'satire' on Serious Eats

Video: The Pump Energy Food [Sans Crap]

"We take the finest ingredients and put them in a yellow bowl filled with salt and butter." That sounds delish—wait, that's sort of gross. This promo video by Dark Igloo for New York City-based healthy food chain The Pump Energy Food features a series of satirical advertisements for the fictitious Crap Corporation that aren't all that far from reality. [Warning: This video might give you a bacon craving.] Watch the video after the jump.... More

Probably Something to Be Thankful For

From the Onion: "AUBURN, WA—James Stallard, 29, experienced feelings of profound loneliness and alienation Monday upon discovering that his home lay just outside the delivery zones of two nearby Domino's Pizza franchises. 'I am invisible, a nonexistent entity in the eyes of Domino's,' Stallard uttered while staring blankly out his third-story window...."... More

The All-Inclusive All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Guide

[Photograph: Robyn Lee] Eating at a buffet isn't as simple as picking whatever you want from the steaming trays and piling them onto your plate. As Eating the Road's All-Inclusive All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Guide shows, there's much, much more. His frighteningly comprehensive guide covers eight aspects of buffet dining—Types of Buffets, Objective, Preparation, Location, Pre-meal Setup, Strategy, Etiquette, and Exit Strategy and Post Game—to ensure that you get the most out of your buffet dollars and fully recuperate from a meal that will probably tax your digestive system within an inch of its life. Time to break out those antacids. Related All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants: Great Deal, Or Bad Policy? How-To: Eat All You Can Eat Behind the Scenes at the World's... More

Delicious Products from Yu Wan Mei

yuwanmei.com What's the best thing about satirical newspaper The Onion being sold to the Chinese? That "It's fish time!" according to Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Group. Poking around Yu Wan Mei's website uncovers many gems, such as their promotional video, a glorious company history, and—my favorite—a line of unique products featuring Taste Stick, Yu Wan Mei Miscellaneous Flavor Paste, and Yum-E-Freez Eel Milk, among other questionably useful items.... More

Video: Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals for America After Visiting Denny's

President Barack Obama had such high hopes for America...until he went to Denny's. Now he's aiming less for being a world leader and setting more reasonable goals for the American people: Before we reclaim global leadership, we must first stop eating six sausages and a pound of eggs covered in syrup for breakfast, and we must stop leaving the house in sweatpants. Is he asking for too much? Would you be willing to give up your mountainous plate of syrup-drenched sausages and eggs? Only time will tell. Watch the video after the jump.... More

'SerendipiTea's New Line of Workplace Teas'

From a short little list on McSweeney's Internet Tendency: "FutiliTea: Really, there's so little you could actually accomplish. Plus, it's only a matter of time before you're laid off. Why stress? One hundred percent valerian!" [via Coldmud]... More

Pizza Greases the Wheels of Labor

The Onion The Onion nails it this week with its story "Potential Employee Uprising Quelled by Free Pizza." "Everyone's been fed up and ready to explode at management for weeks," production designer Carolyn Wurster said. "But then all those pizzas showed up, and it just didn't seem like the right time to start demanding a legitimate healthcare plan or salary raises that reflect the amount of work we do." Added Wurster, "They ordered like 10 huge pies." Heh. This is so dead on.... More

Government Endorses Second Helpings

Good news today for members of the Clean Plate Club. The Onion reports on the FDA's approval of seconds: Addressing what it calls a 'growing epidemic of cravings and hankerings," the federal agency recommended redesigning food labels to prominently display extra-serving sizes and pledged to better educate consumers on how to make informed additional-portion choices at home and in restaurants. I think this neatly answers the question being bandied about on the Freakonomics blog: "What is the Right Way to Think About the Obesity ‘Epidemic’?"... More

Rachael Ray Will Endorse Your Product!

Beginning to feel like Rachael Ray will endorse anything and everything? Banterist's Brian Sack does and so he's made a downloadable one-page contract that you can use to get Ray to endorse whatever it is you're selling, no questions asked. Each deal includes goodies like photos for your store displays and a life-size cut-out, but perhaps most importantly, "all endorsements include a book featuring your product being used in the preparation of a dish with an adorable nickname like Never Be Lonely Stew or Put The Kids To Sleep Salsa. Rachael will also include your product in her prayers." [via adfreak] Previously: EVOO, And Then Some, Tasting Rachael Ray, Rachael Ray Drinking Game, Rachael Ray - love, hate, ignore,... More

Just Say No To Toast!

Stop right now! Throw that sandwich you're eating into the trash! I mean it! Do it, and do it quick! Don't you know bread is dangerous? Some quick but frightening facts: "More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread." and "Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!" [via kottke.org] Photograph from iStockPhoto.com... More

Potato-Chip Connoisseur

Hilarious piece on a potato-chip connoisseur, from The Onion: "On my birthday last year, I opened a delightful three-year-old bag of Doritos that I'd been saving, which had a ranch essence—but with cooler undertones," Sterken said. "I'll say it again, 2003 was a great year for Doritos." Thanks to Dan Dickinson for pointing it out! We've got a thread on favorite potato chips and flavors over on Serious Eats: Talk, tell us what you like to munch on!... More

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