I Am Tired of Spreading Cream Cheese on a Bagel for Myself

Required Eating

I Am Tired of Spreading Cream Cheese on a Bagel for Myself

Posted by Raphael, February 25, 2008 at 8:00 AM

This is not a Bagel-Ful

Channeling the spirit of Uncrustables and Hot Pockets, in April Kraft will launch Bagel-Fuls, frozen bagels which come prestuffed with Philadelphia cream cheese. Bagel-Fuls are part of the segment called "hand-held breakfast sandwiches."

"Consumers are not spending a lot of time cooking these days," said Chitra Ebenezer, the director of marketing for the new brand. "Breakfast is one meal occasion they really struggle with."

And struggle I do. The constant battle to keep cream cheese stocked in my fridge has left me a cold and bitter person. The daily time-suck of visiting a bagel store so that someone else can cut and schmear my bagel has exhausted me to the point of tears.

Kraft, in its benevolent kindness, has heard my pleas, but I still have some questions.

Questions for Kraft

What is the heating method for the Bagel-Ful? Will you be able to jam it into a regular toaster without running some serious fire risks? I suppose you could pop it into a toaster oven, but won't the outside burn by the time the inside is warm? I really don't want to imagine the texture of a microwaved frozen bagel—is that Kraft's plan? Maybe they just want us to let the frozen bagel sit out at room temperature to thaw before we eat it.

Also, will there be flavored cream cheese? I'm a big fan of scallion cream cheese—but could Kraft prestuff some lox in there, too? And how about some tomatoes?

Can we also assume that there's a buttered bagel in the works?

[via sogoodblog]

Previously in Food Science

The All-in-One Chicken Nugget and Soda Cup: The Col-Pop
Pizza in a Cone: Crispycones
The Cheeseburger in a Can Reveals Itself

24 Comments | Tags: Bagel-Fuls, bagelfuls, bagels, breakfast, cream cheese, Kraft

24 Comments:

I'm sorry, but this sounds horrifying...

LoCo at 11:18AM on 02/25/08

Wait... seriously? Seriously?!??! People can't even take a few seconds to spread cream cheese on a bagel? This is highly disheartening. What is this world coming to? I'm so flabbergasted I can't even form the proper sentence with which to denouce this horror.

Stufsocker at 11:21AM on 02/25/08

this is appalling. Isn't the bagel going to be soggy once it's heated?

Ed Levine at 11:30AM on 02/25/08

We need to demand that Congress define "a bagel", and frozen cannot be included. Neither can anything purchased at a grocery or coffee shop. It must be purchased from a bagel bakery.

Oy gevalt this is repulsive. Next they'll do it with the "lox" already on it!

Scotty at 12:00PM on 02/25/08

Oh. My. God. I mean seriously? How hard is it to spread a little Philly on your bagel? Has it caused time management problems? And when you do it yourself, you get the exact right amount of CC on your bagel, which is super important. Who's gonna buy this? The stupid premade frozen PBJ that came out last year, could, if you looked at it sideways thru rose-colored glasses, kinda sorta make selling sense, though never consumer. Mom's busy, kids love prepackaged anything, etc.

But this? I will bet money that
(a) it will be disgusting, with a weirdly textured bagel
(b) it will cost at least 2x as much as a regular bagel and cream cheese
(c) the cream cheese won't be good cream cheese, and in fact, will be kinda chalky.
(d) it will be smaller than almost any other available bagel.

chisai at 12:37PM on 02/25/08

Thank you, Chitra, for ridding me of my absolute greatest struggle: spreading cream cheese on a bagel.

roboppy at 12:45PM on 02/25/08

I have to admit that I have been in some sticky situations getting off 'toppings overload' from the non-chain store, bagel store bagels I purchase, to the point that I ONLY get them sans topping, and top them myself. Let's just say the toasted oatmeal flour bagel with peanut butter and strawberry jelly I got to eat during a break in class left me looking more like a messy five year old than a grad student. Jelly on the nose is not a good look.

HeartofGlass at 12:51PM on 02/25/08

Does anyone remember the Philly Cream Cheese singles they made a few years back? They were individual slices of cream cheese wrapped in plastic like that fake orange cheese. It was a pretty nasty product (yes, I tried it). What makes the advertising geniuses think this idea is any better?

