Are you an Alpha Cook?
Yesterday's New York Times had a great article about kitchen dynamics between couples: He Cooks. She Stews. It’s Love. Are you the alpha cook, who does all the cooking, deigning to let your partner dice the onion? Or are you the beta, forced to do clean up and once and a while allowed to sauté?
I'm the alpha in my household, but I sure I hope I don't come off like some of the folks in the article. I'm always happy when my husband wants to help out, and I love to work together in the kitchen.
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12 Comments:
I was totally ashamed when I read that article. I'm the alpha cook and I constantly hover over my husband when he helps out. Hopefully, the article will inspire me to change my behavior in the kitchen, for my husband's sake!
gwenpentland at 10:42AM on 02/15/07
I am the alpha...my husband only comes into the kitchen to load the dishwasher & eat! He doesn't even know where half of the dishes go.
Cooking definitely wasn't one of his strong suits when I met him, and he shows no interest in learning now, he'd rather let me cook, and reap the benefits...which suits me fine.
I must admit I'm only beginning to delegate to friends & family when they want to 'help' in the kitchen while I'm cooking...and yes...most of the time it's in a prep capacity.
Last summer after having overnight guests I let one of my friends make the scrambled eggs for breakfast...they were the worst I've ever eaten...over cooked & rubbery....next year she's back on toast! ;-)
mepolo at 11:10AM on 02/15/07
Alpha and proud! (Though I must say I haven't read the article)
My husband makes things like potato chip sandwiches with mustard and boxed mac and cheese with tuna fish. Though he happily ate like that for years before me, he is more than happy to leave all the cooking to me now. I do "let" him grill the steaks and burgers, but for the most part we both prefer my cooking!
ThatGirl153 at 11:20AM on 02/15/07
We both cook, often together. I'm not generally a bossy person, and I really dislike food arrogence - I find it so patronising when people try to inflict their own tastes on others, as if the other person is not equally entitled to an opinion. He has a more forceful personality regarding what he wants and how he likes it to be done, but I don't think it really effects our ability to collaborate. When we disagree, we just end up eating different things.
Also, we've both learnt so much from eachother. He's learnt how to make good vegetarian food from me, and he's taught me how to make fish. To boss one another around or impose our own takes on the other one would be to completely ignore that we both bring plenty to the table!
caley at 11:47AM on 02/15/07
I'm definitely the alpha - but my boyfriend does the bbq'ing, so it works out well - he doesn't really know much about cooking, so the kitchen is all mine. So funny, I blogged about this yesterday as it really hit home for me; I used to live with a chef and he was totally an alpha, and completely diminished my confidence in the kitchen, but now I've apparently gone to the other extreme (once i really had to learn how to cook) and am definitely the alpha in my house....though I don't think I've ever said things about my boyfriend similar to those quoted in that article - yikes!
culinarymisadventures at 12:00PM on 02/15/07
Alpha--my boyfriend offers to help, but I usually just ask him to sit and talk to me while I cook. I get it from my mom.
Lucia at 12:02PM on 02/15/07
Nope, my ex was a classic alpha though. I learned early on to stay out of the way and if an order is barked, to follow it to a "T". He was like this little tornado in the kitchen. He emailed me while on vacation with his cousin and said something to the effect that most of their arguments originated in the kitchen and I had to laugh. Of course they did.
mel at 1:47PM on 02/15/07
I actually hated this article when I read it. My wife (who is definitely the beta) and I agreed that it seemed rather like a bitter, lonely heart type writing it. But with that said, I'm definitely the Alpha and it's my kitchen. But I know my wife is no slub in there and she is my number one asset in the kitchen.
Husband at 2:16PM on 02/15/07
my girlfriend has all but given up on cooking or baking anything with me, says in the kitchen i'm a little territorial (she's right). she'll tease me or make jokes from the sidelines and encourages me to do what she calls feng shui cooking - meaning i should clean things as i go so she doesn't have to when i'm done.
the word yes at 4:58PM on 02/15/07
Funny, even though my husband's profession has been in the food industry his entire life, he's not much of a cook, and is very happy to let me be the alpha. Having only learned these wonderful cooking skills a few years ago, I relish the chance to create amazing dinners for him many nights of the week. I suppose the really crazy part (on my end) is that I actually enjoy doing the dishes -- we have no dishwasher -- so he generally gets to lay about and relax and I don't mind the "work." He will take well to helping if I ask though. But yes, I am a control freak. It's just good he's OK with that.
FKC at 2:35AM on 02/16/07
Oh, gawd. ::hangs head in shame:: I *am* an alpha. I have uttered the words, "For gawdsakes, if you can't give me a half-inch dice, get the hell out of my way!" And not just at work, either. It has, however, taught my son to be a pretty good cook.
Calichef at 5:05PM on 02/18/07
For a very brief time I shared a kitchen with a woman who said "oh, honey, it's your kitchen too, just put the food back wherever you think it goes" and then got all huffy on me when she discovered where I put things. that was NOT a pleasant feeling. and needless to say, I let her be the alpha!
Now I think I've got alpha tendencies, so I really enjoy dividing the kitchen according to dish - my partner has certain dishes she makes, and I don't even enter the kitchen. the rest of the time, I'm the crazy lady making dinner for two hours and then prepping for something later in the week. for fun. oy vey.
S. Cornell at 12:41PM on 02/21/07