Oysters vs. Chocolate: Which Is Sexier?
The judges are ringside, playing footsie. The shopping is done, the research is finished, and the fix, perhaps, is in.
In the blue corner, oysters, eight dozen of them. Hailing from Puget Sound by way of Wild Edibles in Manhattan and weighing in at really freaking heavy to carry to Brooklyn by subway. With an undefeated record stretching back to ancient Rome, the oyster looks plump and ready for action.
In the red corner, chocolate. From Peru by way of Jacques Torres. Weighing in at a tempered and ready two pounds, this scrappy challenger from the New World claims he got his fighting spirit from the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl. He enters wearing a robe embroidered with the George Bernard Shaw quote “What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead.”
The referee explains the rules. Four couples have been selected to judge this match. They have been selected because they are the only friends of the author who agreed to do it. Strangely, some friends of the author were horrified at the thought of being publicly identified with pseudoscientific sexcapades.
