6801 at 11:27AM on 02/17/07
Mine are typically ominous:
"You think that it is a secret, but it has never been one."
Or this uplifting gem from last weekend:
"All things come to an end."
subtitulo at 1:15PM on 02/17/07
My husband and I have a tradition when it comes to fortune cookies. Our first date was at a Chinese Restaurant and when our fortune cookies came we broke them in half and give each half our own cookie and exchanged the fortunes. It is something we do to this day every time we eat Chinese. These were the first two fortunes we shared:
"You are surrounded by true friends."
"On this day you will meet someone who will influence the rest of your life."
Our favorite fortune since that first date:
"That was not chicken you ate."
Clover1 at 2:14PM on 02/17/07
Apparently there are places you can order triple-X rated fortune cookies. I'm not sure what they'd say, but I bet getting one of THOSE after you'd finished your gustation would be pretty hilarious and memorable.
Fortune cookies are so subliminal.
Christina at 2:36PM on 02/17/07
I don't have a most memorable fortune, but I do have a friend who only believes that the fortune will come true if you actually eat the fortune and of course, she does every time! which is totally hilarious and seems very odd to those around us. haha
xPupsterx49 at 3:04PM on 02/17/07
My favorite was
"Trust him: But keep your eyes open". Definitely one I have followed.
Alos, in my family, you must pick up the cookie that is pointing at you. That is your fortune. We use the 2 prong side. Whichever one has the split aiming at you is yours. The fortunes are rarely wrong. I have a daughter who is a worry wart and she often gets ones about worrying only about the things you can change. Too funny.
I loved the order take out one! Hilarious!
Barnowl22 at 3:54PM on 02/17/07
No fortune found -- Abort, Retry, or Cancel.
Swear to God. At a normal Chinese restaurant, too (not gimmicky, gives out traditional fortunes hundreds of other times).
Rich at 4:41PM on 02/17/07
From an old Garry Shandling standup routine:
"I once got a fortune cookie that said 'I pee'd in your rice'.
And it was handwritten!"
Bob Ferrapuhls at 5:51PM on 02/17/07
My cousin proposed to his girlfriend via fortune cookie. He went to a lot of trouble to make his own fortune cookies from scratch, write up a marriage proposal, and stick it in. My cousin then proceeded to set up a nice, relaxing dinner for two at home with Chinese takeout. He had pretend that the fortune cookies came from the restaurant in order to trick his girlfriend into opening one. Except, when the time came, she didn't feel like eating the cookies and said, "No thanks, I'm full." And then he proceeded to get flustered, and spent some time convincing her to open it and eat one.
He eventually forced her to open her fortune cookie, but that was a very tense few minutes.
kathryn at 11:24PM on 02/17/07
You know how some fortune cookies have lucky numbers or lottery numbers on the back? I recently got one, and on the back it said, "Your lucky SAT answers: a c c d a b".
danaak at 11:52PM on 02/17/07
I had always felt that fortune cookies would say something positive until I got a
fortune cookie that simply stated
"Nothings Perfect"
Sir_Rexius at 6:41AM on 02/18/07
Christina,
Those so-called "x-rated" fortunes are available almost everywhere in SF's Chinatown. The fortunes are pretty tame, usually PG, or PG 13. I've never seen one that would even get an R rating. Certainly, you could serve them at a dinner party.
They say things like, "Pretty girl make a man like a breeze on windy day-- stiff." Yes, they are incredibly lame. All of them. Every time. You'd be better off to make your own, if you want a really spicy fortune, and they'd taste a lot better, too.
Calichef at 7:09AM on 02/18/07
i once got a fourtune cookie that read "HELP! i'm being held captive in a chinese bakery." no lie. it was off-putting.
ilikeyourfork at 8:31AM on 02/18/07
"A carrot a day, may keep cancer away"
I'm not sure what's more troubling... the dubious medical advice or the oddly placed comma.
FosterSJC at 12:30PM on 02/21/07
I once got a fortune that said "you are the best in the entire world."
I'm pretty sure they only made one of those.
And you bet I add "in bed" at the end!
spanky at 6:03PM on 03/07/07
I actually have a wall at work where we put our favorite fortune cookies...
"Come back later, I'm sleeping (yes, fortune cookies need their sleep too)"
"A crab wonton a day keeps the doctor away" - we have two of those
"42.7 percent of all statics are made up on the spot"
and my personal favorite: "Never smell the inside of a hat"
detinu2000 at 10:23PM on 02/01/08