The disturbingly huge wings in this ad are probably due to someone getting too carried away with Photoshop rather than New York being a vendor for gigantic mutant chickens. But $6.99 for 10 giant chicken wings—each piece large enough to feed two people—would've been such an awesome deal. [via Photoshop Disasters and Boing Boing]
I hope this lip-synching woman is someone's grandmother so that her grandkids can see this video and go, "My grandma is awesome!" If the lip-synching isn't enough for you, there are also googly eyed-bananas and a banana-wielding teddy bear at the end to amuse you.
Watch the magic, after the jump.
There are cases to protect whole bananas from turning into bruised, mush-filled bags, but what about when you want to just protect the cut end of half of a banana? The NANA Saver™ Banana Holder is designed to grip onto the exposed end of your half-eaten banana and keep it fresher for longer by reducing its exposure to air. And since it's shaped like the missing half, It's kind of like a prosthetic for your banana. Make your banana feel whole again! [via The Presurfer]
Banana Cupcakes: Buttercream vs. Cream Cheese?
Photo of the Day: Banana Wall
Forbidden Love of Hot Dog & Banana
The time has come. The snails...they attack.
But there's no need to worry, unless you're a plant.
Related
I haz a doodle.
And Now We Pause for a LOLcat Moment
Webcomic xkcd reveals a vital technique missing from the the curriculums of culinary schools everywhere: "How to Make Hash Browns with Flaming Tennis Racquets."
Culinary Abortions from Japan is a hilarious blog written by a Canadian documenting the food failures of Japan—"failures" including off-putting flavors, poorly named items, excessive packaging, or all of the above.
While the wrongness of these foods may mostly be culturally relative, I can't argue against individually wrapped cashews joining the list. It's not like the cashew is a giant mutant worthy of its own bag; the description reads, "Aside from a light gown of salt, it rests naked within its deplorable womb of plastic."
I suppose it's good if you have a major portion-control problem, though.
Sacha Baron Cohen as a French race car driver challenges Will Ferrell in the comedy Talladega Nights in the worst way imaginable: by making him say, "I love crepes," in exchange for not breaking his arm. Although Ferrell initially doesn't know what crepes are, he doesn't want to cave in even after realizing that crepes are just really thin pancakes and that he actually likes them.
Watch the clip, after the jump.
Stimulate the economy by drinking more!
And if for some reason that doesn't work, at least you'll be drunk!
Related
Beer Coffin: For Someone Who Likes Beer Too Much
Now This Is What the Internet Was Made For: BeerMenus.com
Best Beer-Centric Spots in the Washington, D.C., Area
Now I know why I never excelled at sports in gym class—I didn't eat Little Chocolate Donuts for breakfast. John Belushi did and he became a decathalon champion. It had nothing to do with training or inherent physical skill. It was all about the donuts.
Watch this classic Saturday Night Live clip, after the jump.
Webcomic xkcd tells no lies. Bacon + stove = rapid decline in your overall health. (Admittedly, bacon + anything will probably give you the same results.)
Related
'Meat Cereals'
'F*** Grapefruit'
In Videos: Jim Gaffigan on Bacon
Learn how to make crab spring rolls and tequila melon balls with Gordon Ramsey and his assistant, late night funny man Conan O'Brien. What's the verdict on the mayonnaise-enhaced crab spring rolls? "Deep fried mayonnaise is the greatest thing I've ever had," says Conan.
Watch Conan attempt to follow Ramsay's directions, after the jump.
From the UK's The Mitchell and Webb Look comes this clip featuring a posh waiter who holds incredible disdain for the patrons. His response after they complain: How can I possibly introduce you to the manager? You haven't shaved, you're not wearing a tie, and you hold your ladle like a pen. Video after the jump.
From the short-lived Dana Carvey Show comes this comedy skit from 1996 featuring Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell. Video after the jump.
April 12th's Saturday Night Live featured three clips of Ashton Kutcher dressed up as a giant chocolate bar with a killer instinct, cute mime clown face and all. Clip after the jump.
I wish these manly jelly beans were real; I've always wanted to know what candy-coated fear tastes like. [via Candy Addict]
I've had a few vending machine frustrations in my life, but three stuck bags in a row is just the machine's way of saying, "Screw you." Check out more of life's little failures at the FAIL blog.
Last weekend's Saturday Night Live, with guest host Christopher Walken, skewered 'Top Chef.' The skit features "Wylie DelMario," a "weird judge-guy who we tell you owns a restaurant somewhere," faux-hawk jokes, and the contestants reinventing a deep-dish pizza using beets, couscous, frozen yogurt, medicine, a paper bag, stale Peeps, and Padma's gum.