Kerosena at 12:55PM on 02/25/08

Those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it.

sidebernie at 1:38PM on 02/25/08

Do you think this may be the reason chocolate croissants came to be?

Laying all that chocolate between pieces of bread must have been exhausting on a daily basis also.

Karen Resta at 5:24PM on 02/25/08

sogoodblog follows up with Bagelers, bagel and cream cheese bars. yeah.

Raphael at 6:02PM on 02/25/08

And yet another late-breaking, cream cheese-filled update from our friend sogoodblog, this time with an unexpected U.S. patent twist to the series!

Erin Zimmer at 11:06AM on 02/26/08

My rant to this - in reaction to "convenience food" and the laziness that results in its purchase - would be so explosive and exhausting that I'm not even going to go there.

CanadianFoodieGirl at 4:18PM on 02/26/08

Scotty's comment makes me wonder if I should state my Jewishness as a bias. :)

CanadianFoodieGirl at 4:22PM on 02/26/08

It's the end of Civilization as we know it! Thanks, Kraft. (I knew that when the goyim discovered the bagel that they would ruin it. Blueberry? Feh.)

Oy vey,

Stu

Stushi at 4:33PM on 02/26/08

I, unsucessfully, have tried to boycott Kraft products since the mid-70's (imagine!). It's hard to do because for a while, they seemed to own the world but now it's Nestle's that owns the world. Anyway, firmly armed with my boycott, I will with great difficulty avoid this latest nasty product.

Raki5 at 9:43AM on 02/27/08

After the invention of peanut butter slices, it was just a matter of time, really.

http://www.pbslices.com/

piccola at 10:30AM on 02/27/08

Fake food. Fake nutrition. Real obesity.

LeeBee at 2:00PM on 02/27/08

The absolute height of laziness. The whole world has bastardized the bagel to begin with, but that's for another topic.

RichardCrystal at 3:09PM on 02/27/08

Nothing says director of marketing more than calling people consumers, and calling breakfast a meal occasion instead of a meal.

BaHa at 2:09PM on 02/28/08

Pretty sure I just had a bagel with cream cheese this morning and "making it easier" was never something that crossed my mind while doing it. This is just a little bit absurd.

Rozillla at 4:09PM on 03/01/08

I dont really understand why some of you are so bent out of shape about a product that 99% of you have never tried. I have actually tried a product very similar to this and it was amazing! I did some research on this upcoming product and came to find out that not only are they using "real" cream cheese, but it is made with real bagel dough. If you dont want to take my word for it , i guess you will just have to wait and see the product before you critique it so harshly!

spew99 at 6:28PM on 03/06/08

I actually tried them last week and they are awesome!! Made with real cream cheese. Texture is good and its not too soggy, doughy, or hard. I wish people would wait to try a product before judging it.

Sara Nelson at 1:55AM on 04/04/08

I have to agree with Sara! I just tried one this morning (part of being an underpaid editor is never turning down free food) from the cart that was set up outside my office, and it actually inspired me to google it, I was so surprised by how good it was.

The thing is, it's weird, it doesn't actually taste like a bagel and cream cheese. I've seen Gothamist and Consumerist flipping out about how it's a sin to eat one of these in NYC, since we have some pretty awesome bagels here. But this isn't something I would eat if I were in the mood for a bagel and cream cheese. I would eat it if I were in the mood for a Bagelful. The cheese inside tastes more like the cheese in a blintz than straight up Philly cream cheese. it's almost sweet -- maybe it's the bagel dough they use? And I'm assuming they used a convection oven or something, because the crunch was amazing, while the inside stayed soft.

So thumbs up to this! Mind you, I'm not a very picky eater, but, being from here, I am a New York food snob (only our pizza and bagels are true Pizza and Bagels, blah blah), and I still thought this was great.

(Okay, maybe great is a little much. But it was definitely not the abomination everyone's making it out to be. And I probably wouldn't actually buy it, but if someone yelled at me "delicious and free!" on my way to work, waving it, I would definitely eat it.)

karatemonkey at 10:47AM on 04/09/08

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