yuwanmei.com What's the best thing about satirical newspaper The Onion being sold to the Chinese? That "It's fish time!" according to Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Group. Poking around Yu Wan Mei's website uncovers many gems, such as their promotional video, a glorious company history, and—my favorite—a line of unique products featuring Taste Stick, Yu Wan Mei Miscellaneous Flavor Paste, and Yum-E-Freez Eel Milk, among other questionably useful items.... More

On The Onion’s morning news show video spoof “Today Now,” there’s a feature on Taco Bell’s new “100% Green Menu.” What makes it all green, you ask? None of the ingredients are taken from nature—so there’s zero environmental impact! “After all,” the fast food rep reminds us, “at Taco Bell, we have a long tradition of taking as little as possible from the natural world!” The video, after the jump.... More

President Barack Obama had such high hopes for America...until he went to Denny's. Now he's aiming less for being a world leader and setting more reasonable goals for the American people: Before we reclaim global leadership, we must first stop eating six sausages and a pound of eggs covered in syrup for breakfast, and we must stop leaving the house in sweatpants. Is he asking for too much? Would you be willing to give up your mountainous plate of syrup-drenched sausages and eggs? Only time will tell. Watch the video after the jump.... More

As I like to say, the only cheese worth buying is the one with its leaves still attached. Farmers' market specialties brought to you by The Onion.... More

The Onion: "I'm not really sure if she even knows what makes food Tuscan, but there's something about that region-specific culinary modifier that she finds inordinately appetizing."... More

The Onion: "Johnson & Johnson, manufacturer of the nation's most popular personal lubricant, K-Y Jelly, held a press conference Monday to unveil its new line of K-Y Jam, which the company has touted as having 'that thick, homemade feeling you've been craving.'"... More

From the Onion: "..'I don't want to take it too close to the Best Buy, though, because all that electronic stuff in there might screw it up.' At press time, Reardon's wife and children were finishing their appetizers while Reardon was still trying to find a way to get off the roof of an Old Navy a quarter of a mile away."... More

The Onion: "Though it appears likely the less-generous helping of rice was a simple oversight on the part of the employee, and was in no way a personal slight against you, you reportedly cannot help but think that you deserve just as much rice in your burrito as any other paying customer." [via Eric Alba]... More

From Onion Radio News [Warning: Audio set to auto-play]: "When you put a recipe like that together with so many hazelnuts, the message is clear: Do not fuck with me."... More

The Onion: "And, when you really think about it, there's a lot to like about food. It tastes good and it's good to eat. That's all I can think of for now, but those two things alone make me like food. Furthermore, I just thought of something else: Food is probably the healthiest and best thing to put in your mouth. You can ask a doctor about that." [via Howard]... More