Video after the jump.
No babies were harmed in the recovery of this burrito. [via photobasement]
Your favorite cereals reimagined as meat cereals, from webcomic xkcd. I'd be all over those pork loops.
Previously:
'F*** Grapefruit'
Pork: It's the Meat Of Kings
Pork Recipes
In the '80s, Taco Bell pushed burritos and tostadas using old women with a penchant for gardening, Red Lobster enticed customers with the promise of a grand shrimp-filled adventure, and Ponderosa used a disco beat to illustrate that they were "really cooking for you."
Let the mouth-watering fun begin, after the jump.
Editor's note: This week, it's, like, omigawd, totally '80s for our daily In Videos segment. Big hair, breakdancing, and before-they-were-big celebrity commercial appearances to the max. So kick back your fat-laced high tops and take a chill pill. —The Serious Eats Team
If you wanted to make something cool in the '80s, all you had to do was add some rapping. Doesn't matter if you were pushing chicken nuggets, beer, or kid's cereal—make it rhyme and dance and you've got yourself marketing gold!
Check out the commercials after the jump, plus a few bonus videos that were too good to pass up—you don't want to miss watching the Fat Boys enjoying an "all you can eat" at Sbarro in New York City in the mid-'80s.
Editor's note: This week, it's, like, omigawd, totally '80s for our daily In Videos segment. Big hair, breakdancing, and before-they-were-big celebrity commercial appearances to the max. So kick back your fat-laced high tops and take a chill pill. —The Serious Eats Team
Before they became famous enough to not appear in food commercials, Brad Pitt, Jason Alexander, and Matt LeBlanc appeared in...food commercials. It was the 80s—times were tough.
After the jump, watch Pitt scarf down Pringles, Alexander dance for a McDLT (yeah, it's old, but it's a classic), and LeBlanc illustrate the superior thickness of Heinz ketchup.
Jennifer 8. Lee, author of The Fortune Cookie Chronicles, goes on the The Colbert Report to talk about the origins of General Tso's chicken. She also learns that Stephen Colbert eats an entire apple pie every day.
Watch the interview after the jump.
Comedian Jim Gaffigan shares some thoughts about everyone's favorite microwavable stuffed sandwich, Hot Pockets—thoughts that mostly revolve around the product's ability to loosen one's stools.
Watch the video after the jump. Warning: The Hot Pockets jingle will probably get stuck in your head.
Photograph from Ariel Bariel Long on Flickr
The horror splashed across these eggs' faces almost makes my soul cry. If they weren't so simultaneously adorable. In a weird, twisted way.
Mmm...I could go for an omelet.
Previously: Photo of the Day: Mmm...Omelette!
Photographs of banana and smiling sandwiches by Eartha Kitsch, and baked potato by Julia.
You know those questionably delicious recipes accompanied by less-than-appetizing food styling from the 1950s? There's no reason that those recipes have to die out just because they trigger your gag reflex—recreate that frankfurter delight or jellied pineapple rings and post your photos to Flickr's Mid-Century Supper Club group. Ingredients used and edibility of the dish are less important than faithfully styling it to best resemble the original recipe. [via Craftzine.com blog]
Related: Gallery of Regrettable Food
Street preacher Michael Sucec and his wife Sheri of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, were so offended by a billboard advertising Sheetz's new Crispy Frickin' Chicken sandwich that they complained to Sheetz and contacted the advertising firm to have the billboard taken down. Sucec describes the word "frickin'" as a "euphemism for fornication," devoid of any humor when paired with "chicken" as a rhyme and intensifier.
I can't say that "Crispy 'Euphemism for Fornication' Chicken" entered my head when I first read the billboard, but maybe my mind is too corrupt to notice. [via So Good]
Prolific actor John C. Reilly performs his best role yet as Dr. Steve Brule on Adult Swim's Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!
After the jump, watch as he awkwardly attempts to educate you on the wonders of produce...and fails. [via bb]
Photograph from Rochelle Hartman on Flickr
At Pike Place Market in Seattle, WA, you may not be able to find Brussels sprouts. But little green balls of death? Yes!
If I can't have Best Picture, can I at least have
some cheese?
Ratatouille may have been robbed a Best Picture nomination, but cleaned up pretty well with five nods in total, and one actual award for Best Animation. Sure, it should have also won for Best Sound Editing and Sound Mixing with all those chopping and sauce-bubbling foley art sound effects. Not to mention all that background music heightening each gustatory reaction. For crying out loud, even Associated Press critic Jake Coyle proved the film was mathematically superior to Pulp Fiction.
