"Lifting your arms to your mouth can take a lot out of you. Especially if you're feeling a bit weak. That's why you need the Food Lift. Simply place your food inside, turn it on, and let the Food Lift do the rest. It takes all the hard work out of eating. One size fits all, so anyone can get food to their mouth with minimal effort!"
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"We take the finest ingredients and put them in a yellow bowl filled with salt and butter." That sounds delish—wait, that's sort of gross. This promo video by Dark Igloo for New York City-based healthy food chain The Pump Energy Food features a series of satirical advertisements for the fictitious Crap Corporation that aren't all that far from reality. [Warning: This video might give you a bacon craving.] Watch the video after the jump....
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[Photograph: Robyn Lee] Eating at a buffet isn't as simple as picking whatever you want from the steaming trays and piling them onto your plate. As Eating the Road's All-Inclusive All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Guide shows, there's much, much more. His frighteningly comprehensive guide covers eight aspects of buffet dining—Types of Buffets, Objective, Preparation, Location, Pre-meal Setup, Strategy, Etiquette, and Exit Strategy and Post Game—to ensure that you get the most out of your buffet dollars and fully recuperate from a meal that will probably tax your digestive system within an inch of its life. Time to break out those antacids. Related All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants: Great Deal, Or Bad Policy? How-To: Eat All You Can Eat Behind the Scenes at the World's...
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yuwanmei.com What's the best thing about satirical newspaper The Onion being sold to the Chinese? That "It's fish time!" according to Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Group. Poking around Yu Wan Mei's website uncovers many gems, such as their promotional video, a glorious company history, and—my favorite—a line of unique products featuring Taste Stick, Yu Wan Mei Miscellaneous Flavor Paste, and Yum-E-Freez Eel Milk, among other questionably useful items....
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President Barack Obama had such high hopes for America...until he went to Denny's. Now he's aiming less for being a world leader and setting more reasonable goals for the American people: Before we reclaim global leadership, we must first stop eating six sausages and a pound of eggs covered in syrup for breakfast, and we must stop leaving the house in sweatpants. Is he asking for too much? Would you be willing to give up your mountainous plate of syrup-drenched sausages and eggs? Only time will tell. Watch the video after the jump....
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From a short little list on McSweeney's Internet Tendency: "FutiliTea: Really, there's so little you could actually accomplish. Plus, it's only a matter of time before you're laid off. Why stress? One hundred percent valerian!" [via Coldmud]...
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The Onion: "I'm not really sure if she even knows what makes food Tuscan, but there's something about that region-specific culinary modifier that she finds inordinately appetizing."...
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The Onion: "Johnson & Johnson, manufacturer of the nation's most popular personal lubricant, K-Y Jelly, held a press conference Monday to unveil its new line of K-Y Jam, which the company has touted as having 'that thick, homemade feeling you've been craving.'"...
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From Onion Radio News [Warning: Audio set to auto-play]: "When you put a recipe like that together with so many hazelnuts, the message is clear: Do not fuck with me."...
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The Onion's "News in Brief" reports a slight dialogue change in Death Of A Salesman, intended to promote the Footlight Dinner Theater's chicken special: "He's liked, but he's not well liked. Unlike that delicious rosemary chicken with fresh green peas and mashed potatoes, which everyone loves."...
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