yuwanmei.com What's the best thing about satirical newspaper The Onion being sold to the Chinese? That "It's fish time!" according to Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Group. Poking around Yu Wan Mei's website uncovers many gems, such as their promotional video, a glorious company history, and—my favorite—a line of unique products featuring Taste Stick, Yu Wan Mei Miscellaneous Flavor Paste, and Yum-E-Freez Eel Milk, among other questionably useful items....
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President Barack Obama had such high hopes for America...until he went to Denny's. Now he's aiming less for being a world leader and setting more reasonable goals for the American people: Before we reclaim global leadership, we must first stop eating six sausages and a pound of eggs covered in syrup for breakfast, and we must stop leaving the house in sweatpants. Is he asking for too much? Would you be willing to give up your mountainous plate of syrup-drenched sausages and eggs? Only time will tell. Watch the video after the jump....
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From a short little list on McSweeney's Internet Tendency: "FutiliTea: Really, there's so little you could actually accomplish. Plus, it's only a matter of time before you're laid off. Why stress? One hundred percent valerian!" [via Coldmud]...
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The Onion: "I'm not really sure if she even knows what makes food Tuscan, but there's something about that region-specific culinary modifier that she finds inordinately appetizing."...
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The Onion: "Johnson & Johnson, manufacturer of the nation's most popular personal lubricant, K-Y Jelly, held a press conference Monday to unveil its new line of K-Y Jam, which the company has touted as having 'that thick, homemade feeling you've been craving.'"...
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From Onion Radio News [Warning: Audio set to auto-play]: "When you put a recipe like that together with so many hazelnuts, the message is clear: Do not fuck with me."...
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The Onion's "News in Brief" reports a slight dialogue change in Death Of A Salesman, intended to promote the Footlight Dinner Theater's chicken special: "He's liked, but he's not well liked. Unlike that delicious rosemary chicken with fresh green peas and mashed potatoes, which everyone loves."...
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Good news today for members of the Clean Plate Club. The Onion reports on the FDA's approval of seconds: Addressing what it calls a 'growing epidemic of cravings and hankerings," the federal agency recommended redesigning food labels to prominently display extra-serving sizes and pledged to better educate consumers on how to make informed additional-portion choices at home and in restaurants. I think this neatly answers the question being bandied about on the Freakonomics blog: "What is the Right Way to Think About the Obesity ‘Epidemic’?"...
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From the Onion Radio News, Doyle Redland files a report on Pizza Hut's New Pizza-Lover's Pizza Topped With Smaller Pizzas. Ed and Adam are positively quivering with excitement. [via Gulfstream]...
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Beginning to feel like Rachael Ray will endorse anything and everything? Banterist's Brian Sack does and so he's made a downloadable one-page contract that you can use to get Ray to endorse whatever it is you're selling, no questions asked. Each deal includes goodies like photos for your store displays and a life-size cut-out, but perhaps most importantly, "all endorsements include a book featuring your product being used in the preparation of a dish with an adorable nickname like Never Be Lonely Stew or Put The Kids To Sleep Salsa. Rachael will also include your product in her prayers." [via adfreak] Previously: EVOO, And Then Some, Tasting Rachael Ray, Rachael Ray Drinking Game, Rachael Ray - love, hate, ignore,...
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