We still love you, Remy. And in the vein of food-themed cinematic puns, here’s some ideas for the actual Best Picture nominees. Please throw yours onto the table..
No Country Time Lemonade for Old Men
(more after the jump)
Saturday Night Live mashes up There Will Be Blood, Juno, and No Country for Old Men. Bill Hader does a pretty good impression of Daniel Day Lewis.
Video after the jump.
Learn how to keep your pigs and sheep bruise-free with this instructional comic about how to best handle livestock. It may have been written in the 1940s-50s, but that doesn't mean the advice is outdated; you probably shouldn't drop lambs or or force them to jump from upper decks, lest you want to lose profit on bruised meat. Check out Comics With Problems for more examples of serious issues being illustrated in less than serious ways. [via bb]
Do you need to embody a bug-eyed anthropomorphic pickle for your next group function? Why not traumatize surprise the kids with a hug from Wally Watermelon or Bobbie Blueberry after school? Each suit will only set you back about $1,000, practically a steal for the neverending joy they will bring into your life. Don't pass up this great opportunity; visit Mascot Costumes for the best in food mascot apparel today! (Note: Bodysuit not included.) [via MetaFilter]
Tuna melts are so passé. For your next meal, why not try squirrel melts? All you need are some good shooting skills and a forest of squirrels at your disposal. Let Heidi Wilson, star of The Outdoor Channel's show The Huntress (circa 1999), show you the way with her clear instructions and mellifluous voice. "Squirrel melts; you must try them."
Yes, I think this is real. Watch the video after the jump.
Get yo' ass to the table—Coolio's in the kitchen and he wants to teach you how to make his caprese salad. To please the ladies. ...Or whoever else you want to feed a salad to.
Watch the kitchen magic after the jump and make sure to click on the video to read the ingredients and instructions. Let's just say it's not your typical recipe. (Warning: NSFW.) [via Eater]
From The Onion comes this handy infographic, What's in Our Seven-Layer Dip?
Bittersweets are like your standard conversation hearts except they bear awkward, painful, and mean messages. Otherwise, it's the same great taste! [via notcot]
...after drinking thirteen different cans of energy drinks over the course of a long weekend I am convinced that my opinion is completely awesome and I could—if needed—run completely through the living room wall into the neighboring apartment.
And that's the effect that comparing and reviewing 13 energy drinks will have on you, folks.
The diverse flavors that wine expert Gary Vaynerchuk aims to teach late night talk show host Conan O'Brien aren't necessarily strange in the context of wine, but outside of it? ...Just a bit.
Watch Gary and Conan chew grass, lick rocks, and eat dirt after the jump. [via Laughing Squid]
Webcomic Cat and Girl touches upon some dietary restrictions, both widely known (milk-free diet) and not (riboflavin-free diet).
The Super Bowl is about so much more than football. It's also about commercialism! After the jump watch six examples of food-related commercials from yesterday's Super Bowl that range from "funny and witty" to, "That was kind of horrible, why did I sit through that?" Check out more Super Bowl ads at myspace.com.
This commercial for Prime Cut Meat Market in Twin Falls, Idaho is such a dazzling piece of cinematography that I had trouble limiting myself to only three screenshots. I don't know how anyone could sit through these 60 seconds of perfection and not be filled with unparalleled joy, along with an intense desire to run out and get some budget-priced steak.
Get the full Prime Cut Meat Market experience after the jump. [via Consumerist]
And so does this potato. And this tomato. And this beer foam. But don't forget how it all started...with a peanut. [via Coldmud]
"All that stands between a cat and his cake is an impenetrable plastic barrier"...is unlikely to ever become a well established proverb. But it's true. So very true.
Watch the cat fruitlessly claw at his unattainable cake after the jump.
George says, "I think this pretty much speaks for itself." [via The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks]
Last Friday while eating at Grand Sichuan I came across a section of the menu, "PRODIGAL DAUGHTER'S DISHES OF CHINESE EMPEROR," that initially sounded like poorly translated Chinese names, but upon a closer look read more like poetry. That, or potential titles for Múm songs.
Are the dishes as exciting as the name? Eh, I would expect more from "WE WOULD BE TWO LOVE-BIRDS FLYING WING TO WING ON HIGH" than "sautéed spicy baby chicken pieces with fresh ginger," but I'll admit that Grand Sichuan makes some awesome chicken dishes.
