How Do You Feel About Valentine's Day?
I love my wife to pieces, but I don't like Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day puts so much pressure on all of us to show our love in so many superficial ways. How are we supposed to show our love? With chocolate, flowers, jewelry, and fancy dinners. And it's these supposed-tos that get us all in trouble because people's expectations often don't match up. Flowers from my local Korean market or grocery store might not do if my wife is expecting an expensive arrangement. My own standards would never let me give her Russell Stover chocolates.
And the fancy dinners? Many restaurateurs don't show us much love on Valentine's Day. They double their prices and offer set menus featuring supposedly aphrodisiacal foods like oysters and pumpkin pie.
So what's the answer?
I bought my wife some terrific chocolates this past weekend from Michel Cluizel just because I know she loves chocolate 24/7 and has loved it as long as we've been together (30 years). Last week I brought home a dozen terrific, inexpensive ($9.99) reddish pink roses from my local produce market, Fairway, last week. They had a wonderful fragrance, so my wife has informed me that we will be giving each other a dozen Fairway roses this year. Another reason why I love her to pieces.
As for that fancy-pants dinner? Who needs it? Maybe we'll go to Gray's Papaya for a "recession special": $3.50 for two hot dogs and a medium drink. Maybe we'll do something else. Last year we went to our local Cuban-Chinese restaurant. The point is that we'll do what we feel like doing, whether it's Valentine's Day or not. We'll save the extravagant dinner for a more real moment.
I don't mean to be the grinch who steals Valentine's Day. I just want to be able to express my love for my wife in an honest way on my own time.
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23 Comments:
Thank You! Express your love year round and leave Valentines Day for the high school kids!
huney_bumper at 7:58AM on 02/11/08
The best Valentine's Day story I have is when I was dating my husband. I went to the store and bought a nice bar of chocolate. My friend who was shopping with me said what you going to do with that? I said to her I am going to take this bar of chocolate and make something he will go bananas over. I took that bar of chocolate home, cannot recall what brand it was but that it was bittersweet. I made 14 truffles with it. I rolled them in cocoa and stuck them in a small tin with little candy papers.
When I saw my boyfriend (at the time) he opened that little tin and ooohed and awwwwed. He loves good chocolate. He just kept saying you made these for me, you made these for me over and over.
He was so flattered and appreciative. The gift cost me hardly anything. I think the chocolate bar was very cheap. There was love in that tin. He knew when I made those for him that I loved him. I make my husband truffles at least once a year. I still love to see how much he loves them and he loves to see that love in a small tin. I will make a nice meal but then again I do that often. The gifts made by your own hands are the best gifts.
JerzeeTomato at 8:37AM on 02/11/08
Sounds like you'll have a nice time! My husband and I both despise "Hallmark" holidays and like you, keep the sentiment that we adore each other every day. However, for our upcoming second wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks, we plan to walk down the hill to our neighborhood South Indian restaurant (Hoysala) for a fantastic feast.
I invite you and your wife to come out to Jersey for a night of fine Indian dining there.
hereandthe at 9:10AM on 02/11/08
I can't agree with you more. Receiving a single rose 12 times a year is far better than getting a dozen roses once. My philosophy on Valentine's Day is the same. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and I think we celebrated Valentine's Day the first year and that's about it. How can you get too excited about getting flowers or chocolates on Valentine's Day, when that is what has been spoon fed to your man for the 4 weeks prior? In my opinion, flowers, chocolate, a homemade dinner, a dinner out, a massage, or jewelry--all these things are far more exciting and meaningful when they appear on random days of the year than February 14th.
foodzie at 9:29AM on 02/11/08
My husband and I are the same way - we don't do the whole extravagant dinner/gift/etc. thing and I don't mind a single bit.
mrsbao at 9:58AM on 02/11/08
he loves to see that love in a small tin.
That is a great line, Jerzee Tomato. It made me laugh out loud with pleasure. :)
In my ongoing role as devil's advocate, I'll share my thoughts on Valentines Day. They are here .
Quote:
To challenge the Gods I decided to go out by myself (my friends were all working or – ha! – going out with their own “Valentines”) to a hundred-dollar-a-person dance and dinner party at a hip, popular Brazilian restaurant.
What could go wrong?
The great thing about Valentines Day is that it is open invitation to eat as much chocolate as one wants. If the roses arrive and there's a kiss too, well . . . that's just the icing on the cake.
Karen Resta at 10:44AM on 02/11/08
Have never liked it - even when I was in a relationship. Would rather cook a nice dinner at home then go to an over-the-top restaurant and pay too much money.
This year, I am going to a Rufus Wainwright concert with two girlfriends. Happy Valentine's Day to me!
selizara at 11:25AM on 02/11/08
Thanks for speaking for a lot of us, Ed! As I just said to a friend earlier
today, I think Valentine's Day is ridiculous. The only group it's truly fun for are the LITTLE kids! I'd much rather express love/affection on a daily basis in my own special way than 'subscribe' to all of the over-the-top stuff that is pushed by retailers anyway.
Curlz at 1:59PM on 02/11/08
We agree Ed. We have never felt more ripped off then going to a restaurant for Valentine's Day. What we have done for the last 14 years is go out for Sunday brunch on a Sunday nearest to Valentine's Day. For the first several years we went to Cafe Des Artiste, but when they had their kitchen fire, we went to the River Cafe in Brooklyn and then returned to Cafe Des Artiste. The last several years we have turned to Five Points on Great Jones Street. They make us feel at home and they have the best brunch in the City. We have a 9 year-old daughter & for the past nine years she has joined us. My girls are my Valentine's!