Word Of Mouth asks, "What's your best worst restaurant name ever?" Thaitanic? Butt Savories? Chickpizz? The possibilities are endless. And mildly disturbing.
"You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon." Comedian Jim Gaffigan shares some truths about bacon. Because it's the best. Watch the video after the jump.
Frustrated by differing advice, Rob Manuel at b3ta tests and documents four methods for poaching eggs, with results ranging from "I wouldn't feed this to a dog," to "It's bloody perfect." So what's the secret to making perfect poached eggs? Plastic wrap, possibly. [via David Jacobs]
Related: How to Poach an Egg tutorial video by cia_b. View all of cia_b's egg cooking tutorial videos.
Ordering a boring burrito at Charlottesville, Virginia's Aqui Es Mexico would be pretty sad considering that its other mouthwatering burrito offerings include beef tongue, fried pork, and lamb, but it's listed on the children's menu mostly to appease picky young eaters. Adults, don't even think about it.
Cracked.com's list of The 10 Most Laughably Misleading Ads points out the Handy Peel—textured gloves that are meant to replace a vegetable peeler—and the Pasta Pro—a pot with a colander as a lid. Watch the infomercials as long as you don't mind having your faith in human ingenuity drop a few levels. [via Slashfood]
Don't know if you should eat that tuna sandwich that has been sitting out all day? What about those potatoes that are growing sprouts? Or the 9-year-old Spam found in the trunk of your car? Macbebekin rounds up the best, "Is this safe to eat?" questions from Ask Metafilter in these two entries.
"Imagine a Christmas ham, sealed in plastic and defrosting in the fridge. Imagine the cloudy ham water that leaks out of it and sits in the bottom of the plastic when you unwrap the ham. Imagine it carbonated and sweetened. Imagine putting it into your mouth and manfully fighting the automatic gag reflex." Thanks to The A.V. Club's review of Jones Soda Christmas Pack, I now know what I want to serve at my Christmas dinner!
From Weebl's Stuff comes this catchy animated ode to Pork:
Pork, it's the meat of kings
It's made from pig
Try it with onion rings
Pork sure goes with everything
Cause it's made from swine
That's why it sure tastes fine
You know it's true.
Marvo at The Impulsive Buy tries solving his swearing problem by substituting swear words with the names of exotic fruits. "Why names of exotic fruits? Because they sound like profanity in foreign languages. Guess which of the following words are names of exotic fruits and which are foreign swear words: salak, gunggong, skila, goji, merde, pajuo, matisia, vlaka, rambai, kuso, rambutan, goumari, noni, salaud, luntao, santol, hako, tassepe, kiwi, culone, jaboticaba, putonginamo."
If you've never browsed an Asian grocery store before, you're missing out on a whole world of poorly translated, and thus entertaining, snacks and foodstuffs. Rachelle Robles found these burned meat biscuits at a Chinese grocery store in Texas. Mmm!...um...
SE's designer Raphaël excitedly brought in a strange Chinese take-out menu to the office this morning.
"It's Chinese food...from the future!"
After looking over the menu, I'm sad to report that the Chinese take-out food of 2008 is no more advanced than the Chinese take-out food of the present.
If you don't agree with today's Beaver and Steve comic strip declaring ice cream as the best thing ever (come on, you know it's true), beware of the Lobster of Contempt that may be summoned to punish you and your foolish opinion. My manifestation of contempt would totally kick your ass if you told me you preferred steamed broccoli to the sweet, creamy wonder that is ice cream.
Check out the rest of Beaver and Steve's adventures, which are as random and funny as you would expect coming out of a friendship between a beaver and a reptile.
Out of all the times I've broken open a fortune cookie at the end of a meal, never had I ever come across a fortune worthy of being part of the Weird Fortune Cookie Collection. Why do I keep getting all those boring, unhelpful fortunes telling me that I will have good luck or happiness? Why can't I get ones filled with true wisdom, such as "Life is a wiggle," "You love Chinese food," or "Alas! The onion you are eating is someone else's water lilly"? I won't stop eating fortune cookies until I am blessed with one of these life-changing nuggets of wisdom.
If you're sick of innocent-looking cute things only being able to act innocently and cutely, read the slightly twisted comic Kawaii Not by Meghan Murphy's (kawaii is Japanese for "cute"). In it, carrots threaten to blind you, marshmallows get impaled, and cookies hemorrhage chocolate chips. All while smiling, of course.
Check out her animated icons and online shop at kawaiinot.com.
Holly of Raspberry Debacle should win an award in the category of "Important Contributions to the World of Desserts" for her detailed and lovingly hand-drawn Sketch Toward a Taxonomy of Desserts and Meta-Desserts. The chart illustrates what you get when you combine two dessertoms—the metaphorical atoms of dessert—such as as crepe with fruit (fruit crepe), pastry with cream (eclair), or cream with cream (loads of cream). The bottom of the chart also lists several vital dessert functions, such as chilling, heating, and processing. If the chart weren't efficient enough, Holly has devised a shorthand system for referring to the combinations of the dessertoms and functions. For instance, instead of saying, "A trifle is a mixture of fruit, cream, custard, cake, and alcohol that is then chilled," you should write:
Chill(Add Alcohol(Cake(Custard(Cream(Fruit))))) -> Trifle
Read more about the chart's functions and rules of dessertom combination at Raspberry Debacle and view it in all its glory at Holly's flickr. I would proudly hang a copy of this chart in my kitchen. Or, better yet, wallpaper my room with many, many charts.
"Which Italian is the better stallion–local eatery Vito’s Pizza or diminutive actor Danny DeVito? A question plaguing scholars for ages. Until now." Losanjealous sat down and worked out the answer, making them my heroes of the day. [via Eater LA]
Previously: Danny DeVito's! Limoncello!
From the Onion Radio News, Doyle Redland files a report on Pizza Hut's New Pizza-Lover's Pizza Topped With Smaller Pizzas. Ed and Adam are positively quivering with excitement. [via Gulfstream]
Beginning to feel like Rachael Ray will endorse anything and everything? Banterist's Brian Sack does and so he's made a downloadable one-page contract that you can use to get Ray to endorse whatever it is you're selling, no questions asked.
Each deal includes goodies like photos for your store displays and a life-size cut-out, but perhaps most importantly, "all endorsements include a book featuring your product being used in the preparation of a dish with an adorable nickname like Never Be Lonely Stew or Put The Kids To Sleep Salsa. Rachael will also include your product in her prayers." [via adfreak]
Previously: EVOO, And Then Some, Tasting Rachael Ray, Rachael Ray Drinking Game, Rachael Ray - love, hate, ignore, pity, envy?
Stop right now! Throw that sandwich you're eating into the trash!
I mean it! Do it, and do it quick! Don't you know bread is dangerous?
Some quick but frightening facts: "More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread." and "Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!" [via kottke.org]
Photograph from iStockPhoto.com
Matthew Baldwin of Defective Yeti is one of the funniest people on the internet (no, really) and his latest piece, U.S. Capital Cities, Had All States Followed North Dakota's Example and Named Them After Types of Donuts, is a great example why. I'm partial to "Frosted, Illinois", but "Elephant Ear, Oklahoma" has a nice ring to it too.
Previously: Bacon Maple Doughnut: A Handful of Yes, Roadfood Roundup: Doughnuts
Dooce's Heather Armstrong has a hilarious piece recounting how a recent day out running errands turned bad when her entire family got hungry all at the same time.
A strange thing happens when any one of us experiences this drop in blood sugar: we start behaving as if the only logical thing to do is die, as if there is no other appropriate response. I don’t like it when Jon talks to me during this time because his talking only interferes with my dying, and that is totally frustrating. And please, if you are ever in my company when I am that hungry, do not offer me choices. Do not ask me if I would like a hamburger or a taco or maybe a large turkey sandwich on rye, because the decision-making sector of my brain has shut down entirely. All those words you are speaking make no sense and instead feel like the tip of a beak that is busily pecking at my cornea.
Hilarious piece on a potato-chip connoisseur, from The Onion: "On my birthday last year, I opened a delightful three-year-old bag of Doritos that I'd been saving, which had a ranch essence—but with cooler undertones," Sterken said. "I'll say it again, 2003 was a great year for Doritos."
Thanks to Dan Dickinson for pointing it out! We've got a thread on favorite potato chips and flavors over on Serious Eats: Talk, tell us what you like to munch on!
I haven't made George Hart's Trilobite Cookies yet so I don't know what they taste like, but his write-up is hilarious: "Trilobites are extinct marine animals which lived gazillions of years ago. Real trilobites may or may not have tasted like chicken. (who knows?) These cookies are the result of my most recent research into what ancient trilobites would have tasted like if primitive biochemical processes were based on jam/chocolate/cookie molecules. Independent paleoconfectionary laboratories often ask for my formula, so I have placed it here for the world to enjoy."
[via The Food Section]
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