We love a lot of restaurants in the city, but we feel that the menus are forced, the prices are inflated & the chefs or staff would rather be off with their loved ones!
hondo3777 at 2:05PM on 02/11/08
I'm somewhere in the middle. It's nice to be told "Happy Valentine's Day," and get a kiss and a card. But I don't think I'll ever go out for a Valentine's dinner again. Even at the nicer restaurants, it's a joke. Too many people, abbreviated menus, and just not what I call romantic. Kinda like going out to eat on New Year's Eve. Amateur Night.
Kerosena at 3:36PM on 02/11/08
I'm kind of in the middle too. It needs to be observed (It's always good to have another excuse to treasure your spouse, life gets so nutty!) but - the whole diamonds/big dinner thing? Made up, over-priced and no fun.
My husband, sweetheart that he is, is saying "Pick a restaurant you've always wanted to go to! It doesn't have to be small!" But we've gotten burned a few times, going out, spending scads of money and feeling "Ick" afterwards about the whole experience. This year, if we're not too swamped, I'm voting for a nice tasty happy hour at a place we don't get to often enough. Fun, special - but not overpriced and no pressure.
ohiogal at 3:58PM on 02/11/08
the most fun to be had on V day to me is the thrill of cooking dinner with my S.O. and then cleaning up together, sometimes dinner is even eaten, though usually the next day ;)
huney_bumper at 4:32PM on 02/11/08
My brother and I were both conceived on Valentine's day ('74 and '76), so I treat it more as a sibling appreciation day. And, for what it's worth, a day of appreciation of my family's tendency to overshare.
sloppydelicious at 4:53PM on 02/11/08
I agree. You can't buy romance, but the only thing required to make it is some imagination and genuine affection.
daveinfred at 6:20PM on 02/11/08
Totally agree. It has been a tradition in our family to host a Valentine's Day Brunch on the Sunday closest to the day. The tradition started when we were all just childless couples with lots of leisure time. The day has since graduated into couples plus a zillion kids. We eat basics like ham, scrambled eggs, croissants, mini-muffins of all sorts, fresh fruit, blueberry french toast casserole, and for dessert - dozens of boxes of chocolates that our guests bring. This is all washed down with plenty of champagne, mimosas, and coffee. We celebrate our love not only for each other but our love for our family and friends.
tsegada at 8:27PM on 02/11/08
That's the spirit! We never celebrated Valentine's Day because it seemed like gloating -- we had so many single friends who found the day depressing, as we once had ourselves. So we made it a point to never celebrate. Then, one year, we decided to go out for a quick, casual dinner right after work, and during dessert, my then-boyfriend pulled a diamond ring out of his pocket and proposed. He couldn't have picked a better day to shock and surprise me. (In fact, he tells me I was so stunned I never actually said "Yes.") That was 11 years ago, and although we still don't do anything special on Valentine's Day, we keep surprising each other all the time.
bunnelina at 8:37PM on 02/11/08
I am in graduate school and am currently single, as are many of my friends so this year, we all made reservations for dinner at a local restaurant to celebrate our friendships and the support we have all given each other over this past school year. My feeling is that Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love, whether it is for your spouse, your significant other, or your very good friends who are always there for you :)
Jj6407 at 9:12PM on 02/11/08
I looked my husband straight in the eye last week and said, hey, how about instead of flowers, you go get the best Fat-Cab you can, something from Napa or Sonoma, and my gift to you is I'll make you an amazing dinner to go with.
It took him about a half-second to go "Deal!"
mysteryb at 11:27PM on 02/11/08
My partner and I have been together 29 years. At first we'd do the whole Valentine's Day thing but as the years went by we realized that we gave to each other (in many ways) throughout the year that making a big deal over a made-up holiday was just silly. Dinner at home, no gifts, no flowers, no candy. Just each other. (I know it sounds maudlin but there you have it!)
RichardCrystal at 12:23PM on 02/12/08
Once my husband and I went to a restaurant for Valentine's day and soon discovered that they ONLY had a double-regular-price fixed-price dinner. It was more than we had to spend at the moment, so we went and got beer and Pizza instead. A much better choice.
cakespy at 5:38PM on 02/12/08
The only time we enjoyed Valentine's Day was when our daughter was young, she gave everyone in her class a card and a small package of the Valentine candies that have a cute saying. She enjoyed doing it and looked forward to signing the cards and putting together the candies tied with a ribbon. Valentine's Day is for the very young.
elaine nan at 7:43PM on 02/12/08
I'm glad I live in a country where they just don't bother... I suppose that about sums it up (although the shops are trying to push Valentine's Day themed goods, nobody seems particularly interested).
Which brings me to my suggestion: if you were considering taking a holiday in another country at some point in the upcoming year anyway, why not take it it so that it falls around Valentine's day, and in a country that doesn't celebrate it? Then you can have yourselves your very own private and personalised Valentine's Day. True, the weather can be drab, now but prices are great (low season), darkness and rain can be romantic, and if you're interested in food, it's possible to spend a lot of time indoors when it's too beastly outside to walk about much.
mongoose at 11:04AM on 02/13/08
My husband and I just use it as an excuse to buy each other bottles of really lovely bourbon & rye. It's unofficially become Bourbontine's Day. Otherwise - screw it.
katkinsman at 4:33PM on 02/13/08